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Still Miss Her After 14 Yrs

i will never stop dreaming of her....it never goes away.  i had my chance 14 yrs ago, but let others influence my decisions.....life has brought us new partners...and children....i sometimes wonder how many kids we would of had together....i think about how good it would be just to hold her again for a brief moment...and most of all, i wonder if she ever dreams of me.....??? 
mydreams mydreams 36-40, M 442 Responses Nov 24, 2006

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I have thought of my first love for over 40 years and probably will until the day i die...When I think of him I become very sad. It is crazy I know but that is how it is. Of course, I have had long relationships<br />
and a child but I hope to be with him at the end of this life. What would my life been like if I had never known him or if we stayed together, I will never know.....He has been married to the next woman, who happened to be very wealthy, for over 40 years..I keep waiting for him to be free....<br />
This does happen , why not to me....Is this too much to ask..to be with my true love at the end of my life. I know he thinks of me sometimes..maybe not like I think of him ...but I was his first love too. He was in love with me so many years ago. Should I pray for this???I want it to make sense..even if it is when I am truly old..it would not matter. A day does not go by.. WHY ?

I have thought of my first love for over 40 years and probably will until the day i die...When I think of him I become very sad. It is crazy I know but that is how it is. Of course, I have had long relationships<br />
and a child but I hope to be with him at the end of this life. What would my life been like if I had never known him or if we stayed together, I will never know.....He has been married to the next woman, who happened to be very wealthy, for over 40 years..I keep waiting for him to be free....<br />
This does happen , why not to me....Is this too much to ask..to be with my true love at the end of my life. I know he thinks of me sometimes..maybe not like I think of him ...but I was his first love too. He was in love with me so many years ago. Should I pray for this???I want it to make sense..even if it is when I am truly old..it would not matter. A day does not go by.. WHY ?

I have thought of my first love for over 40 years and probably will until the day i die...When I think of him I become very sad. It is crazy I know but that is how it is. Of course, I have had long relationships<br />
and a child but I hope to be with him at the end of this life. What would my life been like if I had never known him or if we stayed together, I will never know.....He has been married to the next woman, who happened to be very wealthy, for over 40 years..I keep waiting for him to be free....<br />
This does happen , why not to me....Is this too much to ask..to be with my true love at the end of my life. I know he thinks of me sometimes..maybe not like I think of him ...but I was his first love too. He was in love with me so many years ago. Should I pray for this???I want it to make sense..even if it is when I am truly old..it would not matter. A day does not go by.. WHY ?

I have thought of my first love for over 40 years and probably will until the day i die...When I think of him I become very sad. It is crazy I know but that is how it is. Of course, I have had long relationships<br />
and a child but I hope to be with him at the end of this life. What would my life been like if I had never known him or if we stayed together, I will never know.....He has been married to the next woman, who happened to be very wealthy, for over 40 years..I keep waiting for him to be free....<br />
This does happen , why not to me....Is this too much to ask..to be with my true love at the end of my life. I know he thinks of me sometimes..maybe not like I think of him ...but I was his first love too. He was in love with me so many years ago. Should I pray for this???I want it to make sense..even if it is when I am truly old..it would not matter. A day does not go by.. WHY ?

This is amazing that so many people have had this type of experience. I was starting to think I might need therapy! About 4 years ago I met a woman younger than me, she in her thirties, and me in my fifties. This was a couple of years after going through a divorce after 16 years of marriage. We had a very nice two week romance. Even after all this time I'm still trying to figure out why she's had this enduring effect on me. I still dream about her, and during the course of the day I'll see things in the ways and actions of other women that trigger a memory of her. I've even composed a song on guitar for this woman!!. I'm a true romantic catastrophe as far as I'm concerned, got it baaaad!. This interferes with me going forward because she 'stays' with me so strongly. I've also had an instance where I was intimately holding another woman and thinking of her. Ahhh....the rollercoaster which is romance!!

Add me to the list. I am happily married to a man that exceeds my first love in every way. Not a week has gone by that I havent thought of him though. He was an *** really, he broke my heart and kept coming back to tromp on it for a few years after our breakup. We always thought we were 'meant to be', and fought for it, it just never worked. Anyway he got married to the 'girl after me' had kids got divorced. Meanwhile I fell for my fantastic hubby and just recently started my family. If I ran into him, I would probably be friendly but cold, yet I fantasize about him daily. Was it just the sex? My husband is better in every way. I just dont get why his memory has this vice on mind. I truly wish I could shake it lose. After 15 years it would at least save me some cyber stalking time ;)

I also think about my first love from 23 years ago and miss him so much. Although I believe my marriage has lasted with my husband because of our son, I do love him and I try everyday to be a good wife. My first love has a family and I know he is happy. I do think that there is a part of me that is still with him because he has captured my heart and soul. He is a beautiful man inside and out. He always has been since the day we first met.<br />
I accept that we couldn't be together. Maybe next lifetime he will be mine. If not, I accept that. I had to give him up and it hurt like hell. My life was pain since I was born and, though he was willing fight with me, I couldn't see him damaged like I was. He was my bright light, my angel and my heart. No one comes close to him and no one can.<br />
There are those who know when they have found that one love of a lifetime and he is it. I won't mope my life away because it would dishonor what we had and what I will always feel for him. It was a blessing to learn and know just how much someone as wonderful as him could love someone as challenged (and challenging) as me.<br />
Final Note: Though he will forever be that love of my life, I know that losing him should never control my life. What we had is encouragement as to what lies ahead (whether in this life or the next)

Me too- I am happily married- even share a beautiful child together. I have dreamed-missed-longed- thought of my first love for over 22 years. We just reconnected on facebook this summer - it was my secret heartfelt wish that had finally come true after so many years. When we spoke-I pretended like I was not missing him or still in love with him- it was really difficult. I am so tired pretending that he's not in my heart. I have grieved this relationship for so many years. I continue to practice my own evolvement as a spiritual being- it seems to just open my heart more to him. When we connected this summer- I could tell from his words that he still loves me too- I'm praying for a divine solution to all of this for all individuals involved. We both have beautiful children and partners- and they are the first <br />
commitments now. I'm practicing acceptance of this- it's not easy. I find myself coming on these sites so often praying I'll see a message from him that will indicate that he is verbalizing what I feel too. I feel like this time apart has been for learning major life lessons- and I'm waiting for God to bring us back together. I pray he finds this message someday and it speaks to clearly and perfectly to his heart. That he knows it's from my heart to his heart. I will always love him- his heart was the most <br />
beautiful heart I've ever known.

