Still Miss Her After 14 Yrs

i will never stop dreaming of never goes away.  i had my chance 14 yrs ago, but let others influence my has brought us new partners...and children....i sometimes wonder how many kids we would of had together....i think about how good it would be just to hold her again for a brief moment...and most of all, i wonder if she ever dreams of me.....??? 
mydreams mydreams 36-40, M 411 Responses Nov 24, 2006

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You should text her or find her on Facebook :)

17 years ... he took away life from me.. .....I was full of life and happy go kind but my first love betrayed me ... I thought I'll be able to move on but the aching heart and undisclosed pain..... all have become part of life... I am seemingly happily married.....but the life is incomplete.

I miss my first relationship a lot. Good thing is that I was brave enough to tell my current boyfriend about it. I try to be as rational as I can though, because my first boyfriend left me, he had lots of emotional issues and I remember I was desperate and heartbroken when I felt like I loved him more than he loved me. It lasted for 3 months and I was 17 back then. I miss the exciting feeling, I was more infatuated than I ever was. But I got hurt. And I am not giving up to these thoughts, I try to let myself grieve and miss my time with him and we are friends still. Still, my brain tells me what I have now is much better and I do know it too. My feelings and memories are just messing my head up, I guess it's because my current relationship isn't based on infatuation and thus it isnt as exciting. But it is much more, its deep trust I never had with my first love. I tell myself I will just always think the grass is always greener on the other side.

Hi, Just be glad you go back into a relationship. It's be a cool 2 years for me and to this day I've subconsciously pushed anyone who's come close away from me. The majority of my pain comes from the rejection, and if this rejection happens to come from the first person you ever loved, then it can be even more heartbreaking.

Hi! I think it depends on why you got rejected. I knew my first love was depressed and scared of commitment and if it would hurt him or me.. To this day he hasnt been with anyone else as far as I know. So it wasn't as bad, we still dated for a little while and I'm grateful for that time.

It had been 17 years we parted. It was his decision. He left me for another girl, he had to marry due to family pressures. I didn't believed him then and now for this...and the scar he left in my soul is irreparable. We had an affair for less than a month although in my heart I had love for him for three years.. not sure of his but he said so....I hate him for doing this to me. But then, deep down in my heart and thoughts I wish a life with him . I still miss him... He seems to be happily married and so am I???. I have a great and understanding husband.. what these feelings are...???. I want to get rid of any thoughts..feelings. ....I want to pour all my feelings here on this forum and free myself... but I know its not possible... Does anyone suffer like this.. is this justified...

I woke up about an hour ago from a vivde dream about my first love. Its always the same, me knowing he is in the same place but barely just catching a glimpse of him. I again woke up feeling this ache within and it's been going on for around 8 years now since we lost touch.
I have been married now for about 15 years but my first love reached out to me some 12 years ago rhrough sporadic text messages and phone calls. I even tried to set him up with a friend but he didn't even meet up with her. At some point the messages got a bit more personal and we ended up confiding what we still feel about each other and crying about it on the phone. he apologised for contacting me and said he didnt mean for this again to happen and he just somehow wants me to be still a part of his life even just through texts or phone calls.. Deluding ourselves that we are still acting within the bounds of decency, we decided to meet up and talk about everything for the last time. But before we even got to meet, I texted him quite honestly that there really is no point in meeting up. We will just break our hearts once again because there can really be nothing between us because I am married now and with kids, too. His final message. I love you, I will always love you.... And that was 8 years ago.

Aww.. I swear this exact thing is going to happen to me.. Do have any feelings for him still? Were there any before? What turned him away from you in the first place? Im sorry for all thes Q's. Im in your first love's position and dont want to end up like him... You are in a hard spot.. He has been. If I am right and he is like me, your first love really does still love you and would be more than happy to finally hear from you but It will end in heart break and only re stir his aching heart.. You are married and have kids, love the ones you're with and maybe someday you can show him how real it is that your first love cant be with you by introducing your kids and husband to him... maybe you can be good friends and he wont be infatuated as much..

He is my one true love. But I realised it too late. I was young and stupid for throwing away what we had. i just broke up with him because I thought i was too young to be in any sort or relationshio. He got married first, got divorced soon after and came running back after the divorce but I was married then.

