My ex-girlfriend and me grew fond of each other when we were just kids. Circumstances brought us closer and closer till we fell in love in our teens. There are many experiences we had, which cannot merely be described by writing a few words. If I am to give a gist of it, she was always there for me when I needed someone, and saw me through all the ups and downs that I had in my life. I was also always there for her. She was not only my love, but also my best friend.

We broke up because of some reasons about two years back. Initially, that completely broke me- it tore me up into several bits and pieces. How was I to go on in life without someone with whom I had spent most of my life up to that point with. It was not just that I missed being with someone; I missed her. I missed her dimples when she smiled; I missed the giggle she always had when she lied; I missed the way her eyes always sparkled when I looked at her; I missed how she played with her hair, hell, I missed how she played with mine! I missed everything about her, and there was a huge void in my heart which I felt could never be filled again.
Somehow, I got on with my life, and tried to leave everything behind. I had the support of my friend Maddy throughout. He slowly and gradually helped me come out of the position I was in. He became my confidant. Whenever I had problems about her again, I immediately spoke to Maddy. He helped me out in every way he could. He became a brother to me.
Life progressed, school got over, and Maddy was always there to help me out. In the course of the two years, I met a few other very lovely girls and tried to get along with them. But somehow, I never could go beyond certain level of intimacy with them. I wasn't even able to share all my feelings with any of them. Looking back, I feel, I never really loved any of them; I just liked spending time with them. I was with these girls because I wanted to be with someone, and not because I really loved any one of them.
At this point of my life, my school is over. I am applying for colleges and at this stage, and I am not as close to Maddy as well. We haven't even spoken for a long time as we are both busy in our lives.
Lately I have been having these dreams in which I have come home after a fight, and I am severely bruised and injured. I just go and lie on my couch and shut my eyes. As soon as I open my eyes (in my dream) I see my ex. She spreads both her hands forward and says to me, "I am here, don't worry. I'll take care of you." She tells me that its time to get back together and theres no need for me to be alone. In my dream, I start crying, and then she asks me for a hug and kisses me. When I wake up, I still have those tears in my eyes. I still remember vividly what I saw, and my tears start flowing more as I realize that it's all that it can be- a dream, and nothing more! Because this will never happen in real life.
And what adds to my misery is that I see me ex almost everyday in real life as our houses are nearby and I have to talk to her as we are still friends. I cannot be just friends with her anymore. The situation in my dreams and my real life situation are polar opposites and I don't know what to do. I feel I am broke and those feelings that I had when we had recently broken up are all there right in front of me again. I do not know how to react. At this stage, the only friend that I used to talk to about all this also seems far away and distant and I somehow am not being able to call him up just to rant about my problems.

I am sorry to have taken so much of your time, but I just needed to tell someone about this and I really need someone to understand me and my situation.
- Vaibhav Minocha
VaibhavMinocha VaibhavMinocha
18-21, M
1 Response Apr 15, 2014

Truth is, in this world, in some way or another you'll loose the people you love. So it isn't about always having someone. It's about appreciating what you have when you have it, and once it's gone being thankful you ever had the opportunity to experience it in the first place!