My Dog Was My Bestfriend In The World, And Now He's Gone, Im Heartbroken.

My 13 year old staff was put down on 31st of may. I may sound silly, but this dog was my bestfriend in the whole wide world. I cherished him more than anything and loved him more than anything. I cant remember life without him, I was just about to turn four when I got him, so as you can imagine we grew up together and he was always there for me like another sibling would be. We were always together, is share my food with him, make him cups of tea, we would go on long walks and I would get him Into my bed without my parents knowing to spend more time with him. He got to about 7 and then he turnt blind, and although most peopke would think this was a bad thing, it brought us closer together cos now he was more dependant on me and when I walked him I guided him and had to teach him new commands. He still was just as happy and vets said he always had bad eye sight anyway. Then as he got older he began to get lumpy and bumpy like little tumors on his skin, and also he developed a sist on his brain and this caused him to have a stroke. this happened when he was about 11 and he did make a good recovery and got back to his boisterous ways. then as he began to get even older, he became less active and I no longer could walk him far and someday didn't at all. Mum then told me she booked him an appointment for the vet because he began to loose weight fast and be sick a lot. I knew what was coming and since then I slept with him holding him and signing to him for three nights until the date came. On that day he got put down. The vet said that his liver was inflamed and It would be cruel to keep him alive. I cried to so much but tried to keep it In so milo didn't get upset. He was layed In the table and they shaved his leg, he knew what was coming and although he was blind I feel he loojed at me as If to tell me to stop her. I held him tight In my arms, kissed his head and told him I loved him as they injected him. He then went floppy in my arms and she told me his heart had stopped, my cheat felt like it caved In and I just layer holding him crying heavily for about ten minutes. After that I had work and I brokdown three times. He Is no longer here for me to talk to, and I feel none understands me. He was the only one I talked to properly. The only obe I thought cared. He always comforted me and hugged Into me when I was upset, now I have noone to greet me after a hard day. It hasn't been long but I've cried myself to sleep everyday except once when I was drunk and In bed with someone. I try to hide my emotions from other and I was doing okay at that until aabout three days after he passed, my first day off work, I just curled up in bed or on the sofa and listened ti my Ipid and stared into space. I haven't eaten properly since he left me, first 2 days eaten nothing at all, and today fir first time I ate a dinner, although it was only tiny. I feel I can't cope, I am usually a good student, but I have done no work since and I'm so behind but I just cant concentrate. I wasn't happy before he died, I was feeling down for about a month before due to a lover leaving me, and since his death I've found myself cutting. I didnt even realise until I saw the blood what I was doing and I feel so stupid. I've dibe It beforw, but I get nothibg out of it and just regret it after. I feel so guilty and blame myself for his death and feel I dobt deserve to be happy, not that I am anyway.. but yeah sorry I've blabbed on so much, I just miss him so much and writing this I swear Ive cried enough tears to fill a bath, I loved him so much, and when his ashes are finally given to me, I feel that Ill no longer be able to hide my feelings anymore and Ill just breakdown. Any advise or helping messages would be nice, and If your still with me, thankyou for just listenin.
Rest in peace milo puppy, I love you so much!!
mma1995 mma1995
18-21, F
5 Responses Jun 5, 2012

Have lost a few dogs and like me they were all very loving I tend to forget they only have short lives really .think we need dogs that live as long as us . I still miss them all .they all had their own unique characters .Was really devastated when they got old and died as were the rest of my know how you feel .

I hope you are feeling better now. I am the Mom of a son who had many of the same feelings you do. He confided in us that he had such sad and empty feelings that he cut himself. Because he told us his true feelings, we were able to help him. You are not alone and I hope you will talk to your parents about your emptiness. It is time to heal yourself and it is impossible to do it alone. Hugs and love to you.

I'm not sure if I'm okay ATM, don't think I've even dealt with it, I still call his name thinking he's gonna come, and I call my new puppy his name by mistake. But now I just cut from addiction, but it's too hard to face my parents, I feel so stupid. But thankyou

hey girl...I feel your pain. I lost my beautiful golden retriever June 1st. I am still lost. There is a void. She was going to be 14 in August. It just isn't fair. She was my life.

You should talk with someone about the way you feel. Start with your parents or school counselors. They can help you. it's a great loss for you and you have all my sympathies, I've been there too. Please seek help and I hope you feel better soon.

I don't go to school and my parenta wouldnt understand, but thankyou

We put our 12 yo dog down on May 16. I can appreciate your loss.