Miss Dad, Too. (and He's Still Here.)

Indeed. I miss my Dad as well--and he's still alive. "Alive." If you call suffering from Alzheimer's living. Tragic beyond the telling.

Two years ago--when it became apparent he was in some kind of...difficulty (esp. noticeable after the death of Mum in '02)... I sold my house, quit my job, left a lovely coterie of friends and moved hundreds of kilometres to care for him (in his home).

Managed the impossible task of being his caretaker for 22 months. But that's a tale for another time.

A year back, medical diagnoses confirmed what I'd long suspected. Alzheimer's. Mid-stages. And this prince of a man...this "peerless kinsman"... was merely 68. (I've since learned--though it's commonly considered a disease of the elderly--it's hardly that anymore. Ppl young as 50 can be stricken.)

In any event, my objective was always to keep him in his home. Never to shelve him off into, what Americans call, a "nursing home." *Shudders* The founded fear of every older.

But I've had to do just that, recent weeks. Makes me physically ill even to type it. He grew patently worse. Fell several times; difficulty walking; became increasingly-incontinent; unable to manage his businesses ( I, almost single-handedly, was managing for him; two of those in Europe, so considerable flying hither/yon); short-term memory shot; often babbled incoherently; didn't know who I was (or my name). Endless list of agonizing and stunning scenarios.

On a Sunday evening, few weeks back, when incontinence was massive and he was so mentally-disjointed I thought he'd had a stroke, took him to hospital. 4 days of testing confirmed, yet again, solid mid-stages Alzheimer's. (There're only 3: early/mid/final.) No stroke. Instead, the manifest ravages of a most horrific disease.

He now needed 'round-the-clock care--something even I, try as I did for 2 years, could do no longer.

So t'day he's in an Alzheimer's-care facility. *Gags* I visit him daily. Sometimes he knows me. Even remembers my name. (Ironic, huh.) He's having a difficult time adjusting. (There's no new learning with an Alzheimer's victim, and change is difficult and daunting.) I grow physically-ill as I drive to see him; heartsick when I leave. Devastated daily.

So...I, too, miss me precious Da. All the more b/cause he's still....here.

Little justice in life. This man of magnificent integrity, principle and probity--totally-devoted to his family, hard/hard-working all his life, devoutly-religious--now falls to a disease of unconscionable, unfathomable proportions.

God spare us all, and all our loves, from such a monstrous malady.
Annillusion Annillusion
31-35, F
Sep 17, 2007