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Still Miss Her After 14 Yrs

i will never stop dreaming of never goes away.  i had my chance 14 yrs ago, but let others influence my has brought us new partners...and children....i sometimes wonder how many kids we would of had together....i think about how good it would be just to hold her again for a brief moment...and most of all, i wonder if she ever dreams of me.....??? 
mydreams mydreams 36-40, M 436 Responses Nov 24, 2006

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Has anyone tried EMDR? I found that it helped me. I recently have started it and have found that the pain started to lift little by little with each session. It can be intense as you are going through the session as I was going through different emotions but afterwards I found some relief to my surprise. I understand that everyone has their own unique experiences but I do understand pain that lasts as I lived with mine for 18 years. I was skeptical that anything would work but I did find some relief with EMDR.

What I've come to realize is that sometimes what you think would be closure years later on may just be more of a relapse. I would urge those who ended their relationships over serious reasons (cheating, neglect, abuse,etc.) to not travel back down that road. Here's my story (as embarrassing and shameful as some parts are):

I met my first love when I was 11 and she was 12. The real initial importance of this relationship is that she was my first lesbian crush, first girlfriend and first person I ever dated at all. We first met on a school sports team, and I immediately knew I wanted to get to know her- I just didn't know why at first. I kept my crush a secret and when I came out at 13, she quickly came out as well and soon asked me to be her girlfriend. I honestly don't think I will ever be able to mimic what I felt when I opened her note to me and read her tiny scrawling print that complimented my poetry and confessed her feelings for me.

We dated on and off throughout high school because my parents threatened to send me away if I kept dating her. As anyone knows, that only made us want each other more, so we dated in secret almost until graduation. Our hiding spot at the school, the brush of our hands in a passing crowd, the slipped notes as we crossed paths. I think all of that made me romanticize the relationship more than it truly was. She did propose to me during this time, but again, it was a secret between us.
We eventually ended things my senior year of high school when I suspected that she was cheating on me and that it really was just too hard sneaking around.

Fast forward to my second year in college- we had texted maybe once a year since our breakup, mostly with short 'I miss you's and 'What went wrong?'s. We unknowingly had a mutual friend who didn't realize one day that she was about to throw us into the same room. We shared an awkward hug, especially since her new girlfriend was with her, and I chalked it up to a pretty bad (but wonderful) experience. Somehow her girlfriend tolerated us becoming platonic friends, which was my true intention, but over time we got closer. 6 months later, we were sleeping together (it was always mind blowing) with her promise that she would dump her girlfriend soon. Of course that's a bad excuse for me sleeping with her, but I was still in love, so I was completely blinded. Eventually, she did dump her girlfriend and we got together officially. That lasted about a year, and then she got back into drugs, and our connection was lost once again.

I know that deep down I still have some bit of love for her, but I'm confident now that our chemistry would never be enough to sustain a relationship. Like OP, I still find myself dreaming of her (just did last night actually) 2 years after it all ended.

Sometimes people grow up. I let go of the love of my life because she turned to drugs in high school. Now she's left that all behind her, she's been married for a decade and has 2 kids. I've buried my feelings for her before, but they always come back. I wrote about her elsewhere in this thread. I guess what I'm saying is that sometimes people grow up and straighten themselves out. I hope that she's able to put her drug use behind her. Thank you for sharing your story.