I too miss my first love. We had a brief encounter (for 6 months) about 14 years ago as well. Which has made me wonder if you are he. Just recently (like over the past two months) I found out that he had been looking for me in our hometown (I still live there) but to know avail. Around Christmas (this past one 2010) I wrote him a letter and sent it to an APO address I found online. Well, he got the letter and called me. Expressing all kinds of love for me and in turn I did the same. What this boy and I had at 16 and 18 years old many people will never know in a million lifetimes. We spoke for about an hour on the phone. But in the end he told me he had remarried. And get this, just 6 months ago. What luck. In my heart, I still believe that there is a chance for us. It doesn't matter how many years go by, we always manage to end back up right where we started. With each other.

My first real love and I only dated for six months, though I knew her for a couple of years before that, and after we broke up I fell to pieces, and over the years she came in and out of my life to the point where I asked her to marry me, but she turned me down, took me years to get over that, but I finally got married to someone else - who happens to be a good friend of my ex, invited my ex to our wedding, and she attended on the bride's side - but I've never forgotten about my ex over the years, and I'd hear things thru the grapevine, that she had a baby by a man she didn't marry, got married to someone else, and had another kid, got divorced and married yet another guy, but anyway, a couple of years ago she and i reconnected on facebook, over 25 years on, and we got together for lunch a few times (just as friends, our spouses knew), and it was strange, but every smidgen of chemistry was still there, but the attraction wasn't at all, at least for me, and part of it was that we're no longer in the bloom of youth, but part of it was simply that we have moved on, I guess, and yet even though I no longer wish we could have ended up together, I still think of her often, and I'm just glad that we've gotten the chance to close the circle and end up as friends, years later - it's just really nice.

guess in some guess in some case notlooing back may be ok<br />
but you see the day ilost my first love i alos losttheonly mother i truely loved<br />
<br />
all due to stepfather thatwas an a&& *(_ and broke his promise to all if he was not dead i would make kill that way<br />
<br />
we had spent the weekend with each other and had a great timemy pater was with his wife i was withher/him and we made the rounds in siagon 2 day later i willbe shoot down and out mother told i was not expceed to live the next day he willbe killed in a tunnel explsion 2 different men will go to her house and tellhe her son was killed sheasked to be excuse and goes in and get her gun and kills her self<br />
my friend was a girl made in to a boy by a dr. at birth rest is a long store his mother becamm mine in 8th grade when i was beat for protecting alittle kid from a guy with a knife whenthey were lied too by his freind butit was no big del they never wnted me any way

This is all so heartbreaking. I reconnected with my "soulmate" 2 years ago. It was like magic. We couldn't believe that we found each other again. Then, suddenly he broke things off for reasons that I consider trivial. If he had told me that he lost his strong feelings for me, it would be easier. Sometimes, I wonder if I should contact him and just make him tell me that.<br />
<br />
I am in a new relationship with a wonderful guy, and I fear that my feelings for this ex are getting in the way, but I don't know what to do. If there was a magical way to turn off my feelings for my ex and fall in love with this new guy, I'd do it. I would! <br />
<br />
but how??????????????

I met my first love after I'd been with another guy for 3 years who I was never in love with. The only thing that had kept us together was a business we ran together. This guy who i'll never forget walked into the lounge room of another friends place and for me it was love at first sight, we became best friends instantly spending every spare moment together. I broke up with the business partner after my first love told me of his plans to travel abroad for 2 years. We spent 1 magical night together and then he was gone. I missed him so much, I didn't realize at the time how much. I didn't write to him much I just tried to forget about him any way I could. He was doing what the always wanted to do. One day I saw him again, I just wanted to hold him and never let go, instead I had to tell him<br />
That I was pregnant to another man and was moving overseas with him. A couple of years later I called him on the eve of my wedding to tell him how I had always felt about him, we talked for ages, but before I could tell him he told me that he was now married. I was happy for him but also completely deflated. The next day I told him via email instead, and then instantly regretted it And sent an apology, he wrote and told me there was no need for apologies but that it just wasn't possible then. Now its been nearly 5 years since i last spoke to him and 10 year since we were together but ihave never been able to stop thinking about him. He was everything I ever wanted and he told me the same about him. What is making it hard now is that we have now moved back. Please know that I have tried everything I can to stop thinking about him, i have prayed so hard to stop. And now an old friend has just leet me know that he doesn't have any children yet, and has given me the complete catch up on him. I'm in agony over this guy, What should i do? does he still think about me? Btw I'm 32

I agree! My first love contacted me after 27 years! We were in love when we parted but we were too young to settle down and now it is amazing that we have reunited. He will never be out of my life even though we physically can;t be together because of our circumstances. ( kids, jobs etc) We communicate regularly and I feel amazed that this has happened to us. We have been given a second chance at our love. Follow your heart!

i was the same way I was still in love with my 1st love i thought he had forgotten about me it took me 14yrs to find him again .. we made a promise that i had forgot about till i talked him again we promised each other years ago that if we didnt marry each other we wouldnt never get married well we both kept it ... i found him on facebook 1night after i gave up on nov 9 2010...... and it feb2011 we are getting married and i never knew i could still been in love with him like i was when i was 17 yrs old but i am i lpve every min of it

I know where so many of you are coming from. I think about my only real love often. It's been 7 years already and I'll wake up sometimes and feel like the life i'm living is the wrong one. I wish I had made the decision to stay with him back then. He had to go back to England and I was too young and scared of commitment. I remember him telling me that you can get over anyone with enough time but he didn't want to get over me. The last time I spoke to him I was so mean. It hurt too much to speak to him and I couldn't keep dragging it out so I made him hate me. Feel like I'm crazy sometimes because it's been so long. I wonder if I gave him the ability to get over me while I still only have good memories of him. He was my best friend and I wouldn't have been able to let him go if I had known I'd never see him again.

