I want to be selfish... just for once

He was my first boyfriend and he really carED for me...cared with an -ED... but then again I don't know what happened... He said he wanted honesty, respect and loyalty... i gave him Loyalty... I respected him... when it came to honesty I didn't know what to say... I'm so confused about my feelings... I didn't know what to say... I told him that I do care but I'm having a hard time trying to show it... then when I finally told him the truth... it came out as "I do care... just not as much as you do"... I guess this sentence did have an effect in our relationship, and I noticed that he started to stay away... I'm just so scared cause I wanted him to stay... I want him to be with me...

I knew he had an ex-girlfriend who was willing to take him back... and they've been seeing each other at his work ever since they broke up... they broke up because he wanted to be with me, but I guess she won't give him up that easily... I felt betrayed at first but then I realized I wouldn't know that they've been seeing each other since I didn't even know this girl and I've never been in his workplace before... so why would he tell me if he can keep it a secret...

I believed he really liked me... and he also said he did love me... we've been going out for 3 months (I know that's a bit short), but for the first two months I felt that he was really there for me...

We'll be celebrating our 3rd month anniversary... and he said something to my sister like he's going to do something and he probably won't talk to me for a month... he's been different lately... and I'm just so scared because I want him to stay, but at the same time... I'm so mad at myself because he stopped smiling... I didn't know what to do... and it just tore me apart... I started to act different lately too... I've been really sarcastic whenever I'm talking to him... I don't know, but I think it's all my fault... I do want him to stay... and I want him to be with me... and me alone... but I'm also wondering, "would it be better if he was with someone else?"

Tomorrow night I'm gonna tell him what I feel.... while I still have the chance to... and I know it might hurt if he refuses me... and I know that being selfish is not good... but I'd rather take my chances.

meili_xy meili_xy
18-21, F
3 Responses Mar 20, 2006

what happened? i hope you told him how you feel because that is what you NEED to do. he os only staying away because that sentense hurt him a lot. i dont want to make you feel bad, you did what you thought was right and thats good but now u see what you should do next. DO IT BEFORE ITS TOO LATE. all the best.

OH God .. i 'll pray you'll find your true love once again .. cheerup~<br />
keep smiling..<br />
<br />

Heyy, my name is christine, and to tell you the truth i know exactly how you feel, i mean i drove sumone i truly cared about once, and it hurt, it hurt because the only reason he left me was because i was honest... You said what you thought was right, and hopefully he'll realize that your the best thing thats happend to him, if he wants a bit of space then you should give it to him, and you should definelty talk to him about how you feel, make him understand.. And trust me, if you could steal him away from his ex once you can definetly do it again. so dont be scared of losing him, cuz you wont..