My Love, My Partner, My Best Friend And My Husband

Vic and I met 12 years ago while I was going through a really nasty divorce from an abusive 15 year marriage. We had no intentions of becoming anything but friends.
I was working in a bar which I always said, "I'll never tend bar." But I needed a second job to help pay the mortgage on the home my husband and I had so the bar was below my apartment and I took the job. Vic came in one night and truthfully I found him annoying. His daughter had just moved to SC with her mother and he was so depressed. But we started talking about our relationships and our children. And after nagging me for about three months I agreed to go to dinner with him. And we became just friends. I told him I had nothing more to offer him because I was at a very vulnerable state at that point. He told me, "I can wait."
Everything just seemed to fit together like a puzzle from there. I went through several guilty trips where since I was starting to feel happy and too comfortable I would run back to what my counselors called my comfort zone because that was all I knew for 15 years. I'd be miserable and I'd have to come back to Vic. This went on for about 4 months.
But after my husband almost raped me in front of my grandson and demolished my van while I was sitting in it. I made my decision and Vic's and my relationship bloomed like flowers in the spring.
He was always so kind, loving, and supportive. He understood what I had gone through in my marriage and he always treated me with dignity and respect. We were more than just husband and wife, we were best friends.
Vic and I married February 19, 2005 and we had a wonderful relationship and marriage. We had our differences because we both had children from previous marriages so that was usually the problem. Vic was in a tractor trailer accident which left him permanently disabled shortly after we were married, so we struggled a lot financially. But we always got by. We had no children living at home so it was always just Vic and me.
In January 2013 the lung specialist in our hometown found a mass son Vic's right lung. When he did the biopsy, he couldn't tell us if it was cancer or not, so he wanted to wait 6 months for another biopsy. By then it was too late. The mass had grown and was blocking his airway and he suffered such difficulty with his breathing. When we went to a lung specialist in Pittsburgh, PA and he did a biopsy, Vic was in stage 3B lung cancer. It was too late to remove the mass. So on July 27 we were informed his only option was chemo/radiation. Vic had one chemo treatment and only got worse.
September 10,2013, Vic's condition deteriorated and he suffered severely for a week. His only wish was too see all his four children in the room with him one time. After his son and daughter made it in from SC and his oldest daughter had already been here and his oldest son only lived a few miles away. I gave them the privacy to spend as much time with their dad as they wanted.
Since the children from SC drove straight through that day and hadn't eaten, they went to get something to eat and my daughter-in-law and I tried to get Vic settle for the night because the kids were coming back. His oldest daughter never left.
Vic had such severe anxiety over the difficulty with his breathing he was afraid to lay back. My daughter-in-law and I did breathing techniques with him and comforted him. I held him in my arms and I told him, "I love you." And we always signed our cards and said to each other. "Forever and Always...I Cross my Heart." So I told him that. He looked at me with those glazed eyes and said, "I love you too." Then he started that gurgling sound as he was breathing and I knew I was losing him. I kept him as close to me in my arms as I could and sent my daughter-in-law to get his oldest daughter. I had no pulse as she entered the room. She started to cry and said to him, "Dad...Dad...Daddy." And he looked at her and took his last breathe. He passed away on September 15,2013.
He was a wonderful man, and we had a special relationship. One I never felt before and he wasn't just my husband but also my best friend. But I am trying to find peace that he is taking care of our daughter whom I lost 4 1/2 years ago to a rare heart condition that our doctors failed to diagnose. It is so hard to walk into the house after being at work or out doing errands and not have him waiting for me. He was my soul mate and was always here when I got home. I miss that and him so much.
So until we meet again my love....I love you...Forever and Always...I Cross My Heart....Claudia
Cmemaw Cmemaw
61-65, F
Sep 28, 2013