Im sorry that happened to you but look at the bright side! You have a family that Im sure loves you a ton! You two lost out on one another but life is like that.. A lot goes the way we don't want it to and some how he has to realize he cant have you and you can't have him. I hope you two can keep moving on in life and reaching your dreams. Dont get stuck in the past any longer than a while. It sucks you in and it hurts.. Take care!

I'm sure she dreams of you too...I guess there are so many people like you, myself included. ..I never wondered if he dreamt of me, I thought he didn't as he was the one who left. .. But now, nearly 15 years after, both married with children to other people... he wants to show me that he always loved me...It would have never crossed my mind leaving my husband for anyone as I have a full understanding of what commitment really is, though my husband never did. .. But if I look in my heart after all this years, my true love is still there. ..I haven't seen him yet, though we text a lot. .. You would have probably have had lots of kids.. As I would have had too, though my marriage only gave me one! I'm sure she dreams of you, but then perhaps it's better if you tell her. . Even after all those years! I'm not the type to do daft things just because we only live once, but then telling someone that no matter what they do, there will always be a place in your heart for them, it's not one of those things. .. It feels good to open up, even after all those years and yes, I still love him! Always will!

I have been in this similar situation, only to find that it was the fantasy of true love rather then the other person that was really missing.. I hope you can follow your heart and be authentic to the life you a living each moment..

I have the same feelings. I found my first love when I was a sophomore in high school. We dated for 2 years. I was absolutely, and completely in love. The kind of love you can't explain it til it hits you like a warm blanket. The kind of love that every second of the day you want to be with her and no matter what we did no latter how small it was still amazing because we were together.
I made the mistake my Senior year in High School of breaking up with her. I gave in to all of my single buddies coercing me into being single and enjoying my last year in high school or I'd regret it.
Well, I do regret it. Breaking up with my first true love! I was heartbroken but was masked by going out with my buddies all the time to ease the pain and distract my mind on what I really loved.
After High School we both moved on. She met a guy and they are still together, but not married and no kids.
As for me I got married, and divorced about a year and a half later. But the whole time I couldn't stop thinking about her. I couldn't find that undying love, that connection, that beautiful spark that happens when you meet your one true love. I kept asking myself, "I love my wife", but it's just not the same. Don't get me wrong I did love my wife she was a great person, but we just didn't click.
So I don't know what to do. I still dream of my first love, still hope that one day we will meet again, somehow. Kinda like serendipity. But who knows. It's been 13 years since we've been broken up and I still get mad at myself for giving in to peer pressure and breaking up with her when I did. I constantly think if I wouldn't have broken up with her that we'd still be together. I just don't know. The one thing I do know for sure is I have never been in love with someone like this before. And that's what kills me. ;(


And Lauren H. If you read this. This is you.

My first love was in high school. I was a senior, and she was a sophmore. The sad part was, I only got to express my love for her in the end with a love poem I had created for her. On the last day before I left for college, I had given her the poem. She read it, and all I remember was her running to me and gave me a long tight embrace, and a simple kiss. The weeks that came..we lost contact for I thought about her 16 years, and many times I was in tears because I already knew I had lost her. I am married now to someone else, but I still think thought of her. Now my heart no longer aches at the least, as. Have met her on Facebook and have friended her. I am happy at the least glad that she is taken care of, and that she is happy. I too have a happy life with my wife, but I still think to myself: "What if we never lost contact?" The one that I loved the most was the one that got away.

I googled this topic.. and after reading everyone else's story, I think I'll contribute. I found my first love in high school at the age of 15. Many people will say this is too young to have genuine love for a significant other, but that isn't the case for me. After a year I had to break up with her because she came clean with me and confessed that she never really loved me and didn't want to break up with me because she didn't want to seem like the "bad guy." It's been five years, and I've been dating someone else for over 3 years now. I still dream of my first love, I still think about her daily, I still love her, I'd still die for her, and I still wonder what things would be like and if things would have worked out had we dated at a later time.

My current girlfriend does not deserve this. I'm questioning whether or not I'll ever be able to love someone the way I love my first love. It's just a terrible situation.

It feels right to move on and get a girlfriend when you feel like you cant get over your true love that just seems unattainable. I went through a relationship and had to end it because I felt it was so unfair to be constantly thinking of the girl I cant have. I went a long time single and felt fine so started a new relationship with the most amazing girl! But the care and feelings I have for the other girl always come back. Its a hard thing to get away from!

