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Still Miss Her After 14 Yrs

i will never stop dreaming of her....it never goes away.  i had my chance 14 yrs ago, but let others influence my decisions.....life has brought us new partners...and children....i sometimes wonder how many kids we would of had together....i think about how good it would be just to hold her again for a brief moment...and most of all, i wonder if she ever dreams of me.....??? 
mydreams mydreams 36-40, M 442 Responses Nov 24, 2006

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I am 20 now, I fell in love with my first love in middle school, I have had big impacts on my life and I still have my feelings that I had with him, I was young and completely in love with someone that treated me so nice, we were with each other everyday, it was an amazing feeling. After a while I went into high school and everything changed. We were both filled with so much pride.. That's what broke us. I regret it, I always think about the what ifs. During our relationship we had break ups and he would always end up at my house w an apology. I took it for granted, I understand why he grew his pride. the last time we had a fight he didn't come back, he wanted me to be the one to apologize but I had way too much pride for that.. I would rather go to party's w my guy friends and I knew it killed him inside but as the big bad boy he was he acted like it didn't bother him.. He was tough on the outside but I knew him really well. he was the sweetest person I ever met. I always think about him and the times I had chances to say sorry. but when I did he wanted nothing to do with me.. I fell in depression and I was mad at myself. I missed him everyday, I missed my beatfriend. Even if I talked to other guys I could never get his smell, his face, his touch out of my head. I was so desperate to move on! I didn't want to hurt anymore. I thought I'd I give myself to someone like I did to him I would feel loved like I did with him. it was not that. I ended up pregnant with a guy that i didn't know so well, I only chose to sleep with him bc I had only slept w my first love and I thought if I sleep w him I'll grow feelings and feel that love like I used to feel w my first love. I didn't, and It was a mistake. I now have a beautiful little toddler that is the best thing in my life and I'm a single parent bc I decided that I wasn't going to be forced to be with someone I didn't love. The crazy thing is when I had my son all I wanted to do was tell him about him.. He was the first person on my mind. and that hurt me everyday. I don't know why I feel this way for him. I don't know if its just me, or if this really does happened to people. I see that after so many years he finally has a girlfriend, it doesn't really bother me, it just hurts bc that's what I wanted with him, but we were so young and stupid. I had erased him from social media and now that I posted up a new account he requested me. I guess he just likes to see how my life is going. I have dreams about him and I think about him a lot. After 4 years I still have thoese feelings, Its crazy. But I have faith and hope. I always have. if it's meant to be it will be. I just wish I knew if he ever thinks and dreams of me like I dream and think of him.

I'm really amazed to see all these people telling that they never forgot their first love. It's been eleven years for me and I'm just 22. I can't see this as normal thing, I mean I blame the dreams, because if weren't for it I would already forget him. I don't believe in those things, but do you believe there is any chance of destiny? Because I really want to forget him, and he appears on my dreams almost every days. And now that I'm seeing this here, I think it's really strange that so many people has the same thing.

I fell in love at 17 we are 21 now and she broke up with me. The reason she broke up with me was because she started to think she wasn't ready to comitment or marriage or to move in woth me..She tells me I'm the only one and she will always love me..she tells me she wants to marry me one day...I think she may be going through a phase of confusion. I have seen high school sweethearts have just eachother their whole life...but she somehow got lost..idk what to do I'm falling apart I'm so in love with her..she tells me she misses me and thinks of me everyday..but want to be fair an 100 into the relationship like I am. What do I do?

Ive' had my ex for the last 7 years in the back of my head. I am not a person who often has dreams in general but when I do it's about her and they wake my emotions up. It's so weird, at first my dreams were that she hated me and made me feel like I was worthless which were the worse feelings waking up. But more recently in my dreams she is friendly with me and shows friendship. Sometimes I think im just messed up in the head. It's been like 4 years since Ive heard from her. She knows some of my old friends and i see pics of her here and there but i dont actively look for her anymore. Yes my mind wonders at times and I think what if??? then i remember why we had problems but we were young. I love this girl so much, losing an arm would of hurt less, atleast thats what i thought back then. What sucks is that I see her in everything, is like i want to do everything with her. I am with someone now, she is a person with such a good heart and I care about her. But I think that I will never love someone the way i loved my ex. But i think that is how things are, love is changes. I think no one i know personally knows how i feel but i gotta move on.

I am unhappily married with a child and my first true love actually lives up the hill frome how I don't know how that happened we dated all through high school young and stupid I suppose is why we broke up.. But it hurts so bad he is not married and has no kids but I am and now that is I a m older I was trying to find him in my husband I suppose when I was younger and it didn't work I can not get out of my marriage because those are different reasons even if I did I just had a hysterectomy and could not have more kids which I can't take away from someone who has none but I still for the life of me can not figure out how we ended up 2 houses apart in a neighborhood..I wonder all the time if he moved there cuz I live here but we were inseparable as teens and young adult 15-20 years old to be exact and I dfind peace in the dreams I have of him.. I miss him but we can only bare to wave at each other now even though the memories gets so overwhelming I guess it could be coincidence he moved there cuz I lived here first but my biggest action is does he still care or am I just crazy thinking he does

Same here love with all my heart I was marrie and I choes my daughter at the time I borke her heart and I ask god for forgives she marrie now with lovely childern if you ever read this briteyes I so sorry I was a ------ I allways love you my girl all most 18 I could have you both but I was blind hopely before I meet my maker I can tell you how sorry iam. I love still briteeyes

It's been 8 years for me. I loved this girl with every ounce of my being. I mean, we were perfect together. Of course we had a few difference like anyone but the love we had for each other was too powerful for anything to stand between us. We are both married now, to different people. I love my wife but I have never loved anyone the way I loved her. I just had a dream about her....we were sitting on the same couch as one another in a room full of people and I was in complete bliss knowing my love was next to me. I often hope our lives will turn out alright. However, sometimes...life sucks...and we don't get the one we truly love. I actually write this with slight hopes that she will read it and know it's me. I still love you and I always will.

Sometimes you find the person of your dreams at the wrong time in your life. Too young, not established or experienced, etc. That love will remain with you wherever you go. There's no escaping it. My first love was an angel and a knockout. I miss her ever-day. Even though I've found love elsewhere in my life, I'll always want her and wished it could have happened for us. Even on your death bed, tears are in your heart for your first true love.

Has anyone tried EMDR? I found that it helped me. I recently have started it and have found that the pain started to lift little by little with each session. It can be intense as you are going through the session as I was going through different emotions but afterwards I found some relief to my surprise. I understand that everyone has their own unique experiences but I do understand pain that lasts as I lived with mine for 18 years. I was skeptical that anything would work but I did find some relief with EMDR.

What I've come to realize is that sometimes what you think would be closure years later on may just be more of a relapse. I would urge those who ended their relationships over serious reasons (cheating, neglect, abuse,etc.) to not travel back down that road. Here's my story (as embarrassing and shameful as some parts are):

I met my first love when I was 11 and she was 12. The real initial importance of this relationship is that she was my first lesbian crush, first girlfriend and first person I ever dated at all. We first met on a school sports team, and I immediately knew I wanted to get to know her- I just didn't know why at first. I kept my crush a secret and when I came out at 13, she quickly came out as well and soon asked me to be her girlfriend. I honestly don't think I will ever be able to mimic what I felt when I opened her note to me and read her tiny scrawling print that complimented my poetry and confessed her feelings for me.

We dated on and off throughout high school because my parents threatened to send me away if I kept dating her. As anyone knows, that only made us want each other more, so we dated in secret almost until graduation. Our hiding spot at the school, the brush of our hands in a passing crowd, the slipped notes as we crossed paths. I think all of that made me romanticize the relationship more than it truly was. She did propose to me during this time, but again, it was a secret between us.
We eventually ended things my senior year of high school when I suspected that she was cheating on me and that it really was just too hard sneaking around.

Fast forward to my second year in college- we had texted maybe once a year since our breakup, mostly with short 'I miss you's and 'What went wrong?'s. We unknowingly had a mutual friend who didn't realize one day that she was about to throw us into the same room. We shared an awkward hug, especially since her new girlfriend was with her, and I chalked it up to a pretty bad (but wonderful) experience. Somehow her girlfriend tolerated us becoming platonic friends, which was my true intention, but over time we got closer. 6 months later, we were sleeping together (it was always mind blowing) with her promise that she would dump her girlfriend soon. Of course that's a bad excuse for me sleeping with her, but I was still in love, so I was completely blinded. Eventually, she did dump her girlfriend and we got together officially. That lasted about a year, and then she got back into drugs, and our connection was lost once again.

I know that deep down I still have some bit of love for her, but I'm confident now that our chemistry would never be enough to sustain a relationship. Like OP, I still find myself dreaming of her (just did last night actually) 2 years after it all ended.

Sometimes people grow up. I let go of the love of my life because she turned to drugs in high school. Now she's left that all behind her, she's been married for a decade and has 2 kids. I've buried my feelings for her before, but they always come back. I wrote about her elsewhere in this thread. I guess what I'm saying is that sometimes people grow up and straighten themselves out. I hope that she's able to put her drug use behind her. Thank you for sharing your story.

