I ask myself why..

I walked away from the best thing that ever happened to me. A boyfriend I went off and on with for about 4 years because I kept running away afraid of what I was feeling. Then I moved away from him and we lost all contact for about year until I got his fone call. It was the best thing that had happened to me..he came back for me & I repayed him by leaving him once again for someone who already had a girlfriend. This guy I was with told me he loved me, but I think it was just because we had sex almost every night. I know it's all wrong but I didn't look at it that way at the time. I just thought.."Oh well him and his girlfriend don't get along anyways..all they do is fight and they don't see eachother as much as me and him. We have something special going on.." But I was wrong...I had just recently learned that when I tried talking to him and he shot me down. He didn't want to talk to me anymore..he was moving on to ANOTHER girl..and it wasn't his girlfriend. I let the best thing in my life go for something that I just couldn't hold on to...I was foolish to think it would last. I'm afraid now...I let him go AGAIN..and this time, I think that now that he's gone..he's gone forever...