I've had the same feeling only made the mistake of letting her go over 30 years ago and I see her for the first time on Facebook.She married and has two grown children and her Mom is also alive and on Facebook.I friended her but I did not try to contact her and I won't interfere in her life.I'm single and seperrated from a woman that I lived with for over 20 years but it wasn't the same with her,just a friend and not my love.I miss my past girl all the time and wish I could relive my life over again and not mke that same mistake.....

Fred - thank God - I thought I was insane, but I finally found another man who has my illness. It's been 35 years for me. Everyone will tell you that time heals, I've waited a long time for that miracle cure, but it hasnt happened and I have grown to understand that at least for me it never will. How foolish we are when we are young, so casual with love, not knowing that it will never come again. I thought I could make a life for myself, just move on like everyone says, but it's not as simple as that. Like all other parts of the body, the heart doesnt re-grow. When we give our heart to someone, even when they dont love you back, you never get your heart back. More frequently now, I step out onto a ledge of despair, recognizing the damage that I've done to myself will never be repaired. The only thing that pulls me back are my children who I love dearly. Unlike you, if I could do it all over again, I would have run from her, would have lived in a hole under a rock somewhere. In my books it is better never to have loved at all.

After ten years.. I feel the same. I have moved along but I will never stop dreaming of her. I wish she could understand the heart that's here for her and how much compassion I have always had for her.

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There is no judgement when one speaks of the heart- and expresses from the heart. If you sit in your quiet moments and feel the vibration of unconditional love- there is no judgement, there is no "you should" OR you shouldn't's." You just love- you love who you love and that is all. I think there are many individuals on this site that are beginning to become in tune with their own hearts and it is the heart that NEVER forgets. It is simple- the heart Loves............And it loves...... And it loves.....

I had a similar issue with a girl i met 9 years ago when i was going to church i fell in love with this girl she had the most prettiest smile but i guess fate had other plans and it never worked out i still think about her from time to time and wonder what future we would have had if it was not for a few things that got in the way i feel wrong and ashamed that i still think about her to this day only because some people would say "move on get over her

I met this girl 9 years ago. I am a girl as well. i had an obsession with this girl. I was in middle school. How can someone at that age have so many feelings over someone. I have been this girl's friend for three years. Every night when I spent the night with her, I held her hand. We would hold each others hand in the middle of the night not saying one word to each other. I think the fact we are both girls, kind of scared us for the fear of society. We were so young. We would continue this tradition of holding hands every weekend. I was so in love with her... I didnt know how to tell her. We never spoke about what we did. We just did it. One night I decided to kiss her. After i kissed her, she got out the bed and turned on the lights. I think I scared her. She ended up making new friends. We never spoke after that. I was in tears. She never wanted to hang out. She never spoke to me. I feel like I never got that closure from her. It just ended so fast. Fast forward. After a couple of years i have tried to date many many men. They werent the same as her though. She was soft. The guys were rough. I then realized maybe Im gay. I didnt want to be... but she was always running through my mind. 5 years later I met the love of my life. She is a girl. She loves me and i love her. We are so happy. Im so happy to be with her. I care about her so much. I fell completely in love with this girl Maria. We have been dating for almost 4 years now, but that other girl was and is still on my mind. We have contacted long ago. i asked her what happen that night when I kissed her. She said she was scared. She didnt know how to handle the situation. So she chose to ignore it. She did tell me though that she too was in love with me. She doesnt realize how much that hurt me. She still doesnt today. I wonder is it possible to be in love, but miss someone else at the same time? Or is it that Im not actually in love? But i couldnt imagine my life without Maria, but at the same time, I want to go back to her. I want to try again. Is it wrong? What do I do?

I would recommend that you not try to pursue this girl from 9 years ago... you aren't in love with her... you are in love with the memory of her. Both you and she have moved on and developed in other ways, and as a result, you can't go back home again.
Put it behind you. hang onto the one you've got.

Its been 22 years and I still love my first love too.. sometimes I will have vivid dreams of her, I miss her so much.. but were both married now. Sometimes I think of contacting her. I don't chose to feel this way, I have gone on with my life but there's no way I will ever stop loving her...that will never happen even if I want it too. I feel what most feel in my situation..deep regret.. and wondering what kind of life we would of had. She will always be the love of my life. It's not something easy to deal with at all.. when I dream of her .. the emotions are so raw..and I don't talk about it to my wife or anyone I keep it to myself. Those who say to let the past go don't understand , when u have a speacial connection with never forget it..even after 20 + years.

