Never Realizing What You Have Until It's Gone.. Forever.

This is my first time posting anything on this website, though I have been reading other post for about a month now. So on with my story... it does seem a bit childish when I tell it this way..

Back in high school, grade 10 to be exact, I was at a house party, typical Saturday night, hanging out with friends and such. I live in a very small town (2500) so everyone knows everyone...I met a guy named Shaun, who was 6 years older than me, but I knew of him and he hung out with some of my other guy friends. After that night, we talked non stop... of course it began with texting (this sounds even more childish as I tell it lol) then that turned into phone calls and long conversations. He had a girlfriend at the time, but it was never like that, for me anyways, he was just a friend I could talk to about anything with.

Our talking continued for 2 years, we hung out, which was always with other people seeing as he was in my group of "friends". I dated some of these friends casually, no big deal. Shaun and I were very close, best friends, he would do anything for me and I for him.

Soon realized that, well, he no longer thought of me as just a friend. This was a problem because he still had a girlfriend and this wasnt something I was comfortable with. He was an amazing, attractive guy, with so much heart, but I just couldnt see him this way.

He broke up with his gf a few months later (were now into my grade 12 year) in hope that we would get together. We hung out alot more now, going for drives, he took me hunting a couple of times, we would go for lunch or supper etc..I thought maybe, just maybe I could be with him, so we tried.... it lasted all of 3 weeks and it just wasnt happening for me. He was devastated of course, beyond devastated, Iv never known someone to love me more than him, or appear to anyways. We stayed friends blah blah blah.... the next spring I started dating his best friend, who IV been in love with since the beggining of time and of course... we were still best friends, he still loved me. No big deal.

Well now, spring of last year, 2008, me and my boyfriend broke up. Me and Shaun still talked, and hung out. This time seemed different for me, I was overly attracted to him all the time, but I thought, no way, that's not happening... still hanging out... then June came... got into a huge immature fight that I regret every single day. We stopped talking for a good month, then I found out he had started seeing someone. My heart was shattered into a million pieces right then and there. That was the first time my feelings felt real, I finayll admitted my love for him, after all these years, and friends trying to convince me I was... it was all out in the open now.

2 Months pass and I couldnt handle it... he admitted how he missed me and we hung out once, which lead to twice... which led to a couple hook ups... while he had this gf ( which I have a very long and un-pleasent histroy with, enemies isnt a strong enough word, anyone from a small town should understand this!) He was torn, and we dated for a month, after he broke up with his gf. That was the biggest mistake ever, ruined everything we once had. We have not spoken since last September.I run into him often, not a word.

I regret what happened between us every single day. I'm still madly in love with him. But for the most part, thats not what I miss, I could go without that. I miss the friendship we had, everything about it. It hurts knowing how close we were and to look at things now... especially since he has been back with her for a year now.

I remember thinking, " oh this time next year i'll be over it and on with my life" not even close.

Wheeww, thanks for the vent....felt good!