Its been almost 4 yrs tht i have met her i am not even in contact of her ! We were in the same class we used to talk a lot i always looked for a seat next to her ! All was goin well but my freinds were like making fun of me in d the class tht really irritated me bcoz i didnt want to be d reason to make her feel embaresment so i decided to go and sit with my frnds circle instead of her this was d biggest mistake she didnt bother me much then then my grp started to make fun of her it piched me from inside i hated myself for not being able to do anything abut it ! She is a kind of girl who is 9 on 10 good in academics taking part in activities but a guy like me rather a 4 on 10 not so good in academics i hated to take part in events!
I strtd to develope a bad attitude in front of her egoestic tpye thing i was showing myself to be !tht was d next big mistake ! Later at d end of the class year she shifted to another high sckul bcoz of a specific stream she wanted to opt was not available it drove me even more crazy so i strted to talk on facebook with her but soon she was not so much interested bcoz of wat i had been actin d entire setion! When d last day she came i was so much obssed with my ego tht i didnt even wish her a goodbye or even get face to face and look into her eyes just once ! The final stroke of another mistake ! Later i tried to stay in touch with her via facebook but she lied to me and i caught tht lie ! I understood i am not d one she would consider in her life to be ! Dis led me to drinking tht i hated d most eventually started smoking ! Then drugs got busted in house twicethen left drugs bcoz i couldnt bare tears in my parents eyes ! Her life was goin perfectly i was the one ****** with my own life ! Maybe she was never interested in me ! I still see hers photos on regular basis i even hv her no but i dont contact coz i hated to be stalker or see anyone around me becoming one ! Now whenever i drink i think of her every nyt before i sleep i see her fb photos ! And whenever i get close to girl i just walk away for just strt maintaining a distance bcoz my soul my heart always say to me you lover your 1 st lov not any other girl ! Even if u end up with another girl how can u keep her happy bcoz at d back of d mind i will always hv her photos and memories ! If i get in a relationship it would make me feel tht iam toyin with some ones others life ! Which i can never let tht happen ! I hv always been shy kind of guy even from outside iam a cool dude with my other frnds who just lov to be with me but when i get into my room and bed i just cant evade of thinking abut her ! Didnt realize at dat tym life will get so f***** up without her ! I dont lyk to look at other girls or gv it a try on them or stuff like tht bcoz i just cant ! I dont knw why iam writin all of this in d middle of d nyt ! But ppl its for u if u found THE ONE dont let go ! Coz i dont anyone to end up lyk d way iam ! I hv strtd to gv hollow smiles to d ppl around me so tht iam not much in d notice !! :)

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I met my first love more than 15 years ago. I never until then, and never since then loved anyone as much as I loved her (including my now exwife). Not a day has gone by where I haven't thought of her. Our relationship deteriorated because of religion and people around her seeing that we were getting too serious. She is muslim and I was born hindu but consider my self spiritual but not religious or gnostic (not agnostic) but don't like titles, just ultimately except all religions as positive with universal knowledge in mind.Regardless, after we broke up, she moved on pretty quickly to a muslim guy, they dated for a longtime and are now married with a child. I have a child too and have been divorced for about three and a half years. I stayed out of her way and we haven't communicated for ages. It was a huge chapter in my life that was left unclosed.I have common friends with her and when I see pics of her or hear about her, I can't help but have the warmest feelings in my heart and smile ear to ear. I was bitter for a long time but there was a moment in my life where I overcame ego and pride to accept that I love her and always will. Since then, I have been a much happier and better man.Recently we met at a common friends' child's birthday and my son was sitting in a room with her and her daughter. So when I walked in, it was just us four. We talked and it was an amazing feeling. I can't remember the last time felt so much life rush through me. That was that until I met her dad recently. He was doing and interview on my business and I told him I knew his daughters and a few other people in their family. He didn't know I dated his daughter. Not long after I received a friend request from her on Facebook. I was taken aback because her husband had an issue with her talking to me. I accepted and a few hours later, she de friended me. I messaged her with a funny message and she wrote back saying she didn't send the friend request and maybe her dad sent it as her Facebook is always left logged in. We had a few laughs over messages and the last message I sent her lightly told her that she meant a lot to me and that hearing from her brightened up my day. I was not expecting anymore contact.A few weeks later she Facebook messaged me for my email address and then emailed me asking if I would like to meet her for lunch. I accepted easily and I can't tell you how nervous I was in the days leading up. We met yesterday and it was amazing, like not a day has passed since we last saw each other. It was so comfortable, so much fun, I felt so at ease. She said she would love to meet again. She said her husband is out of the country for 2 months but also mentioned good things about him so it doesn't sound like they are having issues. Now I am going crazy. I think in all of these years I have been love sick for her but after seeing her, I have feelings in my heart and gut and tears and lots of thoughts.One time meeting her is just not enough. I just have to meet her again but feel it's unethical to initiate. I told her I'd let her take the lead on initiating another meeting but want to meet her again as soon as possible. Once is just not going to cut it.I want to tell this girl the truth. That I love her, and I always have. That if she gave me her hand again, I would never let it go. Seeing her smile, talk, laugh, her mannerisms, they all melt me. This is eating me. Should I not have met with her and saved potential heart ache and the current flipped upside down feeling I am having? I can't stop thinking about her!Like another person said in a prior comment, this girl has always inspired me to write. I read through many things I wrote after our break up, before I met her yesterday, and it shows I was really a young man in love. What ever happens, it is all beautiful, but a part of me says that this person was my soulmate.I am very confused, on top of the moon, massive butterflies in my heart and stomach, smiling, and also scared. Love is crazy!!!

It's been 16 years, we were in high school, and I can't for the life of me figure out why it ended. I don't remember a fight, a goodbye, I just know I felt empty and had to find a way to move on. I'm married now, although I can't say I'm happily married. My wife and I are working on things but I'm not sure we're going to make it. I still miss my high school love.

She's married, has 2 kids, and I wouldn't dare tell her how I feel. She found me online 6 years ago, and I think she was looking for closure. I sent her a gift about a month ago, it was supposed to be anonymous, but I ended up contacting her to let her know it was on the way. We caught up briefly, she told me she's really happy, and I don't want to let her know for fear of compromising her marriage. I just have to hope these feelings fade into the background.

I wish I could find a way to move on, but I'm afraid I'll carry a torch for her for the rest of my life.

I know the feeling, it's been 18 years for me and at this point I know it will never go away.

I think you should find her and let her know how you feel or there will come a day you will regret that you didn't.

When I was 15 I fell madly in love with my 16 yo boyfriend. We broke up after about 6 months because of my stupidity (I was young & dumb!). Anyway, he just wiped me and I was heartbroken. I hated him for the first couple of years, then I met my first husband when I had just turned 20. We married, had 2 children and finally separated 20 years later when my 15 yo love friend requested me on Facebook (marriage had been very unhappy for many years, sleeping in separate beds etc) I had never forgotten him and as soon as he found me again we virtually picked up where we left off. We have been together for 20 months and are getting married in January. He was the love of my life, although my life has probably been a lot more successful than his turned out to be. This means I have a few lingering doubts, he burnt me once without looking back, will he do it again? He is probably more in love with me now than I am with him, but it just feels as though this is where and who I was meant to be with!

This is very surprising to me I also had some one very special in my life 8 years ago. now I'm married and have one baby with some one who also is very special to me and I love him very very much. but yes their is times when I suddenly dream of my ex and I start to remember all of our history together and I feel bad because at times I wonder how our life would be if we were together but we gotta learn to let go My theory of this is that no matter how happy or how much we love we will never forget our first true love and I also believe they feel the same way if they really loved you but we gotta understand it's history and it's made part of who we are now so when ever u reminisce just let it in and smile about it then appreciate more what u have because u know how it feels losing what u love the most. life is interesting good luck to all of us

I have the same story too! Its been 20 some yrs now. I have came in contact with him here and there..
symbols&dreams

I bet my story is Very weird compared to all of yours , I met my true love online I think it was my shyness that prevented me to meet one around my area back then , the relationship continued for about a year although she was from a different continent after that we broke up because of my stupidity , I let people affect my judgment and just threw here away like she meant nothing , felt nothing the first 3 months after the breakup guess I was just in denial , and she came back to speak to me , my mood got F***** I told her to leave and never come back she left back again popped up in my messages a year later I told her that I loved still loved her and I seriously wanted it to work but she denied it and said the only way this could work is if you would come to my country which was not possible back then , Its been 4 years since the break up now and I everytime I think I get over her I get knocked down somehow mostly with her coming back trying to talk to me as a friend or whatever bullsh** , today she did the same thing should up and spoke to me I acted cool and everything was laughing and had a pretty good mood actually , then I read some words online which stated something hurting the one you love the most and I bursted into tears for about 10 minutes ... right now I seriously dont know what the F*** is wrong with me Iam not alright at all I just hope to die or get wasted and get ran over by a truck or something because Iam having a feeling of guilt that I seriously can't bear .

If you can go now go. There are people in their 60s regretting not doing anything when they could. If it doesn't work you'll know you tried, then you can focus on the rest of your life. Lots of good things coming but you need to be alive to see them :).

Five years and I still miss my first love. We met as sophomores in high school and dated throughout college. When I graduated I broke it off because I felt I was more mature and hardly saw him anymore (I began working nightshift as an RN). From talking to others, I also thought I needed more 'life experience' than just dating my first boyfriend from my tiny hometown. I started dating a good guy friend immediately after the breakup to fill the hole in my heart. We broke up after a few weeks. That was the 2nd dumbest thing I ever did. If there was any chance of us getting back together, I ruined it. I have never missed anyone more than my first love. I cry thinking of him to this day. I have many sleepless nights each and every week thinking about him. I've been dating my current bf for almost 4 years now. I still miss my first and I'd leave in a second if my first love would even consider talking to me. I was so stupid. Our "problems" were nothing. #biggestmistakeofmylife. I miss you, Scott Michael Rosslow. You're the most beautiful person I've ever had the opportunity to meet. I hope you're having a better life with someone who appreciates you without having to lose you first. I hope you've not had to go through 1/1,000,000 of what I've been going through missing you.

