Everyday

I miss my deceased husband more than words can say, because its been five years since his passing and I still think about him everyday. I still hurt and i need him by my side. my husband and i had been married 18 years, when he had his heartattack and the doctors said he had an massive attack and died instantly, i was with him, he fought death. i can close my eyes and go through every detail. i can't talk about it, but the doctor wasn't there, he would never say that, if he had seen what I had. My husband had testicular cancer in 1998 and if he had lived he would have been a five year cancer survivor. After all that chemo and wondering if he was going to live, who would think? A heart attack? We thought life was going to be okay. We had each other and the cancer had not showed up in his blood tests for almost five years,and the chemo had made him sterile, so the doctors said. But at 42, I was eight weeks long with our baby .And we knew the risks of an older woman having our first child, but yet we were so happy.so thankful and he just dies and my world turns upside down. so i go on and have his baby, a little boy, so perfect, so much like his dad. And we struggle everyday, to make the bills, to tackle what ever life throws at us. Everyday I try to keep it together for my son, his father would have been so happy, he always wanted a boy, always wanted to be a father, he was a great person and a wonderful husband and friend. He always found a way to make life alright and looking at my beautiful little boy, he did make life alright, even in death. Everyday I think of him......

mcksuz mcksuz
46-50
24 Responses Feb 14, 2009

I lost my darling husband 11 years ago. I still cry and think about him all the time. Despite trying my hardest, life feels meaningless. I feel empty and worthless without him. He was my everything and I do not know how to cope with my life now. I look happy when I meet people but when alone, I am In a different world!!

I to loss my husband 7 yrs ago, he committed suicide, he had been depressed for over 3 yrs, nothing the doctors did helped him, we fought this battle all that time, he had tried to kill himself several times, he took the over doses, he tried to shoot himself but he either got sick or the gun would jam. On May 19th 2006, my life changed in ways that I never knew it could. He called me at work and told me he loved me and kept repeating it, YOU KNOW I LOVE U MORE THAN ANY THING RIGHT,, he would say I just need you to know that ok, I told him I loved him back and said I will be home right home, the faster I drove it was like the slower I went,I found him, with a tear on his face, for seven yrs I have also lived with the emptiness, I loved him so much he was my best friend, my partner for life, and I too still have bad days where I cry for him, and I think that this a way of being able to move forward in life, to turn the page to a new chapter. I read your story and my heart sank for you, GOD gave you a special gift from your husband, to love and cherish, that little boy is truly a blessing, I wish you the best in life, and I hope you find that happiness again.

so with all these people suffering in pain of lost loved ones including myself !! do you still believe there's 'something' called god ???!!!

My thoughts and prayers go out to you and your boy. Its so hard to forget someone. They say time is a healer but I know from experience.. those are only words.. it never gets easier but we learn to cope. Serika (South Africa)

I feel your excrutiation pain! My husband was killed in a tragic automobile accident (other drivers fault) Oct. 2009. He was only 46. I MISS him SOOO much! God blessed us with 3 sons, who also MISS their father everyday! We were married 26 yrs. 4 mos. He was my life. He was head of the household and took care of me and our sons! The day he went, a BIG part of me also died! I met him summer before my Sr. yr. 1982. We married in June of 1983 after I graduated. I miss him, I just want him to come home like he always did before! It is OVERWHELMING!!! EVERYTHING fell into my lap! EVERYTHING!!! It's too much! I am ready for my moment to come, to be reunited with him for ETERNITY! We will NEVER know what God has planned for us in this lifetime!, with my husband gone. God is my only hope through the tragic loss of my husband! It still hard everyday! Each one of us goes through grief different. They say time will heal but...................Today would be our 29th wedding anniversary. I am ready for all this to be over, but in God's time. I have lost 3 siblings, father, inlaws, etc. But, my husband's death is the one that hits me DEEP INSIDE MY HEART! It was crushed when he went. Pray. Pray. Pray, reading books about grief, heaven, death, Bible, church, my faith, which I can't help question about hurting inside. God bless each and everyone of you who have lost a spouse. (family-children, etc.)

I am so sorry for your loss. My husband, aged 33 passed away a day before my birthday in an car accident caused by a foreigner from Malaiwi driving on our roads and not abiding to stop signs. I am still after 8 months trying to get justice for him I want my son to know that I did everything I can to get justice for his dad. He was my best friend and the love of my life. I miss him so much. Our lives have changed in so many ways..