Its been almost 4 yrs tht i have met her i am not even in contact of her ! We were in the same class we used to talk a lot i always looked for a seat next to her ! All was goin well but my freinds were like making fun of me in d the class tht really irritated me bcoz i didnt want to be d reason to make her feel embaresment so i decided to go and sit with my frnds circle instead of her this was d biggest mistake she didnt bother me much then then my grp started to make fun of her it piched me from inside i hated myself for not being able to do anything abut it ! She is a kind of girl who is 9 on 10 good in academics taking part in activities but a guy like me rather a 4 on 10 not so good in academics i hated to take part in events!
I strtd to develope a bad attitude in front of her egoestic tpye thing i was showing myself to be !tht was d next big mistake ! Later at d end of the class year she shifted to another high sckul bcoz of a specific stream she wanted to opt was not available it drove me even more crazy so i strted to talk on facebook with her but soon she was not so much interested bcoz of wat i had been actin d entire setion! When d last day she came i was so much obssed with my ego tht i didnt even wish her a goodbye or even get face to face and look into her eyes just once ! The final stroke of another mistake ! Later i tried to stay in touch with her via facebook but she lied to me and i caught tht lie ! I understood i am not d one she would consider in her life to be ! Dis led me to drinking tht i hated d most eventually started smoking ! Then drugs got busted in house twicethen left drugs bcoz i couldnt bare tears in my parents eyes ! Her life was goin perfectly i was the one ****** with my own life ! Maybe she was never interested in me ! I still see hers photos on regular basis i even hv her no but i dont contact coz i hated to be stalker or see anyone around me becoming one ! Now whenever i drink i think of her every nyt before i sleep i see her fb photos ! And whenever i get close to girl i just walk away for just strt maintaining a distance bcoz my soul my heart always say to me you lover your 1 st lov not any other girl ! Even if u end up with another girl how can u keep her happy bcoz at d back of d mind i will always hv her photos and memories ! If i get in a relationship it would make me feel tht iam toyin with some ones others life ! Which i can never let tht happen ! I hv always been shy kind of guy even from outside iam a cool dude with my other frnds who just lov to be with me but when i get into my room and bed i just cant evade of thinking abut her ! Didnt realize at dat tym life will get so f***** up without her ! I dont lyk to look at other girls or gv it a try on them or stuff like tht bcoz i just cant ! I dont knw why iam writin all of this in d middle of d nyt ! But ppl its for u if u found THE ONE dont let go ! Coz i dont anyone to end up lyk d way iam ! I hv strtd to gv hollow smiles to d ppl around me so tht iam not much in d notice !! :)

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I met my first love more than 15 years ago. I never until then, and never since then loved anyone as much as I loved her (including my now exwife). Not a day has gone by where I haven't thought of her. Our relationship deteriorated because of religion and people around her seeing that we were getting too serious. She is muslim and I was born hindu but consider my self spiritual but not religious or gnostic (not agnostic) but don't like titles, just ultimately except all religions as positive with universal knowledge in mind.Regardless, after we broke up, she moved on pretty quickly to a muslim guy, they dated for a longtime and are now married with a child. I have a child too and have been divorced for about three and a half years. I stayed out of her way and we haven't communicated for ages. It was a huge chapter in my life that was left unclosed.I have common friends with her and when I see pics of her or hear about her, I can't help but have the warmest feelings in my heart and smile ear to ear. I was bitter for a long time but there was a moment in my life where I overcame ego and pride to accept that I love her and always will. Since then, I have been a much happier and better man.Recently we met at a common friends' child's birthday and my son was sitting in a room with her and her daughter. So when I walked in, it was just us four. We talked and it was an amazing feeling. I can't remember the last time felt so much life rush through me. That was that until I met her dad recently. He was doing and interview on my business and I told him I knew his daughters and a few other people in their family. He didn't know I dated his daughter. Not long after I received a friend request from her on Facebook. I was taken aback because her husband had an issue with her talking to me. I accepted and a few hours later, she de friended me. I messaged her with a funny message and she wrote back saying she didn't send the friend request and maybe her dad sent it as her Facebook is always left logged in. We had a few laughs over messages and the last message I sent her lightly told her that she meant a lot to me and that hearing from her brightened up my day. I was not expecting anymore contact.A few weeks later she Facebook messaged me for my email address and then emailed me asking if I would like to meet her for lunch. I accepted easily and I can't tell you how nervous I was in the days leading up. We met yesterday and it was amazing, like not a day has passed since we last saw each other. It was so comfortable, so much fun, I felt so at ease. She said she would love to meet again. She said her husband is out of the country for 2 months but also mentioned good things about him so it doesn't sound like they are having issues. Now I am going crazy. I think in all of these years I have been love sick for her but after seeing her, I have feelings in my heart and gut and tears and lots of thoughts.One time meeting her is just not enough. I just have to meet her again but feel it's unethical to initiate. I told her I'd let her take the lead on initiating another meeting but want to meet her again as soon as possible. Once is just not going to cut it.I want to tell this girl the truth. That I love her, and I always have. That if she gave me her hand again, I would never let it go. Seeing her smile, talk, laugh, her mannerisms, they all melt me. This is eating me. Should I not have met with her and saved potential heart ache and the current flipped upside down feeling I am having? I can't stop thinking about her!Like another person said in a prior comment, this girl has always inspired me to write. I read through many things I wrote after our break up, before I met her yesterday, and it shows I was really a young man in love. What ever happens, it is all beautiful, but a part of me says that this person was my soulmate.I am very confused, on top of the moon, massive butterflies in my heart and stomach, smiling, and also scared. Love is crazy!!!

