Just Recently

I just lost my father on Oct. 11, 2007 to cancer.  My sister and I had been his primary caregiver.  My mother died when I was young, so he was all I knew, as far as a parent goes.  We were extremely close.  He loved my children so much and stayed active and social until the last week.  I guess I am scared because I feel nothing.  I can't feel him.  I just go about my day, taking care of business and doing for my kids.  I always thought I would break when I lost him, but I don't feel anything.  I loved him so much, why can't I cry, scream, do anything to mourn.  His funeral was like going to the grocery store....non eventful.  His wake was the same.  Has anyone felt like this?
hereforall hereforall
36-40, F
1 Response Oct 18, 2007

Yes, grief reactions vary. There is no standard "normal" way to feel. I was very calm and businesslike making funeral arrangements when my father died. I was social with fellow passengers during my flight to attend his funeral. I thought at the time that my reaction to his death was a bit strange, but, it took awhile for it all to sink in and even then I wasn't crazy with grief. I seemed to have a low level grief over a period of months instead of the more intense reaction. But, I am also a person who doesn't display intense emotions. <br />
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My father meant the world to me and the only thing I can figure is that he was in failing health for almost nine months before he died and that actually allowed me to start to come to terms with his impending death (even though we all thought he would recover we also knew that his health had become fragile). <br />
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Don't judge yourself by some imaginary standards. You will feel exactly the way you feel for as long (or as short a time) as is necessary for you. Your reaction isn't abormal, it's just the way you are dealing with your father's death.