I Hate Him But Can't Forget Him...

I broke up with my ex 9 months ago.  You'd think I'd be over it by now, but I'm not.  I hate that cheating SOB but yet I still love him.  I think I am over it and then wham it hits me again. 

We were together for 3.5 years.  I was madly in love with him and he told me he was too.  Last year I was supposed to be moving in with him.  It was going to be the start of the rest of our lives.  I don't pretend to be perfect but he also was not.  Last year, he was going away on business, he called me from the airport to say that he had forgotten his phone and would call me when he landed.  1 hour later my phone rings with his number, I answer (thinking, the idiot had his phone in his bag and had just realised) I hear a woman's voice, asking me why I was texting her fiance that I loved him and hoped he had a good trip.  I was shocked, and replied, he's my boyfriend.  Needless to say it all came out.  The entire time we were together he had a fiancee.  They'd been together 5 years.  She had no idea about me and I none about her.  We talked on the phone for over an hour, telling each other our story.  She was crying, and yet I wasn't.  I then called his brother, who he was travelling with and told him to call me the minute he landed.  He did, begging me not to speak to his other half, begging me to listen to him, how sorry he was and that he'd explain when he got back, if only I'd wait for him.  I told him it was over.  His fiance and I chatted continually over the next week.  I felt so sorry for her, I was there for her, listened to her, as she didn't have many friends she could turn too, because of her religion they didn't all know about him.

He got back from his trip and I (stupidly) agreed to meet him.  I still hadn't cried at this point, I'd tried to be strong, but seeing him I crumbled.  He begged for my forgivness and called her when I was with him, putting her on loud speaker to tell her he wanted to be with me.  This hurt, I didn't want to hurt her.  I agreed to give it another go, but something in me told me not too.  So after a couple of weeks I ended it.  He has tried to get in contact with me and as a result, I changed all my contact details.  I knew if I spoke to him, I'd go back, but how can I? He has since gone back to her.  I hope that they are happy and I know that they are still planning to marry. He has since found out my number and has been calling, so again I have changed my contact info. It hurts me deeply.  I still love him and think of him often, I wish I didn't. 

He should be happy that after all he has done to her that she has forgiven him and is willing to marry him.  I want him to find whatever it is he is looking for and be happy.

ooops ooops
2 Responses May 2, 2009

Flashbacks !!!! <br />
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I feel your pain! and i am sorry !<br />
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You are actually stronger than me ; you wish him happiness , but i wish him nothing but misery!<br />
I can't tend to forgive him for what he did! <br />
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Strong people cry, Hawlemnyair, but on things and people that are worth it! scums like those don't deserve a tear!<br />
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I will you all the best!

strong people cry also.