I have been missing my first love for 24 years. I am married, hes never been married. I love him but he doesnt love me. We last saw each other about two years ago. Hes never been good to me so why cant I move on? I have dreams several times a week that im looking for him and I always find him after a long search. After I see him he rejects me and hurts me. Same dream over and over. I awake crying. He has a girlfriend but he changes girlfriends like underwear!! I need professional help because I hurt every single day and I am in alot of pain. I was with him from the age of 15 to 20 yrs old. Why do I love him so much? I dont understand.....

I understand you completely. Im so sorry for your loss. It feels like you have lost them to death but they are still around. I have severe depression from the loss of my first love and I cant talk to anyone about it because noone would understand. I feel alone and sad every day of my life. I just cannot shake my pain. I wish u peace with your situation but its almost impossible to achieve. 24 years and Im still heartbroken

Don't let it rob you of happiness in your life, thats what i tell myself. I love my wife, but deep down i can never love anyone the same way i did her.. i guess i have learned to accept it. I though of contacting her but she appears to be happily married so i think it would be wrong but at the same time a big part of me wants her to know how i feel. Not an easy situation to be in.. but i have found happiness in my life despite that. I can go for weeks.. months even that i won't really think of her.. and then i will have a very vivid dream of her and thats when its tough.. after that happens for the next few days i will be down.. i will feel emotional.. i will feel like being alone. Its been that way for years for me. i recently thought of her again and its always crazy tough.. but at the same time i want to hold on to the great memories we had together.

Maritimer, I'm experiencing the very same thing. I'm married too, but I think of a girl I don't see since 1998. In all these years, every once in a while, I thought about her, but lately this feeling has become more and more intense, to the point that for weeks I can't help but missing her. She's married now and has two daughters, but differently from you, I decided to contact her via Facebook. She told me she was happy to hear about me and so on, but I made a terrible mistake: I told her I never forgot her friendship and that I would like to keep in touch. She never replied to this last message and now I know I loast every chance to stay in contact. I love my wife, I don't have intention to betray her nor to ruin my or her marriage, but in my heart I feel that this life didn't write all the pages of this story yet. I feel that in the future we will meet again. What puzzles me is that this feeling is so pure. I'm not looking for sex nor passion, I just feel a tender feeling, just the wish to be with her, to get in touch again. So childish, if you know what I mean.

I know how you feel. Don't feel bad for telling her the truth about missing her friendship and wanting to keep in touch. Never feel bad for expressing your true feeling. Maybe she doesn't know how to respond to that. You should always be prepared for that she is happily married and she is loyal to her husband.

I think you can move on love again like I did but you never forget your first love . It took 2 years and I dated many guys till I met my husband and felt sparks again . But never like my first love . I reconnected with my first love almost 2 years ago . We are close friends live in different states . I'm married . He is divorced and has a girlfriend he lives with for 3 years . It's very complicated . I've seen him when I went back home . I still love him as much as I did back then 24 years ago . I love him so much it hurts . I'm not happily married but I was at one point . I know it's not easy but try to date .. Try to find someone to fill the emptiness . That is how I was able to move on . Life is short . You live once . I know it hurts but try to find someone to make you smile again .

Heal your broken heart.. It is possible. x

I understand this feeling, completely. I keep all of these feelings to myself to...EP is my only place to share what I'm going through....

I'm new to the EP, only been a couple of days.. I know sometimes it feels good to share stuff with others you wouldn't share with your friends or partners.

If it wasn't for EP and the ability to share my feelings about my situation I don't know how I'd manage.....

I feel the same way . I feel a deep connection to my first love after 24 years . I saw him the first time 2 years ago . . We used to talk about getting married when we were together for 2 years . He was the love of my life . I fell in love again with my husband but it was different . We had some good years but for the most part we haven't been happy . Still with my husband moved to another state have 2 kids . My first love is divorced living with his girlfriend for 3 years . The first time I saw him 2 years ago when I went back home it was amazing . I felt that same love ,so deep so intense . We became friends .we talk every week . I have seen him a few more times . The times I saw him are the happiest I have felt in years . I want to divorce my husband but feel bad for my kids . I dream of reuniting with my first love and living happily ever after . My first love tells me he loves me and sometimes talks like he wants to be with me someday . I don't know if that will happen . But I love him so much it hurts . It's complicated with my first love . When he was getting separated I was going through marital problems my husband cheated on me . Why couldn't I have found him then ? I cry when I think of how much I love my first love and the life we never had together .