Our stories are unbelievably similar. My first love and I met online when I was 17 and he was 21. My dad finally agreed he could come visit me and I've loved him since. He moved across the state to be with me after we only had weekend visits for the first year while I finished high school. We were together 4 & 1/2 years and so crazy for each other. I too, had other telling me I should see what else was out there. That I wouldn't be content with the same man all my life. We both made mistakes and I made him leave. He tried so hard to change my mind. He didn't want to go. For the life of me, i can't figure out who I was at that point in time. It was like something inside me broke when he cheated. I felt nothing for him. Didn't care if he cried or wanted to stay, just wanted him gone. He left and months later we decided to try again because I woke up and realized he's all I ever wanted. He kept putting off coming back home and a couple more months later I found out it was because a girl whom he'd hooked up with was pregnant. He was lost to me forever. My heart was shattered. I fell into deep depression and shut myself off to everyone. Despite all that, we stayed in touch and always talked a out one day being back together and how stupid we both were.. he said if things didn't work with the mother of his child, whom he never loved, he'd come back to me. When the time came, he didn't, he ended up with another girl whom he'd cheated on her with. She introduced him to hard drugs and he went down a very destructive path. He's now incarcerated and a felon. He still calls and writes me, still says he wants us to be us again more than anything. I feel like such a fool for wantin that too. It'll be hard for him to ever find a good job and he may end up using again. I feel like I've lost him 100x and I'm sure when he gets out of jail he will end up with someone else or his junkie ex given half the chance. I'm outta sight outta mind a d he thinks he has to always be with someone. I don't know if I should even be wanting him back but he is the most amazing person I've ever known. He just made bad choices. I know him. Like no one else does and he knows me that well too. He's all I've wanted since he's been gone. What do I do??

You do what your heart wants you to do buddy. I would offer up my opinion, but in the end it's not what would make you happy. What would make you happy is following what you think, after much deliberation of course. Think, is it worth it to get back with a felon whose banged up different girls in the past and the one he's with now is a junkie which turned him slightly into one? Only when you weigh the benefits vs the negatives can you find out truly what you want. Goodluck eh? Tell me what you end up deciding, if you're comfortable.

9 years ago I met the love the of my life. So irrevocably in love with him. We were from different continents. I lived there and he lived here with me for the 5 years we were together. He got homesick and left me. Said it was to see if he could truly get over living away from home and his family forever. 3 months passed and he told me he was coming back because he loved me too much. A few days before he was due to fly out he called to say he couldn't do it. I was completely heartbroken. Had to force myself to move on otherwise I would have just drowned in the heartbreak. The weeks following, he kept texting saying he was going to come back and that he made a huge mistake. He decided to come for a weeks holiday to see me before he did the big move later that year. I started having second thoughts and doubts that he would do the same thing again and not bother coming back. In the middle of this a colleague who I felt a spark for told me his true feelings and I started falling for him and a relationship progressed. I was honest with my first love and told him I just couldn't do it anymore and I've found someone willing to commit who loves me. It broke my heart having to break his but I just couldn't bare the indecisions from him anymore. He wouldn't stop contacting me for the first year and a half telling me how much he missed me, loved me and regretting everything he had done and wished things could be different. Another year passed and we stopped the contact. I started missing him and doubting myself for moving on so quickly. I started dreaming about him constantly, not just us being together but telling each other we'd meet again in another lifetime and confessing that we were each other's soulmate. The dreams were so intense and powerful I couldn't stop thinking about what I'd done. In the end I shook it off, our time had passed and it wasn't meant to be. We had our chance and he walked away not once but twice. I got married this year to the man who gave me hope after that heartbreak. He is so amazing and I love him very much but I always think of my first love and how passionate and full of love we were. My husband and I are strong but it pains me to say I don't feel that way about him as I do my first love even after all these years. There is something about a first love that is so so special. Today I saw a photo of him on Facebook with someone else for the first time and I feel stupid and selfish for saying I felt a little stab in the heart. He looks so happy now and I am happy for him. But I couldn't help thinking 'what if'. He will always be the love of my life.

My ex broke up with me almost 6 years ago, and I was never able to forget about her. There are many days that I don't think about her at all, but at night I just can't escape. Every single night she is in my dreams.

We had been together for 5 years. She was my highschool sweetheart. She is the only girl that I ever truly loved.

I feel guilty every day. All the things I could have done differently. All those times I put my personal stuff before her. How I took her for granted, and how I didn't try to learn a bit more about relationships. I was inexperienced, and didn't put the effort because I thought I had time.

We were about to get back together multiple times but I also made mistakes there. I was so in love with her that I acted like an idiot many times. I didn't really open myself to her because I was afraid.

Sometimes I wish I could just wake up with her at my side and realize it was all a bad dream.

That truly sounds like me and my high school sweetheart from the late 80's. We had been together for about 4-5 years and I dream of him all the time still and it is 25 or so years later. I broke up with him over something stupid and I listened to a friend of mine and I know I broke his heart - mine still breaks.

While in my first unhappy marriage I always dreamed of him coming and taking me away.

I've been in my 2nd marriage about 5 years so I don't know why I still dream of him. Last night I had a dream that we got married and I was soooo happy. WHY??

Your story sounds just like mine except its been 17 years for me. My 1st love and I have kept in contact here and there throughout the years and we both still love each other through everything , including marriages , births of children and other relationships. We were kept apart by distance (2,000 miles) and still are today. It's a very hard secret to have to live with. Hopefully, one day we'll find peace. Good luck to you.. Please reply with authenticity, support, and respect

Thank you for posting that. It has been 25 (plus) years for me also. My first love broke up with me, and I was devastated. Eventually I got on with my life, but in the last year or so I have started to miss her again, and I wonder if she ever regrets what she did, or if she ever misses me.

The only way to find out is to find her and let her know how you feel. A love like that is a once in a lifetime love and chances are she may still love you too. You could start by finding her on facebook and sending her an innocent "Hi, how have you been?" and you will find out quickly. Good luck to you.

I have thought of that many times, over the past year or so. But I am not sure it would be a good idea.

About 3 or 4 years after we broke up, I ran into her at a local patio restaurant. By then I had my degree, was starting to do well in life, and was genuinely happy to see her. At the patio I tried a couple of times to talk to her. She had no interest in talking to me. She spoke to me with such contempt that it was obvious that she found me distasteful. She then very quickly left with all her friends. It hurt more than I can describe. It probably hurt more than the break up.

I just do not want to risk being spoken to like that again. If she has no use for me I do not need to have it rubbed in my face. Yes, I would like to contact her, but right now, I am just not up for the possibility of a repeat of that night on the patio.

My ex seemed to not have interest in me for a few years after our break up ( he broke up with me and left me devastated too ) , it was just his way of coping , but come to find out a few years later when he called me to tell me he had regrets and his love for me never left. So, just because she acted like that then doesn't mean she doesn't have feeling for you and the only way to find out is to contact her.

It might be easier to contact her through facebook (online) versus seeing her in person. You don't want to have these kind of regrets on your death bed and it's a hard secret to live with. Send a simple "Hello, how are you ?" and see where it goes ? If it goes no where ( cuz that's what happened to me at first ) maybe you can do what I did. I sent my ex an email letter letting him know how I felt , so I knew I did everything I could and he knew how I felt and it lifted a tremendous weight from me too . You will never know unless you let her know . I think you should give it another try. Good luck to you.

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This sounds like what happened with me and my ex. I actually cried when I read this. We were high school sweethearts and did everything together. We were even engaged. I was with him for 5 years and it's been about 6 that we've been apart. I was so young and dumb and didn't realize what I had. All my friends in college and at work we're saying that "no one stays with their high school boyfriend". I could kick myself for leaving now. I miss him so incredibly much. Even after we have both moved on and married with kids. I'd give anything to be back with him. Life was so much easier and I was so much happier with him. I'll truly never love another guy the way I loved him. It's just not possible.

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So blessed that 5 months ago and after 25 years apart, out of the blue the "one" called me. We are across the country from each other and he used internet searches to find me. He's been divorced for years and I had just finished mine....could not believe the irony. I had always wondered why we had separated and it has been soothing to have that closure and understanding from each other's perspectives. We spend countless hours talking to each other. And even with the 3 hr time difference, he makes a point to call me every morning to wake me -- my own personal alarm clock. I cannot wait for fall when we have a chance to spend a week together.....until then I am the happiest I've been in years.

Oh how I hope this happens to me. I just have to wait a few more years and maybe....maybe.

Its not worth all the pain, tears, doubts....
We always assume that things would have been perfect if WE were with our true love...... so tell me one thing. when you were with your true love, why didn't you realize it back then? coz maybe things weren't as good as we imagine them to be. Being a human , we always think of great things that might have happened however just know that everything happens for a reason. Maybe you are better off with your current spouse then you would have been with your first love........ So guys please appreciate what you have now. Close the chapter of the past. You might realize after a few years that your true love might be the one who is with you, sharing his/her life with you, caring about you, loving you, forgiving you and NOT just a fantasy...... Appreciate life and the people who STAY with you and never leave you behind...

That's not the way it is. Many of us never get the love that we had once in our life. We keep missing that moment.

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The last time I saw my first and true love was 11 years ago, I still miss her everyday every time I closes my eyes and think about her it's like she's stood In front of me skill in and I've only blinked for a second. Out of everybody I've ever met her voice is the one I remember but I was young and threw it all away and as I've got older I've realised how in love and infatuated with her I was. She's now married with kids and lives two towns over where as I moved away for college and ended up back in my home town living near her parents which makes it hard to forget and let go of her. I often look up at the stars and wonder if she's happy, if he treats her right and if she would have been happy with me or wether we where just never ment to be. I regret nothing in my life apart from letting her go that was my one and only regret. I hope to one day maybe get the chance to hear her, see her, hold again but I know as we get older the chances get slimmer and slimmer untill all that's left is the great journey beyond this life where I believe we will be with our true loves again but untill that day comes I can only dream.

I miss you N

Wow thats beautiful. Its amazing how we can all relate to one another. Love is a beautiful thing!

Ouch, everything about this truly hits home. What a sweet thought to look further than in this life to hopefully realize a love lost.

This sounds eerily similar to my FL.. including your nickname. Except mine never moved away for college that im aware of. Never thought guys think of their firsts

You should try to find her , she may feel the same way.

