I Had To Say Goodbye To My Best Friend. Our Time Together Was Cut Way To Short. Miss Her Sooo Much!

I lost my beloved Bianca August 24th. She was a beautiful Weimaraner who had just turned 6 last month. It all started about 3 weeks ago when I noticed that she wasn't eating her food for a several days and seemed very lethargic. She also started to have some minor issues going down the steps. I took her too the vet the next day and after blood work and Xrays,on her hips, they thought she was having an early onset of osteo arthritis or degenerative joint disease. They did the test to see how she responded to her paws going back in place, when bent back. Her front paws would come right back, but her back paws hardly at all. They had prescribed several meds and I was about ready to start her on Adequan injections to make her more comfortable.

Anyway about a week and a half had past and she seemed a little better but was still having issues going up and down the steps. We live in a 4 story old Victorian house with all hardwood floors. It wasn't until searching on the internet that I even realized how bad they can be on a dog. She had slipped and fell several times and became very scared of going down some. Understandable! It was at this time that I would walk right along side her holding her by the collar and walking slow in case I had to keep her from falling. I always kept her nails trimmed as well. I bought some Sisal stair treads in hope that she would quit slipping. I purchased them online and never had a chance to install them as things got worse. Much worse.

On Tuesday, August 21st is when my life changed for the worse. All of a sudden my baby could barely walk using her hind legs. She was suffering from partial paralysis. She would fall every so often. She would spread her legs really wide and just couldn't keep her balance. I took her back to the vet and they took Xrays of her spine and couldn't see any abnormalities and again sent me home with more Remydal and prescription dog food.

My ex-girlfriend, who is still one of my closest friends, called our old vet that had moved from the clinic I had always went to, to another just out of our town. Literally only 20 minutes away. We always liked her because she was a pet lovers kind of vet. The kind that has dogs to and they would sleep in her bed as well. Some vets and people only see pets as pets. She loved her animals the way we did ours. She was also the one that put my same friend's dog(Mamie) down, several years ago when her time came. She had told her all of Bianca's symptoms and test results and she pleaded with her to have me bring her in first thing the next morning(Thursday, August 23rd) as she said the vet that I was dealing with was very new and went by what the vet schools are teaching them nowadays. Basically, that is to avoid steroids because of some of the side affects. She didn't believe,as young as Bianca was, that she would have these kind of symptoms come on so fast. She believed that Bianca needed a neurological exam. It was just a chiropractic style physical exam where she looked for pains in the neck, back and checked her reflexes. After we sat there moving Bianca all over the place while she did all these physical evaluations, She felt strongly convinced that it was a slipped disc and that she had a pinched nerve by the reactions from Bianca throughout the exam. So she gave her a steroid shot,which she said that if the owner of the clinic, that she worked with for years, would have been the one caring after Bianca, that he would do the same thing because it works,and they are both old school vets. She then gave me steroids pills for me to give her twice a day. Also she had me pick up a Gabapentin.(Neurotin medication). At this point Bianca was going to be on two pain killers, steroids, Gabapentin and pepcid AC(when she took her steroids). It was a mess of drugs I was about ready to start administering to her first thing the next day(Friday) as instructed. I had already been putting her previous meds in either peanut butter or cream cheese to get her to take them so I had it down to a tee.

I just wanted my girl back in good health. Nothing else mattered in my world. I wish I could've taken the whole week/month off to be with her 24/7 but her vet bills were piling up. She had been at two different vets 6 times in the past 3 weeks. The sixth time being the worst of course. I had to keep working as this was going to be an expensive and long journey back to her recovery.

That is just some of the guilt I'm going through right now. I know I did all I could for her. They were afraid that if all the meds and total bedrest(from the first vet clinic) didn't start working that I would have to take her to the University of Illinois Animal Hospital for cat scans and MRI's.($3,000 not counting if she had to have emergency surgery) Mind you this had never gotten to that point until it was to late. I was already checking on some kind of assistance or Care Credit(basically a pet credit card) if it did. I was sweating bullets worrying about how I could afford this. It didn't matter I would have done anything. I was really excited about the latest diagnosis though, because I thought this would make her better. The original vet was sort of stumped on what it could be outside of arthritis. My old vet really felt confident that the steroids would reduce the swelling if it were a slipped disc and even told me to not be surprised if she seems like her old self the next day. She told me to still give her the meds and also don't let her be active at all until she completely healed. I was so excited, because I felt the relief that she was going to be back to her ol' self in no time. I was referred to as being giddy that night at work because I felt so relieved.

