Hurt and Alone

Where do I start.  I miss my ex so much.  We have been split up for about 3 months now.  The problem is that I am still so in love with her.  We still talk 3-5 times a day.  I am usually the first person that she calls in the morning, and one of the last people she talks to before she goes to bed, and we still see each just about every weekend.  She has eluded to the fact on more than one occasion that if I could just give her some space then we might be able to get back together, and to top it all off we went car shopping two weekends ago and had an absolutly great weekend, and she told me that one of the reasons that we split was that she was upset that I didn't ask her to marry me.  As we talked about it I told her that I didn't feel that she was ready to get married, but that I had started looking at rings, but because her last marrage was so messy and that the divorce had just gone through the previous week that I didn't feel that it was the right time, but that I did love her more than anything and that I would marry her in a heartbeat.  At this point it appeared that all was going great.  I started looking at rings,  discovered a lot about diamonds.   I was getting ready to talk to my boss about moving back to where she was.  We moved to a different town because of my job, and that was another big reason why we split.  She never could make any friends here.  A problem she had never had before.  The plan was was that I was going to stay here for a few more months to get some money saved up, because I would have to take a hefty pay cut to move back, and that we would go from there.  We were talking about getting married the next summer, and we started talking again about trying to have a girl.  She already has two boys whom I concider my own, and I am who they know as dad. 

Last weekend I took the boys camping because she had to work, but when I got back she was acting a bit strange.  I knew she had partied at night a bit, so I was thinking something happened.  We still technically aren't together so I couldn't really say a whole lot, but I asked her and she said that nothing did.  I stayed the night, and I wasn't feeling well the next morning, and she was back to being wierd, and saying that she loves to spend time with me, but that she shouldn't have said all the things that she said the last weekend, so I was back to being hurt and confused so I left.  The next day she called me up and asked if I would be mad if she started dating someone else.  I was like where did this come from not a week ago we were talking about getting married.  She asked if I was going to abandon her if she did. (I still pay for her Cell Phone, Car, Insurance, and was going to be getting her electric hooked up.) So I started to ask her what was going on.  I reassured her that I wasn't going to abandon her or the kids,  told her that I would make sure that her electricity got hooked up etc. etc, and she told me that she might be seeing someone else.  I was like MIGHT be.  She didn't know what was going to happen, but she wanted to give something a try.  I asked her who it was, and she refused to tell me at first, saying that she was scared that I was going to be pissed and never talk to her again and abandon them.  So after asking her about a million questions and pestering her relentlessly she finally told me.  She said that she was going to try to give it another go with her Ex Husband.  Who as it turned out was not and Ex yet as we thought he was.  Apparently he showed up to court and told the judge that he still loved her and that he wanted to try to give it another chance.  So the judge put a hold on the procedings until she could be contacted and things worked out.  Apparently this all happened two days after we got back from buying a new car.  She told me that I was her best friend and that she still cared for me, and that she wanted all of us to be friends.  She told him that because I was Dad to their kids that I would still remain a part of their lived and have them at least every other weekend. 

I just don't know what to think about this whole situation.  I still love her with all my heart, but is this right.  What about the kids.  I have been the littlest ones father since he was 10 months old.  I am all he knows.  She wants all of us to be able to go on family outings together.  She has a family reunion coming up in Augest that I was supposed to go with her and the boys to and now she wants us all to go.  Her entire family hates him because of some of the things that he used to do.  He was a druggie and drank way to much.  I have heard so much bad stuff about this guy, but she incests that he has changed and grown up, but the thing that has concerned me the most is the last thing that she asked me to do.  She wants me to help him to become a good Husband and father because she knows that I would be one.  How can I do this.  Yes they were very young when she got pregnet.  She was 18 when they had their first, and he was only 17.  They are now 24 and 23 respectively.  Does he deserve a second chance with them.  Does he deserve for me to be there for them.  What if he has grown up and matured?  What if he hasn't?  I don't know.  All I told her was this:  "He better not do anything to hurt her or the boys because it might just be the last thing that he ever does."

I am sorry that this is so garbled up.  I will try to keep the story updated, and maybe fill in some more of the details on the history that I may have glossed over.

Any comments are greatly appricated.
bigchuck1397 bigchuck1397
26-30, M
8 Responses Jun 13, 2007

Hey dude trust me she is just using u and its sad cause i know u are attached to the children and love this women but u are being a bit too nice and that women is using that to her advantage u deserve to be with someone much better if iam too late i would def hope so

thats some bullshit . u deserve to be with her man, u work with her when she was left with no one and u show her how to love again.thats messed up for some other guy to come and take her from u. the ex is trying to take her but u cant get angry with the ex because he saw her first and he have kids with her and dont let us forget that she was married. what i can tell u that if this girl is for u ,u will have her but u should still fight for her

hey man that your girl ,she deserves u and u deserve her because u put alot of time in with her and making her happy for some old ex to take your love away . thats messed up man. if u love her fight for what yours

What an awful situation. I hope you are in a good place now!<br />
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bigchuck1397, it's been 5 years. How are things, do update us?

you're too nice. maybe the opposite will happen. you will hang out with the guy and you will be a bit of a jerk. might be good for you, heh

Hey Man,<br />
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This is a crappy situation that she put you into. You don't deserve that. My suggestion is to take the kids every other weekend, tell her to figure out whatever she needs to but that you can't be paying for her and showing her ex how to be a real man. Allow yourself some freedoms - you never know what else could be out there for you! And in a few weeks/months, maybe she will realize that she does want to be with you! And if she doesn't: her loss. And at least you won't lose any time over it.

This woman doesn't love you the way you love her. She is with this jerk and still has you to support her. It is twisted that she would want you to show him how to be a good husband. Find then a counselor. Don't abandon the kids but don't get drawn into her issues with her husband. You deserve better.

Man...you're paying all her bills and supporting and letting her see other men? Shes walking all over you! I respect what you say about her children. And I have never been in a situation like this either but I think you should leave. I mean "show her ex-husband how to be a better husband" thats so rude, I mean if she thinks you'd be a good one why have him. I think you should leave, stop paying her bills - I mean thats her ex-husbands job now - still see the children for family outings etc and find yourself a new woman. And the cure for love as Casanova said was to simply find yourself a more beautiful woman. Oh, one thing you should DEFINITELY look up when you have time is David Deangelo, search his website on google. Will help you. Good luck friend.