Part Of Me Will Always Hate Her, But

I really miss her. She was perfect for me. She will always be the one that got away. I don't think I will ever find anyone that I love as much again. She didn't do anything bad to me, besides breaking up with me for being a good guy. She got bored of me and I hate her for it. I see her with her new guy, who looks to be about 45, at the gym. I try to look away, but I see them and just hate them both. I know that a reasonable person would be happy for their ex finding someone, but I am not. I wish that she would get hurt the way that she hurt me. Maybe then she would understand me. I remain alone because I can't find anyone I like even moderately as much. I wish she were as miserable as I am. She seems happy. All I do is hope that she remembers how great I was to her. I want her to wake up in the night crying out my name, but I won't be there. She needs to feel that emptiness, but she doesn't care about me. This is ruining my life. I have to leave this god forsaken town. I wish I could forget her. I almost wish we had never met. I can't even accurately express the pain that I still feel. I hate that she is so happy and I am so miserable. If every relationship has a winner and a loser, I am the loser. I think that's clear to see. I am alone, still thinking of her everyday. She has forgotten all about me. I am so much better looking than her new man it isn't even funny, but maybe it is considering how ugly I am. I hate everything about this. I never got to say what I wanted to say after we broke up because there was no point in sounding like I was harboring sour grapes, and she had no reason to hear it. Now I am stuck with this burden. I wish I was tougher on her when she dumped me. I should have been tougher on her in general. I hope he breaks her heart like she broke mine. I hope one day she feels the misery I have had to go through every day since.
TheEvilLeaper TheEvilLeaper
26-30, M
14 Responses Jan 16, 2011

I was with my girlfriend for two and a half-years, the last two months being engaged. We started dating when she was 21; I was 22. We knew each other for a year beforehand, after meeting her at a graduation party. There was instant attraction, like nothing else we had ever felt before, we both later admitted.

I was there, as her friend, for the first year, as she dated guys that I knew were inferior to me, (not to sound like a ****) that wouldn't treat her the way I would. I waited my turn, letting her tell me her problems and offering my word. We'd talk about everything and casually flirt. I threw out the proposition, that if things didn't work out, I'd wine and dine the **** out of her.

We did end up going out to the bar, before they were officially done, and we hit it off. I had the chance to do something there, but I was a gentleman. I helped her home and hugged her good night. They broke up about a week later; I let her be for about a week or two. Then, I moved in, and after a little confusion at first, we started dating after I smooched her.

Our first month together was the best times of our lives. We even felt the need to celebrate its conclusion. We were already in love. We steamed through to our one- year anniversary. I took her to Florida, for her first time. We loved it, but probably did a bit too much in our week stay. We went back again six months later. That was the best time of my life. We were at the year and a half benchmark; it was never stronger.

We ran into financial issues, and for the next seven months we hung out at our places, starting to look for better jobs. I woke her up, to go to a hiring agency, where I hoped we'd get in at this good manufacturing business. She got the papers, getting the job I wanted, while I was screwed over. I ended up getting in somewhere else, but we worked opposite shifts. We went from seeing each other every day, to a half-hour a day, during the week. We had weekends, though.

I honestly thought we would be fine. I had done everything for this girl, with her previous job, a car loan, school books, to help set her up in life. So, what does she do? She starts talking about her work and her coworkers NON-STOP. While I missed her tremendously, she just seemed to love this place. "Can you talk about something.else"? I'd say jokingly, but she never caught the hint.

Anyway, to ease my worries about her maybe not thinking I was as interested or crazy about her, I got her the engagement ring. This , I thought, should show her how much I love her, and how serious I was. I proposed the beach, Christmas weekend. I was never happier than when she said yes. But, get this, it would only be three weeks until she was trying to **** some guy thirty years older than her, a co-worker, that lived a block from her. (My ******* luck, right?)

