Tired of Her Memory Kicking My ***.
Who would someone be to lie about missing their ex? Emotional cripple! Well, right about now being what I used to be would come in handy. Sundays are the worst. In the decade we had, whether seperated by the distance from L.A. to S.D. or living together in our house in Monrovia, sunday was our day. When we had no money, we would take a walk and talk. When we had it all, it would be a day of going to Huntington Beach for breakfast, then whatever happened to pop into mind. Sunday meant laying in bed watching Extreme Makeover Home Edition. God, I hated that show. But, now I find myself watching it alone every sunday, wondering if she is watching too. I could go on and on, like we all do on here, I mean it is EP. Essentially a big crying location on the net.
I wish I could strike a balance between missing her and being able to remember 'us' w/o getting mad or sad. I can't figure out if I want to beat someone senseless or cry like a ***** to get this pain to go away. I am good at beating someone senseless, but in no way want to hurt anyone ever again, yet crying like a ***** makes me want to drink myself into someplace else. I fear someone or something will catch the wrong end of my pain, and I soooo do not want that to happen! I feel so volitile. Always have to an extent, but recently have put that nonsense to rest. But, here it comes again all brought about by the pain of missing her and knowing it is my fault.