What Used To Be My Happiness

My name is Luiyi. im 17 years old and this is my heartbreak. i dated this girl for almost a year  i know it may seem like such a short time but i never put so much time or effort into a relationship. i was afraid to love her at first because i ddint like going through my first heartbreak and never wanted to go through another one again. but i couldnt help myself. i loved her so much i fell in love with this girl i just never thought about anyone else other than her. she was my everything, my reason to get through school, my reason to get up in the morning, my reason to smile. im sorry im crying while typing this... i loved her so much and i was so afraid to lose her, i know its not right to control your gf/bf but i had no idea i was doing it... i was keeping her from her friends and she never once complained about it and if she did i was too stuborn to listen. i was just so afraid to lose her... in my mind im a nobody im just another person in this world and there are so many better guys out there that can sweep her off her feet and make her happier than i can ever hope to imagine. she broke up with me and ever since ive been so distraught i cry at least once a week i can never stop thinking about her and i cant stop thinking about what we went through i know some of you guys may look at me as just a stupid kid who has the rest of his life to go through.. but i never been so attached to someone before. i dont want to feel this way i dont want to be sad anymore but i just cant help myself. i love this girl so much its killling me so much and i have to act like im fine. shes so happy without me like its a proven fact she doesnt think about me shes moved on completly but no matter how hard i try i cant. i dont want to be like this. i get hate mail on tumblr facebook and even my phone from numbers i dont know telling me how happy she is and what a **** up i am. she already has another boyfriend like after a month of us breaking up... it just makes me so depresed... did it mean anything to her? the moemnts we spent together the significant things ive done with her and no one else... basicly what im asking is... was it all just a game? a lie? no matter what i want her back... i want her back so much that no matter what i say or think i want to hold her again i want to tell her i love her... but im a person who doesnt go back on his promises. i promised her when we broke up that i would be the best person i can be no matter how hard i will never stop being better... but i also made a secret promise while in the relationship. i promised that she was my last chance... my last chance at something real and my last chance at love... and i truley intened to keep that promise... i keep wishing and hoping that this is all some kind of dream... but its not... i lost the most important person to me and now she could give a **** less dont make the mistake i did please ifyour reading this... i am a **** up dont take what u have for granted i just want help i dont want to hear that theres other people out there or that time will heal everything it doesnt work for me... i need help :/ please someone help me im so lost and broken... please im begging you... please help me
Nick94 Nick94
18-21, M
1 Response May 9, 2012

you are not alone and i am here to help you. you sound so much like myself. I have recently broke up with my boyfriend of five years. But he was not just my boyfriend, he was my best friend. I am 23 now and i we've been friends since i was 13, but not anymore. And we all have the same friends!!! could you imagen having to see this person everyday like a complete stranger. " Hey hows it goin i was only with you forever hows life" akward. He was my everything, the reason i wanted to do anything in life, my motovation for trying new things and bettering myself. Maybe thats what went wrong. I was so lost in in him that there was no me with out him. i wasnt happy if i wasnt around him. i needed him to make it through the day. Now when look back on how i was, it makes me feel bad for myself and bad for you. You cant forget about you and you cant control the way you feel and you cant help it. We are only human and everybody has been here. Our emotions get the best of us and we lose sight of who we really are. We become so depended on somebody eles that we forget the person we use to be before we met them. I hated hearing " Its a matter of time before it gets better. I promise it will get easier, this in time will pass" all of it. I know I dont wanna here that **** when im grieving. its really like a part of you dies. Obviously it will get better but its not right now. Yes it hurts and im not going to lie to you, its gona hurt for a while. And your not a **** up, you know who you are and this is your life dont let people get the best of you. People can run there mouth all day, but what better motovation then to prove those people wrong. People like that have much bigger problems in there life that have nothing better to do in life beside worry about other peoples buisness instead of minding there own. so **** em. You need to stay busy and hang out with friend as much as possiable. Im not telling you "oh there millions of fish in the sea or Its gona be okay" well Its will be okay someday just not right now. If you dont wanna move on dont. All im saying is why sit and dwell on it. Waiting for her to hope to mabye come back is a waste of time. You deserve to treat your self better.