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Sigh...

I haven't talked to him (except through text) since we broke up. The other day I was checking my voicemail, and the voicemail always (annoyingly) goes through old messages before you hear the new one. Anyway, there were two old messages from him, and listening to them hit like a ton of bricks. Just hearing his voice again..it made me really, really upset because I have always loved his voice. It was always so calming and reassuring, but now I felt like his voice was mocking me somehow. Saying, "Ha ha ha. This voice may sound calming and reassuring, but it's coming from a guy who hurt you majorly. Ha ha ha." Sounds crazy, right? But that's just the way I felt.

I miss the way he would tell me "You're so gorgeous." The way he would stroke my hair when we cuddled together. The way he looked into my eyes, I always loved his eyes. I miss hearing about his day, I miss his laugh, I miss him actually giving a crap what I am up to.

At this point, I would be very happy to simply be friends with him. It kills me knowing I may never see him in person again. Granted, I know seeing him  in person would probably just send the pain rushing back, but I'm not sure I even care about that.

I find myself wondering how he can just move on so easily while I'm going through all of this. Everything, literally everything, reminds me of him. I turn on the TV, Doctor Who's on, I have to change the channel because he and I would always watch that show together. I want to play Assassin's Creed but can't because he's the one who introduced me to that video game in the first place. Everyday I see guys who remind me of him somehow, whether through their appearance, manner of speaking, whatever. It just drives me crazy.

I want to get over him but do not how. I don't even think I'll be able to date other guys, because right now the only guy I want is him. I felt so sure that us breaking up was the right thing to do, hell I know it was, but that doesn't make the pain go away. Not at all.
livingalie1 livingalie1 22-25, F 6 Responses Sep 30, 2011

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I understood it was better when my myself and the ex went our separate ways, but still 4 years after that. once in a while my mind just trying to remind me of what I lost. You can get over they say it gets easier with time because when you get older; you stop having to depend on others. which means you almost stop caring to a point.

The only time we do care is when we are sharing our intimate moments with someone. I am grateful for that relationship with my ex, she was and always will be a great woman. I know you can get through this. but it does help to focus on yourself first. just go out and do something to pass the time. distraction is key.

I feel EXACTLY the same way right now. Nothing else matters but being in his arms again.

I totally know how you feeel, and I feel for you... I hope it gets better soon.... <br />
Diana