25 yrs later, she contacts me on FB. She's 45 yrs old, married for 20yrs 2 almost grown kids, Husband looks like could be one of my buddies. Im happily married to a young beautiful woman 12 years, we have 2 great kids, and I have missed my ex every day of my life, so much so sometimes it makes me moan in pain. I have been with and loved many, but I have always known who my soulmate is and have never pursued it. I don't know what hurts worse, knowing how much I love her (I know she feels it too) or knowing I will never be with my soulmate. I would not go back, but damn I wish I had made better choices as a young man. I cherish the memory, and just have to deal with the pain, life moves forward.

25 years later, I have a beautiful young wife for 12 years, 2 great kids....I still think of my ex gf every day of my life. She contacted me of FB, she has been happily married for 23yrs with 2 grown kids, and I can tell she still thinks of me too. I would never consider another relationship I love and respect my wife and kids to much, but I still miss her.....every day. The pain never subsides, but her memory makes the pain bearable. I have told myself for years, "I will get past this, life goes on" and it does, I keep looking forward, but my heart always finds a way to look in the rearview. I have realized in the last few years my heartbreak is probably due to knowing I will never be with my soulmate, and I missed my shot, what if we all get a shot at our soulmate by design?...but its up to us to recognize it? I would not want to change my life, but I sure wish I had made better choices as a young man, or had at the very least been able to see past Friday nite.

Another one on the list... It's been 9 years since I talked to her 10 since we broke off our short relationship of 6 months, but gees was this girl truly a goddess to me. Not a day goes by where I don't think of her, her smile, mind, laugh even her smell. I have recurring dreams of her, and wish so badly I could turn back time. She treated me like crap, and the last time I talked to her, she told me she had a bf and not to contact her as to avoid strain on her relationship. I accepted and have not bothered her since. I checked up on fb, and looks like she has 2 kids now, and seems happy and content. I would never interfere, but it saddens me to think, if things were different they may have being my kids in those pictures with me by her side. I don't think my love for her will ever die, and because of this every women I have been with since, including my ex wife will never give me the same feelings of love and passion as she did. Hence why I've been single for over a year. Feel like I've been cursed to a life of loneliness... No idea where to turn, and now the feelings get stronger by the day :(

I miss the person i loved very much after 6 years still. now im in a relationship with a child, i just wish it was him. he made me smile so much and just being with him was all i ever wanted. <br />
<br />
no-one can ever live up to what he was. it was such a heart breaking split. i will never forget the first tears i cried over him, the big lump in my throat, the ripping up his poems to me and photos on my bedroom floor.<br />
<br />
the whole time we were together was like a movie. we has such a good time together. <br />
i think about him all the time and wonder what he's doing now. he still lives close, but i'm too afraid to call or visit. i think i'm better off with the memories i have now, rather than dragging up the past and trying to create new ones only to be let down. <br />
<br />
xxx

I miss the person i loved very much after 6 years still. now im in a relationship with a child, i just wish it was him. he made me smile so much and just being with him was all i ever wanted. <br />
<br />
no-one can ever live up to what he was. it was such a heart breaking split. i will never forget the first tears i cried over him, the big lump in my throat, the ripping up his poems to me and photos on my bedroom floor.<br />
<br />
the whole time we were together was like a movie. we has such a good time together. <br />
i think about him all the time and wonder what he's doing now. he still lives close, but i'm too afraid to call or visit. i think i'm better off with the memories i have now, rather than dragging up the past and trying to create new ones only to be let down. <br />
<br />
xxx

I have been going through this today. Its been 8 years for me and she has been married for 7 of those. I miss her so much. I had a dream lat night that we were together. I woke up and was crushed. I know how it feels.

move on.. use your choices not your friends, not your family.. be strong.. influences by others isnt good . if thats how you feel for your first love .. then do what your heart tells you ... its up to you..

I met my first love when I was 17 and we were together 3 years. We split as I went to University and met new friends. He tried his hardest to win me back but I was never interested. I loved the excitement and didn't realise what I had with my first love. After two relationships of 11 years and 4 years I realised I was searching for the love I had with my first ever love.<br />
<br />
After a year of being single and dating, I joined a professional business site to establish my business, the next day of joining my first love sent me a message through the site. He had found me. We emailed a couple of times and we talked on the phone for 6 hours. We arranged for him to come and see me and it was like we had never been apart, we looked a little older but it was love at first sight. He said he has always thought about me and compared every girlfriend to me.<br />
<br />
I am a little cautious as we hurt each other so deeply when we were together the first time but I have never felt the love for anyone else which i feel for him. We can be in each others arms without even speaking, its like we are the only people in the world.<br />
<br />
I'm not sure what the future holds for us but I feel like I have come home and found my other half.<br />
<br />
Don't ever give up on your soul mate, it is all about timing, if its meant to be it will be.