It's been 16 years, we were in high school, and I can't for the life of me figure out why it ended. I don't remember a fight, a goodbye, I just know I felt empty and had to find a way to move on. I'm married now, although I can't say I'm happily married. My wife and I are working on things but I'm not sure we're going to make it. I still miss my high school love.

She's married, has 2 kids, and I wouldn't dare tell her how I feel. She found me online 6 years ago, and I think she was looking for closure. I sent her a gift about a month ago, it was supposed to be anonymous, but I ended up contacting her to let her know it was on the way. We caught up briefly, she told me she's really happy, and I don't want to let her know for fear of compromising her marriage. I just have to hope these feelings fade into the background.

I wish I could find a way to move on, but I'm afraid I'll carry a torch for her for the rest of my life.

When I was 15 I fell madly in love with my 16 yo boyfriend. We broke up after about 6 months because of my stupidity (I was young & dumb!). Anyway, he just wiped me and I was heartbroken. I hated him for the first couple of years, then I met my first husband when I had just turned 20. We married, had 2 children and finally separated 20 years later when my 15 yo love friend requested me on Facebook (marriage had been very unhappy for many years, sleeping in separate beds etc) I had never forgotten him and as soon as he found me again we virtually picked up where we left off. We have been together for 20 months and are getting married in January. He was the love of my life, although my life has probably been a lot more successful than his turned out to be. This means I have a few lingering doubts, he burnt me once without looking back, will he do it again? He is probably more in love with me now than I am with him, but it just feels as though this is where and who I was meant to be with!

This is very surprising to me I also had some one very special in my life 8 years ago. now I'm married and have one baby with some one who also is very special to me and I love him very very much. but yes their is times when I suddenly dream of my ex and I start to remember all of our history together and I feel bad because at times I wonder how our life would be if we were together but we gotta learn to let go My theory of this is that no matter how happy or how much we love we will never forget our first true love and I also believe they feel the same way if they really loved you but we gotta understand it's history and it's made part of who we are now so when ever u reminisce just let it in and smile about it then appreciate more what u have because u know how it feels losing what u love the most. life is interesting good luck to all of us

I have the same story too! Its been 20 some yrs now. I have came in contact with him here and there..

I bet my story is Very weird compared to all of yours , I met my true love online I think it was my shyness that prevented me to meet one around my area back then , the relationship continued for about a year although she was from a different continent after that we broke up because of my stupidity , I let people affect my judgment and just threw here away like she meant nothing , felt nothing the first 3 months after the breakup guess I was just in denial , and she came back to speak to me , my mood got F***** I told her to leave and never come back she left back again popped up in my messages a year later I told her that I loved still loved her and I seriously wanted it to work but she denied it and said the only way this could work is if you would come to my country which was not possible back then , Its been 4 years since the break up now and I everytime I think I get over her I get knocked down somehow mostly with her coming back trying to talk to me as a friend or whatever bullsh** , today she did the same thing should up and spoke to me I acted cool and everything was laughing and had a pretty good mood actually , then I read some words online which stated something hurting the one you love the most and I bursted into tears for about 10 minutes ... right now I seriously dont know what the F*** is wrong with me Iam not alright at all I just hope to die or get wasted and get ran over by a truck or something because Iam having a feeling of guilt that I seriously can't bear .

If you can go now go. There are people in their 60s regretting not doing anything when they could. If it doesn't work you'll know you tried, then you can focus on the rest of your life. Lots of good things coming but you need to be alive to see them :).

Five years and I still miss my first love. We met as sophomores in high school and dated throughout college. When I graduated I broke it off because I felt I was more mature and hardly saw him anymore (I began working nightshift as an RN). From talking to others, I also thought I needed more 'life experience' than just dating my first boyfriend from my tiny hometown. I started dating a good guy friend immediately after the breakup to fill the hole in my heart. We broke up after a few weeks. That was the 2nd dumbest thing I ever did. If there was any chance of us getting back together, I ruined it. I have never missed anyone more than my first love. I cry thinking of him to this day. I have many sleepless nights each and every week thinking about him. I've been dating my current bf for almost 4 years now. I still miss my first and I'd leave in a second if my first love would even consider talking to me. I was so stupid. Our "problems" were nothing. #biggestmistakeofmylife. I miss you, Scott Michael Rosslow. You're the most beautiful person I've ever had the opportunity to meet. I hope you're having a better life with someone who appreciates you without having to lose you first. I hope you've not had to go through 1/1,000,000 of what I've been going through missing you.

