See You In Another Life Brotha

Where do I start?  I feel that writing this will help me to move on, if that's possible.  I find myself getting emotional  when thinking about him and all the things he used to do.

His name was Sparky.  I clearly remember being an 11 year old boy that wanted a dog more than anything in the world.  My parents had said no for so long that I thought it'd never happen.  Dad was a little allergic and hid behind that for a long time.  He recently said that he never really wanted a dog, and he wasn't interested in taking care of a dog.  Then, one faithful day, we went to my uncle's house and saw that my cousin had gotten a West Highland White Terrier.  When we found out his hair was non-allergic, I was thrilled!  Soon after that, Dad caved, and we were checking with breeders.  We brought home our runt of the litter, little Sparky.  I still remember holding him in a blanket in the back of our big family van.  He was so tiny, like a big rat.  We actually called him "Rat" as an affectionate nickname right up until yesterday... but that comes a bit later.

He was the best dog ever (cliche, I know).  He trained in a month or two.  In fact, we couldn't really recall many accidents he had in the house.  Sooner than later, he had charmed us into letting him sleep on the couches, beds, and anywhere else that wasn't designed for dogs to sleep.  He was a little king in no time, and he reigned supreme in the house.  I clearly remember him stealing socks when he was little, and we'd chase him all over the house to get them back.  He'd hide in our rooms and just peak his head out to taunt us.  This started his favorite game that he played right up to old age; hide-and-seek.  God, what I'd give to play hide and seek with him just one, last, time :-(

When I went away to college 5 years ago, I missed him so much.  In fact, the only picture I kept with me throughout my four years was of him with this little orange dinosaur toy he loved...  He was just so playful and friendly...  I loved him as much as my brother.  He was family...

Anyway, fast-forward to the painful part (and the reason that I registered on this site).  About 6 months ago we started to notice that he was having some trouble going to the bathroom.  We brought him to the vet and she found that he had some growths on the inside of his anus.  She said there was nothing we could do and to let things go and see how they developed.

Things got worse.  The growths developed into a ring that basically closed off his anal cavity.  He hadn't gone well since August.  We switched him to soft food and gave him stool softeners to help him, but it wasn't much of a help.  Soon he started bleeding when he'd try to go, and I had the worst conversations one can ever have with my family.  We discussed when it was going to be time to put him down.  We decided to live it out through the holidays.  I mean, he was still happy, and playful.  He wasn't affected yet.  He was still... normal.  He was still our little Sparky, and we couldn't part with him just yet.

Days turned to weeks.  Weeks to months.  And we come to January.  He was really slowed down by now.  He would spend all of his time outside trying to go, and not being able to.  He couldn't sniff around and enjoy himself like he usually did.  He used to love laying in the sun and scratching his back in the snow, but he wasn't doing any of that anymore.  The most devastating blow came when he slowly started to drift away from us.  He started spending more and more time away from us, and he even didn't want to sleep in my or my parents bed (which was SOOOO unlike him!).  Mom and I quietly started to talk about our options again.

Yesterday, we did it.   We felt that he was starting to suffer.  His little butt was all red and swollen, and he was real, real touchy.  We brought him to the vet, and had him put to sleep.  My brother, father, mother, and I all were there for his last moments.  I wanted to be there.  I NEEDED to be there.  He went quickly, quietly.  He was ready.  The moment that the vet said he had passed was the strangest, saddest moment of my life.  I felt empty, saddened, distant, and many, many other things I just can't name. 

I'm crying now as I write this.  I can't help it.  It was the worst day of my life.

Now here I am, almost 36 hours later, and I miss him so much.  I took his little dog tag and clipped it onto my key chain.  Now, where ever I go, he'll be riding in the car with me.  He loved car rides so much :')  Everything is different without him.  The nights are the hardest.  Sleeping without him is so strange.  And the little signs of him that are left around the house.  I find a new toy of his everyday.  I just saw his shampoo in the bathroom today and thought of how much he loved baths (that's right, he LOVED the bath, no lie!  We'd ask him " wanna take a bath? " and he'd walk up to the tub and put his little paws up).  We have a doggie door cut into the downstairs door, that I get emotional seeing everyday.  It's just so, strange.  I feel empty, different.  His death is like the true death of my childhood.  He was there for 12+ years of my 22+ year life, and I don't know what life is like without him.  I don't really want to know.  God, I miss him so much.

I can't believe he's gone.  Part of me still expects him to come right up to the couch and want to lay with me as I write this.  Maybe he is, in spirit.  Hopefully he is.  He'll always be part of me, and whenever this hurt dies down enough for me to get another dog, I don't think he/she will ever be able to match up to Sprakles (another nickname, obviously).

Sparky, if you can somehow read/hear/feel this, I miss you so much.  I miss petting you, rugging your back and belly, playing with you, your barking fits at the mailman, the fighting with the vacuum, cowering from thunder and fireworks, the way you took up the ENTIRE bed, the way your ears would drop for that little puppy face, and just about everything else you did.  I'm sorry for leaving to school for so long, and I know you missed me like I missed you.  I'm sorry for not always being around to walk you and play with you.  I'm sorry for ignoring you for friends at times (God knows I wish I had all that time with you now).  And, most of all, thank you.  Thank you for always being there.  Thank you for being so adorable.  Thank you for being so friendly.  Thank you for being you.  I'll miss you now and forever.  Just like I told you yesterday as I left you for the last time, I'll see you in another life Brotha...

verrone86 verrone86
22-25, M
1 Response Mar 6, 2009

Dogs are great.