I had made a makeshift bedroom down in the basement next to her crate days before. I was so proud of myself as I made us a new nest while she watched in utter enjoyment. I think she sensed, that because It wasn't safe for me to try and carry her all the way up and down those steps, several times a day, for her to be with me at night, that I did this for her so she wouldn't be alone. She would have tried to jump up on either my bed or sofa, with no success, if I did bring her up there. I had been carrying her outside to go potty, which she wouldn't, due I think in part because of all the meds she was on. I also would put my arm under her neck and had a towel around her waist to help her hold herself up. I basically walked like a frog around the yard, if you can picture what I am saying. It was really sad when I would put her down on the ground as I could tell she felt useless. So she slept with me Wednesday and Thursday night on a pretty firm air mattress and I know she loved being with me so much.

And this is where all my hopes of her recovering just fell completely out of my body. That Thursday night when I got home(which is late-2nd shift) she could barely stand at all. Her front legs were starting to show paralysis as well. It was devastating. I carried her out to go potty begging her to go because she stopped eating and drinking again earlier that day. She still didn't go potty and I gave her pain meds and hand fed her almost her whole bowl of food. She wouldn't even look at her water. It wasn't until the next day that I was suppose to give her all the other meds. All through the night she just kept licking me nonstop. She just couldn't seem to get comfortable. She kept trying to put her head on my chest or on my neck. She must have felt that she had to feel me. When we slept together in the same bed before she always had to have a paw on me somewhere. She was quite the bed hog. I so dearly miss her stealing the covers now. Sometimes I would wake up to her nuzzled in my neck or her arm across my face. She was such a sweetheart.

Throughout the night I had left a lengthy text to my friend ,who worked early in the morning, about her odd behavior and partial loss of her front paws. I was crying through most of the night. I was hoping the steroids would kick in even though it was only a day since prescribed. I wanted her to get better so bad. I slept for maybe an hour between 8-9:00 in the morning. I got up with that sick feeling like I needed to take her back to the vet again. It had already been 2 different vets in the past two days. I got up to go to the bathroom and all of a sudden she tried to get out of bed to come to me and just completely wiped out. She just laid there looking at me. I picked her up right away and hugged her as I had done so many times and laid her back in bed. She looked back at me once right away and then I sat next to her and she wouldn't respond. All of a sudden she went into a seizure. She instantly urinated all over and started lightly foaming at the mouth. My adrenaline was kicked into high gear. I called the vet right away as she just laid there kicking. My vet was in the middle of something and they gave me the other vet. I explained I was in there the day before and what was going on and he said it should last about 30 seconds to possibly a couple minutes. He told me that it might be a day before she knows where she is at. I asked him to have my vet call me ASAP. I sat there cleaning her up a bit while this was happening and protecting her head from hitting the wall. I was already advised not to get to close to her mouth as she could accidentally bite me while this was happening. I know it sounds awful and it was. I just kept stroking her and telling her I was there for her and that I loved her. She never stopped having seizures and after about 10 minutes, I called and demanded to speak to my vet as I didn't know what to do. They were supposed to stop and never did. I new I was losing my little girl right then. She new as well as I did because the seizures lasted way to long. She told me to try to wrap her in a blanket and get her there. We both new what this meant. Her seizures went on all the way up to euthanasia. Almost an hour my girl just shook. I was so relieved when they did stop. I was crying hysterically on the way there and balled when she went calm. I am so grateful that I was there for her and she was never alone.

If I would have come home to her having these seizures and didn't know how long it had went on, it would have killed me with guilt. I did everything I could. I just can't believe she was obnoxious and running around like the crazy dog she was a month ago. She went from being a six year old to a 14 year old in less than a week. My vet felt so bad for me because she gave me so much hope. I know she believed in what she thought was the problem. She said that it would have probably been a brain tumor that brought the seizures on. My friend, who I left the lengthy text to that morning, had called her about her front legs going paralyzed the night before at almost the same time that everything turned bad. My vet new then that it had to be something more serious. She did everything she could. Even if it was a brain tumor the chances were slim to none that she would have ever recovered. She wouldn't have been nowhere near 100%. The duration of the seizures would have left her paralyzed or blind or both. I wouldn't have been able to see her live like that. It wouldn't be fair to her for me to be selfish.

I do apologize for the long story and doubt that anyone will make it through the whole thing. I really feel better telling it though because it helps me get it out. Kind of like my own journal of events. I hope you understand if you did make it this far. I miss her so dearly and cry everyday. She was my best buddy and the best dog ever. Our furry babies do more for us then we could ever do for them. Bianca was the best listener and hugger and got me through some tough times. I look forward to seeing her again, at Rainbow Bridge. I love you Bianca! forever you will be missed!
biancaevert biancaevert
Aug 30, 2012