Still Miss Her After 40 Years

I have been married 35 years to a great wife with whom I have raised 2 great kids, so the feelings I am experiencing have left me more than confused. Before I met my wife, I had dated a girl while in high school for about 2 years before she ended the relationship because she thought we should try dating others. I worshiped that girl and was devestated at that time. After a week or so having that knot in your stomach that comes with that type of rejection and about the time I was starting to rebound and move forward with life she called and said she had made a mistake and thought we should get back together again. Looking back now, I can say I foolishly ran right back to her. We continued dating for about 6 more months before we finally broke up for the same original reason. From what I recall I was again devestated but recovered more quickly the second time around as I think I became more mad at her for doing this to me a second time. She still wanted to date me and I believe we did go out for another date or two but it was never the same for me. We seemed to run in to each other frequently and my heart always skipped a beat when I saw her but we never did resume dating. moved on for me and within the following year I met my current wife. Over the years when something would jog my memory of the old girlfriend it made me realize that she had really never left my heart. But I never really allowed myself to dwell on it and moved on....that is until recently. For some reason the last couple of weeks I have not been able to stop thinking about her...and continue to analyze in my mind where things went wrong years ago....and what could I have done to make it turn out differently. I have not seen or heard from her in over 30 years. She married years ago to an old classmate of mine and as far as I know still is. I have always believed that most people never forget their first true love but I am not sure why I feel so bad about it now...over 30 years later. I am just hoping that these feeling soon pass.      

damons50 damons50
41 Responses Jul 8, 2009

You were and are still in love. I have lived silently with my 3 year high school sweetheart through 40 years of marriage with another woman. Though we have had no contact she still remains on my mind and in my dreams. True love does happen- we do make mistakes and attempt to move on. I will always love her, perhaps more than my wife of 40 years- but the power of Jesus overcomes any conceived belief that His is the only love we need seek and accept.

When I 18, a girl I had dated off and on in my teens suddenly dropped by to say hello at my parents home .....and I hadn't seen her in a long time. She had grown up, was even prettier than I remembered, and was now a self confident woman who I just fell madly for. We spent the Summer together, then she moved about 300 miles away to attend college. We wrote each other almost every day. So as not run up the phone bill I would drive to pay phones and put quarters in to speak with her at night, often in the freezing cold and snow of St Louis.
Every letter from her spoke of marriage, and "hanging in there" time will go by if we stick together, etc. She often came home for weekends and our love just grew and grew. One year later, she didn't come home on my birthday weekend. Long story short, she said she...."needed some time" to get some things together, an no, it "wasn't another guy."

The hurt was so great that now, at age 64, I just spent the evening reading through some of her letters home. Yes, I still have them. They look like they were written yesterday. I know now that she got pregnant, was kicked out of her Catholic college, and eventually married and has done great for herself. I actually contacted her YEARS later, and she was speaking of having two kids and being miserable.

What shocks me to this day is how authentic and filled with love these letters are. The final one came just a week before the breakup. No sign in it that something was up. I keep thinking if I read them enough, it will all end differently, but that last letter is always the same...last letter.

She should have won Best Actress 1970, that's for sure.
But I don't know why, even after 30 years of marriage to a great and wonderful wife, with 5 beautiful kids, I still think about this. It has haunted me forever. It was like the day you find out there is no Santa Claus, I guess.

Wow this is something. Yes I think about this GR. My life would have been much different but as everything in life it depends on timing. The timing was bad and wrong.

Am Allison Natasha from the USA. Am here to appreciate a man who has brought back the most precious thing back into my life .After Allison left me for good 3years i was in deep pain and so confused because i truly loved him so much because he meant a lot in my life,So i was at a shop one day buying somethings when i was listening to the radio hearing a lady talking about Dr OSE on how he has helped her in bringing back her husband i was like truly this Dr OSE has really been the talk of USA ,Then i decided to contact him and i explained all my problem to Dr OSE how my Husband left me for good 3 years,He told me not to worry that he would surly bring back Allison into my life within 48hours i was so happy when i had that i was thinking if truly what Dr OSE is saying is true So then i give a try to my greatest supersize,What baffled me the most was that before the 48hours completed i already got an email from Allison begging me to forgive him for all he has put me that he want to come back home for any one that may need the help of this great powerful me contact him on

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i know what you mean. feel the same way forty years later. wherever i go, i always look around to see if she's there. even though we're not together, i ache for her. it's like an electric scanner/radar-always on-looking and searching to connect with the one. she was like an angel-so special. i've moved on and i'm sure she has too. but the feelings remain-would love to go there again. it's like a thorn in your heart that you just have to live with. a haunting...i can remember how she filled my heart with magic so many years ago. i don't try to fight it anymore. dream of seeing her and having my arms around her one more time before my life is over. we were so young, but i'll always remember and love her.

it has been 15 years :) still think about her (the feeling mutual), she text me once in a while, some i reply some not. Guess there are scars/wound that never really heal yeah... well priority over needs.