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TO ALL HERE!!! ... I HOPE THIS HELPS YOU SOMEWHAT
I KNOW HOW IT FEELS, I KNOW ITS WORST KIND OF FEELING, AND I KNOW PAIN OF IT. BUT............................ ITS NOT WORTH IT.. IF I CAN LIVE HAPPILY TODAY SO CAN YOU ....... MY LOVED FAILED 4 YEARS BACK AND SHE LEFT ME FOR SOMEONE ELSE .. I WENT UNDER DEPRESSION AND THIS WORLD ALMOST MEANT NOTHING TO ME... I LOST EVERYTHING.. I LOST CONCENTRATION ON MY STUDIES. AND I HAD YEAR BACKLOG FOR TWO YEARS CONSECUTIVELY.. MY CAREER WAS ALMOST OVER.. I WAS ON MEDICATION FOR DEPRESSION... FOR ALMOST TWO YEARS I BEGGED HER TO COME BACK.. SHE ALWAYS TREATED ME AS RUDE AS POSSIBLE... AND SHE KINDA LIKED ME BEGGING , CRYING AND MANY OTHER MISTAKES WHICH I REPENT TODAY. SHE NEVER CHANGED NUMBER AS SHE ENJOYED MY PAIN...

AFTER TWO YEARS I HAD NOTHING. I CLEARED ONE SEM AT LAST AND CAME TO MY FINAL SEMESTER... I STARTED TO STAMMER WHILE TAKING.. AND THEN ONE DAY AFTER TWO AND HALF YEAR SOMETHING CHANGED. I TOOK STAND.. THAT DAY I STOPPED CALLING HER.. I CLEARED MY FINAL SEMESTER...

TODAY I AM HAPPY... YOU KNOW WHY... COZ IT WAS ME WHO GIVING PAIN TO MYSELF .. AND IT WAS ME WHO HAD TO STOP IT.. I HAVE A GREAT JOB TODAY AND A GREAT GIRLFRIEND.AND I NO MORE REMEMBER THAT FACE WHICH I NEVER USED TO FORGET...

ITS OKAY IF YOU LOVE SOMEONE.. BUT ITS NOT OKAY WHEN YOU START HURTING YOURSELF.. WHAT HAPPENED TO ME MADE ME WEAKER, BUT TODAY MY STRENGTH CAME FROM THAT WEAKNESSES...

INSHORT WHATEVER WAS IN YOUR PAST WASNT WORTH THERE ARE SO MANY PEOPLE WHO LOVE YOU. AND WHO NEEDS YOU LOVE.

......... FEW MONTHS BACK SHE CALLED ME AFTER 4 YEARS... MY HANDS SEVERED AGAIN. AND I WAS TOO SCARED TO PICK UP. BECAUSE I DIDN'T WANT TO GET BACK TO HELL WHICH I SUFFERED.. I SWITCHED OFF MY PHONE AND CHANGED MY SIM NEXT DAY.... AND I DON'T CARE ANYMORE

If you're truly over her why are you here ?

From the point of view of a dumpee. Yes I got dumped by my one true love 18 years ago. I truly love him. Alhtough our relationship lasted more than a year, it is in him i gave my whole heart to.

I am now married and has a child. He (my ex) now has children. Sometimes he (my one true love) would text messages and it really hurts to restraint myself in telling him how much i still love him and although he broke my heart into pieces, still each and every broken part loves him.

Similar situation that happened to me with my high school sweetheart she had moved away and even to this day I still wonder whether or not if you think of me and I wonder whether she got married.

3 years ago I lost my girlfriend of 5 years. I was a fool. I took her for granted and didnt appreciate what I had. She left me and ever since, my life hasnt been the same. I met her when I was 23. Im 30 now. Ive had several relationships before her, but until I met her, I didnt know what real, true love was. She was my first real love. She was the first and last person I truly fell in love with . My 5 years with her changed who I was as a person, changed how I viewed relationships and love in general. She was everything Ive always wanted and is everything I want now. Ever since the break up, my life has been empty, without meaning. Its like im just a shell of the person I used to be. Im not me anymore. I tried to move on, but no one compares to her, no one has come even close to her. Im currently in a relationship. Im kinda happy I guess, but I still feel empty, still feel that loss as if im grieving from a death. I think about her everyday, I dream about her, I miss her so much. Its like im just killing time until im able to be with her again. I think if 20 years went by, Id still feel the same way. 6/17

I like how your story also proves that your first love is not always your first bf/gf.

Aww. I miss mine, too. He always visits me in my dreams, as an angel, because he died 4 years ago. He was my first love & I think of him every single day. 👼🙏

I'm sure she is, I know I still dream about my first love. His eyes are the color of the ocean. And I can still remember the first time I saw him across the room...I still love him even though I have a totally different life, I sometimes daydream about him and wonder if he thinks of me too.

It's been 6 years since my ex and I broke up. We met when I was on a school trip to New York and exchanged numbers. I lived on the complete opposite side of the country as him, but we still occasionally talked and eventually decided to date, regardless of the distance. I was a sophomore in high school and he was a senior. He visited for the full week of his spring break and another 3 weeks that summer to check out colleges in Nevada and California. He later got accepted to a college near me and we were able to spend more time together. Our relationship was long distance for almost 6 months before he moved closer for college. Our relationship was going great and we hit our 1 year mark. I started my junior year of high school and things went downhill. With the stress of having to balance work and school, we got into more arguments and I eventually screwed up by telling him I want to see other people. We talked on and off for a couple months and it eventually stopped. We are still friends on Facebook, but don't talk. I'm in a relationship now and have a 2 year old. He moved back to his home state to finish veterinary school and is also in a relationship. I often find myself daydreaming about the relationship we had and the plans we made. Even after 5 years of not talking to each other, I still miss him and think of him daily.... I wonder if he thinks of me too

Its been almost ten years since she left me. I am married now with a daughter, but still think about her every day. I dream about her. I dream about the children we never had. I live with the constant fear that I will see her somewhere. I feel so dead inside.

Hm I'm just curios.. What if u got back together with ur first love, would u miss ur wife the same way u miss ur first love now? :]

I relate to this so much. 11 years ago I ended things with my first love. We had been together for two years and things were so perfect. We were best friends, we were insanely compatible lovers, and when we fought (and we fought!) he knew exactly how to reach through to me and we were never mad for long. The problem for us was I was two years older than he was and I went off to university while he was only beginning his jr year of high school. That whole first year that I was away was miserable for both of us. We cried over the phone all the time, and when we did manage a weekend visit, we spent the whole time holding each other and crying all over again! It hurt so much and I couldn't imagine another year of the same. Selfishly, I couldn't focus on my studies when I was so incredibly homesick for him all the time and so I tried to end things that summer. I will never forget the hurt on his face, or the way he clung onto me, or the sound of him crying and pleading with me. I will never forgive myself for that night as long as I live. But the worst part was he continued to show up at my door every day for weeks until my parents finally told him to stop knocking. Then he would just come and sit in his car outside of my house and watch my window, and leave notes, and flowers. I knew it was only a matter of time before I ran out to him and begged him to forgive me. And I think he knew that as well. And so finally I agreed to talk with him and I said the one thing that I knew he couldn't argue me out of, I told him I wanted to see other people. Which was probably about the cruelest most untrue thing I could have ever said to him. That was the first time I ever saw him actually get angry, and that was THE LAST time we ever spoke. He never tried to call me or see me again. At that young age, I was naive enough to believe that he was going to someday forgive me for what I said, and that we would end up back together. But as time went on I came to realize how absolutely unlikely that was. I eventually met someone, married and had three children and I have heard through mutual friends that my first love is now married with three children as well. I love my family and the life we have built together, but part of me still aches for the love I once knew. At times I find myself thinking of him and the horrible night I ended things, and I find myself crying all over again. The worst part is knowing that he probably doesn't ever think of me at all.

Aw that sounds pretty sad :(

"The worst part is knowing that he probably doesn't ever think of me at all."
If all you're saying is true, there is no way he doesn't think about you every day...
Blessings to you, take care

My first love left me the same way also. I tried for weeks, or months, to get her back. Then I left her alone. It was what she wanted. For about two years after that, I still sent her a birthday card, and a Christmas card. I never heard from her again. We were together for three years, and it was incredible.

I never understood what happened, or how I suddenly became disposable to her. Eventually I got over her, and went on with life. I think I went at least a decade without ever thinking about her. It has been over 25 years now, and she has come back in to my mind. I do want to find out what happened. When she left me, I was failing at everything, and was going nowhere fast. Maybe that is why she left. Maybe I was not good enough for her. I do not know.

I am now married, have children, and I have a degree and work in a well paying profession. By conventional terms I have done well in life. But when I think about what I truly value, or what I used to value as a young man, I have to admit that I have a lot of doubts about my life.

Maybe your first love does not think of you, but if he does not now, he probably will someday in the future. When he does probably miss you (more than you can imagine), and wonder what happened. I know I do.

Me Still Love Her We r Far Last Four Years But Me Missing Her Soo Muchh She Is Married Now n She Have Kids Also But Me Still Love Today Me Too Muchh Cry Coz Missing Her n I Want Her Back Again In my Life But How????

When I eventually found testimonies about this spell caster dr.marnish, how he helped many people to get their lover back, i contacted him through his email address dr.marnish@ yahoo. com because I was absolutely desperate to get my husband back. Life without my husband was a real mess for me and my children. i wanted a dramatic change and I thought magic could be the solution. After discussing the resolution with dr.marnish, he gave me hope that he will restore my marriage. I felt confident that he will actually make my husband to return home and he did! It’s fantastic what dr marnish have done for me. his help is priceless! I don't know what I would have done without dr.marnish, dr marnish does his job so well he is organized and highly functional, i believe he is the best spell caster i can count on when it comes to love spell, I was floored that his spells worked, if you need help, call him at +1 5 0 3 6 6 2 6 9 3
Daniella Terry

You are not alone. its been 20 + years and I got married, he got married . we are both divorced now and i still think of him and constantly dream of him. These dreams are real to me. I often wonder what could have been. it was my foolish heart that did not understand what we both had and i threw it away because i was young. I have tried to get in touch with him, but he responded once to my email and never kept-ed in-touch. i often wonder if he thinks of me as well. lord knows that i have tried to live my life as one. Every time I wake from the dream, it just feels like he is thinking of me as well. This has been going on for years. Miss him lots!

I hope my first love thinks of me. I hope and hope.