I feel the same as you about someone, also after 20 years, I've moved on and had 2 children but have never felt that connection with anyone else.

Ok for special connections, but if it was so special why did you both move on with other people? I wonder how your wife feels that she is not the love of your life? And because of your attachment to a past love, past memory at a younger time in life when things were easier you could not even see the woman of your dreams might be right in front of you - yet your wife stands alone with you beside her..
I am the wife in a situation like this only they did have a affair, almost leave their other partners only to realise it was not each other but a past memory of easier times they were in love with and what they really wanted was right in front of them.. If I was you and you want any real connection with anyone, seek professional help and then open your heart to your wife.. If you dont have small children and have been together for years, your bond could grow stronger and it will either open your hearts to the connection you seek or you and your wife will be free to be truly loved and loving..

Sorry, to be authentic I have to add that it's not all roses and really it's been a roller coaster ride for the last 3 years with my ex partner even again recently opening up contact with her and having his heart really broken.. It is a really hard situation.. As they say though "until you heal your first relationship, you are going to find it hard to have a healthy love relationship.. All the best I just feel for you wife..

I really do have compassion for your situation.. It is a very similiar situation for me as well... Chances are if you were touched as deeply as you are- she probably feels the same way too. Love never dies. The heart cannot stop loving. Keep writing and do your very best to live your life fully. If you can get to a place within yourself where you are deeply joyful with your life ~ still aware of your love for her- I guarentee you will feel more peace within... I understand the lonely walk at times- almost feels like you may be living two lives at once at times.. Even if you have not crossed one single boundary. The heart loves who it loves. I believe strongly there is a time for all things and perhaps your time will come again. Until then- LIVE your life- passionately, fully. Best.

You are not alone in your situation... I can relate to many things that you share. It can be challenging to be married and love the person and respect the person that you are married to~ and to still be in love with your first love. Chances are she probably feels the same. Listen to your heart, with respect to everyone involved- and let it lead you on your path.

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I'm on the receiving side. A girl from almost 15 spent her time looking for me. Her parents split us up. They told me she hated me. I burried deep and moved on. Joined the Army, got married and divorced. Became a roughneck. Then one day, to get ahold of old Army buddies, joined Facebook. She was friends with my sister, and as soon she my profile, she messaged me. Nobody would tell her where I was. Spent 14 yrs looking for me, while I forgot about her long ago. She is Texas and I'm in Wyoming. Now I'm more than happy to move back south, since I miss Dixie, but she is in love with a ghost. I ain't that 17 yr old boy anymore. I have travelled the world. Seen more hell than I care to admit. I have more scars than heart. Yet she still wants to try again. I think she is crazy, and I don't want to hurt her. 14 yrs is a long time.

Go for it. She loves you.

You got the point: she loves a ghost as well as me. My rational part tells me that I love the memory of that girl. I was 17 too back then. I really can't love her. Today she's 36, two daughters, a job and an husband, so a completely different woman. Nevertheless, being a freaking acquarius, my heart keeps pushing the boundaries. Next week I'll be in her hometown for work. I wonder what could happen if I meet her.

Go,Go,Go, for Her and don't look back

Give her a chance. If she finds that you are not for her, then that is her decision to take.

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I am in love I think

When its true love both partners will recall their happy times together.
How could anyone forget the best love.

I broke it off with my love 14 years ago. He was, and still is, in the military. He wanted children and I didn't. Now, he's married with children. In one way, I'm happy I broke it off. I never could have given him what he wanted. But in another way, it breaks my heart every single day. I can remember everything about him. The way he smiled, the way he looked at me, the way he smelled and just how my hand felt in his. I remember our first kiss like it was yesterday. Not a day goes by that I don't think about him. I wonder if he ever thinks of me. I wonder if his heart longs for me the way mine does for him. What I wouldn't do for just one more day, one more kiss.

