Slowly Peeling The layers Away

Ever feel like you're glancing through a window where something is about to happen but you are powerless to do anything about it? The moment of impact, the start of an altercation, or the inevitable end when a person you loved so brilliantly for a short amount of time walks out that door.

That is my dilemma as I sit her composing the thoughts through words that could perhaps lead me to a cathartic resolution or, at the very least, ease the pain that continues to cut through me like the memory of that night a shade over 2 weeks has done. She continues to be the layer of hurt that has proven extremely difficult to pull away. Something I wasn't quite prepared for and something I struggle with getting a grasp on.

I'm an easy going person who sometimes doesn't know how to be mean or how to not accept that not everything can be fixed by your touch or the kind words you may compile. That, in a relationship, you can't be willing to go the extra mile if someone isn't willing to take that journey with you in the slightest. I knew the score. It was apparent to many around me that I, again, was being too nice and enabled someone who didn't appreciate what I was worth. The lengths that I would go for her and her little daughter.

That's what makes it so difficult as I alluded to in the first paragraph; how does one cope with knowing that the ride that started off full of romance and passion slowly eviscerates itself into a steady decline that withers on your soul and drips the fading life view you had for yourself in terms of love and matters of the heart. Like a re-occuring theme in my love life, I thought she was going to be a story that had many chapters and it turns out that even though she sought me for 6 months, I was merely going to be a short novel in the grand scheme of things.

Oh, I miss her dearly like everyone does when losing a love they had cherished (albeit, might've been more one-sided at the end than mutual...). I miss her touch; her ability to make sense; even the little arguments where we'd laugh it off. If I could turn back the hands of time I would so that fight that was brutal wouldn't have happened and then the trust she had in me not to hurt her wouldn't have been destroyed.

siamexPMT siamexPMT
31-35, M
Feb 26, 2013