Wow. That's exactly what I'm going through right now. My 1st love broke up with me 28 yrs ago. He would pop into my mind every once in a while. This past week I am thinking about him nonstop. Wondering how my life would be with him. He's married with kids. I'm married but couldn't have children because of my husband. I think about the kids we always talked about having. I was insecure back then and wanted to see him all of the time. He had a schedule and I had my days and times to be with him. I would get crazy mad. I keep thinking that if I hadn't been so crazy he wouldn't have broken up with me. I found him on Facebook but haven't contacted him. I saw his wife on Facebook and am jealous. I feel so guilty about thinking about him. I've been happily married for 24 yrs. Back then he wouldn't say I love you until he was certain. The day he said it I was so happy!! We were waiting to be together. We would have been each other's first. I've only been with my husband but sometimes wish we had slept together. Knowing that this other woman (the one he dated right after me) got to be his makes me sad. I want to see him and talk to him, but we live in different states. I daydream about how I could "run into him". I'm going insane. Not eating. Not sleeping. It's like we just broke up. I don't know what to do.

I broke up with an ex over 25 years ago I've written two letters I found her on Facebook but you will not get back to me I don't get it we will young we broke up does anyone know why a girl wouldn't get back to you after that many years I'm not looking to hook up with her just looking to see how life is going

I came across this because I have been haunted by a feeling for the past 27 years. I met the love of my life when we where both 11 years old. We kiss occasionally but nothing serious until we turn 14 and started going steady. We were together for almost 5 years and he was my first. Since we broke up I can't stop thinking about him. Even though I tried to get on with my life. I have been married 3 times and had a couple of fail relationships because he is always like a ghost in my life. Whenever I think I am finally over him the memories comes back like a flood. To make matters worst for the past 6 years we have been having almost annual class reunion and I see him there. In this last reunion the other women where all over him and I found myself been jealous. At one point I actually made a move against one of them. I still love him with all my heart.

Should start concentrating on your wife and kids do something fun or at least with your wife try to relive the reason you married her :)

Add a response...This is certainly a shocking and a genuine Testimony..I visited a forum here on the internet on the 14TH OF FEBARUY 2015, And i saw a marvelous testimony of this powerful and great spell caster called DOCTOR OKAYA on the forum..I never believed it, because i never heard nor learnt anything about magic before.. Not a soul would have been able to influence me about magical spells, not until DOCTOR OKAYA did it for me and restored my marriage of 10 years back to me and brought my spouse back to me in the same 24 hours just as i read on the internet..i was truly astonished and shocked when my husband knelt down begging for forgiveness and for me to accept him back.. I am really short of expressions, and i don't know how much to convey my appreciation to you DOCTOR OKAYA you are a God sent to me and my entire family.. And now i am a joyful woman once again.. here is his Email: OKAYASPELLHELP@YAHOO.COM OR OKAYASPELLHELP@OUTLOOK.COM .....Mobile:+2348078291904.......Regard
Fiona Aaron

Shes sounds like a karmic soulmate not meant to be together and what happened was right you learnt from what happened. You can still feel a pull because shes a soulmate to clear karma. I wouldn't dwell or question your current life. Who is meant to be will be there.

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22 years later, me and he also married with someones 10 years ago. he told me that he loves me, one night before I'm getting married. And ask me to cancel the wedding.. And I just can crying all night with him on the phone. Untill now, I'm still crying.. Even I have a son.Then.. my husband know it. I can't imagine hows my hubby feelings. I feel sorry for him. But I can't loved him. I told him that actually I'm not love with him. but he still want to spend his life with me as my hubby. And I keep on crying.