Our stories are unbelievably similar. My first love and I met online when I was 17 and he was 21. My dad finally agreed he could come visit me and I've loved him since. He moved across the state to be with me after we only had weekend visits for the first year while I finished high school. We were together 4 & 1/2 years and so crazy for each other. I too, had other telling me I should see what else was out there. That I wouldn't be content with the same man all my life. We both made mistakes and I made him leave. He tried so hard to change my mind. He didn't want to go. For the life of me, i can't figure out who I was at that point in time. It was like something inside me broke when he cheated. I felt nothing for him. Didn't care if he cried or wanted to stay, just wanted him gone. He left and months later we decided to try again because I woke up and realized he's all I ever wanted. He kept putting off coming back home and a couple more months later I found out it was because a girl whom he'd hooked up with was pregnant. He was lost to me forever. My heart was shattered. I fell into deep depression and shut myself off to everyone. Despite all that, we stayed in touch and always talked a out one day being back together and how stupid we both were.. he said if things didn't work with the mother of his child, whom he never loved, he'd come back to me. When the time came, he didn't, he ended up with another girl whom he'd cheated on her with. She introduced him to hard drugs and he went down a very destructive path. He's now incarcerated and a felon. He still calls and writes me, still says he wants us to be us again more than anything. I feel like such a fool for wantin that too. It'll be hard for him to ever find a good job and he may end up using again. I feel like I've lost him 100x and I'm sure when he gets out of jail he will end up with someone else or his junkie ex given half the chance. I'm outta sight outta mind a d he thinks he has to always be with someone. I don't know if I should even be wanting him back but he is the most amazing person I've ever known. He just made bad choices. I know him. Like no one else does and he knows me that well too. He's all I've wanted since he's been gone. What do I do??

You do what your heart wants you to do buddy. I would offer up my opinion, but in the end it's not what would make you happy. What would make you happy is following what you think, after much deliberation of course. Think, is it worth it to get back with a felon whose banged up different girls in the past and the one he's with now is a junkie which turned him slightly into one? Only when you weigh the benefits vs the negatives can you find out truly what you want. Goodluck eh? Tell me what you end up deciding, if you're comfortable.

9 years ago I met the love the of my life. So irrevocably in love with him. We were from different continents. I lived there and he lived here with me for the 5 years we were together. He got homesick and left me. Said it was to see if he could truly get over living away from home and his family forever. 3 months passed and he told me he was coming back because he loved me too much. A few days before he was due to fly out he called to say he couldn't do it. I was completely heartbroken. Had to force myself to move on otherwise I would have just drowned in the heartbreak. The weeks following, he kept texting saying he was going to come back and that he made a huge mistake. He decided to come for a weeks holiday to see me before he did the big move later that year. I started having second thoughts and doubts that he would do the same thing again and not bother coming back. In the middle of this a colleague who I felt a spark for told me his true feelings and I started falling for him and a relationship progressed. I was honest with my first love and told him I just couldn't do it anymore and I've found someone willing to commit who loves me. It broke my heart having to break his but I just couldn't bare the indecisions from him anymore. He wouldn't stop contacting me for the first year and a half telling me how much he missed me, loved me and regretting everything he had done and wished things could be different. Another year passed and we stopped the contact. I started missing him and doubting myself for moving on so quickly. I started dreaming about him constantly, not just us being together but telling each other we'd meet again in another lifetime and confessing that we were each other's soulmate. The dreams were so intense and powerful I couldn't stop thinking about what I'd done. In the end I shook it off, our time had passed and it wasn't meant to be. We had our chance and he walked away not once but twice. I got married this year to the man who gave me hope after that heartbreak. He is so amazing and I love him very much but I always think of my first love and how passionate and full of love we were. My husband and I are strong but it pains me to say I don't feel that way about him as I do my first love even after all these years. There is something about a first love that is so so special. Today I saw a photo of him on Facebook with someone else for the first time and I feel stupid and selfish for saying I felt a little stab in the heart. He looks so happy now and I am happy for him. But I couldn't help thinking 'what if'. He will always be the love of my life.

