It Feels Like I'll Never Get Over Her

She was so perfect. The girl of my dreams, but even better because she was real. We dated for a good 7 months, but I'd known her longer than that. We were so happy together. The most amazing relationship I'd ever been in. She said she felt the same about it. The time we spent together, I cherished above all else. The nights we had together felt like a gift from God. I was her first, and til this day I'm very glad I was. She was everything to me. I'm 100% sure that I truly loved her.
Now the problem was that we argued. Alot. I believe it was because of strong jealousy and our personality similarity. We were both very stubborn and prideful, and we let our emotions run before our thoughts. It was childish, especially of me. Towards the end of the relationship, we began to fight every other day. Yet, every time she tried to fix it or make changes, I would tell her, "Just relax babe. I just want to be comfortable and happy with you." But, even so, the arguing continued, and she saw it as me taking her for granted. And it wasn't that I was doing that! I just believed that our love was strong enough to look past these little fights that I cannot even remember. But eventually, she got tired of it and just gave up on me. Done. She said that she couldn't take it anymore. And she left me.
Now, I'm not a person used to heartbreak at all. Actually, this was my first one. So during the first few months, I took it terribly. I was depressed and angry all at the same time, immediately arguing with her about why I didn't deserve a second chance and how she could just call and talk to me and try to be "friends" with me after the relationship we had. I began to act out. I started playing the "badass" and flirted with girls who flirted with me left and right, in order to just keep myself happy. I even attempted on one of her bestfriends (THE **** WAS I THINKING). I changed. I reverted into a guy that I didn't want to see in myself. I wasn't the same guy that she fell in love with at all, and she hated this, ruining all chances i had of her getting back with me. She hated it. She hated me. Then, one day we were texting and I replied to her like such a smartass the whole time, still being selfish. Then she told me something that I never thought she'd say. "I wish you were never my first." This broke me. I called her, and she told me off. Told me everything that she felt and how much she hated what I'd become. Then she hung up, and we didn't talk again for months.
During those months, I began to regain my senses. I stopped flirting with girls completely and I kept to myself. I started regaining confidence, feeling prouder of how I fixed myself and everything. I was slightly happy again, but I was alone. Still and always alone. Even though I wasn't broken, I was still hurting because I wanted more. I wanted what I had lost. Then.... One day I saw her. We talked, and she looked just as beautiful as the first day I met her. I called her that night, and we had an enjoyable conversation that she even said she enjoyed. I told her how I had stopped being an idiot and regained confidence, and she told me she was proud of me for that. I was truly happy. I felt as if I was going to get that second chance that I'd been asking for! So I called her the next night, but....... She told me that she couldn't do it. She said that she couldn't just start getting close to me again, because there's a reason why things ended the way they did. She told me these last words that still ring in my head, "You have a bright future ahead of you, and I wish you the best."

It has been about half a year since we broke up, and those words still ring in my ears. But instead of giving me a feeling of closure, I feel nothing but loneliness. Losing her was the biggest mistake of my life, and even though she's ten times happier without me, I can't stand being without her. But I know I must, because having me out of her life is what she wants. It just feels hopeless for me right now. It feels like I'll never get over her. It feels like I'll NEVER stop loving her.
Sieg Sieg
18-21, M
4 Responses Jun 16, 2012

Have you come across www.exaholics.com yet? I found it to be a great community. Very supportive with good experts & lots of real empathetic people to talk to. Good luck.

Americans .... Fake Love ,lots of sex and too much break ups. Let me tell you something my dear love has to be unique and special and true love only comes once and can never be manipulated so if you tell me that she broke up with you then she never loved you the same way you did and the whole relationship was all about sex. there alot that I would like to say about this kind of things ,but I guess this will be enough

You didn't lose her, you had to let her go. You may never get over her but you have to move on. When you've truly loved someone you realise that you never actually lose them or get over them because they'll always mean something to you.

i'm going through this too, man. I went through a rough patch where my Mother was diagnosed with cancer, right after graduating from college and moving to NYC. The whole time my girlfriend at the time stuck by me. I, however, let all the stress in my life of post college and my mother's illness get the best of me and i took it out on her.<br />
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Still she stuck by me. But after my mother passed last July, I just totally pulled away and decided we needed a break etc... and i left for NYC without her.<br />
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A month went by and i realized how crazy i was to do that. Anyway, long story short. Things worked out for her post break up, and not for me, but I also realize that like 80% of my thinking over the last 6 or so months has been about her and what could have been.<br />
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So the only way forward, is by moving forward. I guess it's true that there might be nobody else out there like her, but there's someone who's all together different and equally great.<br />
But if all your doing is focusing on your past and comparing every girl you see to your ex, you'll never find that person. You have to focus on your own life and bettering yourself so you don't make the same mistakes you made before. It's a cliche but it's true.<br />
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But i know where your at, man. You're definitely not alone. There's definitely plenty of guys who think their ex was "THE" girl. So I'm guessing there's a lot of dream girls out there. But as soon as i dwell on that, it just ***** up my whole day. So you gotta stay in motion and move forward. I'll do my best as well.<br />
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later<br />
<br />
jeff