This sounds so much like my story. Every day of my life I wish I could go back. I have had one failed marriage and live 25 years of domestic violence. I met him approximately 34 years ago and yes we both were married. After that. Didn't think of him forever. I guess I last respect for myself as well as him. That was the first time I had been with him am sexually. I felt awful about it. Lost all respect for not only me but him too. In the last several years I once again can't get him off of my mind. I have respected my marriage (this is my second and has not been easy). He is married to the same woman. I know that he has cheated on her for years. That was so much put of character of the guy I loved so dearly. He told me the day that I broke it off I would never get the chance to hurt him like that again. He kept his promise. Has I get older I think time us running out for us to ever have a relationship. I thought I had feelings for an old boyfriend when we broke up. I knew immediately after going out with him I made a huge mistake. I cried begged but he kept his promise that I would never hurt him again. I married a guy that I only knew for 2 weeks (yes only 2 weeks) after meeting him. I just knew in my heart he would not let me go through with it once he knew. He married so after too. I literally feel like I am grieving for him every day of my life. It hurts more than I can explain. What do you do?

Yes. I know the feeling. I dated a girl at the end of high school. She was a beautiful wonderful girl who really loved me. I did her wrong and I would like to reach out to her. I would tell her I was a stupid idiot and hope I can be forgiven for really hurting her. It was just bad timing. We were 18 years of age. She was ready for serious and marriage. I was not even close. In fact I did not get married until I was 38 years of age. I am happily married today and my wife is top notch. Next month we will be celebrating our 10th anniversary. I am very sentimental and am just working part time for the time being. I left a job after 25 years on bad terms. I have had much time to think about the past and bad and stupid things I have done over the years to hurt people and I have been alone too much. Take care and have a great and wonderful day.

I did send out an apology letter about 4 days ago. My wife looked it over and gave me the go ahead to send it. I sent a return address but no e-mail telephone or cell phone numbers. I do not expect a response in return. I hope and think this will clear my conscience which has bothered me for some time about this.

This really hits home with me--- Every day of every waking hour I think of the one person in my life that meant the world to me. I was quite young actually when we met in Florida. We even traveled to new Orleans together. It's been 40 years now and I can't help thinking about him. I never had the chance to tell him I love him. I imagine he went on with his life-has a family and all. If only I had his true full name i would've began my search .

wow I know this feeling...

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Hello, I have been through your story and was happy to see that I'm not the only person living such a situation! People might think I'm foolish but even though I haven't seen the first boyfriend with whom I went out almost 27 years ago, I still think about him. I still think that our story has only started and that by all means, I need to work on it in order to meet him again and continue a few steps more with him. I have heard that he left the country, he's married with 3 kids. I am married as well with 2 kids but even though, I still want to see him, meet him, talk to him again and God knows what will happen! I'm prepared to meet him and even though he rejects me or says that he's now with his family but I want to see him desperately!!

I'm just posting on this because I really hope she finds this one day..<br />
I am 21 years old, been with my current girlfriend for 5 years +, I love her to death, shes been there for me since the beginning of time, since I broke up with my ex till now, and we've been through a lot. I have told her from time to time I have dreams about my ex girlfriend, her name is Sarah Joy Dabu. My first actual girlfriend in high school, and we broke up for immature reasons but to this day I still think about her. I will never stop thinking about her and I know we can never ever be together. I'm not going to go into too much detail about it, but I know shes the most amazing person, the best singer I have ever heard and the most positive, intellectual person I know to this day. I really hope you do find this one day, you will always be my dabs dabs and I know you still think of me as Khiemroe. I really hope the best of you Sarah, you will be successful in this life.//

I'm just reading all of this.. and I know that this thread has been around for a while but I thought that I might as well post because this really got me thinking..

I'm 18 and I was best friends with this guy since the beginning of high school. I never even considered dating him until he confessed his feelings to me over a year and a half ago. I was hesitant because I didn't want to ruin our friendship. We were so close, we would always hang out, talk about things for hours on end, etc. We had a really fantastic friendship. Well, needless to say, that's in the past now. We wound up dating for about two months.. it seemed to be going pretty well and I really started to fall for him.. Normally I don't. I am not the kind of person to throw the word "love" around. He broke up with me for very vague reasons, the conversation was over the phone and only lasted about a minute, to this day I still don't know exactly why he dumped me. After the break up we didn't talk for quite a while.. but after a few months we managed to rekindle our friendship. He only asked me once if I would ever want to date again.. I lied and said no. We stayed friends through the summer, hung out, went to concerts, it seemed like he still liked me for a while but then.. we saw less and less of each other. We weren't going to the same school so I didn't really see him around. I still wasn't really over the breakup, though I thought I was. Things got a little easier though, I thought that I was getting over things. I hadn't seen him since before christmas... until prom. I saw him at prom and I thought that I would be fine but my heart leapt into my throat. We didn't talk, just smiled from across the room, but he seemed genuinely happy and surprised to see me there. I'm currently dating a really awesome guy. He's very very sweet and we laugh a lot together.. I would NEVER want to compare my boyfriend to my old best friend.. but.. it isn't the same. Of course I'm not looking for the same thing, because this is a new relationship, but we don't talk the way my old best friend and I used to. Not a day goes by where I don't think about him, my ex. I'm normally a fairly apathetic person so this is strange for me. I'm aware that I'm still young, and that things will get better, and that I'll move on in life and that I won't always feel this way... but at this point, I'm fearful that I will look back on this after decades and still feel a great amount of sorrow.