My ex broke up with me almost 6 years ago, and I was never able to forget about her. There are many days that I don't think about her at all, but at night I just can't escape. Every single night she is in my dreams.

We had been together for 5 years. She was my highschool sweetheart. She is the only girl that I ever truly loved.

I feel guilty every day. All the things I could have done differently. All those times I put my personal stuff before her. How I took her for granted, and how I didn't try to learn a bit more about relationships. I was inexperienced, and didn't put the effort because I thought I had time.

We were about to get back together multiple times but I also made mistakes there. I was so in love with her that I acted like an idiot many times. I didn't really open myself to her because I was afraid.

Sometimes I wish I could just wake up with her at my side and realize it was all a bad dream.

That truly sounds like me and my high school sweetheart from the late 80's. We had been together for about 4-5 years and I dream of him all the time still and it is 25 or so years later. I broke up with him over something stupid and I listened to a friend of mine and I know I broke his heart - mine still breaks.

While in my first unhappy marriage I always dreamed of him coming and taking me away.

I've been in my 2nd marriage about 5 years so I don't know why I still dream of him. Last night I had a dream that we got married and I was soooo happy. WHY??

Your story sounds just like mine except its been 17 years for me. My 1st love and I have kept in contact here and there throughout the years and we both still love each other through everything , including marriages , births of children and other relationships. We were kept apart by distance (2,000 miles) and still are today. It's a very hard secret to have to live with. Hopefully, one day we'll find peace. Good luck to you.. Please reply with authenticity, support, and respect

This sounds like what happened with me and my ex. I actually cried when I read this. We were high school sweethearts and did everything together. We were even engaged. I was with him for 5 years and it's been about 6 that we've been apart. I was so young and dumb and didn't realize what I had. All my friends in college and at work we're saying that "no one stays with their high school boyfriend". I could kick myself for leaving now. I miss him so incredibly much. Even after we have both moved on and married with kids. I'd give anything to be back with him. Life was so much easier and I was so much happier with him. I'll truly never love another guy the way I loved him. It's just not possible.

So blessed that 5 months ago and after 25 years apart, out of the blue the "one" called me. We are across the country from each other and he used internet searches to find me. He's been divorced for years and I had just finished mine....could not believe the irony. I had always wondered why we had separated and it has been soothing to have that closure and understanding from each other's perspectives. We spend countless hours talking to each other. And even with the 3 hr time difference, he makes a point to call me every morning to wake me -- my own personal alarm clock. I cannot wait for fall when we have a chance to spend a week together.....until then I am the happiest I've been in years.

Its not worth all the pain, tears, doubts....
We always assume that things would have been perfect if WE were with our true love...... so tell me one thing. when you were with your true love, why didn't you realize it back then? coz maybe things weren't as good as we imagine them to be. Being a human , we always think of great things that might have happened however just know that everything happens for a reason. Maybe you are better off with your current spouse then you would have been with your first love........ So guys please appreciate what you have now. Close the chapter of the past. You might realize after a few years that your true love might be the one who is with you, sharing his/her life with you, caring about you, loving you, forgiving you and NOT just a fantasy...... Appreciate life and the people who STAY with you and never leave you behind...

That's not the way it is. Many of us never get the love that we had once in our life. We keep missing that moment.

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The last time I saw my first and true love was 11 years ago, I still miss her everyday every time I closes my eyes and think about her it's like she's stood In front of me skill in and I've only blinked for a second. Out of everybody I've ever met her voice is the one I remember but I was young and threw it all away and as I've got older I've realised how in love and infatuated with her I was. She's now married with kids and lives two towns over where as I moved away for college and ended up back in my home town living near her parents which makes it hard to forget and let go of her. I often look up at the stars and wonder if she's happy, if he treats her right and if she would have been happy with me or wether we where just never ment to be. I regret nothing in my life apart from letting her go that was my one and only regret. I hope to one day maybe get the chance to hear her, see her, hold again but I know as we get older the chances get slimmer and slimmer untill all that's left is the great journey beyond this life where I believe we will be with our true loves again but untill that day comes I can only dream.