I feel your excrutiation pain! My husband was killed in a tragic automobile accident (other drivers fault) Oct. 2009. He was only 46. I MISS him SOOO much! God blessed us with 3 sons, who also MISS their father everyday! We were married 26 yrs. 4 mos. He was my life. He was head of the household and took care of me and our sons! The day he went, a BIG part of me also died! I met him summer before my Sr. yr. 1982. We married in June of 1983 after I graduated. I miss him, I just want him to come home like he always did before! It is OVERWHELMING!!! EVERYTHING fell into my lap! EVERYTHING!!! It's too much! I am ready for my moment to come, to be reunited with him for ETERNITY! We will NEVER know what God has planned for us in this lifetime!, with my husband gone. God is my only hope through the tragic loss of my husband! It still hard everyday! Each one of us goes through grief different. They say time will heal but...................Today would be our 29th wedding anniversary. I am ready for all this to be over, but in God's time. I have lost 3 siblings, father, inlaws, etc. But, my husband's death is the one that hits me DEEP INSIDE MY HEART! It was crushed when he went. Pray. Pray. Pray, reading books about grief, heaven, death, Bible, church, my faith, which I can't help question about hurting inside. God bless each and everyone of you who have lost a spouse. (family-children, etc.)

I feel your excrutiation pain! My husband was killed in a tragic automobile accident (other drivers fault) Oct. 2009. He was only 46. I MISS him SOOO much! God blessed us with 3 sons, who also MISS their father everyday! We were married 26 yrs. 4 mos. He was my life. He was head of the household and took care of me and our sons! The day he went, a BIG part of me also died! I met him summer before my Sr. yr. 1982. We married in June of 1983 after I graduated. I miss him, I just want him to come home like he always did before! It is OVERWHELMING!!! EVERYTHING fell into my lap! EVERYTHING!!! It's too much! I am ready for my moment to come, to be reunited with him for ETERNITY! We will NEVER know what God has planned for us in this lifetime!, with my husband gone. God is my only hope through the tragic loss of my husband! It still hard everyday! Each one of us goes through grief different. They say time will heal but...................Today would be our 29th wedding anniversary. I am ready for all this to be over, but in God's time. I have lost 3 siblings, father, inlaws, etc. But, my husband's death is the one that hits me DEEP INSIDE MY HEART! It was crushed when he went. Pray. Pray. Pray, reading books about grief, heaven, death, Bible, church, my faith, which I can't help question about hurting inside. God bless each and everyone of you who have lost a spouse. (family-children, etc.)

i know the feeling i lost my wife at the age of 19 we married at 13 out of love and i miss her very day this was the time of our life we had all sort of plans for and she is not with me<br />
<br />
the same for my second love she was also killed at age 19 by her ex<br />
so just pushed love away tilli got to old and no one wanted and no one wanted a crazy vet

i understand the feeling i lost my wife at age 19 we had been married a littleover 5 years at that time we had been with each other sense age 12<br />
<br />
her mother came me a home even know we loved each other the rest is along story and we could never have children on both sides<br />
<br />
the same day my wife was killed i also lost my mother

Hi, I too share the sorrow. I lost my husband on June 20, 2008. I miss him daily, I had stopped working, wanted be with him always, I loved him so much. But on that day when he was on his way to office died in an road accident. We dont have a child, and it is too difficult to be alone. I feel totally dead inside, but i am trying and wanted to do well in my professional life. I am confident that I will do well, I beleive I have the support of god and my dear husband. I know that I will acheive my goal and there is only one thing I expect that is to meet my husband and when he says, "you have done well", I will the happiest person in this universe. Be happy, work hard, we are here for a purpose, dont waste the opportunity.

I lost my husband 8 months ago, a sudden death, he had hernia surgery, everything went fine, went home on a Saturday, Monday night he died fo a blood clot, everyhitng was so fast I trying to save him, by the time we got to the hospital it was too late, I miss my DH soooo much, he was my friend, lover, my right arm, I feel sad, anger, confuse, afraid, we were always together, I love him so much!!!

I share all your sadness too. I lost my husband October 30, 2009. He was 43 years old and died from a heart attack while running. He was my best friend. I worked with him and we were together all the time and were always excited to do everything together, he left a wonderful part of him, his children. I miss him everyday and know God blessed me with the promise of seeing him again. This life is a test run, the next life we will never be separated again. May God bless us all while our husbands are on TDY with him.

I share all your sadness too. I lost my husband October 30, 2009. He was 43 years old and died from a heart attack while running. He was my best friend. I worked with him and we were together all the time and were always excited to do everything together, he left a wonderful part of him, his children. I miss him everyday and know God blessed me with the promise of seeing him again. This life is a test run, the next life we will never be separated again. May God bless us all while our husbands are on TDY with him.