We had a rough patch after new years. I was waiting for her to be fully hired, after her temp-period ended, which they made her wait an extra two-months. It felt like forever until she was put on second shift. When she finally was, I was so happy. However, she was acting weird. A month before the official hiring, there were flirty texts on her phone that she said were joking around (involving kissing the 30 yr older.guy his mustang shelby)

During our weekends, she seemed distant and wanting to hang with her friends. (Which she knew our only time was. She had all weeknights for friends) She literally ditched me, on the day where I went to celebrate her getting hired, as I'm laying on the bed, about to get it on, to hang with her girlfriend. She never did stuff like this before. That night l got pissed and lashed out, saying plan out when you want to hang with your friends, instead of bailing on me on our date-day. "You never complained about it before!" (Yeah, you never bailed on a date before, when we hardly see each other)

You guys should have seen her coldness set in. Little did I know that she was fantasizing about some old guys ****...

So, the next weekend rolled around, which was.her birthday weekend. I pulled friends together to bowl with us on the eve. of her birthday, yet she tried to start with me about not letting her have a life!! She literally twisted my words of me wanting to hang with her girlfriends and not flirting with other guy co-workers, into me saying I don't allow her to have a life!!!! When, she couldn't accept that her behavior was being disrespectful. Then, after that, she was the only one not having fun at bowling.(By the way, during the stretch I was always shut out, told nothing was wrong) Her birthday the next day was calm and normal with her parents.

The following week was the first time we were on similar shifts, and it was nice. We enjoyed it and basically she just told me that I needed to calm down . Fine, I did, when all I was upset about her wasbbeing disrespectful. That week seemed great.( But, if you've stuck with me to this point, keep going. It gets ******)

The weekend began with me feeling sick at work, on Friday. I went home early and informed her. I was supposes to work overtime the next day, but that was up in the air. "Please feel better," she said. I told her she could still hang with her girlfriends, even if I'm sick.

Of course, the next day rolls around, and she's pissy that I'm sick. I agree to let her hang with friends from 3-9, so I lay in bed sick as ****, while she goes off to have fun. I take a nap for an hour or so and text her. No response. Half hour later? No response. I call her just to say hey, see how she's doing. No response. Two hours passed, and it still makes me sick to even write of the atrocity, yet still no answer. I call her house. She isn't there, but supposedly she was coming back with a girlfriend in about 20 minutes. I'm relieved, and I tell them to just have her call me when she gets home.

It's 7:30, three hours of silence, she's not home. Now, her parents are worried, too. She never does this. No answer on her phone. We fear the worst. By 10, her dad and I make a report to the police. I"m a mess. My fiance could be dead. But, while making a report, her sister calls and says she has an address, after verizon gave the last number she dialed, at 6. It was the 30 yr older guys place. Still feeling worried, I worried if she just went by to visit and was being held against her will. The police arrived with us and we knocked on the door. Her car was outside. There was no response for like an hour. Finally, the guy arrived to his door and denied her being there. The cops went in. They came back out, and the one just felt so bad for me, saying "no doubt" (infidelity)

The rest of the story shortened, she broke up with me a week later, after we agreed to try to work things out. (She said she fell asleep and was angry at US for being worried about her) this, being the worst crime city in America. (Reading)

I literally had my life ruined by this betrayal. I haven't been the same after three months. I found out later that she did cheat that night with that old ****. If it were allowed I would have killed them both that night. "That's my fiance," I said as police made sure I left and didn't kill him. The police and I agreed that what occurred that night was a crime that couldn't be, yet should be charged: infidelity. In other countries, she would have been executed. Instead, she gets away with destroying me, my life, my manhood and future. All of our amazing times together, nothing for some old guy that dumped her after a few weeks. Words can't say how broken I am. Despite everything, I told her we could work it out. I would forgive her once, if she was sincere. But, she says to me that nothing is there anymore. Isn't that awesome? Going from.saying yes to being my co-pilot forever, to meaning nothing to her, in two months. Thanks for reading.

Stumbled across this forum...even tho its old, im going to reply.

My girlfriend of 2 years just left me lastnight. Although it was the nicest way I have ever been dumped before. Tho I suspect it is for another guy which of course is shocking. This girl was a 12 on a scale from 1-10... absolutely gorgeous! She was head over heals for me, almost overbearing sometimes but I still loved every minute of it. I never had a relationship where I could full on trust a girl with out a doubt before. She made it soooo easy to date her and love her. Any guy would be insane to cheat on her, but almost every EX she had did. I was the white knight to come along because I never cheat and despise cheaters. Our relationship was picture perfect for about a year...

