My Heart Hurts

I lost my husband June 4,2012. We were together 25 years. I was his caretaker for the last ten years. I feel guilty sometimes because I wanted a break from him so much toward the end. He died in my arms at home at 4am. I miss him every day. I reach for things at the store that only he liked and then I remember that he's gone. I miss the man he was ( the one i married, before the stroke) of course but I even miss the man he was at the end. I miss holding his hand. I miss his voice. I miss him so bad my heart hurts.
50mom 50mom
2 Responses Sep 4, 2012

Your post also spoke to me. My husband was sick for almost 11 years, and toward the end I was so tired. I was not there when he died and I feel guilty to this day. I was at work. It is so hard to go on, I feel so alone and just want to hear him laugh or to hold my hand.

Your post meant so much to me! I too lost my husband (5 February 2012) after he struggled with a long illness and dementia/parkinsons. I miss him so much still that I wonder if I will ever stop grieving. I too struggle with feelings of guilt--I often wanted a break and was sometimes impatient-- and wish I had been able to be at the hospital with him when he died of heart failure....I was on my way but I didn't arrive in time......I hope we both heal and I hope ......well I hope your heart heals, and mine too... Thank you!