Alone

Seven years after his death and I still miss him everyday.  My life was definitely a lot easier when he was around.  He took care of my mother and my sisters, and was a guide to me in so many ways.  Since his death the responsibility of taking care of my graying mother, who is not without her share of mental issues, as well as three sisters who are have yet to fully mature into adulthood.

I remember him standing in our large living room in our old family house growing up, looking outside.  He loved the rain -- it reminded him of his mountain home growing up, a time and a place where kings still ruled and empires governed -- and he would often look outside the big bay windows at the rain when it fell. 

Everyday I learned something from him.  He was extremely educated and in his day, a doctor (heart surgeon) of some renown.  I remember him being wrong about something once, something I wrote in a college paper that he had told me and which the college professor told me was factually inaccurate (some history of religions class).  One instance out of a million, and it is more like an asterisk anyway.

When he died I took his cremated ashes to a river he had requested I take them to, and in accordance with his religious beliefs, I emptied the ashes and reunited his material substance with the Earth. 

Life is difficult without an elder to lean on.  In older times, they might have said, "Look to God," or "Look to the King," to replace the lost family sovereign -- but Gods and Kings are dead, or if they are alive, they want nothing but war.  These are not ideas that bring any solace.  The priest and the senator are more demonic than paternal.

Take a look at all the successful and wealthy people on this planet and you will see a rich parent ahead of them and an estate.  The "self-made man" is largely a myth -- the exception to the general rule.  Within the context of a loving family with a strong set of parents (even just one parent), a person can do anything.  Take that away and there is only the solitude and struggle that accompanies an increasingly larger number of people on this planet.
Seraph1m Seraph1m
26-30, M
Aug 4, 2007