I Can't Do This.

This morning I was sitting with my sister in the living room watching a movie. My parents (and dog) were too tired, so they went to bed. The house was warm and quiet.

I spent christmas break with my family -- my sister, mom, dad and our dog. My parents recently moved into a new home, city, country. My sister flew up from the US and I flew down from the UK. It's the first year of many that my parents will have to themselves, aside from annual holiday get togethers.

Were grown up now, aren't we?

It's a new experience.

At uni I have to make my own food, buy my own groceries, take care of every single one of my needs. You might know what it's like, if you went to college or a university then you may know the feeling of at first freshman year christmas break, going home for the holidays - only to go back to school once break is over.

My family and I have a special bond. We love each other, there is no doubt about that. We care about each other, are constantly asking each other if we're okay: Are you hungry? There's some food in the fridge; You look tired, did you get much sleep last night? How's your headache, did you take some medicine? How are you? What are you doing? Where do you want to go?

It's the family relationship, many people have it - but it's always different for each family. It's always special, unique to every home.
Some families go through more hardships than others, some can work through it and others it takes a considerable amount of strength and courage.

Where was I?

I love my mom. I love my dad. I love my sister. I love our dog. (I love our cat too, she's off enjoying the west coast of America with grandma).

I don't know quite what it is, the feeling I get when I hug my mom, the feeling I get when I can laugh with my sister and the feeling I get when I see just how happy my dad is to see my sister and I home.

I miss them.

I have friends. . . had friends. I send them messages but they take an long time to respond. I get the sense I bug them.

What was I gonna say?

I'm a bit of a wreck I suppose. I can't control my emotions like I thought I could.

This is going nowhere.

I thought I could strike out on my own. . .

This morning, early morning -- a few hours after midnight my sister and I were watching a movie. We smiled, laughed, enjoyed each others company. I love my sister. I miss her. She's a perfect big sister. We annoy each at times, maybe half the time we spend with each other. but the other half, we laugh. I guess my family isn't as happy as could be. My dad has a lot of work, my mom does too - friends, family, me, my sister. My sister does also, coupled with never ending nerve pain.

Our family loves each other, always, we've been through some dark years - thanks to me.

I miss them. I don't know what else to say.

I flew home today, a 5 hour flight followed by a roughly 5 hour trip home form the airport to my room. I was on the verge of crying, and then I cried.

You might not see the genuine sincerity in this, but it's there. I'm just a really bad writer.

I don't know how I'm gonna survive these next 5 months without them right by my side. I don't know what's gonna happen next.

I saw a quote on a website today, I think it's really perfect.

"Now you understand why Peter Pan didn't want to grow up".
mywimpychest mywimpychest
18-21, M
2 Responses Jan 5, 2013

All my family lives in separate states I feel so alone. I grew up in the city, i have worked here and learned here, it hurts to be away from them most of my life after being a kid. I probably would not know how to interact with them for long periods of time at this point or have anything in common with the stay they are in but i feell so alone. Always living alone since my Mom moved away and. Her husband. I sometimes feel i drove her away as a teen and i miss her as an adult. She is the only on who loves me unconditionally and would never break my trust.

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