I miss you N

Wow thats beautiful. Its amazing how we can all relate to one another. Love is a beautiful thing!

Ouch, everything about this truly hits home. What a sweet thought to look further than in this life to hopefully realize a love lost.

This sounds eerily similar to my FL.. including your nickname. Except mine never moved away for college that im aware of. Never thought guys think of their firsts

You should try to find her , she may feel the same way.

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From the point of view of a dumpee. Yes I got dumped by my one true love 18 years ago. I truly love him. Alhtough our relationship lasted more than a year, it is in him i gave my whole heart to.

I am now married and has a child. He (my ex) now has children. Sometimes he (my one true love) would text messages and it really hurts to restraint myself in telling him how much i still love him and although he broke my heart into pieces, still each and every broken part loves him.

Similar situation that happened to me with my high school sweetheart she had moved away and even to this day I still wonder whether or not if you think of me and I wonder whether she got married.

3 years ago I lost my girlfriend of 5 years. I was a fool. I took her for granted and didnt appreciate what I had. She left me and ever since, my life hasnt been the same. I met her when I was 23. Im 30 now. Ive had several relationships before her, but until I met her, I didnt know what real, true love was. She was my first real love. She was the first and last person I truly fell in love with . My 5 years with her changed who I was as a person, changed how I viewed relationships and love in general. She was everything Ive always wanted and is everything I want now. Ever since the break up, my life has been empty, without meaning. Its like im just a shell of the person I used to be. Im not me anymore. I tried to move on, but no one compares to her, no one has come even close to her. Im currently in a relationship. Im kinda happy I guess, but I still feel empty, still feel that loss as if im grieving from a death. I think about her everyday, I dream about her, I miss her so much. Its like im just killing time until im able to be with her again. I think if 20 years went by, Id still feel the same way. 6/17

I like how your story also proves that your first love is not always your first bf/gf.

Aww. I miss mine, too. He always visits me in my dreams, as an angel, because he died 4 years ago. He was my first love & I think of him every single day. 👼🙏

I'm sure she is, I know I still dream about my first love. His eyes are the color of the ocean. And I can still remember the first time I saw him across the room...I still love him even though I have a totally different life, I sometimes daydream about him and wonder if he thinks of me too.

It's been 4 years since i broke up with my ex. i know it hasn't been long compared to everyone else here but till this day i regret breaking up with her. every night is where she comes back in to my mind and she always appear in my dreams. we gone out for about almost a year. I met her online from like a dating website. every single night i called her, there wasn't a day when we were together i wouldn't call her. she was my first girlfriend, i never had any friends that were girls in high school. We used to talk about meeting for the first time and also about our future together, how we were going to get married and have kids. At the time i was like 15 years old, yea i was still a kid but this was like my first girlfriend and i took it serious with her. I was head over heels with her and i was completely in loved with her. its been like 9 months together i was about to start my junior year. in the middle of september, she didn't text me, or called me. i tried repeatedly calling her and texting her but no answer...its been 1 month since i talked to her and i was depressed bc i talked to her every night and since she wasn't talking to me it felt abnormal for me. So my friend told me to moved on and thats where i made my biggest mistake of my life. He made me go on a blind date that he setup hoping he can make me forget what happen. it kinda work and it was different bc it was face to face interaction. Than a week gone by and i got a call, i thought it was the girl i went out with that my friend set up but it was my girlfriend. She was crying and telling me that she was so sorry and that her mom took away her phone bc she got into a fight with someone at her school. i listened to her but i chose not to forgive her, and i broke up with her. i was so stupid, i should have forgiven her and still be with her bc the girl i got set up with turned out to be a B***H and disrespected my family, so i broke up with her after being with her for 6 months. I tried contacting her, texting her saying im sorry, i was stupid, please take me back, etc. Every night i will call her hoping she will pick up but no answer. i would leave her voice mail saying that im sorry. no replies. than one day i call her for one last time and she finally answer, but i didn't expect this. She said" what the hell do you want!!" i reply ' i want you back with me' we talked i begged and begged and begged hoping she will take me back. than she said yes. i was so happy and she said to call her back next week bc she had to study. so a week past and its friday. i dial her number into my phone and..."sorry the number you put in has been disconnected please check the number and dial again'. when i heard that my heart just dropped, my smile went away, my eyes started to tear. so i quickly check the number and it was right, so i called and same message came up, again and again and again. i couldn't believe. after that i wasn't the same. i spent probably a whole year trying to find but no luck. i looked if she had a facebook, twitter, myspace, or anything but nothing came up...i knew what city she lived but i don't know her address. soon i began giving up bc i tried everything i can. I will never forgive myself for leaving my first love...never bc that was the biggest mistake of my whole...till this day i cry myself to sleep bc i can still hear her voice saying that she loves me. also the worst part is i will never ever kiss her, hug her, cuddle with her, hold her hands, take her out, look in to her eyes, nothing. I'm still in her love with her and i will always love her till the day i die...also i have given up on her. i cant find her and my heart isnt complete without her, and everytime i think about her my heart spread out this pain thru my whole body.