The sane story for me. What i did is I just contacted my ex one day i was drunk. I wrote to him through facebook and told him i still loved him after 7 years apart. He told me he didnt have any feelings for me and that he was sorry for ir but was the truth. I Still cant move on but knowing he doesnt love me helps a bit because i means i must learn to move on: it would t ever work, he doesnt have dreams like i do about him, he doesnt feel connected to me, and well.... Thats is. My story is the worst lol.

The best love if not yet found is still to come-the first true love will forever be the best.
But falling in love again does not mean there is no real love there.

We all have a tendency to remember what was good and forget what wasn't working and we compare it to what falls short input present life. Memory is a tricky thing....

Memory and memories are what helped many have many happy special times in their life.
With a love that never dies.

Do me a favour and listen to this song:
Roads Untravelled- Linkin Park
there is also a Reliving Things Remix of the same song. Take your pick ;)

I broke up with my boyfriend of 2 years just before summer because I wanted a summer for just myself. I was 17 at the time. I met a boy. A year older than me, tall, maybe 6'2, chestnut coloured hair, and bright blue eyes. And he was everything I hated. Popular,womanizer and reckless. But I learnt that there was more to him than what met the eye. And just like that he became my summer love. Of course 2 months on I had to leave. But I thought of him often. I was completely enthralled with him. And 7 years on I still remember every little detail about him. How his brows would creas in deep thought or how when playing Rugby the rest of the world seemed invisible or how he'd come up behind me and whisper the words I don't dare say. Everything. And I've tried to move on. But I'm always left thinking 'was my summer love the one?'

I'm only 15, and my first love broke up with me back in May, so many months ago now it seems. I loved him so much and after trying soo hard to get over him, I just can't. I keep loving him over and over again and I keep holding on to every bit of hope that's left. We are good friends now but he lies every once in a while, although his intentions are always good (people misunderstand this boy, and I feel as though I'm the only one who loves him for who he is)

I know he is only my first love, but he seems like my True Love. We were perfect together (our relationship lasted about 4 months) but I think the only reason we separated was because we were both inexperienced and eachothers first love.

My friends and family believe that I am stupid for not letting this boy go, but how can I? I intend on waiting for him, because I think I deserve one more chance, since our relationship broke due to misunderstandings and loose ends...

I love him so much. I jut keep thinking that we will be together someday. I know I'm only young, and that he is young also, but young love is the strongest and purest love. :)

I understand, I understand completely. No one love is the same. And there's no "appropriate" age for love. It's out ofour control

I broke up with my first love 15 years ago because he was not ready to settle down. We both married other people and have kids. There really has never been a time that he hasn't been in my heart or on my mind. I always wondered if he ever thought about me or even truly felt as strongly for me all those years ago as I did for him. Well because of that great little invention FB we reconnected- and thru talking I have realized that yes indeed he had thought of me thru the years. We have had a couple of chance meetings- one he kissed me just to see if the sparks were there- of course it was awkward and I honestly don't know if either of us felt anything. We continued to stay in touch- he probobly knows more about me than anyone- I guess you could say in some ways he is my best friend. Well another opportunity to run into each other presented itself and we had a couple hour conversation- as friends- then he kissed me--the fireworks went off and continued to explode- it is very safe to say that the first love spark is there and never went away!!!

I too missed my first love
So, 30 years after seeing her last I went and found her. She was single with kids, as was I. We got on really well, but the spark that was there for so many years just wasn't there when we met.
Often in life the memory is sweeter than the reality.

When i read some of peoples stories , it makes me feel like i have never really been that in love with anyone. I want to feel like that , i want to feel like if iam not with that person its like though i can't breath . To bad that iam married and maybe there's a person somewere who will make me feel like that.

Let me ask you, why did you marry your partner if your not in love with her? LOL, you married for a reason, and if your wife isn't around, how would you feel???
You could be living right now living with your soul mate.

I already sent this to someone else, but it bears repeating. I met the woman of my dreams while I was in college. She was pretty, sweet, soft and loving. Even though it's been over 40 years, I've never gone one day without regretting her loss in my life. I fell hopelessly in love with her. I met her parents. I held her hand while we walked along a riverbank, just enjoying every single minute with her. And I let her go! When she transferred to another school, I didn't persue. You see, Mary was Catholic and, as such, would never have been accepted by my parents. I've spent all these years in regret that I didn't stand up for myself and follow my heart. Mary, wherever you are and however life has treated you, know that I still love you and desperately wish I could have had you and your love for me.