I mean no offense, but I don't want to wind up with this sort of regret and in your position. This really opened my eyes. I want to rebuild our friendship so I don't regret this for the rest of my life. This summer is really my last chance, college is coming up quickly. What would be your advice to someone like me? How would you have done things differently in the past?

I have just read this and whilst not exactly the same as your story, my experience has some parallels.
I met a girl through a friend when I was 19 (she was 16). I truly felt besotted by this girl and asked her out on a date. She agreed and we went out together for about three months (nothing sexual just friendship) at which time she told me that she didn’t really have feelings for me other than as a friend as basically she had a crush on my best friend.
We drifted apart and I hadn’t seen her for thirty years. As fate would have we met recently. She had been married twenty-six years (recently separated) . Likewise I too had recently separated after twenty-eight years of marriage.
All though I was with a loving wife for most of those years I was never truly happy as I could never get the other girl out of my mind and like yourself every time I thought about her my heart would flutter.
When we met – for me – it was if those thirty years had never happened. My heart skipped a beat and I became nervous and love-struck again. She also said that she regretted not staying a bit longer with me as she had had a bad experience with my mate, then had a loveless marriage. After a short conversation I asked her if she wanted to go on a date and she agreed.
We have now been together two years and I have never felt as close or as loving towards a person as I do with this woman and she has said the same about me. I am now 55 and we are getting married and hope to spend the next thirty years (at least) together making up for lost time.

Hello, I'm very happy to read your story, it is such a proof that love really exists!! I really hope that I will soon meet again the one who makes my heart beat so loud and that we will be happy as you are today! Lots of luck to you both and long loving and happy years to come!

As i have read this story it is very similar to what i am going through.I met girl in my junior high chased her all the way through high school when she finally gave into meet.We dated for two years l loved her with all my heart,we graduated she went off to college i joined the military.She was devastated that I did that we tried to hang in their but believed her mother had something to do with the breakup.I got married a year or so later, was married for 20 years had a son divorced go married 10 years later that did not last but four years. the irony of it all is while being married to both these women I could not get this women completely out of my heart and mind and this is 34 years later.So I tracked her down she is married 28 years and three children now we talk through texting I really do not know if her marriage is in trouble or she just want some excitement her life but I feel it is not my place to disrupt her marriage.A close friend told me you already have and to be careful.The greatest fear i have is to hear her voice or to meet her,we are talking about emotions which are very difficult to keep in check with such situations.I'm still cautious about all of this.Is that we have been brought back together to help each other with something or is that true love for someone never dies.

Please reply with authenticity, support, and respect Congratulations on your reunion. I hope everything works out for you. This story obviously had a happy ending.

I feel the pain that you are going through. I know that you may still feel this pain. I believe that the best way is to pray and trust God that everything will be alright. Some here may have experienced, only a few months, a few years or decades of longing, but the heart still longs for that treasured memory. I believe that when we were created, we were designed to have innocent love. But because we were born into this broken world, we still long for that sense of innocence even if it is not there. And because death is only coming closer to us as we age, there is a lot of desperation and a lot of deep sadness that there will be complete finality and no returning from the grave if we don't do anything to rush to our former lover. <br />
<br />
But believe that there has to be a God who redeems us from the grave so that we would all one day in the light of good. Trust God that he will take care of your former lover. Surrender to God that you really have no control of your feelings and tell Him that you want to surrender to him. Give up being the master of your mind, you have suffered enough, instead and surrender to Him. He is waiting for you to surrender your all to Him. Trust that He will make everything good, even if it is not in your current interests. In the long run, trust that His light does everything good. There will be a day when you will be able to meet your former lover in Heaven. Pray this for her. Surrender your emotions, your feelings, your thoughts and your everything to God. Give all to him and give up your mastery of your own feelings.<br />
<br />
I will pray for you. With understanding,<br />
<br />
Another brother

I often think about my first girlfriend, wish we could have got married and remained faithful, never straying at all. I think it is a dream of love, wanting to worship someone beyond all others and her to reciprocate, unsullied by other relationships. For two people to feel that way about each other and never have a second girl/boyfriend must be very rare. It is probably better to experiment until you are sure that you want no other person ever. Later, I think it is easy to idealise a first love, because it was the first time you had feelings like that, and of course, in some way, will always be special in your heart.