You should've never let anyone persuade you to leave the love of your life....true love rarely comes around in a life time. Therefore, when you find it, one should never, ever, take it for granted. It will follow you and haunt you, for the rest of your life. Believe me, I know....the guy who is my soul mate decided that I should focus on school for now and maybe one day we'll get back together....letting me go, will be his biggest mistake. We were meant to be, but he let others and his current circumstance cloud his decisions...I'm sorry to say, but you should have fought for her...but, you didn't...and now you have to live with that for the rest of your life...I'm sorry, my friend

It's so hard to let go of the ones you can't go a day without thinking about.

You should text her or find her on Facebook :)

17 years ... he took away life from me.. .....I was full of life and happy go kind but my first love betrayed me ... I thought I'll be able to move on but the aching heart and undisclosed pain..... all have become part of life... I am seemingly happily married.....but the life is incomplete.

It had been 17 years we parted. It was his decision. He left me for another girl, he had to marry due to family pressures. I didn't believed him then and now for this...and the scar he left in my soul is irreparable. We had an affair for less than a month although in my heart I had love for him for three years.. not sure of his but he said so....I hate him for doing this to me. But then, deep down in my heart and thoughts I wish a life with him . I still miss him... He seems to be happily married and so am I???. I have a great and understanding husband.. what these feelings are...???. I want to get rid of any thoughts..feelings. ....I want to pour all my feelings here on this forum and free myself... but I know its not possible... Does anyone suffer like this.. is this justified...

me too in same feelings like u, i dnt knw wat to do.. why this all happening now,,,i cry all the nite pass 5 month, i feel wana meet him n talk for last but how,,,and where this gona end.... :(

I woke up about an hour ago from a vivde dream about my first love. Its always the same, me knowing he is in the same place but barely just catching a glimpse of him. I again woke up feeling this ache within and it's been going on for around 8 years now since we lost touch.
I have been married now for about 15 years but my first love reached out to me some 12 years ago rhrough sporadic text messages and phone calls. I even tried to set him up with a friend but he didn't even meet up with her. At some point the messages got a bit more personal and we ended up confiding what we still feel about each other and crying about it on the phone. he apologised for contacting me and said he didnt mean for this again to happen and he just somehow wants me to be still a part of his life even just through texts or phone calls.. Deluding ourselves that we are still acting within the bounds of decency, we decided to meet up and talk about everything for the last time. But before we even got to meet, I texted him quite honestly that there really is no point in meeting up. We will just break our hearts once again because there can really be nothing between us because I am married now and with kids, too. His final message. I love you, I will always love you.... And that was 8 years ago.

Aww.. I swear this exact thing is going to happen to me.. Do have any feelings for him still? Were there any before? What turned him away from you in the first place? Im sorry for all thes Q's. Im in your first love's position and dont want to end up like him... You are in a hard spot.. He has been. If I am right and he is like me, your first love really does still love you and would be more than happy to finally hear from you but It will end in heart break and only re stir his aching heart.. You are married and have kids, love the ones you're with and maybe someday you can show him how real it is that your first love cant be with you by introducing your kids and husband to him... maybe you can be good friends and he wont be infatuated as much..

He is my one true love. But I realised it too late. I was young and stupid for throwing away what we had. i just broke up with him because I thought i was too young to be in any sort or relationshio. He got married first, got divorced soon after and came running back after the divorce but I was married then.

Im sorry that happened to you but look at the bright side! You have a family that Im sure loves you a ton! You two lost out on one another but life is like that.. A lot goes the way we don't want it to and some how he has to realize he cant have you and you can't have him. I hope you two can keep moving on in life and reaching your dreams. Dont get stuck in the past any longer than a while. It sucks you in and it hurts.. Take care!

I'm sure she dreams of you too...I guess there are so many people like you, myself included. ..I never wondered if he dreamt of me, I thought he didn't as he was the one who left. .. But now, nearly 15 years after, both married with children to other people... he wants to show me that he always loved me...It would have never crossed my mind leaving my husband for anyone as I have a full understanding of what commitment really is, though my husband never did. .. But if I look in my heart after all this years, my true love is still there. ..I haven't seen him yet, though we text a lot. .. You would have probably have had lots of kids.. As I would have had too, though my marriage only gave me one! I'm sure she dreams of you, but then perhaps it's better if you tell her. . Even after all those years! I'm not the type to do daft things just because we only live once, but then telling someone that no matter what they do, there will always be a place in your heart for them, it's not one of those things. .. It feels good to open up, even after all those years and yes, I still love him! Always will!

I have been in this similar situation, only to find that it was the fantasy of true love rather then the other person that was really missing.. I hope you can follow your heart and be authentic to the life you a living each moment..

I have the same feelings. I found my first love when I was a sophomore in high school. We dated for 2 years. I was absolutely, and completely in love. The kind of love you can't explain it til it hits you like a warm blanket. The kind of love that every second of the day you want to be with her and no matter what we did no latter how small it was still amazing because we were together.
I made the mistake my Senior year in High School of breaking up with her. I gave in to all of my single buddies coercing me into being single and enjoying my last year in high school or I'd regret it.
Well, I do regret it. Breaking up with my first true love! I was heartbroken but was masked by going out with my buddies all the time to ease the pain and distract my mind on what I really loved.
After High School we both moved on. She met a guy and they are still together, but not married and no kids.
As for me I got married, and divorced about a year and a half later. But the whole time I couldn't stop thinking about her. I couldn't find that undying love, that connection, that beautiful spark that happens when you meet your one true love. I kept asking myself, "I love my wife", but it's just not the same. Don't get me wrong I did love my wife she was a great person, but we just didn't click.
So I don't know what to do. I still dream of my first love, still hope that one day we will meet again, somehow. Kinda like serendipity. But who knows. It's been 13 years since we've been broken up and I still get mad at myself for giving in to peer pressure and breaking up with her when I did. I constantly think if I wouldn't have broken up with her that we'd still be together. I just don't know. The one thing I do know for sure is I have never been in love with someone like this before. And that's what kills me. ;(

Brad

And Lauren H. If you read this. This is you.

My first love was in high school. I was a senior, and she was a sophmore. The sad part was, I only got to express my love for her in the end with a love poem I had created for her. On the last day before I left for college, I had given her the poem. She read it, and all I remember was her running to me and gave me a long tight embrace, and a simple kiss. The weeks that came..we lost contact for I thought about her 16 years, and many times I was in tears because I already knew I had lost her. I am married now to someone else, but I still think thought of her. Now my heart no longer aches at the least, as. Have met her on Facebook and have friended her. I am happy at the least glad that she is taken care of, and that she is happy. I too have a happy life with my wife, but I still think to myself: "What if we never lost contact?" The one that I loved the most was the one that got away.

I googled this topic.. and after reading everyone else's story, I think I'll contribute. I found my first love in high school at the age of 15. Many people will say this is too young to have genuine love for a significant other, but that isn't the case for me. After a year I had to break up with her because she came clean with me and confessed that she never really loved me and didn't want to break up with me because she didn't want to seem like the "bad guy." It's been five years, and I've been dating someone else for over 3 years now. I still dream of my first love, I still think about her daily, I still love her, I'd still die for her, and I still wonder what things would be like and if things would have worked out had we dated at a later time.

My current girlfriend does not deserve this. I'm questioning whether or not I'll ever be able to love someone the way I love my first love. It's just a terrible situation.

It feels right to move on and get a girlfriend when you feel like you cant get over your true love that just seems unattainable. I went through a relationship and had to end it because I felt it was so unfair to be constantly thinking of the girl I cant have. I went a long time single and felt fine so started a new relationship with the most amazing girl! But the care and feelings I have for the other girl always come back. Its a hard thing to get away from!

I've had the same feeling only made the mistake of letting her go over 30 years ago and I see her for the first time on Facebook.She married and has two grown children and her Mom is also alive and on Facebook.I friended her but I did not try to contact her and I won't interfere in her life.I'm single and seperrated from a woman that I lived with for over 20 years but it wasn't the same with her,just a friend and not my love.I miss my past girl all the time and wish I could relive my life over again and not mke that same mistake.....

Fred - thank God - I thought I was insane, but I finally found another man who has my illness. It's been 35 years for me. Everyone will tell you that time heals, I've waited a long time for that miracle cure, but it hasnt happened and I have grown to understand that at least for me it never will. How foolish we are when we are young, so casual with love, not knowing that it will never come again. I thought I could make a life for myself, just move on like everyone says, but it's not as simple as that. Like all other parts of the body, the heart doesnt re-grow. When we give our heart to someone, even when they dont love you back, you never get your heart back. More frequently now, I step out onto a ledge of despair, recognizing the damage that I've done to myself will never be repaired. The only thing that pulls me back are my children who I love dearly. Unlike you, if I could do it all over again, I would have run from her, would have lived in a hole under a rock somewhere. In my books it is better never to have loved at all.

I think you should try to find her . I hope you find peace.

After ten years.. I feel the same. I have moved along but I will never stop dreaming of her. I wish she could understand the heart that's here for her and how much compassion I have always had for her.

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There is no judgement when one speaks of the heart- and expresses from the heart. If you sit in your quiet moments and feel the vibration of unconditional love- there is no judgement, there is no "you should" OR you shouldn't's." You just love- you love who you love and that is all. I think there are many individuals on this site that are beginning to become in tune with their own hearts and it is the heart that NEVER forgets. It is simple- the heart Loves............And it loves...... And it loves.....