I lost my true love my soul mate about 21 years ago, our families were against our relationship and were separated after that things got really bad I tried to see her again because it was killing me i did see her but my family sent me to another country to life with a sister of mine, i never went back to my country, I was living with my sister but never forget my love she was always in my heart but my life continued and I was just 26 when he meet the woman who i married and had two children together perfect life we were married nine years at the end of 9 years divorce three years later I was on the net facebook the name of my first love came to my head at that moment i began to feel difirente my heart began beating as never had been beaten before then just write her name on facebook does not take long it was at my first and then there she was my love my soul mate i press on her name after I sent a friend invitation, and looked in her photos and my tears fall for my face when I looked into your eyes my heart explude i started to feel emotion in side me i cant explind with words then star feel not good it was too much to bear then I tried to stay calm I looked again at your picture and then closed the facebook I went to bed that night i stay awake all night i only start sleeping in the morning I woke up almost 12:00 in the afternoon I washed my face made same the coffee took a cigarette and then i switche the laptop on went to facebook and soon noticed she had accepted my invitation and also left a message that said I knew that one day you're gonna come back my love my soul mate I was paralyzed for a moment, then that day we talk on messenger we are already talking about two weeks and four days from now she comes to me, another thing my 2 boys 1 with 5years other with 9years they are the reason i never came back becose they are my life and over 4 days it will be complete this is my story can be big but for know its ok and for all lovers up there i wish that my spirit of love and my story brings same happiness in your hearts for a momento and keep fighting you never know in till you try never give up work hard and do your best you in get the good luck for all of you every 1 need to be love ciao

I miss my first love too but I'm married and going throught some stuff with my husband. I don't know if it's because my husband and I are having problems or not. My first love broke up with me because my mom got in the way and my mom has apologized to me on more than one occassion. The relationship was great; no fighting, no hollaring, no abusing...........it was kind of perfect.

I am now talking to one of my est friends about htis. My ex and Ireconnected about a year ago. He is the LOVE OF MY LIFE. We broke up because he wasn't ready to handle me at 22. I was a serious relationship. When I tried to get back, he just wasn't interetsed, so I movd on. I wish I would have tried again. We would see each other from time to time, but I wnated more. After we reconnected after 15 years, I still feel the same for him and I think he still cares for me. He is married and I am too. We see each other from time to time in passing. The last time we stopped to talk was 2 months ago and he hugged me so long. I could tell he still loves me, but what can we do. I am now moving on because it hurst really bad to know that every evening, he goes home to someone else. But I chose my life and he chose his...now we have to live with it.

If there was anything that i could do, i would kill all of u ppl altogether.Have u ever wondered how u would feel if you come to know that the person u are married to now,has a similar tale to share?<br />
We never stop silently loving the ones we have loved.But that is that.I too have lost my first love years ago.I have recooped frm suicidal tendencies and depression that accompanied his loss.Now, after 5 years,I am happily married and have a husband i love.I do not think i will ever want to remember, dream of or want to meet or know anything about anybody other than my husband.If i ever dream of my ex,i will consider it my worst nightmare.

Unconditional LOVE is INCLUSIVE~ meaning it includes everyone (children, partners, yourself, your first love) It's not to say that because my heart loves one person unconditionally that it cannot love another. The heart has its own intelligence and is WISE~ it's the mind (EGO) that wants to put limits on the boundaries of the love and judge/criticize it, control it, suppress it," etc. This time period is ALL ABOUT HEART ENERGY~ which is why it is so fascinating that people are feeling this energy ~ and following it to their first loves.... I cannot speak OR judge others situations because I do not know where they have been, what obstacles they are facing in their lives, and what lessons they are working through in this life. One thing is for sure~ this TIME is ALL about LOVE~ love yourself, AND follow your heart. I don't feel it's about abandoning the one you're with because maybe they are not in touch with the new heart energy~ my feeling is that the plan for each of us is much more complex then we can see from where we sit. Some of us have gotten married to fulfill our karma from past lives, and when that is fulfilled we will part. Some of us have gotten married to bring certain children into the world and then will part. Some of us have gotten married for life. It's different for everyone~ and in divine order as it's up to each one of our individual's soul to decide what's next. Have you noticed how many people are departing in divorce and death right now? The soul is the only one who can decide if it wants to remain here as part of the new heart energy that is unfolding on our planet. We are all on this planet during a very interesting time for sure~ wishing every person the best on their journey in following the truth of their hearts!

Bella70, unless he has said "I don't think of you like that anymore", you cannot say what he thinks. men are different than women. Women tend to internalize things and try to anmalyze everything.Men don't. they think, 'there is nothing i can do about it so I won't say anything". What helped me was that I talked to men who were around the same age as my ex and who had the same family life. They can tell you what he is thinking or what they believe he is thinking. Just like if a man asked you about a woman they love.

i understand how you feel, because i too am missing my ex right about now. And to my surprise, we are not the only one feeling this way. I'm pretty sure if we are feeling this way right now, they too, will be feeling the same, one way or another. All i can say is live your life to the fullest of your ability. There is no point being held down by someone that clearly doesn't care about you, because otherwise why would they hurt you in the first place?

I was with my first love for nearly 5 years, we split when I was 19 years old. I am now married in my 30's. I loved him so so much, breaking up with him just completely devestated me. <br />
<br />
I went through a period in my life when he was very much in the background of my thoughts. When I first met my husband and for several years after this my ex did not enter my thoughts too much. But I saw my ex for the first time in quite a few years, 18 months ago and it felt like my heart was being ripped out. Ever since then I have thought constantly about him. It just feels so painful to think that I must spend the rest of my life loving him like this. I often wish that I had never met him, it is as if he cast a shadow over my life. I spent only 5 years of my life with him, but a lifetime getting over him.