"I haven't talked to him (except through text) since we broke up. The other day I was checking my voicemail, and the voicemail always (annoyingly) goes through old messages before you hear the new one. Anyway, there were two old messages from him, and listening to them hit like a ton of bricks. Just hearing his voice again..it made me really, really upset because I have always loved his voice. It was always so calming and reassuring, but now I felt like his voice was mocking me somehow. Saying, "Ha ha ha. This voice may sound calming and reassuring, but it's coming from a guy who hurt you majorly. Ha ha ha." Sounds crazy, right? But that's just the way I felt."<br />
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Nostalgia over the end of your first relationship perhaps? Given the way it happened it has to hurt. He cheated on you but you couldn't work up the courage to break up with him since he is your first boyfriend and then he goes and breaks up with you. How can you not feel like everything that reminds you of him is constantly mocking you?<br />
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"I miss the way he would tell me "You're so gorgeous.""<br />
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Your so gorgeous ;). If your looking for reassurance about your physical appearance I am sure about 90% of the guys on the planet will tell you that give or take 5%. Of course the other 10% give or take 5% are homosexual males so they might still say your gorgeous just not be into you lol. Cited Source on homosexual statistics:<br />
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http://www.gallup.com/poll/6961/what-percentage-population-gay.aspx<br />
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"The way he would stroke my hair when we cuddled together."<br />
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Didn't you mention you guys cuddled less and he pressured you more into sex the longer the relationship went on? I hope your not looking at this relationship with rose tinted glasses here because the cuddling was diminishing anyways from what you've said irregardless of the fact that you guys eventually broke up.<br />
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"The way he looked into my eyes, I always loved his eyes. I miss hearing about his day, I miss his laugh, I miss him actually giving a crap what I am up to."<br />
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Once again this is all very basic things that should happen in a relationship aside from you loving his eyes. Your next relationship will most likely involve intimate staring contests, talking about how things are going, laughing, and caring about what your up to. In fact you can hear about a person's day and have people care what your up to even outside of a relationship. It's actually really healthy to have friends like that so that your not wholly dependent on a relationship for emotional support. 25% of respondents on a survey had no one to confide in. Don't be one of those people who becomes totally reliant on a relationship for your support.<br />
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http://www.usatoday.com/news/nation/2006-06-22-friendship_x.htm<br />
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"At this point, I would be very happy to simply be friends with him. It kills me knowing I may never see him in person again. Granted, I know seeing him in person would probably just send the pain rushing back, but I'm not sure I even care about that."<br />
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Its tough to get over people but in this case finding a way to do so is paramount. It's difficult to be friends with someone after a break up and a billion times more difficult to be friends with someone after a break up after they cheated on you. <br />
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"I find myself wondering how he can just move on so easily while I'm going through all of this. Everything, literally everything, reminds me of him. I turn on the TV, Doctor Who's on, I have to change the channel because he and I would always watch that show together. I want to play Assassin's Creed but can't because he's the one who introduced me to that video game in the first place. Everyday I see guys who remind me of him somehow, whether through their appearance, manner of speaking, whatever. It just drives me crazy."<br />
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Well technically speaking you don't know for sure he moved on easily unless you know his friends and they told you since you've said you haven't seen or spoken to him since the break up. Also is it really shocking that your going to compare every guy you meet to your first boyfriend? He set the standard for all future relationships. Granted if he cheated on you then the bar was set somewhere around the height where even midgets can step over it but still it is a standard with which you will compare others too until you have a higher standard to compare men too. You might even always have your first boyfriend be one of the people you compare other men to even later on down the line depending on your personality considered he was the FIRST.<br />
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"I want to get over him but do not how. I don't even think I'll be able to date other guys, because right now the only guy I want is him. I felt so sure that us breaking up was the right thing to do, hell I know it was, but that doesn't make the pain go away. Not at all."<br />
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It was a shock to my system too when I realized that doing the right thing doesn't always make you feel better. I know it doesn't make the pain go away but going back to him simply wouldn't work. Not sure if you realize this but he cheated on you...and given the fact that you mentioned condoms he apparently went further with the girl he cheated on you with, then he did with you. I hate to be blunt but he really didn't seem to be ready for a relationship. So it couldn't work out and hopefully one day you will realize that.<br />
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Sincerely looking out for your best interest,<br />
<br />
Your Friend Julius

Lets hope that this is the last one that you have to endure. I have had several and they never get easier.

Reading this, every word struck me at my core. What you described here is exactly what I went through about a year and a half ago.<br />
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I don't think you're crazy. It's perfectly normal to feel like that after a breakup. The things that brought you comfort now mock you because you no longer have the one who you associated them with. It's the same way with Dr. Who and Assassin's Creed. These are normal reactions. There were lots of things that I would no longer be able to do or watch because I had associated them with her. One example would be Glee. I think the show has its good points but because she introduced me to it I still can't watch it.<br />
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Same with seeing things about your ex in other guys. The same thing happened with me. I would see aspects of my ex in other women. Seeing her in person would also bring pain, and in the end it wasn't worth seeing her as my gut told me she wasn't going to change her mind. It bothered me to see my ex getting off so "easy" as well. I went through hell trying to cope with what was happening around me while she went off and found herself a new boyfriend, one who was more like her.<br />
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I'm sorry to say, but I don't think that there is any "one way" to get over an ex. Each relationship is as dynamic and individual as those who are in it, as is the means to get over them. The best way to approach this is to not keep your feelings bottled up. I would hate to think what would have happened if I did. Breaking up may be the right choice, but you're right, it doesn't make the pain go away.<br />
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I'm keeping you in my thoughts.