I Called My Ex Today After 5 Years.

I called him today- after leaving him over 5 years ago and being married and having kids and not talking to him for almost 5 years. I love my husband, but I still love my ex-boyfriend. I didn't think that what we had was enough because I wasn't fully satisfied with him. When I was with him, I constantly thought of the man who is now my husband. Now that I am married, I constantly think of my ex. Anyways, I dreamed about him last night. I dreamed that I saw him and apologized for the way that I broke his heart and then I told him that I was leaving my husband and his face said, 'I want to be with you", but he said nothing. Today, after 5 years of resisting calling him, I couldn't resist anymore and I called him while my husband was at work. I just wanted to talk to him and make sure that he was okay and I wanted to tell him how sorry I was. His current girlfriend answered the phone and then while I was on the phone with him, in the backround she realized who I was and yelled, "Why don't you just ******* die, *****?!" My conversation with him was so strained and awkward. I felt like he wanted to say so much more, but his girlfriend was there. I told him that I didn't want to interrupt his life, but that I just wanted to tell him that he was always a good friend to me and that I didn't mean to hurt him and that I was sorry that I did and that even though we agreed to stay in touch and stay close friends, that I thought it was best to make a clean break so that we could move on. He told me that he didn't hold anything against me and that he understood that I had to follow my heart. I said to him a few times, "If this is totally weird- if you don't want to talk to me- I completely understand and I'll hang up right now and you'll never hear from me again. I just wanted to know how you were doing." He kept answering, "This is just unexpected." I felt like he wanted to talk. He asked me how my husband was doing, in a tone that was really, "Is he making you happy?" He knew that I have kids, so he has been keeping tabs on me somehow. God, I wish we could have talked for hours, but I knew that I was being so innappropriate calling him in the first place- especially now knowing that he has finally moved on and had his girlfriend right there. God, I was so selfish to do that just to ease my own conscience. I'm sure that I didn't do anything positive for his life. I'm never going to stop thinking about him. I love my husband, but I love my ex, too. I love them in different ways for the different traits that they have. Neither satisfy me completely. Too bad I can't have both.   :(

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29 Responses May 27, 2008

gosh people can be so judgemental and cruel! just follow your heart and don't disrespect your own self. it is your life. let them hate! it's okay to feel pain. we all do!

Well im not anywhere near the age of marriage, and even though im still young and have hormones coursing through my veins, i can completely relate to how you feel about your ex. I had made great friends with this girl, back when i was a freshman, and at the time only viewed her as an amazing friend. We always got along and, personally my favorite thing about us, we shared the same sense of humor. We did almost everything together, of course feelings developed from this and it led to a relationship. Now keep in mind that i was a very lonely kid and hadnt ever been in a real relationship or ever actually felt "love " So i didnt understand the fact that, yes she was gorgeous (which i can go into immense detail about) and other guys wanted her too. So jealousy gripped me and i began to get clingy and all in all it just wasnt the same between us with me constantly worrying about what she does with who in her free time. Then came the heartbreaking goodbye from her and i didnt know how to handle it. I was saying horrible thigs to her, which i deeply regret, and we havnt spoke since. Now that time has passed and ive matured from those bad habits i once had (im 19 and serve in the Army) i feel i never got a fair chance and i still feel very stongly for her. My last year of high school i had happened to get a class with her and i did my best to jst stay focused in class and ignore her and what feelings i had, i just didnt want to make things worse between us. Everytime i would glance at her and we caught eyes she had a disgusted look, which i dont blame her for. But every now and then we also shared a look of disappointment in how things tuned out, or at least thats how i viewed it. I would love to have her back, especially because every other woman i had dated from then on, i never truely connected with like i did with her. So over all i just want us to be together and happy again, and id love to build a family with her and have beautiful children and all that mushy gushy stuff.

you just take care of your husband please and be happy with him.. you already made a choice.. that is the best thing you can do for your ex if you want him to be happy.. is to see you happy and made the right choice... if you ever show that u want to get back and miss him.. it will really broke his heart.. that is how i felt.. when last time i heard stories from friend about my ex that already married and going for divorce.. she want to be friend again with me.. after leaving me.. i really felt my life was wasted for 5 years trying hard to forget her.. i just wish it was untrue and wish she is happy with the one she married with..

Does he live in North Carolina now by any chance?

"God, I wish we could have talked for hours, but I knew that I was being so innappropriate calling him in the first place- especially now knowing that he has finally moved on and had his girlfriend right there. God, I was so selfish to do that just to ease my own conscience. I'm sure that I didn't do anything positive for his life. I'm never going to stop thinking about him. I love my husband, but I love my ex, too. I love them in different ways for the different traits that they have. Neither satisfy me completely. Too bad I can't have both. :("

You answered your own query. Leave him alone, let your ex get on with his life and you get on with yours, stop being so selfish.

