It's been two months. This pain is killing me. Right now one of my concerns is not to forget the sound of his voice or his smell. It sucks. I think movies can never capture and portray the real feeling of losing someone. In movies, you get how they feel. You get everything. Every feeling has words supplied on it. It's different in real life. You just lose it. Sometimes you don't even mourn or grief. Sometimes you're too empty to let out anything. A word, a tear.. It's ineffable. Nothing could ever prepare anyone for this kind of loss.
I am a daddy's girl. I truly am. My dad calls me "my most beloved". It used to ignite unwanted sibling rivalry until my siblings just got used to it and accepted the fact that I was his favorite. My dad worked for the government and most of the time he got assigned to remote places and he had to stay there for a week or two. I always wake up before he does like maybe at five a.m. and then I'd watch him get ready, pack up, drink his coffee. It was heartbreaking. He'd give me a kiss and a tight hug and then poof.. He's gone. That's the time I'd run to my best friend and neighbor... My nana. My crying shoulder. it sucks that they're both gone. Devastating. I ache for their presence. I've always dreamed of my wedding day. Him walking me down the aisle. Now, I don't know anymore. I've never had a boyfriend and he would always ask me if I were a lesbian. He even talked to my sister to help me get one so there's someone who'd protect me while he's away. He was the one who'd massage me when I have arthritis. He's just.... He's my first love. I'll never settle for a guy unless he exceeds my dad's greatness. everyday I'll wake up incomplete. I miss him dearly.
zrylism zrylism
22-25, F
4 Responses Aug 21, 2014

I am SO sorry. PLEASE be comforted, as best you can, by the thought that he lives in your memories.

Thanks for sharing this. Very moving tribute. He will be watching over you always and he blessed you that wedding day to come.

Hey if you need someone to talk to I am here. I am going through a similar thing so I know sometimes talking helps. It's not easy it never will be. You won't forget someone he means the world to you.

That's a moving speech

:(

I'm sorry for your loss, little princess