I started to get too comfortable in the relationship and lost the romantic, fun, outgoing, part of me I had with her. I couldn't tell you why, because I look back and cant believe I was so stupid and blind. She tried to talk to me about it multiple times. But me never having to worry about anything with her, I just shrugged it off and always said.. "Dont worry, everything is going to be fine." Well after a few months, and things still not being like they used to. I had to leave for tour with my band, for about a month. I selfishly didnt talk to her as much as I really should have. I was having so much fun and doing exactly what I wanted to, I lost sight of the love I left back home.

The day came where I returned home dying to see her and spend every second with her. I walked in her apartment about 3 am and we cuddled and kissed for the rest of the night. When I woke up, she was staring at me and said "We need to talk." I could tell this wasn't going to be good. She said "I still feel like we are so far apart and we aren't the same couple we started out to be." I (Like a jackass) got upset that she would bring this up the day I came back home. How could I be so stupid, right? At that point she got mad at me, and said I think we need a break from one another. Now in past relationships I dated what you could call...******. When they said "We need a break from one another" it really meant I am dumping you for someone else, and this is the way to say it without being the bad guy. That was the case for 3 other relationships I had prior to this one. So obviously when I hear that, I didnt take it very well. I said "NO, we either stay together and fix this, or break up completely."
She started to cry heavily and I knew what was about to come next. "I still want to be friends" echoed through my head as my entire world came crashing directly into my chest. I cant believe she said it, out of every girl on the planet I thought she was the last one to ever want to leave me. I tried to talk her down and talk sense into her but I was so far deep in my own selfish head that I went too far. She made up her mind and that was that, I walked out the door leaving my keys to her apt behind.

I thought about it for HOURS and realized what a jackass I have been these past few months. I really was not giving her the attention and affection she needed from me. Now I know this sounds like I am an ******* who took a girl for granted. I assure you I am not, I just got way to comfortable in a great relationship, I didnt think it would ever change. After not talking the entire next day, I texted her about 10 o'clock at night. Saying "I have thought about you a lot today." she replied with "Me, too". I told her I was driving around all day thinking and I understand why she wants a break, and I would have done the same thing." Her next reply was "Are you hungry? I am at Olive Garden and they have 2 for 1 specials and I can bring you one if you would like" I of course was so excited I was going to see her, and it sounded like a second chance to me.

She came in and we ate. We didnt say much about what happen, we were just enjoying each others company. We started to watch a movie and snuggle up on the couch, I proceeded to rub her feet, and joke around with her like nothing happen. It got late and she decided she should probably leave. I was a little bummed, but understood. She left and we txted each other little things that we miss one another until we fell asleep. The next few days I wanted to take it slow and not pressure her into hanging out until she was really ready. I noticed she has been pretty short with me through txting. Usually she could talk my ear off about anything. I decided to ask her if I could come over and we could talk, and she said "of course." I thought I would go there and tell her I want a fresh start and things would be fine. But that is not what happened at all. I started to spill my guts, but she stopped me and said "I still just want to be friends". At this point I realized how much damage I really did by not showing her enough attention and affection. I was a little crushed, but still somewhat understood. But the next few days we were hanging out and things got intimate, we ended up kissing one day, and then the next day we hit the sack <3.