I'll share my story as well. About almost a year ago I broke up with my one and only. Reasons, because she was acting completely weird, and second she was always thinking if we were right for each other. I broke up with her to make it easier on her. I tried it all to get her back. Keeping my composure of course, and not sounding needy or clingy. Still she asked me to leave her alone and to never contact her again or she was going to get the police involved. I left the situation alone, walked away with my sorrows and pain. She has been dating some else after a month an half of us being apart. Who knows perhaps a rebound. Almost a year later, I now take my college classes at the university of central Florida. But for reasons being I had to take a chemistry class at Valencia community college, and she's there in the same class. The moment I saw my heart skipped so bad that I felt nauseous, and I strongly believe that the feelings that once burned for her are still burning deep in within my heart.

I do not know what to do but I surely feel great about myself I had to reinvent myself to feel as happy as I am today but I have missed her dearly and yet still do. Any advice?

I too have a similar experience I want to share. It has been 30 years since I walked away from the one and only woman I will ever truly love. I thought I was doing the right thing by leaving considering my circumstances at the time. I left her one day without a word, not so much as a note. I knew if I had tried to explain that I wouldn't have left, so I picked the coward's way out and left without a trace. I called her a year later wanting to explain, but understandably she was not very pleased and told me to never contact her again. I understand her feelings, but I am still dealing with the guilt and regret of how I handled the situation to this day. I have never loved anyone as much as I love/loved her. I looked her up on one of those people search sites and I have her address now and have had it for some time. She still has her same last name, so I am sure she has never married. I wanted some advice as to how I should proceed. I have been divorced for quite some time now so there is no danger of going behind anyone's back. I would get a bit more in detail about this relationship, but I feel it would be prudent to keep it to myself until I receive a few responses.

Same story here too!

Life is too short, go and find her.There are people in their 60s and 70s regretting not doing anything when they could. If it doesn't work you'll know you tried, then you can focus on the rest of your life. Lots of good things coming but you need to be alive to see them :)

It was my senior year in school my parents decided to move to another town about 1900km away from the one we use to stay and I had a girlfriend at the time no one knew we dated because her parents were crazy we dated for two years so I decided that I will stay for her and I did I moved in with her and her parents everything just went crazy from there she left me 20 times telling me that our relationship doesn't feel right andshe broke me completely eventually after 9 months of living with them she told her dad everything that happened and he kicked me out of their house and I lived in a flat on my own I was left alone in a place where I only wanted to be for her she left me broken I was destroyed for months after finishing school I went to college to study law I'm in my second year now and I still miss her she randomly would Facebook message me and ask how I'm doing and break me from the start the thing is I would've died for that girl I still will I honestly don't know what to do how can you love someone so much that it burns and kills on the inside

Relax. This is no problem because your thoughts are very common. Ignore those ignorant fools who say you have a problem. I notice the person with screen name...


...had a snide remark. As if she has never thought about getting back with a past boyfriend even years later. Yea right we know the truth. Everybody on the planet thinks back to the past and wonders What If. It is a natural and common thing. IMO the best way is not to to ignore those thoughts but encourage them to the limit of your imagination. You want to drown your head with so many thoughts about What If that you get bored with that person. Eventually they should pass as you replace memories of them with new people in your life. A handful of real friends with common interests and you should soon forget about that What If you still cling with and move on.

We all search for friends from childhood, elementary school, high school, and college on the internet. Most of us are curious to see if those who caused us pain have bombed out in life. Most of them have. A few have only created the illusion of success for others to look at in amazement. What they did in reality sheds the truth about their failures in life. Look beneath the layers and you find it truth. Enjoy knowing they would have been better off with you. No need to contact them and rub it in. Whether they admit it or not they already know it was their mistake and bad choice but now it is far to late.

In the end you will loose those memories of your past What If and move on with your current and new friends. Those past memories only show that you still have a good memory and may not suffer from memory loss which a good thing. You will move on from this as everybody does.

Good Luck

This may be read by someone or not, but I may feel better by writing.

I understand everyone here, all there pain and hurt.

Heres my story:

I had to leave for Europe a couple of years ago since I was fired from my old job.
If I didnt take this chance, my life would have been VERY different.
Now I have an excellent job (as an IT expert), career, knowledge of new things and have matured greatly.....

