It's Been 15 Years And I Still Cry

My father was diagnosed with cancer a year or two after my parents got divorced when I was 4. I got to see him on weekends and holidays but every time he seemed different. One day, I was 5, I arrive at his house to find him sitting in his chair, one leg missing. No aesthetic leg on, wearing gym shorts. That's the way he was though. He figured If my siblings and I were going to find out, it should be outright and blunt. It took a few months but we got used to seeing it. He still managed to keep up with us and we learned to slow down for him sometimes. Another few months and he has a breathing machine and he looks very sick. After that, my last firm memory was my seventh birthday. I was at his house and he and I were sitting on the floor opening my presents. I remember the last one I opened was a set of Hot-Wheels. It was my favorite gift out of all of them because it was the one he bought for me. I was so excited I didn't even get all of them out of the box before I started playing with them. Two days later, my brother and I are in the other room at his house playing Super Mario and some family is over at the house helping take care of him. We had no idea what was about to happen. Two of my aunts and my oldest sister run into the room crying, holding my brother and I from leaving the room. My brother was the first to get free of their grasp and comes back shortly after with tears in his eyes. I wiggle my way out and rush to the family room. By the time I had gotten out, the medics were loading my fathers body onto the gurney. I watched silently as they took him out to the ambulance. I followed them out and watched from the window as they loaded him in. My father was the epitome of strength to me and now he was gone. I didn't cry or even talk until a week after the funeral. Once I did though, I couldn't stop crying. I still can't and it's been 15 years now. I guess the deeper meaning behind what I'm saying is that it's ok to cry, and it's ok to be weak sometimes. The real challenge is picking yourself back up and making yourself smile.
GoFastTakeChances GoFastTakeChances
1 Response Jan 10, 2013

i am also missed my father, he is not my father he is my friend, but he is not deid he is missed because he is angry with me i am realy cried every day