I was thrilled, this had to of meant she is coming around and about to give me another shot. The next day she had plans with her friends to go out to the bars. Which is cool, I said "Awesome, have fun and txt me through your night!" She replied with "Okay! :)" It started to get really late and I haven't heard from her all night. I wasn't worried I knew she was just out having fun. I was just surfing through facebook when I noticed one of her friends posted a bunch of pictures of their night. One picture was of a girl smiling big with her phone in her hand txting someone. The caption on the picture was "She is probably txting kyle" which was the girls boy friend. Another picture of a different girl doing the same thing with the same caption. Then I come across a picture of my girl with the same setting and caption...only the name wasnt me. It was some random name I have never seen or heard before. I got a little panicked and clicked on the guys name that was tagged in the photo. It was a guy that was a bartender from Las Vegas, they met while she was down there with a bunch of friends. I remembered the guys face because she showed me a video of him flipping bottles around a few months prior to this. I was like "Okay, this cant be as bad as it seems" I ended up clicking on a picture of his, where I saw a comment from my girlfriend saying very flirty things. I freaked, I started to search for it all at this point. I was going through her pictures and found the same comments only he was leaving em on hers. I then remember her telling me how she was going to vegas in a week with a bunch of friends again. I was in FULL PANIC mode. I txted her saying "I need to ask you something, and I need you to be completely honest. Is their someone else and that is why you need to be single?" She replied very defensively saying "I told you I needed a break for a little bit and I just want to be friends. Last night got out of hand and we can not do things like that anymore. I just need sometime to think and figure out me, I think we need to experience being single for awhile."

I broke down... I couldn't believe this was really happening, when I thought any day now we would be back together. The next day I went to her house because we were going to talk about what is going on. When I got there, she was very touchy feely towards me and kinda acted like lastnight never happened. I sat her down and said "What is going on? Is there anyone else?" She said "No not at all, why?" I brought up that guy I saw tagged in her friends picture. She said "We are just friends, he talked to me a lot while you were on the road." I was a little hesitant, but believed her. At that point her phone which was sitting on the table started to ring, and sure as **** guess whose name popped up as an incoming caller. The guy! She ignored it and put it in her pocket, and looked at me like it was no big deal. She resumed talking and basically said I just want to be single for a little bit to figure myself out and I still want you in my life, but just as a friend for now. That was the final talk we had about us, and it was official....we were done. I stayed for a little longer by her request and then left her house and went home. That was basically last night, and today I was running through everything in my head. I am convinced her and this guy have talked, flirted, and now about to hang out in a week. I have decided that I HAVE to move on for my own sanity. She still wants to be friends and have me still be close...but I just cant do that knowing she is going to vegas to hang out with this guy in a week. I am in the mixed emotion of heartache and HATRED right now, and I dont know what to do. I know I have to move on, but I love this girl so much! While I was not giving her enough attention...this guy was. I believe there to be a romance between the two and it all goes down when she gets to Vegas. I am so crushed that I have to watch this happen and know exactly what is going on when she leaves for Vegas. We have not spoken to one another today, and it will be the first time in 2 years that has happened...what do I do??

Hi mate
I hear you. I did the same, loved my ex very much. I gave her everything, treated her like a princess and what did i get?, "i don't have feeling for you anymore, it's not how my heart feels". I asked are u seeing anyone, she says no and after 1 week, her relationship status changes and she is with another man. She lied, used me and threw me like a empty can of coke. Her new bf keeps on putting status update on how great she is, this and that. And also saw a picture of her new BF using the special gift i gave her on her birthday. How cruel is that. I never pressured her to have sex with me, she was always scared of being pregnant, but she always wanted oral from me but never gave me one. She strung me alone until she found another man, made sure she fixed everything with this guy and dumped me and she says i have every right to hate her and hope we can still be friends. What a cruelty. The only thing i did was love her and did not deserve this treatment. It just kills when i saw picture of them doing stuffs i used to do with her and more intimate pictures and she seems really happy. How can she give me so much misery and pain and she is having so much fun. Is that fair? I also don't know what to do, my heart is crying. I did suspected she might be seeing this guy from her tri club when i last saw her but i trusted her. After she gave me the bad news, i did ask are u seeing that guy from ur tri club? She replied he is just a friend but would like to know more. And the very next day her relationship status on FB changed to in a relationship with the same guy. What a liar, how can she do this to me after i invested so much time on her, what did i ever do to her beside loving her to death?? Feel like she is doing these things to deliberately hurt me more so that i suffer. I wasted nearly 3 years of hard work trying to convince her that i'm the right man but it just took less than a week for her to start a relationship with another man. BTW we were dating long distance since last September 2012 after she moved interstate for work. I was still going to see her every month. How can girls be so cruel? I never thought she was capable of doing this coz she was really quiet, she was from country and did not speak that much. Thought she was the most innocent girl i have ever met but how wrong was i. Did i love her too much. Was i responsible for changing her? Does Karma exist? Will she realize one day she made a mistake? I would never take her back, i might just to use her and dump her the way she did to me. But it seems she is never going to regret and not coming back. WHERE IS KARMA GOD???