But....I had to leave the love of my life. My first love, my first time with a woman (we were both virgins) and a time in my life that was beautiful.

I left in a hurry since the job started 1 week before I left. She suffered from anxiety (she had anxiety attacks) and, I was afraid of making her sick or ill if I told her I was to leave. I asked her auntie for advice, she said "Leave without a good bye, contact her later".

Oh mistake!!! Horrible and stupid mistake!!

I called her 2 days after my flight. I let her now I was coming back in a year, that I would go back for her, we would get married (we wanted to before but couldnt) and live happy, free, in love. It was part of what I thought was a plan.

But, she suffered terribly being alone, walking the same streets, going to places she went with me before.....she suffered very, very, very much.

I was madly in love even without her as my dreams and hopes rose up and up, waiting and yearning to see her and get married. I was the happiest man alive, I told everyone I was getting married to my fiance.

Then......she went cold. Our calls were not full of love and "I miss you's", she was distracted, she changed, she rebelled.

I confronted her, she said after a tug o war of words: "Im with someone, since months back....."

I nearly had a heart attack. I stayed awake for at least 5 days.
I was a zombie. I would cry in front of my computer, I didnt give a **** if the boss or my coworkers were around. I cried in the metro, walking back home, in my room....

After some months we started to talk, as friends. But, I met a girl.
She was nice in every way, I fell in love.....I thought I did.

We got married in a civil union. We traveled and lived together, but my ex was still in touch with me. She had a new boyfriend, I had my wife. We were OK with that.
But not my wife. She wanted it to stop. So I did.......and I never heard from her till 1 month before my ex gf's wedding.

When we spoke, she told me she didnt love her soon to be spouse, it wasnt the same.
She was married because she was getting older, her darn family put preassure on her and she was grateful for her boyfriends dedication.....but not in love.

I wasnt deeply in love. We actually argued alot, my wife and I, and I missed ever more my ex girlfriend. This made my life sad and miserable. I had fights at work, stress and I eventually left despite having a great wage, position and future.

I went back home with my spouse but my family didnt like her. My father in the law didnt like me either! Bad situation.

At last....I go visit my ex at her beauty salon. She called me before and was excited to see me......we were going for a cafe after 5 years of not seeing each other....I was very nervous and excited......yet, I get there, and she was cold, dry and mean.

She made me feel horrible, she did not want to talk and bid be farewell.

I cried my eyes out.

Now she is married, has a daughter and I cannot find a way to contact her.......and I am terribly upset, since, I feel, she has forgotten me. I feel like she hates me, that she wished I never met her.

My wife and I still argue, but we are temporarily separated.

I do not want to argue anymore. I am tired, I feel sick. I am sad all the time.

I feel I cannot mend my marriage, since we have hurt each other, with words, oh so badly.
Our marriage is going down the drain.......

I feel as if my wife was an intruder, she never let me come full circle with my ex.
I WANTED to continue with my life, with my wife and have peace. But she was jealous, and I hated her for it. She interfered in something that was mine, and she never ever understood that I only wanted to have peace, healing and renewal.

Now, I have a part of my life that is incomplete. Questions never got answered, feelings were never mended, and the wounds never healed because of her interference and lack of understanding. She imposed her selfish will and failed to understand, despite my explanations, that I was all for her, but I wanted to close the circle then keep moving forward.

I am very very hurt because of this. I have not forgiven her for it.

I hope to move on.........I pray for this every day.

If you can, please take a look at what I wrote to the person who initially wrote this post. I really feel all this pain you are going through. I pray that you will be able to surrender to God. For myself, I have done so much to try to be in control my own life, my own emotions and feelings but I realize I can't. Please consider trusting and surrendering to God and trust that He will make everything good in the end.

So, thirty-one years ago I broke the heart of my first boyfriend. I was fifteen and he was fourteen. We dated for such a short time, maybe four months our freshman year in high school before I broke up with him because he was so possessive. And also because he was convinced at fourteen we would marry right after we graduated. I knew in my heart of hearts I couldn't commit at fifteen to a lifetime promise. Our break up was horrible. The situation devastated him and filled him with such pain and anger, he has never been able to let go. Even thirty years later if he runs into a mutual acquaintance or one of my family members, he brings up how I broke his heart all those years ago. And it is not in a joking way. I feel as if I am being haunted and punished for something that happened such a long time ago and wish there was a way for him to forgive me. That broken-hearted fourteen year old boy is now a broken-down middle-aged man and at some point I wish he would take responsibility for what he is feeling. And forgive me. And forgive himself.

