Why Do I Miss Him?

There's no reason I should miss him.  He was a total a**.  Many people tell me he cheated on me.  In my heart I know it's not true, it would've been easier if it was.  Still, he did a lot of bad things. First off, it was very important for me to be a virgin when I married, looking back I see why they are all that more important now than ever.  Too late for that though...he had different intentions.  He left me in the middle of nowhere several times (twice I can count at least).  He took a random girl from work to a friend's wedding when I couldn't attend without asking me. He has no idea how to be alone, he will take anyone before he has to be alone, probably even a prostitute. I could go on for a while...

The point is, despite everything, I loved him.  Which is a big step for me.  It's hard for me to trust people and to believe in "love".  He has now destroyed all chances of that.  I was so stupid...I should've seen it coming, I was only 18 at the time.  He was divorced, still in college at 23, and had a lame-*** job.  I am 20 now, and I still feel I have learned absolutely nothing.

I want to love my current boyfriend, but I feel like a horrible girlfriend to him. He is a total sweetheart, he even cleaned up my throw up when I was sick and said he'd stick with me through thick and thin (my ex was shallow and dense, I can't say the same for him).

Marshmellowed Marshmellowed
18-21, F
Aug 8, 2008