I agree totally. I split up with my girlfriend 4 years ago. But ive dated other women since, but noone compares to her. Sometimes out of nowhere she crops up in my dreams. I wish I could see her again, but perhaps it would do more damage than good. I dont think facebook helpedd much either, as I was checking on her profile daily. She has a kid now, but im not sure if she feels the same way as I do about her. I still love her, and won't ever forget emma :)

I just came across this post. I also called my ex after breaking his heart five years ago. I've dated other men but nobody makes me feel the way he did. We talked for a few hours twice but he hasn't called me in a week. He said hes single and hasn't been serious about anybody since us. He also said he will always love me. I told him Im sorry and that I never stopped loving him. He said getting over our breakup was the hardest thing he's ever had to do in his life. I kinda feel bad for calling him but I needed him to know how I feel. I truly believe his is my soul mate and I'm always going to regret hurting him.

I'm 26, I was 19 when I had my first real girlfriend, she was 18; we were only together for about 4 months. She had a kid, baby daddy drama, lots of family drama, and I wanted to save her and her kid from that life, I tried so hard to. Besides that, she was the most perfect girl for me, everything I wanted, and still want. I was too immature and not financially able then to do what I needed to do though, and get her away from all of that. We broke up, I still think about (Amber) frequently.

About a year later, I met Katie, who was 20, she was strong, no kids, sporty, active, independent, and I loved these things about her so much. She was also great in bed. She broke up with me when I told her I loved her, though. Shortly after, she got pregnant, and moved back to cali. I've missed her since, even though she was such a *****. I think she regretted that as well. Two years ago I got hold of her on facebook and I flew out there to spend a weekend with her, it went amazing, and she would have had me stay, she was single then, but I just couldn't do it. I still think about what we had, and the potential that it could have become, but didn't.

I don't think you ever get over these past relationships and experiences, I love both Amber and Katie and will forever I'm sure, for different reasons. I wish the past could have played out differently, I could have been happy with either one of them... Though Katie would probably have been a better fit, Amber I think was young love, and for that reason I'll never forget it, but **** happens.

The good times will live on in my memory forever, and in my dreams occasionally.
It sucks when out of nowhere, years later, you hear a sound, or smell a perfume, or just something completely random that brings you right back to that girl though, the girl you've otherwise forgotten the details about. Then it all comes washing back into your head again. It happens...

You just need to find a new girl, to make new memories with, and open yourself to be completely broken again by her, but cross your fingers and hope she doesn't. That's how you move on, by making yourself available, and vulnerable.

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Well I'm sorry to say that but you are kinda selfish woman,
U broke his heart and then came back to keep him hooked!!! Jeeez
and u wish to have both?! That won't happen , u have one heart so u can only love one person.
This was a big mistake , do u wish to hurt ur ex even more ?

I just wonder what have happen since you wrote this 5 years ago?

And you are not selfish !!! I have tried to move on too, even though im only 25 and dont have children. I spook to the ex over email a couple of days ago and he Said he think we will always have that Connection :( but we dont even live in the same country anymore. so i think you should try to speak to your ex to at least get it out of your system !!

Omg i started crying now after reading your story. Me and my ex started seeing each other when we were only 17 and were properly together when we were 18. I really Loved him but he was a bit unmature and we didnt do very much fun things together, when i was 18 i wanted to go on holidays and things like that so when i meet a Guy in a club, older, a real job and nice. I couldnt not help but talk to him when he came up, then we bumped into each other again, and i thought it was exciting to dare someone older. So on one night i wish i could change they older Guy kissed me and my bf ( which i planned to break up with the next day) saw us. The look when he was crying is still in my mind, in that moment i was Young and stupid! sooo stupid. Since then he has had one girlfriend and i have had two boyfriends. But the trygg is i have missed him every day since. Im so upset that i was so Young and stupid . We have talked over the internet a couple of Times per year and one time we meet up and it was so amazing to talk to him and see him happy. i wish i could tell him that i miss him but im afraid he is going to think its because he is really successfull now. But the truth is i would miss him even if he worked at McDonalds :(((( its Been sig years now and i still dream about him at nights. I wish i could turn back time or forget about this :(( sooo anyway i understand you and i know how it feels :(

Unlike other people are saying, I do believe you love and miss your ex, but you have to think that if you left him for another man, that's because you love the other more. Moreover, you have children to look after,don't screw your or marriage or his relationship up now. Please, for your sake, DO NOT go after him.

okay this is most silly thing ive every heard never keep in touch with your ex i love mine to bits we said we would keep it touch and stay friends but i decide not to also youve got children that you should be thinking you are selfish what would your children say if you walk out that door and left them? they would be crying also he has a girlfriend a new life but if you didnt have children wouldnt be that badd

Umm it wouldn't be that bad?! Lol the guy has a girlfriend and she is married already. Whether she has kids or not has nothing to do with it! What about her current husband's feelings?!

***** ***** *****

Are you completely out of your mind.....the reason we do not contact our ex lovers is so that we do not fall back in love with them and destroy our current relationships, cause jealously and temptation to go do something naughty and cheat on people. I am going to be completely honest....you are really stupid and foolish to contact your ex. Just making things awkward for all parties and you are just fooling and entertaining your thoughts, not to mention its also just selfish. You love your husband, you love your kids, you love your ex, you love chocolate, you love ice-cream.....Jesus Christ, why do I even bother posting this message.