Sometimes major changes and more time on your hands can make you reflect on happier times in your life , stay busy , be postitive and take a look around at what you have got that makes you happy , the past is the past ... Great memories

Wow man.. this is def going to happen to me, dated a russian girl through highschool and completely worshiped her but let the the other head get the best of me, now iv got a kid on the way and its been years and i still see her around and ny heart skips a beat everytime too. My current gf was two girlfriends after and even then i satyed single for a year and a half after.. idk what to do.. ill never be over her. And i cant go back to her bc of some personal things. and get this she lives 2 min a way and my best friend is still dating her sister and that was sweet cuz when we were dating me and my bestfriend could still always hang it was perfect.. i really ****** up man.. it would be nice to hear how your story ends up keep in touch with me somehow just not sure what to do. Its been probably 6 years. Damn it.

I was so indulged in the culture i even learned the language and everything, the music.. idk it just sucks it was a huge part of my life.. nothin beats this

I honestly hope this doesn't happen to me, it's christmas morning and I woke up, as I often do, thinking only of her, the one that got away. It was 5 years ago and I havnt seen or heard from here in about 4 years but I can still remember the perfume she wore, her smooth skin and soft kisses; five years and it feels like yesterday. My wife is sleeping next to me as I write this and knowing my heart longs for another makes me feel guilty, what kind of monster I must be for feeling so melancholy as I remember small things about her. I hope these feelings fade away but after 5 years of this, what's another 35? life and her ironies are sometimes too cruel to be true yet here we are. Dayna, if you read this one day, I still love you and miss you so terribly. I would do anything

If you can, please read my post which is at the very top - I only wish the best for you. I understand that you cannot control your feelings as many of us can't. We cannot control how we feel about past lovers and the returning of those feelings. I believe that God can take care of your former lover. I believe that if you surrender to God, you can also give up control of your feelings. I am in this process too and also letting go. Trust that He will do everything that is good in the end and that God will do what is right.

You tried it with the old flame a few times, it just never worked, and you should remember that. You gave it all the chances you could, it was not the best thing for you, you moved on, you should be happy with your life now. Remembering that it didn't work will help the feelings pass.

You did what you thought was right at the moment,lets face it if you were truly happy in your marriage, when you look at that picture of her you would have remember for a moment and nothing else but you didin't you went ahead and look up her.Now you are following your heart,with people you love geting hurt.You cannot tell your heart how to feel something else,now that you have chosen to go ahead then you must go forward.You will have people that will judge you,let he who is without sin, cast the first stone.Just be happy and enjoy lost time.Good Luck

What can I say? I contacted my first love. She did remember me because I was her first and I never really knew that. When we broke up 32 years ago I was devastated, I realized then that I had fallen in love. Fast forward 30 years later I was organizing my parents 50th anniversary party and looking through old pictures I saw her and For a month I could not get her out of my mind. I knew I had to find her and contact her to break that spell. I contacted her and she and I went for a roller coaster ride to the past. She too was devastated over breaking up those many years ago.<br />
I just couldn't break that spell and neither could she. She left her husband after 22 years and 4 kids, I left my wife after 24 years and no children. Do I have regrets? Of course I do. Security being the first thing on my list. I ache for the things I have done and there was a lot of tears for what I have done. But all through that I could not deny the woman I loved 30 years ago and still do and more now.<br />
To her I am a hero, but I don't feel that way. I feel like a cad when I think back. <br />
My advice to you is if you don't want a heart attack don't do it. Seriously the emotional torment you will go through will rip you apart. It did to me. <br />
We will be together shortly and I will start my new life. Economically she couldn't move and I have decided to give up everything to be with her. I am no hero.

Same story here. Nearly 40 years have passed, I'm married, have three wonderful kids and a great wife, but I still miss her. She was amazing and my heart was broken so badly that I had to reinvent myself over the years. I wonder if it is partially when we reach a time in our lives that we start looking back and missing a part of our youth in conjunction with repressed feeling that make themselves manifest once again. The ambivalence of being grateful that I was able to love her while I did, verses wishing I never met her is maddening. Its easy to say, but you have to keep looking forward.

Look we cannot control how we feel thats what makes us human,she will always have a special place in your heart and just remember the pass is not earsable its what makes us who we are today and keeping the memories alive.I also miss my past friend but am marry to a great guy so instead of dwelling what i could have just think what you have.You take care if you would like to write private i'm here.

