My Husband Passed Away On Sept. 12, 2012

The past 3 and a half weeks have been a nightmare to me. I am still in disbelief that my husband of 37 years is gone. He was diagnosed with Pancreatic cancer August 8th and died Sept. 12.
He didn't suffer long and that was a blessing and I was very relieved that his pain was over but now I'm in a different stage of grieving. This is so hard to deal with as I cry myself to sleep every night and there are so many reminders of him that make me fall apart.
Madalineann Madalineann
61-65, F
2 Responses Oct 6, 2012

I know what you are going through, I lost my husband of 16 years to ALS. He was dianogised in July of 2010 and past on Sept.15th 2010. But as time goes on it will be better, I don't want to say it gets easier because it really doesn't. But I have learned to remember all the good and bad times we had. And that he was called home for a reason only God knows. And I was very thankful he didn't suffer for long. My husband was a talker and he would not have wanted to lose all of him muscles and that is what this deadly disease does to a person. So I hope that you will find in time that God has other plans for your husband just like he did mine. God bless.

Dear Madalineann,

My husband also passed away from pancreatic cancer with mets to liver, etc., and his death was a very difficult one where he suffered as I cried in shock. We were married 43 years, and knew each other for 46 years. This happened on Sunday, July 29, 2012, a night a will never forget until I die. I am so upset over everything: I can't look at this house, anything in it: I remember everything he did here to make it beautiful, I can't look at his TV, his stereo equipment, his tools, machines, saws, woodwork, his clothes, ties, nothing. I am in a deep depression and I have been wishing to just fall asleep and die so I can see him. I'm so worried about where he is, how he is, if he remembers me, etc. Death was never thought about because he worked his whole life, was never really bed-ridden sick except for back surgery (minor), then he got diagnosed with that lethal disease.

I can't go on, my health is ruined, I cry, hardly eat, can't sleep, and many symptoms are scaring me. Also, I live in total fear without him; I don't know how to plan my future, I can barely get by a day andnight without him. He was my everything, and I depended on him, and him on me.
We were one person, really. I would rather be dead.

Can anyone help us? I don't want to see a psychologist, but my family and friends are angry because I don't see one. They can't bring my husband back, which is what I want.
I'm confused about heaven, life after death, and I can't hold on to any faith any more.
I am angry he is dead, and I can't get myself to accept it.

Please help me.

You really need to talk to a therapist. I did and it helped me. I was like you angry didn't want to live without my husband he was my best friend my lover and my husband. There are support groups that you may want to look into. There are also grieve support groups. Please think about this it very important that you find a way to move on. If you can think a out your family your friends and how they will feel if you are gone too. I think about my kids and grand kids and that has gotten my through a lot of rough spots. God only takes the good ones first. He has a special place for them, and I know my husband is still with me in my heart and no one can ever take that away. God bless and my prayers are with you.