I had a similar issue with a girl i met 9 years ago when i was going to church i fell in love with this girl she had the most prettiest smile but i guess fate had other plans and it never worked out i still think about her from time to time and wonder what future we would have had if it was not for a few things that got in the way i feel wrong and ashamed that i still think about her to this day only because some people would say "move on get over her

I met this girl 9 years ago. I am a girl as well. i had an obsession with this girl. I was in middle school. How can someone at that age have so many feelings over someone. I have been this girl's friend for three years. Every night when I spent the night with her, I held her hand. We would hold each others hand in the middle of the night not saying one word to each other. I think the fact we are both girls, kind of scared us for the fear of society. We were so young. We would continue this tradition of holding hands every weekend. I was so in love with her... I didnt know how to tell her. We never spoke about what we did. We just did it. One night I decided to kiss her. After i kissed her, she got out the bed and turned on the lights. I think I scared her. She ended up making new friends. We never spoke after that. I was in tears. She never wanted to hang out. She never spoke to me. I feel like I never got that closure from her. It just ended so fast. Fast forward. After a couple of years i have tried to date many many men. They werent the same as her though. She was soft. The guys were rough. I then realized maybe Im gay. I didnt want to be... but she was always running through my mind. 5 years later I met the love of my life. She is a girl. She loves me and i love her. We are so happy. Im so happy to be with her. I care about her so much. I fell completely in love with this girl Maria. We have been dating for almost 4 years now, but that other girl was and is still on my mind. We have contacted long ago. i asked her what happen that night when I kissed her. She said she was scared. She didnt know how to handle the situation. So she chose to ignore it. She did tell me though that she too was in love with me. She doesnt realize how much that hurt me. She still doesnt today. I wonder is it possible to be in love, but miss someone else at the same time? Or is it that Im not actually in love? But i couldnt imagine my life without Maria, but at the same time, I want to go back to her. I want to try again. Is it wrong? What do I do?

I would recommend that you not try to pursue this girl from 9 years ago... you aren't in love with her... you are in love with the memory of her. Both you and she have moved on and developed in other ways, and as a result, you can't go back home again.
Put it behind you. hang onto the one you've got.

Its been 22 years and I still love my first love too.. sometimes I will have vivid dreams of her, I miss her so much.. but were both married now. Sometimes I think of contacting her. I don't chose to feel this way, I have gone on with my life but there's no way I will ever stop loving her...that will never happen even if I want it too. I feel what most feel in my situation..deep regret.. and wondering what kind of life we would of had. She will always be the love of my life. It's not something easy to deal with at all.. when I dream of her .. the emotions are so raw..and I don't talk about it to my wife or anyone I keep it to myself. Those who say to let the past go don't understand , when u have a speacial connection with someone..you never forget it..even after 20 + years.

I have been missing my first love for 24 years. I am married, hes never been married. I love him but he doesnt love me. We last saw each other about two years ago. Hes never been good to me so why cant I move on? I have dreams several times a week that im looking for him and I always find him after a long search. After I see him he rejects me and hurts me. Same dream over and over. I awake crying. He has a girlfriend but he changes girlfriends like underwear!! I need professional help because I hurt every single day and I am in alot of pain. I was with him from the age of 15 to 20 yrs old. Why do I love him so much? I dont understand.....

Were you his first too? Or did someone break him before you met ? Many times a guys first girlfriend cheats on him or breaks his trust, and forever after he treats all women as if they will do the same thing to him. This happened to me. It took me 10 years to even try to trust any female again. I have one of the best now, but I still think in the back of my head that she may someday screw me over and plan accordingly.

I understand you completely. Im so sorry for your loss. It feels like you have lost them to death but they are still around. I have severe depression from the loss of my first love and I cant talk to anyone about it because noone would understand. I feel alone and sad every day of my life. I just cannot shake my pain. I wish u peace with your situation but its almost impossible to achieve. 24 years and Im still heartbroken

Don't let it rob you of happiness in your life, thats what i tell myself. I love my wife, but deep down i can never love anyone the same way i did her.. i guess i have learned to accept it. I though of contacting her but she appears to be happily married so i think it would be wrong but at the same time a big part of me wants her to know how i feel. Not an easy situation to be in.. but i have found happiness in my life despite that. I can go for weeks.. months even that i won't really think of her.. and then i will have a very vivid dream of her and thats when its tough.. after that happens for the next few days i will be down.. i will feel emotional.. i will feel like being alone. Its been that way for years for me. i recently thought of her again and its always crazy tough.. but at the same time i want to hold on to the great memories we had together.

Maritimer, I'm experiencing the very same thing. I'm married too, but I think of a girl I don't see since 1998. In all these years, every once in a while, I thought about her, but lately this feeling has become more and more intense, to the point that for weeks I can't help but missing her. She's married now and has two daughters, but differently from you, I decided to contact her via Facebook. She told me she was happy to hear about me and so on, but I made a terrible mistake: I told her I never forgot her friendship and that I would like to keep in touch. She never replied to this last message and now I know I loast every chance to stay in contact. I love my wife, I don't have intention to betray her nor to ruin my or her marriage, but in my heart I feel that this life didn't write all the pages of this story yet. I feel that in the future we will meet again. What puzzles me is that this feeling is so pure. I'm not looking for sex nor passion, I just feel a tender feeling, just the wish to be with her, to get in touch again. So childish, if you know what I mean.

I know how you feel. Don't feel bad for telling her the truth about missing her friendship and wanting to keep in touch. Never feel bad for expressing your true feeling. Maybe she doesn't know how to respond to that. You should always be prepared for that she is happily married and she is loyal to her husband.

I think you can move on love again like I did but you never forget your first love . It took 2 years and I dated many guys till I met my husband and felt sparks again . But never like my first love . I reconnected with my first love almost 2 years ago . We are close friends live in different states . I'm married . He is divorced and has a girlfriend he lives with for 3 years . It's very complicated . I've seen him when I went back home . I still love him as much as I did back then 24 years ago . I love him so much it hurts . I'm not happily married but I was at one point . I know it's not easy but try to date .. Try to find someone to fill the emptiness . That is how I was able to move on . Life is short . You live once . I know it hurts but try to find someone to make you smile again .

Heal your broken heart.. It is possible. x

I understand this feeling, completely. I keep all of these feelings to myself to...EP is my only place to share what I'm going through....

I'm new to the EP, only been a couple of days.. I know sometimes it feels good to share stuff with others you wouldn't share with your friends or partners.

If it wasn't for EP and the ability to share my feelings about my situation I don't know how I'd manage.....

I feel the same way . I feel a deep connection to my first love after 24 years . I saw him the first time 2 years ago . . We used to talk about getting married when we were together for 2 years . He was the love of my life . I fell in love again with my husband but it was different . We had some good years but for the most part we haven't been happy . Still with my husband moved to another state have 2 kids . My first love is divorced living with his girlfriend for 3 years . The first time I saw him 2 years ago when I went back home it was amazing . I felt that same love ,so deep so intense . We became friends .we talk every week . I have seen him a few more times . The times I saw him are the happiest I have felt in years . I want to divorce my husband but feel bad for my kids . I dream of reuniting with my first love and living happily ever after . My first love tells me he loves me and sometimes talks like he wants to be with me someday . I don't know if that will happen . But I love him so much it hurts . It's complicated with my first love . When he was getting separated I was going through marital problems my husband cheated on me . Why couldn't I have found him then ? I cry when I think of how much I love my first love and the life we never had together .

I feel the same as you about someone, also after 20 years, I've moved on and had 2 children but have never felt that connection with anyone else.

Ok for special connections, but if it was so special why did you both move on with other people? I wonder how your wife feels that she is not the love of your life? And because of your attachment to a past love, past memory at a younger time in life when things were easier you could not even see the woman of your dreams might be right in front of you - yet your wife stands alone with you beside her..
I am the wife in a situation like this only they did have a affair, almost leave their other partners only to realise it was not each other but a past memory of easier times they were in love with and what they really wanted was right in front of them.. If I was you and you want any real connection with anyone, seek professional help and then open your heart to your wife.. If you dont have small children and have been together for years, your bond could grow stronger and it will either open your hearts to the connection you seek or you and your wife will be free to be truly loved and loving..

Sorry, to be authentic I have to add that it's not all roses and really it's been a roller coaster ride for the last 3 years with my ex partner even again recently opening up contact with her and having his heart really broken.. It is a really hard situation.. As they say though "until you heal your first relationship, you are going to find it hard to have a healthy love relationship.. All the best I just feel for you wife..

I really do have compassion for your situation.. It is a very similiar situation for me as well... Chances are if you were touched as deeply as you are- she probably feels the same way too. Love never dies. The heart cannot stop loving. Keep writing and do your very best to live your life fully. If you can get to a place within yourself where you are deeply joyful with your life ~ still aware of your love for her- I guarentee you will feel more peace within... I understand the lonely walk at times- almost feels like you may be living two lives at once at times.. Even if you have not crossed one single boundary. The heart loves who it loves. I believe strongly there is a time for all things and perhaps your time will come again. Until then- LIVE your life- passionately, fully. Best.

You are not alone in your situation... I can relate to many things that you share. It can be challenging to be married and love the person and respect the person that you are married to~ and to still be in love with your first love. Chances are she probably feels the same. Listen to your heart, with respect to everyone involved- and let it lead you on your path.

It's like your me I have areal big problem with guilt and the biggest regret for what I did it tore her heart out and now it's doing the same to mine I did not remarry and could never do that even though I living with the lady all this was about, I am being treated for metal health do to self harm and attempted suicide over this, not good (tears).

Thanks

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I'm on the receiving side. A girl from almost 15 spent her time looking for me. Her parents split us up. They told me she hated me. I burried deep and moved on. Joined the Army, got married and divorced. Became a roughneck. Then one day, to get ahold of old Army buddies, joined Facebook. She was friends with my sister, and as soon she my profile, she messaged me. Nobody would tell her where I was. Spent 14 yrs looking for me, while I forgot about her long ago. She is Texas and I'm in Wyoming. Now I'm more than happy to move back south, since I miss Dixie, but she is in love with a ghost. I ain't that 17 yr old boy anymore. I have travelled the world. Seen more hell than I care to admit. I have more scars than heart. Yet she still wants to try again. I think she is crazy, and I don't want to hurt her. 14 yrs is a long time.

Go for it. She loves you.

You got the point: she loves a ghost as well as me. My rational part tells me that I love the memory of that girl. I was 17 too back then. I really can't love her. Today she's 36, two daughters, a job and an husband, so a completely different woman. Nevertheless, being a freaking acquarius, my heart keeps pushing the boundaries. Next week I'll be in her hometown for work. I wonder what could happen if I meet her.