i dont know if anyone will reply to this but i want an answer as i have a tendency to rush into things blindly off of hormones... but this is time is different and heres the rundown on why.<br />
<br />
When i was 2 years old my parents moved to a small village in Alaska called Bethel, i lived there for a year n a half. We moved to another village named Aniak, this is where i stayed for 6 years, until i was 10 years old, which is when my parents moved back to Indianapolis, Indiana...I will resent them for this for the remainder of my days until I'm reunited with my friends... and my friends that were girls i didn't think of as more than friends because I just didn't. I am now 13, and have developed in the romantic part of maturity way past my age. I would never find myself calling Indiana home because it does not have a place in my heart.<br />
<br />
Like i said, I have advanced at incredible rates in maturity and my romantic persona. But, I am also extremely intelligent for my age, so I'm not interested in any immature girls my age with all the drama and stupidity. That is with the exception of Sam, a childhood enemy, she is the cousin of my best friend, Kattie who still both live in Aniak(lucky girls). You see, I am no more than friends with Kattie, we still talk regularly on a day to day basis. Now, within the past 5 months I have also been talking with Sam, she is nothing like an enemy anymore in any respect of the word. We talk and text every day for hours, during school, after, and up until 5 am, because with the time difference of 4 hours we have to talk whenever we get the chance. We flirt back and forth constantly and have even recently been ending our conversations with ily (for those who aren't familiar with this it means I Love You). Again I have matured way past my age group with romance and ethics and mentality, so this is not something I take lightly like every other bulls****y 13 year old. She has said to me on very seldom occasions that maybe we shouldn't take this to the next level because we might ruin our old friendship, and I find a way to keep her from feeling that way, and then she gets so much happier and so do i, which sets off a chain reaction of more events and so on.<br />
(I brought up the part about me and Sam being childhood enemy's is because I read that most soulmates used to be the antagonist)<br />
Neither of us have kissed anyone before, and I have begged my parents to help me out and let me sell stuff, do labor, babysit, etc. to get the money for a plane ticket back up there this summer, all they say is I'm being childish and need to accept that I have to move on with my life and enjoy Indiana(see why i resent them?). I know I'm not being childish about it, Sam's not being childish about it because she is just as mature as me if not more mature, and I am older than her by 2 months. She's the only girl I've ever felt so strongly about that I am willing to sell all my luxuries in my Indiana home so i can visit her and my old friends in Aniak for the summer(Kattie's mom has invited me to stay with them for the whole summer after she heard about me and Sam and thinks its adorable). I am not sure what soul mates feel like and i would love to know if this is a good sign that I have found mine. Please give me input I'm so lost in this and hate that i am so much smarter than I'm being treated so i suffer everyday I'm away from what i want most.

Are you married or in a committed relationshi? If you are, then get over it. That is a part of your past. If your current love ever finds out it will kill her. I'm talking from expierence. I am married to a man that the major part of our marriage was still obsessed with his past love and didn't hide it very well. He even wrote a song for her durring our marriage. It kills me to hear the song to this day. He is over her now and has moved on but it has destroyed a part we will never get back.

I continually think about my first love. It has been 17 years since we were together; circumstances moved him to England and I was not able to follow. We were devoted to each other and so much in love. We connected in such a way; emotionally and physically. It was a time of innocence lost, trust and understanding. It doesn't take much to make me think of him even though I am happily married with kids; as he is too. Through facebook we found each other again and during a brief chat, I learned that he saved all my letters despite being told my his wife to get rid of them. I saved his letters too. I wonder if he thinks about me as much as I continue to think about him. I wonder if he dreams about me as often and as instensly as I dream about him. I hope we get to meet again and enjoy each other as we once had.

It's been 25 years for me. From the moment I saw him I knew that he was the one. But he got transfered and for whatever reasons quit writing me and calling me. I eventually married but always found a way to contact him. We would catch up, and then say good-bye until the next time I again contacted him. About 2 years ago we saw each other again and he treated me as a friend and my heart protested because I've always loved him. We communicated for about a year then once again he stopped the communication. Heart broken again. . and yet my soul refuses to release him.

I DATED MY FIRST LOVE FROM 8TH TO 10TH GRADE. THEN HE WENT OFF TO COLLEGE. WE WOULD HANG OUT EVERY NOW AND THEN AFTER HE WENT TO COLLEGE BECAUSE HE WAS 2 YEARS OLDER THAN ME. EVENTUALLY WE LOST CONTACT WITH EACH OTHER. THEN A YEAR AND A HALF AGO I RAN INTO HIM AT THE STORE AND WE JUST CHATTED FOR A FEW MINTUES. I ACTUALLY THOUGHT THAT WAS THE END OF THE CONVERSATION. THEN HE ACTUALLY SENT ME A FRIEND REQUEST OF FB. SINCE THE DAY THAT WE CHATTED ON FB WE HAVE ACTUALLY BEEN SEEING EACH OTHER OFF AND ON. WE HAVE HAD DINNERS TOGETHER AND EVEN TAKEN TRIPS TOGETHER. BUT THE ONLY PROBLEM NOW IS THAT I'VE BEEN DIVORCED FOR 6 YEARS AND HE SAYS THAT HE WANTS A DIVORCE NOW THAT HE HAS FINALLY FOUND ME AGAIN. IT HAD BEEN 24 YEARS SINCE ME AND HIM HAD BEEN TOGETHER. THE GOOD PART IS THAT I LOVE HIM SOO MUCH AND HE SAYS THE SAME TO ME.

I can't believe I read almost all the comments on the site. It makes me almost feel better that there are so many people out there that are in the same position as me. My first love I met in highschool. We only dated for about 10 months, but she was very special to me. She broke up with me and I took it very hard. For almost two years I constantly thought about her to the point of making myself sick. Over time I kind of buried the feelings more. I never completely forgot and occasionally would find myself thinking about her. The best and worst was when I would have a dream and we were together. Waking up from that was hard, knowing it was just a dream, but to have that real moment again with her was amazing. I know she has had a few relationships in the the past 13 years, but nothing has seemed to work out with her and I recently found out she is single. I know I should not get my hopes up because my contact info has always been the same and she has never tried to contact me, but all these feelings I used to have, have started coming back and I am going to contact her soon. I would like to be in her life again, even if just as friends, although I know that might hurt if she does get a new boyfriend. I still feel that she was my soulmate and I have never felt the love I had for her for anyone else ever again. Hopefully if soulmates do exist she is mine and we will be together one day

wow Quazzar what you wrote is how I feel! I too believe in soulmates hopefully you will be together one day

