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I Miss Her

I have never been too good about saying that I'm wrong, but I was wrong. When Jamie left me, I was the man at fault. It kills me every day that I lost her, and I have been waiting two years to try to win her back.

I've known Jamie since I was in Junior High. She was a couple years younger, but she was so beautiful. Look at the picture, you can't argue that she's not beautiful. She wasn't the type I normally went for. She was too sweet and innocent. But I couldn't help myself I had to talk to her. She was shy as hell and I guess I had a reuptation for being a rough guy but when I was around her I wasn't mean at all anymore. We were friends for a while before we started dating.

We dated for a few years. I stayed in town and worked there to be near her after I graduated from school. She always did well in school. I figured when she went to college I'd move with her no matter where she went. When she graduated high school I was going to ask her to marry me. I even bought a ring the summer before her senior year. She still doesn't know about that.

At the beginning of her junior year Jamie found out she was pregnant. It was upsetting for her more for her than me. We'd been sleeping together for a long time. Her family was upset but I don't think it was a secret we had sex. Everyone had always joked it was like we were married already. I knew I had to step up even though I had no idea how to be a dad. My dad isn't much of a father and I knew I didn't want to beat my kids like he did us.

Annette was born and Jamie was a natural but I wasn't. I kept trying to be but I was so afraid of screwing up. I wasn't making enough money. I was ******* up left and right and Jamie was depressed. It was almost two years ago that we broke up. We were fighting of course, all we'd done since Annette was born was fight. She was screaming, I was yelling and I shoved her. I didn't hit her, but I might as well have. I don't think I've ever heard so much silence. I had always sworn to her that I would never lay a hand on her and I broke that promise. I didn't even stop her from packing up. I didn't deserve her.

I left town not long after she moved back home. I work and live in North Dakota now. I visit every few weeks to see my daughter. I see Jamie too. I went to counseling. I got my life together. I don't drink at all anymore. I don't smoke. I work harder than anyone I know. I wanted to be the man she deserved. I pay more child support than is expected of me. I'm a better dad now. I stopped being afraid of loving my child. Even Jamie says I'm better.

I don't deserve her. I still don't. But I love her. I tried to move on. I even dated a girl for seven months and broke it off a few days ago. I spent thanksgiving with Jamie and her family. They don't know I shoved her or they wouldn't let me near the house. We spent some time just the two of us talking before dinner. I already know she hasn't dated anyone since we broke up. I tried to feel it out, tell her I'd broken up with my girlfriend, but she isn't an easy girl to read. I don't know if I deserve her.

But I know she's a member of this website. I saw her on it when I went up to say goodnight. I hope she sees this. I still have that ring I was gonna give her and I wish I could give it to her now. I love her. I miss her. She's an amazing girl, and she just keeps getting better. I thought she was beautiful when we met but now she's stunning. And she's kind. She could have taken Annette away from me, turned her family against me but she didn't.

There's a photo of us. Nobody can deny that she's beautiful. I want her back but I don't think I deserve her.

mattandnetta mattandnetta 22-25, M 5 Responses Nov 23, 2012

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UPDATE FOR ANYONE THAT'S INTERESTED...

Jamie and I have decided to reconcile. I showed her what I'd written, read it to her, and she agreed to take me back with some conditions. Thank you all so much for your support.

It's so touching I don't know what to say...coming from a broken heart...I really hope you can be with your family again...and if you still love her...you know you deserve her...hope that helps

Any update? Hopefully a good one. Good luck man.

Yeah, she ended up in the hospital over New Years. That was pretty gut wrenching, but at least I could be with her. There's definitely still something there man.

Wow that's horrible. Glad you got to be with her though. I know it's more complicated than just going for it, but you should.

i'm no expert but she needs to know you feel this way and if she sees this post i hope she takes you back in a heartbeat. I definitely believe in never laying a hand on a girl. im not saying thats okay. but, im not going to sit here and make you feel guilty about it and second of all, youve obviously worked hard in fixing yourself and i can clearly see that in your post. Everyone deserves a second chance.

I hope she sees these too. I want to tell her all of this. I don't want to screw everything up though

aww thats really sweet. do you feel worried about screwing everything up by kinda scaring her with all of this information? or do you think she has an idea you still feel this way about her?

I'm worried about overwhelming her. She's gracious enough to stay friends. For our daughter. And I don't want to tell her all if this and make her feel bad or uncomfortable

oh right i get what youre saying. well, maybe she feels the same way that you do. its hard to tell, especially her being hard to read. seeing how much effort you have put to make yourself a better person, i believe you deserve to have her back. its just the matter of figuring out how she feels

Yeah, but I don't know how to do that other than "Hey Jamie, are you by chance still in love with me too?"

Exactly, i mean there's definitely an easier way of bringing it up. However, the subject itself is kind of difficult to just start a conversation about. Hopefully there's a right time that comes up that gives you a chance to explain how you still feel for her. I wish you the absolute best of luck towards your life itself and you and Jamie.

Thanks. God Bless

Anytime

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awwwwwwwwww this is precious...i hope you get her back:( it's always good to keep the ones we love on a pedestal and think we dont deserve them just a little bit to keep the romance alive....but maybe you do deserve her:)

Thank you. I hope so too. I do keep her on a pedestal but I think she deserves to be there