Go,Go,Go, for Her and don't look back
respect

Give her a chance. If she finds that you are not for her, then that is her decision to take.

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I am in love I think

I broke it off with my love 14 years ago. He was, and still is, in the military. He wanted children and I didn't. Now, he's married with children. In one way, I'm happy I broke it off. I never could have given him what he wanted. But in another way, it breaks my heart every single day. I can remember everything about him. The way he smiled, the way he looked at me, the way he smelled and just how my hand felt in his. I remember our first kiss like it was yesterday. Not a day goes by that I don't think about him. I wonder if he ever thinks of me. I wonder if his heart longs for me the way mine does for him. What I wouldn't do for just one more day, one more kiss.

The sane story for me. What i did is I just contacted my ex one day i was drunk. I wrote to him through facebook and told him i still loved him after 7 years apart. He told me he didnt have any feelings for me and that he was sorry for ir but was the truth. I Still cant move on but knowing he doesnt love me helps a bit because i means i must learn to move on: it would t ever work, he doesnt have dreams like i do about him, he doesnt feel connected to me, and well.... Thats is. My story is the worst lol.

We all have a tendency to remember what was good and forget what wasn't working and we compare it to what falls short input present life. Memory is a tricky thing....

Do me a favour and listen to this song:
Roads Untravelled- Linkin Park
there is also a Reliving Things Remix of the same song. Take your pick ;)

I broke up with my boyfriend of 2 years just before summer because I wanted a summer for just myself. I was 17 at the time. I met a boy. A year older than me, tall, maybe 6'2, chestnut coloured hair, and bright blue eyes. And he was everything I hated. Popular,womanizer and reckless. But I learnt that there was more to him than what met the eye. And just like that he became my summer love. Of course 2 months on I had to leave. But I thought of him often. I was completely enthralled with him. And 7 years on I still remember every little detail about him. How his brows would creas in deep thought or how when playing Rugby the rest of the world seemed invisible or how he'd come up behind me and whisper the words I don't dare say. Everything. And I've tried to move on. But I'm always left thinking 'was my summer love the one?'

I'm only 15, and my first love broke up with me back in May, so many months ago now it seems. I loved him so much and after trying soo hard to get over him, I just can't. I keep loving him over and over again and I keep holding on to every bit of hope that's left. We are good friends now but he lies every once in a while, although his intentions are always good (people misunderstand this boy, and I feel as though I'm the only one who loves him for who he is) <br />
<br />
I know he is only my first love, but he seems like my True Love. We were perfect together (our relationship lasted about 4 months) but I think the only reason we separated was because we were both inexperienced and eachothers first love. <br />
<br />
My friends and family believe that I am stupid for not letting this boy go, but how can I? I intend on waiting for him, because I think I deserve one more chance, since our relationship broke due to misunderstandings and loose ends...<br />
<br />
I love him so much. I jut keep thinking that we will be together someday. I know I'm only young, and that he is young also, but young love is the strongest and purest love. :)

I understand, I understand completely. No one love is the same. And there's no "appropriate" age for love. It's out ofour control

I broke up with my first love 15 years ago because he was not ready to settle down. We both married other people and have kids. There really has never been a time that he hasn't been in my heart or on my mind. I always wondered if he ever thought about me or even truly felt as strongly for me all those years ago as I did for him. Well because of that great little invention FB we reconnected- and thru talking I have realized that yes indeed he had thought of me thru the years. We have had a couple of chance meetings- one he kissed me just to see if the sparks were there- of course it was awkward and I honestly don't know if either of us felt anything. We continued to stay in touch- he probobly knows more about me than anyone- I guess you could say in some ways he is my best friend. Well another opportunity to run into each other presented itself and we had a couple hour conversation- as friends- then he kissed me--the fireworks went off and continued to explode- it is very safe to say that the first love spark is there and never went away!!!

I too missed my first love
So, 30 years after seeing her last I went and found her. She was single with kids, as was I. We got on really well, but the spark that was there for so many years just wasn't there when we met.
Often in life the memory is sweeter than the reality.

When i read some of peoples stories , it makes me feel like i have never really been that in love with anyone. I want to feel like that , i want to feel like if iam not with that person its like though i can't breath . To bad that iam married and maybe there's a person somewere who will make me feel like that.

Let me ask you, why did you marry your partner if your not in love with her? LOL, you married for a reason, and if your wife isn't around, how would you feel???
You could be living right now living with your soul mate.

Trust me you DO NOT want to feel like that. There is nothing worse in this world than being madly in love with somebody you know you will never be with again.

I already sent this to someone else, but it bears repeating. I met the woman of my dreams while I was in college. She was pretty, sweet, soft and loving. Even though it's been over 40 years, I've never gone one day without regretting her loss in my life. I fell hopelessly in love with her. I met her parents. I held her hand while we walked along a riverbank, just enjoying every single minute with her. And I let her go! When she transferred to another school, I didn't persue. You see, Mary was Catholic and, as such, would never have been accepted by my parents. I've spent all these years in regret that I didn't stand up for myself and follow my heart. Mary, wherever you are and however life has treated you, know that I still love you and desperately wish I could have had you and your love for me.

I'm there. I'm totally there. My first love, 21 years ago, and I wonder if he thinks about me as I think about him. Still.
I made a mistake, I know. We both moved on. But, I wonder...

I'm sure he does. You never forget the first one. My girl cheated on me with one of my so called friends about 21 years ago. I walked away from her and have not spoken to her since. I saw her a couple years back in a store and her reaction told me everything. She betrayed me and I still think about her every day.

Is that your real name? BBoatright? I had a good friend I went to grade school with. Park ave. We both lived on the south side of Des Moines, Iowa. Her name is Brandi Boatright. My name is Heidi. Just wandered if you were related to her? If not, sorry to bother you.

An old nickname

I'm not the girl that said stupid. I just repeated what another writer said. I don't call ppl names. U have the wrong girl.

I in no way believe u guys are stupid but I do think to much time wishing for things takes away what might just be right in front of u. And needs ur time and appreciation.

I am simply baffled by the degree of immaturity most men commenting here are displaying.
Sorry but you guys (middle aged guys) seriously need help. I am not trying to sound harsh but most of you seem to have no grasp of reality and I often felt like I was reading letters from 16 years old girls. You talk about people you fell for when you were teens and you are grown ups now! This is all sorts of stupid!
It is also cruel and deceitful as many of you have a long term partner totally kept in the dark.
How selfish and stupid one can be?

Immaturity? Selfish and Stupid? Ha, you can talk, with a username of "lucylovesex"! Sounds like you're the fish that John West rejected! You have my condolences.

Men have a much greater capacity to love than females do. For the most part, men imprint their first love onto their hearts forever and would just assume stay there until the woman starts trying to change him or cheats on him. Once this happens guys tend to see women as pieces of meat and treat them accordingly.
IMHO, it is not the first partner that we pine for, but the feelings that we had before the great betrayal.

Females have just as much capacity for love. Social conditioning has much to do with influencing both genders' treatment of one another

Plenty of girls have the same experience. If you've never had it you wouldn't know...

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You need to read a book called "LOST LOVES" by Dr. Kalish. My high school sweet heart and I reunited after 30 years apart, both of us ended truly bad marriages. We've been married 12 years now. It is really tough, longing for someone you haven't seen in many years. You do tend to glorify what you remember about them. But the heart is a powerful motivator, and it can drive the end of a marriage to be with your rekindled love. Unless your in a horrible destructive marriage don't pursue it, it will bring your spouse a great deal of heart ache and could ruin your marriage even if you decide to remain in it, once you've found your lost love again and made contact. The longing for them can be obsessive which is why I would recommend you not contacting her unless your free first and so is she.

My life and my Lost Love were fortunate, our coming together improved our lives and we continue to be crazy in love with each other. But it doesn't always turn out that way. Read Dr. Kalish book realize that your emotions can send on a ride you may not have wanted if you go searching for her.

Sorry the correct title of Dr. Nancy Kalish book is "Lost and Found Lovers. She talked about the affects of finding a lost love.

http://www.lostlovers.com/books/

What a buzzkill.

The lost or the found part?

It's possible you're building this fantasy/day-dream inside your head to escape whatever you're currently dealing with.

how simplistic

Very true

A man after my own heart. You need to talk to my hubby. LOL

I lost my first love, my love passed away from earth.... . . i cant talk anymore... cz now my eyes burning.... . .

Thank you, Feeling better... . .

hmmmmmmm.....my love died as well....it messed my life up......now we cant get married i wished i died with him......he was only 17

I don't like to remind my first love. Because I love my girlfriend 1000 times more. It is difficult to leave our past behind us. But it's possible when you receive a lot of love and see the sacrifices other person is making for you.

Don't mean to menamize ur feelings but most times reality and fantasy are two totally different things.

reality is its own fantasy .You think you have a handle on it and it rips you a new one. Those are what some call life lessons...

Me too ... 26 years. I made a promise to her when I was 17. Still keepin' the promise, though married with 4 kids. She was "the one" and don't know if I'll ever get over her.

I feel for your wife, she has not married the man she believed she has.

Not proud of that, but it's the truth ..... I don't know how to shake it. Don't think I haven't tried. She left me and I had to at least TRY to move on. I'm trying.

Then why keeping the promess? Why marry someone else who could only feel second best?

Keep thinking like that and you will be alone, very alone. Are you happier with your wife and kids, or will you be happier without them? Never mind the child support ! And as for her, if she is happy, you will never have her. You should have moved on, BEFORE you got married... Think it through carefully and good luck.

maybe he thought marriage and a family would help him move on. perhaps in time it will.

