I Miss My Dad

My dad died in 2005, i still find it strange for someone you have known a long time is just not around anymore, i remember being at work and my mother called me and told me had passed away. i cried. i hated my self for not going to see him and for not seeing him more when he was ill. i cried and cried at the funeral i hope i can cope with death again, as it scares me so as we have no control over it.

i always say i dont want to get old, old people scare me as death does, my dad was only 53 when he dies. i am trying everyday to get over it...will i ever?

26-30, F
15 Responses Jul 24, 2006

I don't think you ever get over it...I think u get used to it....I feel connected to the other side now so much so it frightens me. But try to take those things your father taught u, those lessons he taught you and use them. Try to be the kind of person he'd want you to be.

I feel for you...it does get better with time. You never forget the one who's gone but it sometimes helps to remember him/her.

My mom was only 55 when she passed away in 1984. Today I am older than she got to be. My dad died in 2003 at 76 - the same age as Grandma (his mother) was. I hope to live a good long time - long enough too see my nephew/godchild (the grandson my mother never got to see) get married and have children of his own.

I am so so sorry

My dad, at 76, passed on 11 years ago, after a long illness. He was an extremely vital, vigorous, energetic and exuberant man who enjoyed life to the fullest, was a great conversationalist, non-judgmental, compassionate and accepting of people. Of course, bigotry and racism were things that he would never, ever countenance, but he always made a great effort to understand people and what made them tick, so to speak. My dad also played tennis quite well, and was always ready for conversation with anybody. He also touched the hearts of all who knew him because he was so outgoing, gregarious and vital. I always had conversations with him about West Side Story (my favorite film) and favorite books about subjects that I was interested in. However, I realized that I didn't have enough of these conversations with him. <br />
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I graduated from trade school in early June 1999, right on dad's 75th Birthday. He was proud to see his daughter graduate from trade school, and he was his usual sociable self, making the rounds, shaking hands, talking with and congratulating my classmates at graduation, and taking pictures. Then, since my brother had to appear in court (he's an attorney), and my sister in law had a doctor's appointment that she'd made months ago and couldn't postpone, my parents and I ate at a great Italian restaurant in the North End, where the trade school was, and the church was, where the graduation ceremony had taken place. <br />
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Not long after that, my dad began to show signs of being ill, although his illness had set on much more gradually than I'd realized. He lost his coordination, his balance, and ultimately, his memory.<br />
Nobody, not even the top neurologist in the country, in an excellent neurology department in a Boston Hospital, could figure out what was going on. Dad's illness had totally taken him over, eventually killing him. I had gone out to tune a family friend's piano on the day of his passing (though I didn't learn of my dad's passing until later). I went out to do a number of things, arriving home that evening, and finding a message on my answering machine from my sister (who'd flown in from the midwest to be by my dad's side), stating that dad had passed at two-thirty that morning. <br />
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We had a funeral, and then a reception with lots of food, at my parent's house. Then, an autopsy was arranged. The funeral was in February, and then, that March (dad died in late January 2001), there was a big celebration of his life in my old home town.<br />
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Afew months later, the autopsy results turned up; Dad had died of a rare but fatal form of encephalitis, called limbic encephalitis, which was caused by a bacteria, and not by a mosquito-borne virus. He was cremated and his ashes were buried in a very park-like cemetary in a city just outside Boston. <br />
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Today, he is still missed, and things aren't the same, especially holidays, birthdays, and other events, but we, as a family, soldier on.

I am so sorry for your loss i am 14 years old and my dad died about six months ago and i was there everyday while he was sick but it wasnt by choice it was by force. i couldnt move out i was only 14 and watching everyday hurt wse than when he actually passed. In ways i think its better you didnt have to wittness it cause trust me its alot harder to watch fade then to just hear there gone.

I completely understand what you're going through. My dad passed away suddenly in 2006 and it's still very hard to deal with. It feel surreal that you can't pick up the phone and call him. I don't know if it will ever stop hurting but time does make it easier to bare, very, very little at a time. <3

You should not even try to wait for time to heal the pain like people say it will. You have to learn to accept the right things, you need to cherish the good memories and absolutely sieve out the regret and the misery. You once had him in your life, you have to cherish that. He's not here anymore, that's just a coarse fact.. you have to accept it.. and believe that it's for the best, eventually. And you need to love yourself and be there for yourself. I know people say that you're not alone and stuff.. but those lonely moments that I'm sure u spend thinking about him, you need to remind yourself that you will be happier soon.......sometime.<br />
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take care

My dad passed away the same year 2005....I still have not gotten over the loss till now.......

Sorry about your loss. It does get easier with time, but you never forget. If you have things you want to say to him, write him a letter. You dont have to mail it but it helps get the healing started. Also, get some pictures of him around you home.

you probably wont get over it. but just keep his memory alive. always remember him and know that he is always with you no matter in your heart. you have to forgive yourself for not seeing him more often then you did. just by writing this story you have took a big step in letting him know that you love him and that your sorry. im sure he forgives you but like i said you have to forgive yourself too.

Ive been told that as time goes by It gets alittle bit easier, But the pain never really goes away, If that makes any sense. I lost my Dad last year, and it is strange that someone you knew for so long just isnt there. But to tell you the truth I feel like he is with me every day. Its scary because I hear his voice in my words sometimes.

Sorry Sob. My father died in 2000.I miss him terribly.It didn't even start for months. Time is the only healer. Pray that you can get past the guilt. He's not thinking about that now.

i loose my dad 14 years agao but he still lingers on my heart, i know how you feel coz loosing the strongest pillar in the family is like taking one of your strength but the only thing is to let them go and move on but we should not forget the good values the have endowed us.

I know what you are going through my dad passed away on Nov. 29, 2006. I still miss him. He died from cancer. The memories that you have of him will keep you strong.

Sorry to say but you probably will never "get over" the loss of your father. I lost my first-love and the father of my children ten years ago to cancer. The "missing him" never EVER subsides. Sometimes, I long and ache for him SO desperately!!! I wish I could just pick up the phone and call him (sometimes, after ten years, I still catch myself grabbing the phone to call & tell him something.) But, you learn to live with it. Over time, missing the person becomes like an extra limb you have to carry around. You learn HOW to find fulfillment in memories...cuz they're always saying **** like, "Oh, he will always be living...in my heart...." that crap gets cheesy after a while...but, it's true. We keep them "alive." Nurture your memories. They're all you've got now and you'll definitely learn to love them! Start writing it all down, what you remember about him...if you haven't already! xo