Google lead me here after a search of this feeling. My ex girl broke up with me 4 years ago for no decent reason. I was only 21 at the time. We were together for 2.5 years. And it basically destroyed me for 2 years wondering what I had done to deserve such pain. Ive had other women but no one compares to my ex in anyway shape or form. To me she was 100% perfect my soul mate. Its been 4 years now and my heart still longs for her even though she has moved on. She still haunts my dreams lol. Id give anything to go back and spend just 1 day in love with her. How are we supposed to move on to someone else if no one will ever compare??? I love you hannah and always will

I know how you feel. Even though I left my ex, I realized it was a huge mistake and I wanted him back, but I was too afraid to contact him because I didn't want to hurt him further. I wanted to let him heal. It's been 5 years but he's still in my dreams and I cannot stop looking at old pictures of us. It's compulsive. I feel so awful for just leaving. Even though I tried to lie to myself and say it wasn't true, it is true; I still do love him. After 5 years I really do. I've gone on several dates since, but nobody compares and I don't want a relationship unless it's with him. I don't know if he's moved on or what he's doing or where he is, but all I know is that I miss him terribly and would do just about anything to get him back. I don't know how I'm supposed to move on when I'm still so in love with him, even after all this time. I'll always love him and I'll always regret leaving him. It hurts so much.

I think about her all the time, but the fact is that she broke my heart into a million little peices after 8 years. It's been a couple years now since it happened... and every time I think about it, it still puts me in a mood. I loved that girl with all of my heart, I was just young and goofy and didn't really figure out how to fully show it. No matter how much I still think about her, I would never let her or anyone know that I do. For the simple fact that I do not want to feel that for her anymore. Although most of the memories I have while we were together were good ones, I can't help but to associate them with the pain of the break up. There is no amount of " I'm Sorry" or " I miss you" or anything she could say...really...that would change that. She hurt me bad, shattered me.

We live near each other, but I have cleverly avoided her several times. She still speaks to my family members. Although I don't agree with it, I'll never say anything for the sake of my family who still treats her like part of the family, that hurts the worst. I honestly wish she would just completely move on. She made her bed, she needs to lay in it.


I miss my ex lady everyday. I was just to imature back then to realize and understand what i had. I have dated numerous types of women, rich, tall, short, skinny, average, bombshells, broke, kids with out kids and so on. In the last five years none of these women make me feel anyway near my ex lady felt. No pedastool fact is,i love her. No one will realize that, because just like physical pain no one knows what you are going through but you. So its easy for someone too say Get over it and move on. I have moved on from several women.five years later i want my baby back... That is Love..

Congratulations on being a selfish *****. You don't actually love either man. You only love the way men make you feel. And since they both make you feel good, you think you love them both. Grow the **** up. Leave the poor guy alone and let him move on. He's just being polite to a person he was extremely in love with. You are reading into it. Women constantly do this bullshit of calling ex's, wanting to just be "friends". Get this through your thick little skulls ladies, MEN WHO DO OR HAVE HAD ROMANTIC INTEREST IN YOU ARE INCAPABLE OF BEING YOUR FRIEND.

This goes both ways.. some "men" do this stuff as well... : - (

Why do women think they can brake up with some one and call them five years later? Ye dont get me wrong some men r pigs, Complete selfish pigs, but why call? This is my point women are so confused in there own brain that when breaking up with there ex they know 100% thats what they want? But then have the guts to call 5 years later? U left him love, u made your bed lay in it, not being harsh just being honest, it just amazes me how the women always misses them so bad after awhile? Like why not stay with the dude I mean unless he bashed u or cheated on you then fair enough, women leave men for some of the worst reasons sometimes, use r complicated human beings

R u stupid?

R u a dumb *****?

I saw my ex after 5 years in the cinema, I couldnt concentrate on the film at all. He was with his wife and I was with my partner ( who I have 2 kids with) I find myself thinking about him, but our relationship didnt really end because of us it was others :-( I totally understand how you feel, I tend to concentrate on family life it makes it easier. My kids make me smile. I hope you find all the happiness you deserve x x

it's been about a year since i last spoke to my ex, <br />
i'm not at all tempted to call him because he was the one that broke it off with me.. <br />
I feel like if he wants to talk to me then he has to make the effort now.. <br />
But we just didn't get on anyway, It was alot like the song sleeping beauty by a perfect circle, <br />
I tried to make him more open minded and help him to see how foolish his decisions were, <br />
but he refused and because of that he ruined everything

Through our lives we are told we are not the first ones to be going through this or that. It seems most people don't believe it and think they are the only one who this is happening to. I am going through the same emotions the same awkward feelings. It does me good to know that I am not alone and not the first to live confused.

Totally understand how you feel...I'm going through the same thing...I have been for a while...except the only difference is my ex hates me and won't talk to me lol...but what can you do...anyway...I hope everything works out for you

I think that you miss your ex but what can you do, you seem to long for him and maybe he feels the same. Sometimes we just need to let the other person know that we still have feelings for them and see what happens.