It's been 6 years since my ex and I broke up. We met when I was on a school trip to New York and exchanged numbers. I lived on the complete opposite side of the country as him, but we still occasionally talked and eventually decided to date, regardless of the distance. I was a sophomore in high school and he was a senior. He visited for the full week of his spring break and another 3 weeks that summer to check out colleges in Nevada and California. He later got accepted to a college near me and we were able to spend more time together. Our relationship was long distance for almost 6 months before he moved closer for college. Our relationship was going great and we hit our 1 year mark. I started my junior year of high school and things went downhill. With the stress of having to balance work and school, we got into more arguments and I eventually screwed up by telling him I want to see other people. We talked on and off for a couple months and it eventually stopped. We are still friends on Facebook, but don't talk. I'm in a relationship now and have a 2 year old. He moved back to his home state to finish veterinary school and is also in a relationship. I often find myself daydreaming about the relationship we had and the plans we made. Even after 5 years of not talking to each other, I still miss him and think of him daily.... I wonder if he thinks of me too

Its been almost ten years since she left me. I am married now with a daughter, but still think about her every day. I dream about her. I dream about the children we never had. I live with the constant fear that I will see her somewhere. I feel so dead inside.

Hm I'm just curios.. What if u got back together with ur first love, would u miss ur wife the same way u miss ur first love now? :]

I relate to this so much. 11 years ago I ended things with my first love. We had been together for two years and things were so perfect. We were best friends, we were insanely compatible lovers, and when we fought (and we fought!) he knew exactly how to reach through to me and we were never mad for long. The problem for us was I was two years older than he was and I went off to university while he was only beginning his jr year of high school. That whole first year that I was away was miserable for both of us. We cried over the phone all the time, and when we did manage a weekend visit, we spent the whole time holding each other and crying all over again! It hurt so much and I couldn't imagine another year of the same. Selfishly, I couldn't focus on my studies when I was so incredibly homesick for him all the time and so I tried to end things that summer. I will never forget the hurt on his face, or the way he clung onto me, or the sound of him crying and pleading with me. I will never forgive myself for that night as long as I live. But the worst part was he continued to show up at my door every day for weeks until my parents finally told him to stop knocking. Then he would just come and sit in his car outside of my house and watch my window, and leave notes, and flowers. I knew it was only a matter of time before I ran out to him and begged him to forgive me. And I think he knew that as well. And so finally I agreed to talk with him and I said the one thing that I knew he couldn't argue me out of, I told him I wanted to see other people. Which was probably about the cruelest most untrue thing I could have ever said to him. That was the first time I ever saw him actually get angry, and that was THE LAST time we ever spoke. He never tried to call me or see me again. At that young age, I was naive enough to believe that he was going to someday forgive me for what I said, and that we would end up back together. But as time went on I came to realize how absolutely unlikely that was. I eventually met someone, married and had three children and I have heard through mutual friends that my first love is now married with three children as well. I love my family and the life we have built together, but part of me still aches for the love I once knew. At times I find myself thinking of him and the horrible night I ended things, and I find myself crying all over again. The worst part is knowing that he probably doesn't ever think of me at all.

Aw that sounds pretty sad :(

"The worst part is knowing that he probably doesn't ever think of me at all."
If all you're saying is true, there is no way he doesn't think about you every day...
Blessings to you, take care

Me Still Love Her We r Far Last Four Years But Me Missing Her Soo Muchh She Is Married Now n She Have Kids Also But Me Still Love Today Me Too Muchh Cry Coz Missing Her n I Want Her Back Again In my Life But How????

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