One more thing:
Holding a grudge against someone is like drinking poison hoping he/she will die from it.
Someone smart once said that... lol

Nice to see people caring and sharing still years after this post... Some people because they are the best thing that happen to you can unfortunately be the worst especially if you haven't got much going on in your life so its key to build up on this health family work, goals, money anything outside your relation will be helpful and should be th focus while you are in a relation so if it sadly ends your world doesnt. Those unprepared and lonely will suffer the most. I am sad for all those who will endure this and would like to warn those who are about to dump their half: please be decent, you have no idea what you ex will be like dealing with your loss you only know their bright happy side... Make sure they have a great friend, family member, tutors, anybody to bear the cross you are about to give them. They will be jealous anxious aggressive because the nice picture of their life with you will shatter. After all they love you. Understand whatever insanity they will display, they are not the same anymore so forgive. And be decent, discreet. I dont agree with alot of people saying that depression is self inflicted knowing that your ex sees someone else is a fact. What you dont know cant make you suffer but when they aware of this and find out or worse are exposed to it...its hell inside. You love but you hate, you envy but you are frustrated you are still the same yet your world changes.. you didnt have to change but you must..

Remember one thing : the one who leaves you - whatever their motives are - did not love you the way you do. There was a mismatch of emotions long before the break that led to their departure. That gap you must focus on. He/She was not who you thought he/she was. You were played.You were more loving. Now it is time to wake up from the dream. Ouch sorry pain is a necessary process to growth embrace it but it is only great news. You are not played anymore you are just taking a tumble down the rabbit hole soon you ll be out. Trust me when I say that are thousand of people out there who need more love than they receive and there is always one who fancies you rotten. Play the great game to find out.. You woke up from the fantasy world Neo.. and am glad they are good hearts like yours out there really, you make this world a great place. Morpheus.

You guys are nice peoples and deserved to be treated better but nobody is perfect and when you get dump, you get hurt "Yes i been there" i felt your pain but learn this depression is what you created not by someone else... Your feeling depress cause you wanted to, think of something fun and joyful you be happy again...

I got dumped because, she didn't want to be in a relationship and she needed to focus on her life goals. I gave her everything I have , including all of the love in my heart. I did the best I could. I put my heart out so quickly that any "red flag" i got from her, my heart deflected and I let it go or tried to accept it. The thing is subconsciously all of those things lead to a lack of trusting her. I may have said that I did trust her but the way I felt inside did not reflect that. There is one line in the book , the four agreements , that I will always remember and never forget. - one of the assumptions is "my love will change this person."- I have such a big heart and so much love to give , I was sure that my love would make her want a future, and one with me in it. In the end I had my heart obliterated and 2 1/2 months into the breakup (one month of NC as of now) and I still miss her and am hurt. I know things will not be the same between us , ever. I forgot to add she was in a new relationship 2 weeks after the original breakup . So much for her not wanting a relation ship. That was a dagger in my chest. I felt no self worth at all. Instead of just getting into another relationship ,or dating, I am actively working through the pain in the healthiest way I possibly can. I am facing it head on and will be much stronger for it in the end. To the OP , Anger and revenge are never the answer. She will Reap what she sows. Love yourself and the man that you are. There is no comparison between you and her new bf. We are all different. Not one man better than another. We all have different dreams. Find someone you can share the same dream with. Sorry to ramble , Best of luck in the future. Much love

Yup. I completely understand. The girl I was dating left me. Than after 6 months no contact wants back in my life like nothing happened. After a few polite texts I started to miss her again in my heart but my head knew it was wrong. I texted her called her a ***** and told her to **** off and to never contact me again. It felt good. Though I still love and miss her I know it was the right thing to do. I know this post is very late but it feels good to write my feelings down.