I can't argue with you, my wife deserves better. Maybe I should never have married if I was not capable of falling in love properly. I went through five girlfriends and waited seven years before I knew that I would never fall in love again. I didn't want to be alone and I wanted to have a family so I didn't resist as we moved toward marriage. I never ask my wife to marry me, I could never have done that. She adores me and always has. I did and do like her a lot. It would not be a lie to even say that I love her with all my heart, I just never fell in love with her in a girlfriend-boyfriend kind of way. In my defense I have no control over that part of fate, it either happens or it doesn't . I've always tried to be a good husband and father. My ex-girlfriend did something to me that I don't understand. She made it so that after her, I was never attracted to any other woman. Sometimes I wonder if I'm not gay but I'm not attracted to guys either L.O.L.. God knows I tried to be normal. I have just had to learn to live with it. Maybe I deserve to be miserable? I try to be happy even so.

Hi, that happened to me, female and I am so embarrassed over it. I wonder if and how you deal with it. I know this post is from awhile ago..thanks for sharing

you guys deserve to be miserable, but your wives deserve better.

You have no heart, just like most women who are capable of dumping a guy then moving forward without a flinch. Just like a an assassin, who kills then forgets and looks forward for the next kill.

Your story is the same as mine... 40 years since my ex girl friend broke-up with me for the 2nd time for the same reason. (I've also been happily married for 35 years). One day about 4 years ago My dad gave me a box with about 100 love letters that my ex girlfriend had written me, including one that she had written a couple years after she was married (asking me to write back, but I never did). Like a fool I read them all. All of the hidden feelings I had for her came to the surface, and I couldn't control what I did next. I tracked her down on the internet and mailed her a long letter telling her I had discovered I was still in love with her and had been all these years. Not a good Idea because I have to live with what she wrote back to me. She said my letter found her happy with all aspects of her life. She has 4 married daughters and 5 grandchildren and waiting for more. Her husband still honors and adores her even after all these years. She said that she wanted me to know that she always cherished her first love experience with me. She said that for her it was over when we said goodbye.She thanked me for the letter and ask that there be no further communication of any kind because it would only hurt me more. Then she said she was sorry that my life had not been happy and that she hoped that I could finally find closeuer and happiness with what I have. <br />
So you can see she put me in my place perfectly. It only makes me love her more. I'm sure she'll think of me as the unfaithful jerk that I am for the rest of her life. She could have continued to cherish what we had shared together, but I blew it.

I'm really sorry to hear all the pain, regret, mind and heart analysis of not only yourself but her and your situation. What you could have said, or done. You talk about running straight back to her. I bet you wished you had made her work for it so that she didn't throw it away the second time. This may or may not be true. I rushed back to my ex the second time after we broke up, and regretted it (still
Am) as he dumped me again for the same reason. Looking back, I wished I'd made him chase me to ensure that he really did love me and not take me for granted, and if he hadn't of done that, i would have known not to bother. Now all I'm left with is memories of more good times with him which I miss and more hurt of when it went wrong again the second time. This had really put back my healing process. I hope to God that some other man (or him if he proposes) wins my heart and I can fall deeply, deeply in love again.

It is a fact that when someone dumps you, you love them more. Or if someone cancels your dates sometimes especially as you might have been excited to see them. These are all tools of seduction and getting someone addicted to you and sadly I didn't do any of this to my ex, however he did it to me. Thus showing why I am still addicted to him, and he not me.

I haven't got any advice for you. Just I know what it feels like to have the pain of love.

I do know one couple that ended up marrying after the first break up. She dumped him. He then cut her off for many weeks/ months and when he finally came around, she'd missed him so badly, they are now married. I heard this story AFTER my ex had already dumped me and I had gone back to him, as when he first dumped me he did actually still love me so I think this would have worked on getting him addicted to me (he wanted to feel Closer to me anyway) as he had been dumped once before and never really fully healed so he very much sees pain and love as the same thing. Sadly as I only heard about this no responding for weeks, when I was back with him, I couldn't try it out (in both our interests as I was already In love with him).... And there is no point now as he is not really/not in lOve with me anymore I don't think.

I too have the same problem. I want to forget about the past, but it's been in my head for the last month to the point of tracking her down to where she lives. I am married and plan to stay that way......but the feelings persist and it was 30 years ago. She never explained why she wanted to break up and I was too " macho" to ask why. I guess now that I look back I should have. I have not attempted to contact her out of fear and respect because I don't know what kind of problem I might present to her or even if she remembers me.