Personal sense works in your mind with an idea I call Mortal mind to tear down the goodness of our lives with doubt and dreams of "what if". The truth is always that life never ceases to bring to our mind opportunity to live life to the maximum. This dream which is personal sense says you could have had more. Is this valid? Could you for any reason have more life than what you have experienced (except in a dream?). This is mortal mind chatter that will assure you that in a mortal world you are loosing every opportunity by missing every boat. You would no doubt say "well not EVERY BOAT" and this is the chatter giving in to the truth of reality, not dream for a moment. It keeps asking you if you would like to continue with a mortal sense of your life better than it has been. In this season coming I would strongly encourage you to exercise gratitude to those people and life experiences which are the real deal in your life. Do not worship the dream of mortal missed dreams that are not real in fact.
Gratitude is the road out of the remorse of "what if", and the mortal mind will once again be put out of your thought. You will scarcely remember why you were troubled. You may then get the proof of life that there is a spiritual ability of yourself you have. It is yours to do as you wish. Bless you and keep you. Grace will be the basis if your dream, not regret. Love is a self fulfilling prophecy that is more powerful than a mortal dream. Gratitude is the key that literally opens the door to that sense of life that is the maximum good you could ever dream of. Not mortal minds doubting, dream lie. It is conflict with your reality. The key here is that the yearning is a prayer that is answered or will be answered. You need to thing about this.
Your seeking a correct way to behold your life. Bless You!

My belief is that God puts various people in your life for a reason, to teach you a lesson perhaps to teach you about love , good or bad. How you handle the association is left up to you , it is called free will. Some people are lucky enough to recognize a true love right away , some are not , some are just so superficial they could never see a true love. Men are far more visually superficial than women. I dated a man who I didn't find to be that attractive but as time went on his attractiveness grew in my heart because of the wonderful things he did. I believe men get infatuated with women more than women do with men. When we were young everything was so exciting and different and when we get older we look at past relationships with a jaundiced eye , thinking I knew in my heart God didn't want me to be with him.<br />
When I was in high school I had my first love in my senior year, he fell madly in love with me, but I was so young I didn't know how to feel. I broke up with him about a year later he came to my college and waited on the sidewalk for three days until I finally walked by , he saw me kneeled down and asked me to marry him. I don't think I was in love with him , I said no I can't . He was drafted , he did come back though. I was told he has had a thing for me all his life by friends. I guess I was his true love but he wasn't mine. We saw each other at a 30 yr reunion we danced and exchanged niceties, he gave me some old photos he had found of me and told me he had the painting I painted and his mother had hung it in her dining room for 40 years until she died. He was married but didn't bring his wife , I was married but my husband didn't Want to go to this reunion. Nothing happened, he may have wanted it to, but I didn't. I had many many men in my life, asking me to marry them. My true love Louie, upped and married someone else after we dated for 4 years. I was devastated! We got in contact during a business encounter and he said "why are you contacting me , I am faithfully married to my wife! " unfortuately I was divorced at the time, so I guess he thought I wanted to see him. Although I really felt love for him in my heart, I am not a home wrecker, but I will never forget him. Life trudges on.

Clarity? Thanks but I don't think I have lived my life in clarity, more like sane chaos! Lol I have only been married once, I divorced a while ago and have not really met anyone who I want to invest more time with. Really I have given up trying. I was engaged for a while after my divorce but chickened out when he started showing his true colors, things you do not see when " you think you are in love" ! I don't know about soulmates, I am not believing in this man trumped up idea. At a later age it is pretty hard to meet someone who doesn't have baggage, when you live this long there is bound to be some.
In high school I dated lots of popular guys one went on to be a billionaire. High school is long long ago! Have to deal with the here and now.

Yes I can understand that. I meant baggage as in emotional baggage which a lot of women seem to hang on to . I don't or try not to especially when in a new relationship we all have our sad stories but the past is the past. Debt ? You mean as in owing money? I can understand that , but if money is more important than people and love, then really what do you really have? I find my things don't give me the comfort I seek, they don't talk back, can't hold me or kiss me ! :-)

Do you believe in a spiritual response to life? The dreams of missed connections are only troubling because they assure you that you "missed" something or someone in this case. The life you have lived is the response of omnipotence. The dream of "missed" only tears down the reality of the life you have lived. The good we experience in life is for our enrichment, peace, and fulfillment. If this person you regret not having a life with is in any way sharing the connection you are actually dreaming of, they will contact you. In the time we have in this life there is a term I would like to introduce here to make my point. "Personal sense and Mortal mind".

awwww....Identical story of my life ! I empathize totally.

I understand how that goes when you listen to others around you. I truly believe that in the end we get what we were looking for the whole time. Life always works out. If it really was meant to be it still can happen whether your 40 or 60, but stop living in the past and live today for today. I thank God I didn't get into a relationship with a couple girls, not because they are bad but because you just see now they aren't for you. Better to always think that the best is just around the corner, your soulmate, and she'll be amazing. Stay positive, I'm sure you have an amazing wife now, and beautiful kids. Now you know what to teach your kids, and don't be a hypocrite and not let them make there own descions! Love your life, and your life will love you!

Absence makes the heart grow fonder...this was 14 years ago. You are in a relationship with someone else. It's time to let go. If you and her were meant to be together, it would have happened a long time ago. Right now you have a family. You chose your partner and chose to have a life and family with her. I think that speaks as to whom your heart really belongs to. Reinvest into your current partner. I'm sure you will see all the reasons why you chose her and not the 'other woman.'

Guys, I MUST get something off my chest that might help all of you who went through difficult relationships and cannot get your exes out of your minds. Many years ago, I met an American woman in my native city of Berlin, Germany. I fell head over heals in love with her, but she ended up with someone else, and I was unable to find happiness for many years, because I could not forget her. It was like genuine torture. In the meantime, this other man died, and once again she is single. Just a few weeks ago, I saw this woman again, after many, many years of dreaming about her. And it was a huge shock. She looked and behaved like a complete stranger, and I could not understand what I ever found interesting in her. I think I was extremely lucky, that I did not end up with her. Someone up there has been wiser than I ever was and did me a huge favor. So, before we allow our heart to be broken ... let's take a pencil and a piece of paper and write down the positives and the negatives about that person we could not stay together with. Very often, we will find out that it was not love but infatuation ... that we are better off without that person we thought was so incredibly special.

Thanks to facebook, I was lucky enough to meet back up with an ex of mine. We were apart for almost 18 years. We'd both been married, and divorced! But, I've got kids, and they live with me. (unusual for a bloke i know, but it happens!) Anyway, after being apart for that long, we didn't want to waste any more time so we got married after 8 months. I love her! I'd marry her again right now! BUT, another ex of mine, who i haven't talked to in 20 years has recently lost their mum. (I lived with her and her mum for a little while) and thanks to facebook again, (NOT in this case) I've been talking to her. My dad is ill, her mum just died. (and to complicate it all just further, I'm an undertaker and, did her mums funeral). Anyway, I can't get her out of my mind!!!!!!!! Please help me someone!!! Before I lose someone really special. And someone that doesn't deserve to get hurt!!!

you're married. You do not get a divorce because an old fling comes back into your life. I'm not sure if you are mature enough to be in a marriage. People are tempted to cheat or leave the marriage due to struggles within the marriage that cause a lot of pain and heart ache over many years. You just simply can't make up your mind. You seem like you still care about your wife because you "don't want to hurt her." I think at this point you either get help for your lack of fidelity or you need to leave and let this woman move on before you waste years of her life that she invests in you. It's time to be a man.

you do not know this person.your obviously jealous and insecure over a man doing this to you. This man is hurting just like many who come on here if he wasn't he would not have taken the time to share his inner most thoughts. by you putting them down is not helping anyone in anyway.you say be a man but what about being human. a first love in some peoples lives is something like nothing else. every breathe you take, every flower you smell in the wind, every sunset you see, reminds you of them, a month, a year or a lifetime later because in your eyes they were beauty in its purest form.Whether it is right or wrong or good or bad. That is the way it is for many many people. the thoughts of the mind can be controlled very often, but the thoughts of the heart cannot. So Just because you do not understand what this man is going through does not mean you can put judgement on him.

Excuse me but are you going to act like that everytime a ex shows up?!

It's strange but the first girl I loved was 14 years ago. Because of her moving away we were separated. We promised to meet five years later on the fishing pier on the island here. Five years later came around and I thought to myself she probably moved on. So on the day we were supposed to meet I just didn't go. I thought it was silly. 6 months later I met my future wife who I have a child with. 4 years after meeting her I randomly searched for the first girls name on facebook late one night. Completely blown away by the feeling that came back just by seeing her face. Also blown away by the guilt of feeling that way and being with my daughters mom who I also loved very much. I contacted the first girl on facebook. She was as shocked as I was. What confused me was that she told me she waited with a friend all day that day at the pier and I never showed. Then four years later we were both married with kids to different people. My wife knew something was bothering me so I had to tell her. It was so hard. Especially on her. She asked me who do I choose. My answer was "I dont know" which was the worse thing to say. Me and my wife split up 3 years ago or she left me I should say. Not for anything to do with my story. We were together 4 more years after the facebook incident. Later that night I told her I choose her and there was no choosing because shes the one my heart belongs to. Not the old girl. Now its 3 years since Ive been split from my daughters mom. And Im still in love with her and she doesn't even speak to me. Now we get down to what I have deduced on the matter of old feelings. Men are like little boys. They place metaphorical rocks and trinkets in their pockets and covet the memories they give. Its the same with women from our past. We pull old memories up like rocks from our pockets and rememer the shinyness of a moment in time with someone we shared it with. And we covet the feelings we had. In reality all it is is a ghost of the past. And the future has no place to dwell on ghosts when reality in right in front of us. If you have someone you miss and want to reconnect then do so. But don't miss the present and the people in it thinking about the past and people who are just shadows of a memory. Always remember the past and the people in it but live in the now.

I really appreciate what you say here, but I'm sorry you had to run through all this. My wife would react the very same way, I think. Yes, we're like kids. I sometimes feel myself caged in the past. I live in 2014 but I have vivid feelings from the past, that haunt my present. I rationally consider plain stupid to act like this, but it's not a choice. It happens.

Lucky for me, I married my first real love and we are still together after 50 years.
There were other women now and then, but they were like close friends. We could have become more serious, but didn't.

My first genuine love became my wife in 1965 but sadly died 11 years ago, but we had many good years and i have my memories.