So Much Time Has Went By..

I will start with saying I have had a rough life.. I met my true love when I was in High School... I was 3 years younger than him. He was 17 and I was 14.. My parent didn't like the age difference. So they ran him off.  He joined the Navy. A few years later, we met again. I feel so madly in love with him again. I would have given anything to be with him. ( and of coarse I did.) He was being stationed in another start, and my parents wouldn't let me go with him.. So we decided to get married.. Everything was perfect . We were so happy.. His first 6 month deployment I went to Italy to see him. And came home with a little more than a few trinkets.. We had our first daughter December of that same year... We were both so happy to have her. And when she was 5 months old again we were blessed with the news of another baby would be joining our family.. But at the same time I was scared.. I was now 19 and finding out that I would be responsible for not just one but 2 lives.. For you see him being in the Navy he was gone all the time and I didn't think I could handle it on my own. We began to argue all the time and then we both became distant.. He got into some trouble on him ship, I went to live with my parents... My daughters and I stayed their for quite some time.. And then my father passed away... I received a letter from him, saying sorry for my loss and that he wanted a divorce...  I cried for weeks... And then tried to move forward with my life for my daughters.. I worked and got my own place to live.. With the help of my family and his.. (His parent would watch the girls when I was working..) I even started seeing someone.. He seamed like a great guy.. Until he started to put me down all the time.. Next thing I knew, he started getting physical... Hitting me and pushing me into walls... I couldn't get away.. But I knew I could get my babies out of that, before he tried to hurt them.. So I gave custody of them to their father... It was the hardest thing I have ever done... But at least I knew they were safe. And he could never hurt my little girls... About a year and a half later I found a way to get out of their... I spent 6 months in a DV (Domestic Violence) Shelter..
I tried to contact my daughters father ( my ex would not let me get in contact with him because he knew I still loved him..) But without any luck..  Finally I found him on Facebook.. We talked and I asked if I can see the girls.. He said that would be good. A few days before we were to meet, I received a phone call that he and the girls and his mother had to fly to Texas because his grandfather was dieing.. I understood. But he came back a few weeks later.. His mother and our daughters stayed their.. To help the family their.. I have spoken with him a few times about when the girls will be back and he says he is trying to get enough money together to get them back here and have them a place to live.. His mother on the other hand will not answer my calls nor let me talk to the girls... Even with all that is going on I am still in love with him.. I would give anything to have our family back together.. We filled out the divorce papers 2 years ago.. I asked him for a copy and he said that he did not file them because he is not over it. I don't understand what that means...  I told him if we are not going to be together than we both need to try to move on.. He says he hasn't.. I try to write him and talk to him but he says he is not ready for that... I just don't know what to do.. I still love him even after not being together for 9 years.. I think I will always love him... I just don't understand... Help...   
scblue scblue
26-30, F
1 Response Nov 12, 2011

Maybe he just needs a little more time. I wish I could offer advice but I'm afraid I don't have the life experience for that. How are you now?