I understand totally. My ex dumped me over and voer again for her ex and then after I gave up my whole life and moved 1300 miles to be with her, then thrown out, she calls me again, I have heard from her every 2-3 months for almost 2 years, Now she is with someone new, posts pics on facebook, then texts me and when I mention it she lies and says she has no one. Why do people play such games? I am so sick of being hurt, I still cant see myself with anyone else, she was it for me, even though she treated me like crap and still does. there has to be more to life than this! When do I get to be happy? Its funny that she sends me text messages but suppossedly loves this guy, but in the pics I saw of her and him, she isnt smiling in any of them. IM a good man and was really good to her, why did I get stepped on so much for so long?

Wondering if you are feeling any better?<br />
I sincerely hope so.<br />
<br />
You do seem to be a nice guy.

remember your hate has to burn right through you before it can even touch anyone else. You have to try and get thru the hateful stage coz its poisoning you and they dont care anyhow. Besides the "I dont give a smeg" stage is a lot more fun lol. XD It must be hard to have it in your face like that. Ive been in that sit. when i had a bad crush on my cute neighbour and she ended up going out with one of my mates years ago. Was just a deadend driveway with our houses looking onto each other and nothing else. I had a hard time even going out the front door lol. when you say "town" im thinking may be similar situation to a degree. Small group of people and everyone knows whats happening. Hopefully your not tied down with a mortgage, because the best thing you can do is get out of there for a while. If you are mortgaged and can lease the house to someone you can trust consider that too and just get away from there for a while if you at all can. In my case i didnt really start healing untill i moved away. Seems silly when she wasnt even a gf but i had the worst crush ever on this girl lol.<br />
<br />
Anyhow i forgot about her long ago and now a fresh ex gf that im struggling with lol :P Hope things work out for you mate. Please try and get past the hate. I understand why you hate but you have to know its only hurting you, they dont care unfortunately.<br />
<br />
Best of luck

i dated my x for 2 years, i just finally typed out the whole story, of how bad she hurt me and i kept coming back, i know how you feel, i am empty aswell..... New Slang - by the shins

I understand. Completely. The person I was involved with recently who told me she wanted to spend the rest of her life with me and was in love with me, lied to me, cheated on me, and is having a baby and getting married to another person, and she is just amazingly happy, better than fine. I can't stand that she gets to be SO happy, and I can't do anything productive. I can't eat, sleep, it hurts to move at times. I've cried more in the last 2 weeks of my life than I ever have. <br />
It doesn't matter what gender you are, who you are - if your'e nice, you'll always get your heart shat on, you'll always get taken advantage of and hurt, and probably left. I 100% wish I never met her. I wish she never came back into my life. And I wish I could forget her and get over it. But I know I'm not going to for a long, long, long time. <br />
<br />
Why don't you write her an email or a letter. You don't have to send it, but write it out and maybe one day there will come a time where you feel strong enough to send it.

man dude, getting dumped like that must hurt badly.<br />
<br />
Don't worry, by the way she acts it is likely her life will be much emptier than yours in the future man.<br />
<br />
Feel bad about what happened, feel bad that you fell for somebody who ended up screwing you badly.<br />
<br />
Hate her for a while if you want, but I don't like the idea of any hate I have holding me back from enjoying myself you know? Try to figure out how to understand that that woman was very selfish.<br />
<br />
She choose to do many things and exhibits many unattractive qualities, no matter how great you felt when you met her and stuff.<br />
<br />
A guy who's as good as you can figure out that she doesn't deserve you anymore.<br />
It will take a long time but you'll heal just fine if you try. One day you should meet a wonderful woman, and understand that this time, you are literally going to be a perfect man for her. Remember that you might have been great to that girl you met, but it is likely you made some mistakes eventually, no one's perfect, she must have wanted to dump you for some reason. Forget about it. Next time you are literally going to be a God to your new woman, and she is going to love you so much more strongly and deeply than you could ever have loved that woman. <br />
<br />
I'd like to talk to you some if you wanna? I have another piece of advice.