I share all your sadness too. I lost my husband October 30, 2009. He was 43 years old and died from a heart attack while running. He was my best friend. I worked with him and we were together all the time and were always excited to do everything together, he left a wonderful part of him, his children. I miss him everyday and know God blessed me with the promise of seeing him again. This life is a test run, the next life we will never be separated again. May God bless us all while our husbands are on TDY with him.

i share the same feelings....my husband died last October 8,2011....i missed him so much...he had brain aneurysm secondary hypertension....at age 42 still young....we share 18 years of friendship and marriage...we are about to migrate to Canada all bags packed and ready to go ...our flight was suppose to be on October 12,2011....when the incident happened last October 2,2011 he went on a coma for a week then passed away...all we ever wanted was to be together....i know God has a reason for everything that comes our way...up to this day....i really missed him!if he only knew how much i love him....God Bless!<br />
Be strong!Keep your Faith!

i share the same feelings....my husband died last October 8,2011....i missed him so much...he had brain aneurysm secondary hypertension....at age 42 still young....we share 18 years of friendship and marriage...we are about to migrate to Canada all bags packed and ready to go ...our flight was suppose to be on October 12,2011....when the incident happened last October 2,2011 he went on a coma for a week then passed away...all we ever wanted was to be together....i know God has a reason for everything that comes our way...up to this day....i really missed him!if he only knew how much i love him....God Bless!<br />
Be strong!Keep your Faith!

So Hurt...I feel your pain. I know u have heard that from so many people how they understand...and I just stand there and think...if u lost your husband then u would understand..I lost my husband of 22 years 6 1/2 years ago from Agent Orange. Jim was my best friend. I waited 5 years and up and moved from the state I lived in for 40 years and moved to Ga/ Bought a house in the country. Not made too many friends but then again I don't want to. I cry every day and think of Jim everyday. God Bless you as well as all of the others. Take care of yourself. It does get better but I can never forget holding him in my arms..kissing him and gtelling him how much I loved him when he died in my arms.

I HAVE STUDIED ASTROLOGY ON MY OWN & FOUND THAT A MARRIED LADY THE 1ST ALPHABET OF WHOSE 1ST NAME STARTS WITH M OR K(OR C BUT WHERE THE SOUND IS THAT OF K LIKE IN CARRIE) ARE LIKELY TO HAVE TRAGEDIES IN THE FAMILY. BUT THERE IS A EASY SOLUTION. IF THEY ADOPT ANY PETNAME WHICH DOES NOT START WITH M OR K , THE DANGERS ARE MINIMISED. YOU DONT HAVE TO BELIEVE IT IF YOU DONT WANT TO. AS FOR ADVICE TO A WIDOW ,FIND A LADY BEST FRIEND FROM YOUR GROUP & OCCASSIONALLY GO OUT IN A GROUP WHERE YOU HAVE A BACHELOR OR MARRIED SENIOR FRIEND WHO HAS A LIKING FOR YOU<br />
HAPPINES4U

I can relate to your sorrow and loss. I also lost my husband of 15 years. He was not only my husband but my best friend. We got along like ham and eggs. He was killed 14 months ago in a robbery. He was just in the wrong place and the wrong time, this is what people tell me. I have cried everyday since December 9, 2009 and not one day has passed that I don't miss him and think of all the things we had planned to do. My faith is what sustains me. My belief that I will see him again keeps me going. We can't question why these things happen, but they happen because we all have a time that we have to leave this earth. Some of us as old as 100 and some of us as old as 2 days. It is truly the ones that are left behind that suffer the most. Our loved ones are now in the hands of our Lord and for that we must be content. I pray that you will find fulfilness and happiness in your little guy. He is a piece of your husband that God has left behind for you, so that you won't be that sad.

I am so sorry that you and other people have to go through life and suffer like this.<br />
I am one of them too.<br />
My husband died almost 4 years ago also very suddenly within 24hrs. and we had a 5 year old boy at the time who is now fatherless like your son.It is killing me every day that our boy, whom we wanted both so very much, will never know his dad.<br />
I was present at his death and experienced his last breath which I am reliving since then frequently.We miss him terribly and since then life has been a struggle in many ways.<br />
I wish you all the Best and I hope you get comforted in the fact that you are no alone and that others like you are facing this as well.Not that it is easier but I am trying to get back into life more and we need to realize that we did not die and our sons need happy and strong moms.<br />
Good luck!

Reading your story just broke my heart. What happened to you is so very similar to what happened with me and my precious Husband of 35 years. He also had testicular cancer in 1986. They treated it with radiation and he was clear for almost 20 years. Then he developed Mesothelioma and Colon Cancer. But both of those were healing. He actually passed the Colon Tumor, from using the Devine Herbs he was taking. We just knew everything was going to be just fine after a two year battle. Then the TOTAL NIGHTMARE happened and the doctor DELIBERATELY killed my precious Husband. I can close my eyes and go through every detail too and it just kills me every second of every day. So I kind of know how you feel. Although every one feels differently, just know I'm here for you, if you need someone to talk to. God Bless.

Sorry For your loss. You are very lucky in one respect as you said he left a piece of him for you to love in your child. Trust in the fact that you will heal and the pain will lessen but you will never forget. One thing you must do tho is allow yourself to move on. You are the only one that can do that. Put the painful part way up on a shelf and leave it there. Over time the pain will subside and the good memories will be there in its place.

I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my husband of 22 years in 2007. Also very suddenly. We never had any children, I often wonder if it is more difficult to try to raise a child without his father or to be completely alone. I believe it is to hard to really compare. Hang inthere.

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