I Want My Dog Back So Badly
It's hard to read all these sad storys of dogs passing. It's also hard to tell my story, because I actually am the reason my dog is gone. I gave my dog away this August and I have felt horrible beyond words ever since.
Nyla was my beautiful one-year-old white lab mix and I owned her for about 11 months. Although she was a handful from the start (chewing, pulling, jumping, running away, etc.), she was also very loving and 100% heart. I miss her curling up next to me at night. She came into my life at an interesting time. It was the beginning of what was a very rough personal patch in my life. In addition to Nyla, I had a cat and another dog, Pete.
Nyla was given to me by a girl I was in love with, right before she left for Chicago for a six-month school program. She ended up getting pregnant while there and moving in with her new man. Two weeks later my cat fell from a tree and broke his spine, and I was forced to put it to sleep, and it died in my arms at the vet office. A few months later I unjustly lost my job. All these things took a toll on my soul. I was not in my right mind. I decided a move out West for a fresh start was a good idea (which it was). Unfortunately, with Nyla being such a handful, I decided to re-home her before I left. This decision was not made rationally. I know that I gave up on Nyla, and did not give her the chance she deserved. If in my right mind, I WOULD have done anything it took (time, training classes, etc.).
I did find her a good home. I drove eight hours up the road to do so after screening a few other people. She is now in the hands of an older couple, who have some land for her to run around on. The few updates I have received from them tell me she is happy and doing well. It does not help my pain, though, and I wonder how much of it is just "what I want to hear."
I can't help but dwell on the fact that I just threw this beautiful friend away. I wonder if she still misses me and Pete (my other dog). They used to play so well together and have so much fun chasing one another. I miss playing with both of them so much (I still have Pete). I wonder if she will ever forget what I did to her. I wonder if she still stares out the window wondering when we will be coming back for her. I wonder if she really is ok. I have dreams about Nyla quite often, and the pain does not go away. I cannot forgive myself.
Sometimes I ponder writing and asking for her back. But I know they are probably in love with her as much as I am and would be unwilling to do so. Other times I ponder driving back and taking her when no one is looking. I know that's a horribly wrong thing to do, on a number of levels.
I'm just so sad. I miss Nyla terribly. I let her down.