Torn Away Suddenly

My 48 yr old husband had a hemorraghic stroke on Oct 19 and that night in the emergency room he had to be intubated, so that was the last time I got to hear his voice. He was in ICU for 11 days and was aware of everything happening, he was cognizant, his right side of his brain & some brain stem was initially affected. For 9 days he communicated with his eyes, 1 blink for yes, 2 for no & an occasional wink to reassure me. I put on a brave face so he wouldn't worry & because initally the dr's talk of rehab, I thought he would eventually come home.I knew he would never be the same but I would have help him in his recovery But on the 10th day he had 5 more strokes in his brain stem & his brain started to herniate, I had to withdraw life support on the 11th day, he died at 4:31p Oct 30. I am heartbroken, he was my best friend and he had so much grief in his young life(he lost his mom, dad, brother & sister very early on), I feel he shouldn't have had to go through this too. I think I'm still in shock right now but I'm getting angry(not at him but what happened) and then absolute despair. I feel like my life has ended, he was the love of my life for 26 years & we couldn't have children but he ended up being enough. I don't know how people get through this I feel like my life has ended at 46. I miss him so much, my body hurts physically
heartsorrow heartsorrow
46-50, F
Nov 29, 2012