One Last Kiss Or One More First?
My ex and i broke up. Long story short, it was a bad break up. We said that we would stay friends... I told her that I was still in love with her. She said that she did not feel the same. Then, last night, she said (or wrote) that she was still in love with me. Of course, I immediately called her. Said, "We need to talk about this..." and we did. We had the "love isn't enough" convo and I told her that to me, she was it. My soulmate. My one true love. I also said that I would not push the issue... that if all she could give was friendship, then I would take that and hope for more in the future. Then I sang her to sleep. I sang a song that has meaning to us... Scars on 45, "Something to hold on to" ... she requested that song. Once I heard her breath deepen, I hung up the phone... saying "goonight, sweet dreams, I love you" ... I woke up this morning to my phone ringing. "Do you wanna go downtown and grab a bite?" Of course, I went. I made myself have no expectations, though. Then, walking downtown, she grabbed me and kissed me. I lost my breath. I was dizzy and weak and speechless.... just like our first kiss. Just like the first time we made love. I am still in love with her. Afterwards, we didn't talk about it, but I kept cracking my jokes about the situation... that's what I do when I am nervous. She still makes me nervous. She is just so beautiful and intellegent and amazing, when she is not mad... but I have my issue as well... and I just love her so much. When she left, it felt awkward. We did not kiss goodbye. We hugged... and that was it. I want so badly to try again... to take it slow this time and not rush it and build it stronger and better... for us both to get some healing with our past, and then move forward, but to date in the meantime. She keeps calling me her ex, though... and I don't know what to expect. But one thing is for sure, I will wait for her to decide .... I will give her all the space and time she needs... because she is worth the wait, worth the time... she may be my ex, but she is still the love of my life.