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Why? Why Cant I Let Go?

So I met him in high school and we tried to date. he was a christian, I didnt know that and when i tried to kiss him he told me he couldnt do that. I felt rejected so i stopped talking to him. I fould out later he had epilepsy and he had a seizure when i chose to no longer speak to him. 

after we graduated from high school i later found him attending the church i went to. i never paid him any attention and eventually he became the worship leader at the church. He would ALWAYS come and say hello EVERYTIME he saw me, he would give me his number and tell me to call him but i never did. but  a little while later i was going through some confusion in my life and needed a distraction, so i decided to go on a date with him. he came out of his shell and long story short i took his virginity. he was so super sweet. he loved me more than anyone ever had. so i slowly fell for him. about 3-4 months into our relationship he got an apt and he invited me to move in with him, so i did. 

He stopped leading worship at church, he stopped going to bible study, he started having seizures every 3 months. I was scared about the siezures but i never left. i decided iwouldnt be shallow and i didnt care and stayed with him. i started to lose my temper, he started to lose his and the relationship just ended up as a constant argument. but we kept trying and we had good and bad. 

before i knew it we were 3 years in. we had broken up and it had been 2 months. he told me he still loved me and we still had a chance. i kept giving him the cold shoulder but only to get him to say he would change and that he was sorry. but then we started having sex again, we started talking alot and we started going out together again. 1week after the last time we had sex, he went to his best friends wedding and met the brides cousin. they went on a date while she was here but she lives in another state so the new each other for 2 days and now have only been txting, facebooking and talking on the phone. he told me they discussed possibly having a long distance relationship. she is smaller than me. Im 5'8' and im about 200lbs and she is 5'4' and maybe about 140.


My feelings are so hurt. i dont know what to do. it has been litteraly 8 days and i cant stop crying. My chest hurts, my stomach hurts, Ive lost my appetite and because of that ive even lost weight. He doesnt want me back. he told me to stop calling him. he says we could eventually be friend but that it and for right now we sholdnt talk (that i need time). How could I let go it he was my first love. he was the only person i could call at any moment for any reason. I thought taking his virginity meant alot. I thought him telling me he would marry me meant for something. I THOUGHT HIM BEING A CHRISTIAN HE WOULD NEVER EVER HURT ME AND WHEN SAYING HE WOULD MARRY ME HE WAS BEING HONEST!!!!


IM GOING CRAZY INSIDE & OUT. IT FEELS LIKE IM MOURNING. THIS FEELS WORST THAN WHEN MY UNCLE AND COUSIN DIED.!! I FEEL LIKE IM DYING!! I TRY TO HANG OUT WITH FRIENDS AND GO TO CHURCH AND GET COMFORT AND WORKOUT, BUT THE MOMENT IM DONE (AND SOMETIMES DURING) ALL I CAN THINK ABOUT IS HIM. PPL COULD BE TALKING TO ME AND IM LOOK AT THEM AND SEE HIM!!! 
mirsepulveda mirsepulveda 22-25 2 Responses Jun 13, 2011

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i have been there. I'm am still there. If feels like crap and when poeple tell you to move on it's like...how!!!!!:@ and some part of you says you don't want to move on...it truely sucks. my ex bf actually just started likeing another girl 3 months since the breakup and now all i can think of is how much its gonna hurt seeing him with another girl and how much better i am with him. But after a while i saw him changing, like his personality. Me and him youst to play socecr together all the time..even before we started dating. And now he HATES soccer..he can't stand it. so now i am comfused to wondering if that was just him trying to "rail" me in and play me or if he just dosnt. i dunno this is very comfusing and it sucks i sericly wanna ripp this girls hair out! she's sooo anoying to..HA, she goes on my bus..(i'm in grade 10) andshe's always talking about someone behind there backs and she talks like a retard!....this is her...O.M.G. like i hate this chick sooooooOOOOOOoooooo much like omg.......<---her. and she even bullied me a bit after my ex asked her out. but now i cant really go upstairs in my high school anymore because they are walking together and i just can't take how much that that should be me with him. and so i moved my locker down stairs and all my classes are upstairs..sometimes my friends have to drage me up there or i just come late to class to avoid it and i just dont know what to do. and poeple say..well...why dont you try to get him back. I did. i just did it in all the wrong ways possable. i texted him not stop i wrote hima letter and put it in his locker and i almost killed the new chick. (not literally) i used my words:). so really this breakup is beond repair. and it kills me every second of everyday. it's all i think of. i look back and i get sad about how much i still want him..he was my bestfriend. we did EVERYTHING TOGETHER and now hese not mine. he says mean things to me. he thinks i am crazy. and i am supost to hate him for it. but i dont. i get where he is coming from. he just wants to look good. And the only thing that has helped. Time. but it will always kill me inside. I guess just one day it won't. I look forward to that day. And sorry for the really bad spelling and stuff...i wrote this really fast.... anyways goodluck fellow heartbreak:P

You are better of without him, do yourself a favor and move on.