I'm 19 yrs old, but im not your typical 19 yr old. When i was 4, i met Vanessa, She was always the girl i drooled for. We went out for 2 years as 4th and 5th graders but then moved into different middle schools and i barely saw her after. We would talk twice a year, but nothing much. I never truly told her i was still in love and missing her. I have thought about her daily since we were 10 yrs old, and whenever i do talk to her, she stays in my mind for a whole week non<x>stop! (It stress' me out). I feel so passionate about being with her now but theirs a problem. She has a boyfriend who she lives with and he is pretty much still with her because he provides financial help to her life. BUT i can't do that yet. Now we talk every other day and she has to hide her conversations with me so that her boyfriend doesn't find out. She still cares alot about me but What do i do if i can't stop thinking about her? <br />
Also, she asked me "Why is it that after so many years of not really seeing her and talking to her regularly, that i still care for her and want to be with her?" What do i say? so i just tell her I LOVE YOU.

yes tell her

i wonder if wehad of beenable to have kids if roberta mother would still be alive

i saw my first love yesterday i'm pretty sure he doesn't feel the same, he turns me into a pile of shakeing jelly even after 13 years, feelings so strong its physical pain just to see him, i nearly fell over and my stomoch went into a big old knot . i asked him how he was hugged him he seemed very awkward about it but he did smile his beautiful magical smile, i miss him so so much i know inside he is my solemate we were even born on the same week, i wish he would facebook me, but of course if he felt the way i feel he would have done that by now. so i dream on i know there'll never be anybody as special to me.

It's ironic but you never really think about the impact a person can have on your life. Even if it's a short while that you two are together. I met this guy when I was seventeen. He told me to come here, I told him no, so he came to me. Our first date was great. We went to a movie and talked the whole night. I had never enjoyed myself so much. Our first kiss had me breathless and him flabbergasted. I have to this day never felt a tingle swim through my entire body the way he did. I have never to this day felt my heart pound so heavily in my ears or even the knees weaken the way he made them. We were only together for a short while, but the love was real. When my best friend met him she said wow. I asked her why did she say that? She said because you guys are perfect for each other. At the time we weren't boyfriend and girlfriend. At-least I insisted that we weren't. She just kind of shrugged her shoulders and said Ok. He just smiled. I didn't say anything except I did feel weird. Anyhow, it seems I fought so hard to not like this guy and to act like I didn't want him when in the end I ended wanting him, however, he ended up breaking up with me and taking my heart with him. That was nine years ago. We were in high school. I was told you couldn't fall in love in high school but I did. Although I have tried to move on, my children are evidence to that, I have not been able to let him go. It seems like everytime I try to move on, I am reminded that he is the one I really love. I dream about him. Sometimes I feel so strongly that it feels as if he's talking to me which freaks me out because I think I may just be crazy. Is it possible to feel that strongly about someone? Is it possible to hear their voice through your feelings or am I going crazy? Sometimes I think I am because it feels as if he's speaking to me at times.

look, your feelings are perfectly normal for a person still in love. I guess the only reason we lose a person is because of lack of understanding and motivation when we are young. It has happened to me. Now that i am older, it sucks because the girl i love is not single, and she still cares for me, but not enough to leave him. And i honestly want her to be happy. Is that what you want for him? And sometimes i feel like i'm crazy because i overthink about her alllll day. So it's normal. By the way, read my story, its 2 stories down this one. Thanks, and tell me what you think.

@ catchfabg beautifully said! I still hear my 1st loves voice when I close my eyes. I feel like I am going crazy sometimes too! I guess its a common thing!

It's been 30 years since my fear scared me away from my fiance. Actually he had a good reason to leave. Love is powerful and can scare us. I think I learned that the risk of getting hurt is worth the love we find. I feel I loved him too much to ask him to live with my mistakes. I denied him the chance to practice forgiveness. And I denied myself my true love. We were engaged for one week. He meant everything to me, and I still dream about him. I'm hoping there's a next life, so I can spend it with him. My soul is sealed to his wherever he is.

It's been 30 years since my fear scared me away from my fiance. Actually he had a good reason to leave. Love is powerful and can scare us. I think I learned that the risk of getting hurt is worth the love we find. I feel I loved him too much to ask him to live with my mistakes. I denied him the chance to practice forgiveness. And I denied myself my true love. We were engaged for one week. He meant everything to me, and I still dream about him. I'm hoping there's a next life, so I can spend it with him. My soul is sealed to his wherever he is.

My family thinks it's crazy that I still feel this way, so I'm not even allowed to talk about him. In secret the tears still run down my face. Sometime I feel comfort in my dreams when he appears to me. I can even hear his sweet voice.

I knew my first love when we were kids. oddly enough he was 2 years younger than me but it didnt seem a big difference back then. i think i was his first love too although im not 100% sure. we met around the age of 10/12 and got together 14/16. We had a strange relationship as we weren't what I'd call a bf/gf - we never gave each other that title, but we acted as if we were. and we were on and off, sometimes him sometimes me up until the age of nearly 19 when he was 17. I cant remember exactly what happened first, but he met someone else and so did i. and then i got pregnant. and i think his new gf did too. and so we went our seperate ways. I saw him once more when my daughter was 5 and half months old. and that was it. Things didnt work out with my daughters father. I was 21 when we broke up and he moved abroad. He didnt keep in touch with his daughter. I never knew what had happened to my first love. Only things I heard through the grapevine. We'd lived 30 miles apart when we were teens. I heard that when I moved to near his home town with my daughter he'd moved to near where I used to live. It was not intentional I dont believe. Just the way it worked out. I heard some years later he'd had 2 kids, I never knew if it was with the same woman or someone else so I assumed the same person from when we broke up. I've had a few relationships since, obviously. I'm 39 now. But I never loved any of them. I would always compare. They didn't compare. But that was my problem. I'd always assumed that as much as my first love "liked" me, that he didn't love me. Not like I loved him. I came to that conclusion because he left afterall. He got someone else pregnant. He never tried to find me. I've believed all along that my first love that I cannot forget or shake was unrequited and something that surely I shouldve put behind me by now. I cannot marry anyone, I dont even want to get involved because what's the point - I wouldnt care enough. They're not him. And that wouldnt be fair to them.<br />
And now here I am, 19 years later, and he contacts me through facebook. Out of the blue. Without warning. And although I've never forgotten him and often wondered what he's doing or if he's ok, I never thought he would care enough to track me down. And he has. I'm not assuming it's because he cares. It could've been that I was one of many people he has found. He may have a hidden agenda. His life may well be so bad he's looking back at happier more innocent times and reminiscing. All I know is that I love him just as much today as I did then. And no he isnt the same. He looks older. I know he's not that beautiful boy I once knew. And still I dont care. My head is a mess. I'm whizzed back to 1988 and all the memories. And I believed I was the one who remembered and that I wouldnt even enter his consciousness. But he sent me a message. And while i remained cool and calm and held back in my reply, his message was full of how he remembered me and things we'd said and names we'd called each other that only we knew. And part of me thinks how lovely he remembers too - I can't quite believe it. And the other part of me is thinking it's been 19 years! Why now? What do you want? Why not before? I dont know his relationship status. I dont think he's with someone but I dont know for sure. I am single. He's asked to meet me. I've said no, best leave things in the past. The reason? Because when I asked him why he tracked me down, he said he was looking for various people nothing in particular. Which doesnt make me feel special. But then why add all the little things as reminders of our time together? So I'm torn. I want to believe he's my soul mate. I want to believe that he's searched for me because he's never forgotten me either. But life experience has made me less trusting and less gulliable than that. I am screaming inside wanting to see him NOW. But his answer wasnt good enough for me to put myself out there to meet up. I just about live with the pain of not having him. To be given the chance and have it taken away again would finish me off. I'm confused. I've decided to wait and see if he contacts me again. I know I've said no, but if he really wants and needs to see me he will try again I'm guessing. I am glad to have had contact that wasnt started by me though. It's kind of validated the pain i'd been feeling for so long. Perhaps it wasnt unrequited love after all. Perhaps he's always felt the same as me. Time will tell...

I guess you don't read this anymore... but I was 16 when I met him, he was 20. So I'm pretty sure I was not his first love but he was mine. I was at that crazy young age, were you're against the world. We didn't talk much about past, so really, I didn't know him well. We got pretty intense for the barely 6 mo. we dated. He made promises before I had to move away and I made promises too. Long story short... He moved on as soon as I left, while I still thought we were together. <br />
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He tried to get me back, 5 years he tried. Is not that I didn't love him. The questions that pondered my head when he tried were: How can you trust someone who made so many promises and blew them away as soon as you turned? Will getting back at this point change anything in our relationship? Will it change our long distance relationship? I never gave him the chance and I suffered for not being with him. Not because I din't love him.... It was just that... he was not the one for me. Wrong time and differences between us. <br />
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I moved on and found my special someone years later, the person that filled all my expectations. We've been together for 16 years now and I love him. Not as intense as I loved my first love but at the same time... stronger. <br />
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My first love and I got in contact two years ago and I learned he has a beautiful family, he learned I have a family too. He didn't say if he was happy. But I sure hope so. He wanted to meet though. I explained how special he was to me but really, I didn't want us meeting, I feared old feelings resurfacing. (When you have a family you don't want temptations, you affect others with poor judgment). I did explained how special he was to me and he said I was very special to him too, still am and always will be. I truly hope he gets all his dreams and all the happiness. I'll always remember him and love him... He was my first love after all... but life goes on... Now I'm with the love of my life. The one I can count on hopefully until the day I die...<br />
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Anyways to answer your question, she does remembers you, does dream of you from time to time and sure would want to hold you in her arms too, for that brief moment as you…

oh my god i can not stop my tears ,i am a married woman with three childeren somehow via facebook my first love found me i still remember how happy i was that day it was after 20 years he is38 now and i am 34 when we first met he was 18 i was 14 we have nothing else but a kiss and we love eachother madly and i just know that ik kills me cause there is no way we can be together cause i am moslim and married he is married too has tow kids so why on earth life broght us together this way i hate fb now it kills me really how hard i try to forget hem the stronger the feelings get .we both dream of how it could be if we were married he puted on fb the song of old movie romeo and julliet when ever i litsen to that music i feel such a pain for our poor childhood love which was killed by families so i have made a promise to my self even i get 100 years i will make sure we do live the last years of our life to gether the way he loves me no one does i just feel it with all my bones he is so far away but still in my heartbeat ,in my head in my dreams .so lets just pray for all those who love someone so badly and are far from each other may Allah /God breng them together cause we have one life .The most painfull thing was for me when he asked me to promise him that we will be buried side to side if we die it hurt so badly to see how helpless we are that our finall hope is death and the other life.

Fatesharif2011....... OMG you have the same story as mine. I am a married muslim man with 2 kids. I was in a beautiful relationship for 4 years some 14 years ago. It was a wonderful time. We spent loads of time together discreetly of course...... We both wanted to get married so much but my family wasnt happy with her. They shipped me to India where for some reason I got married. I have a lovely wife and 2 gorgeous kids but not a day goes by that I do not think of my 1st love. The problem I have is she lives in the same town as me and I see her everyday passing in her car. I think she is divorced now and has a daughter as I have tracked her down on Facebook. I cannot get myself to add her as a friend due to the fact the relationship ended messy...... I know she still has feelings for me and I for her but whenever I think of her it still hurts. I long to feel her again but I know that will never be the case. I know we are soulmates but we live separate lives. I do not know whether it would be feasible to contact her fearing we might re-ignite our love and I would never jeapordise my marriage. But I would like her to be my friend again same as you...... I believe that if you are not together in this life then IA you will be in the next...... I continue life thinking what could have been.........

It's been almost 6 years.. I met him when I was 17 and he was 22 it was true love he loved me and I loved him.. He was definitely not the first person I was with but the only one I loved when he said he loved me I cried our time was special.... but life moves on pple make justifications for things they do wrong....I $&@'j up and so did he you'd think I'd move on but I didn't. I'm happy know but not that raw addiction I had, we could never be back together even if he walk back into that door today it would still not be enough when it's OVER it's over but he'll always have that 7% of my heart no mater what happens..I hope only the best for him and him for me <3

It's been almost 6 years.. I met him when I was 17 and he was 22 it was true love he loved me and I loved him.. He was definitely not the first person I was with but the only one I loved when he said he loved me I cried our time was special.... but life moves on pple make justifications for things they do wrong....I $&@'j up and so did he you'd think I'd move on but I didn't. I'm happy know but not that raw addiction I had, we could never be back together even if he walk back into that door today it would still not be enough when it's OVER it's over but he'll always have that 7% of my heart no mater what happens..I hope only the best for him and him for me <3

i left my story here last month - its above a few others here. I have news. after tracking me down on fb after 19 years and asking to meet and me saying no he messaged me again, leaving his phonenumber. so i rang. and that was 3 days ago, and we've spoken every day since. im going to meet him on monday. he is divorced and has been for around 10 years. the conversations we have had have been a revelation. and i feel some peace, even without meeting him yet. he remembers so much, some that i do and some that id forgotten until he said.<br />
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primarily why he left and met the girl who became his wife and the mother of his 2 children. i spent years wondering why he just disappeared. and now i know. it was something i said. something big. and i cant believe i didnt remember. but now i do and i remember why. i was testing him at the time. i told him i was moving abroad but i wasnt. i think it was a childish way of getting him to admit to me at the time how he really felt and begging me to stay. but he didnt. he now says he didnt think he could stop me as i was adamant. he gave up hope. but i never went, never intended, and all the while he thought i may have gone.<br />
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he said he tried calling me in the late 1990s but my number had changed nad had turned up at my old house in the winter of 2005 but i was no longer there. ive just told him now i moved from there in june 2005. he had just missed me. Hes been trying for years to track me down it seems.<br />
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and the best thing is he told me he had loved me back then. whatever happens now, as we're different people now i know, i am so happy he's told me that. he has no need to so im sure hes being honest. its made me feel so at peace. so i will meet him and i hope we will talk some more. he says we have a lot of talking to do and i agree. and i hope we stay in contact and are friends. anything more I dont know, 19 years has passed after all. We're not 18 and 20 anymore!<br />
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But more than anything my heart is overjoyed that the love i have carried with me all these years seems to have been carried by him too. We may never get together as a couple, but I know he is my soul mate now and I am his and we have made a promise that whatever happens we will not disappear from each others lifes ever again.

I know how this feels to a T our relationship ended as her mom took her and her brothers moved away no idea where they went was year half later she come back we both had moved on with our lives. Now after 25 years we both having marriage problems started see one another again let me say I feel the same as I did then she still beautiful, sexy and just as hot now she was then. We talk everyday on the phone and they day will come she back here we both still share the love we had then it never left our hearts, I say we were meant to be together as how do you love the same person for 27 years as I fell in love with her first time I saw her.

I first fell in love when I was 13. It's been 5 years already and I can't forget him, no matter how hard I try. I've been attracted to guys after that but I never felt what I had felt when I was around him. There have been some guys I 've strongly been attracted to and I found to my dismay, that it is because they had something akin to his- maybe similar eyes, a similar smile, a similar voice or a similar personality.But I just can't give myself up to any guy; he is always on my mind and spending time with someone else just doesn't have that spark, that jolt, that connection I had with him.<br />
He made me feel so happy, complete......I know that some people might actually not take this seriously( me being so young and all and with many people I know telling me that it is just a silly girlie infatuation) but the truth is, it would have been amazing if something did happen between us. We've both drifted apart; I haven't seen or heard from him for about 2 and a half years but I still have such vivid dreams of him. Whenever, I am alone or when I go to bed at night, I still think about him-think about all the dreams I have had about him and think of all the beautiful memories he has given me to cherish. I often wonder-has he grown any taller, does he still smile as often as he used to, is he still as lively and mischievous, has he grown his hair longer?<br />
He was just so dazzling a person; he was so bright, so optimistic. No wonder I felt so drawn to him. He had his flaws, but I love him, flaws and all. I just really wish to see him for once. I believe that it's too late for anything else-I just wanna see him, and see how he is doing, getting on with life. And hopefully, I'll remain in contact with him this time.

Add me to the list...I will share my story as your stories have been of great comfort to me. <br />
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We were together 5+ years, we met when I was 19. Ultimately we suffered a very painful and mess break up. It was finally 2 years after we moved out, when I saw him with another woman, I truly moved on. I was angry, and thank goodness too, because my defiance was powerful enough to take me where I wanted to go and fufill many of dreams. I got a couple good promotions and found myself living in Europe, traveling and being in all the places I wanted to see. I had power in job, and I was good at it. After some years in Europe, I met someone and had 2 daughters and got married (in that order). Then I started my own business, which was another one of my dreams. I have done everything I've wanted to do...<br />
<br />
...then about 5 years ago he found me per e-mail. I was intrigued and mailed back a few times before I cut off the contact. I just couldn't handle it, he was getting divorced, blah, blah..and I was still angry and hurt over HOW we seperated. Then 18 months ago, he found me on FB. I had to tell him to go away again, but this time with more honesty. I told him it was too painful, and contact with him distracted me from 'being' with my husband and two children.<br />
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Now they have found a lump in my breast, which by now I know is not cancerous, so this time I contacted him. Even though I can not be with him, I wanted to tell him how much I loved him, and always will. If nothing else, I did not want to rob him of the assurance of my feelings for him. I also wrote about the 'scene' where it all ended, and of course he has a different story, I don't know what the 'truth' is about that day, but it doesn't matter, I have let it go, along with all the anger I have harbored to keep myself from thinking about him kindly. He has written me back in the kindest and most gentle way possible, to give me peace about that day, and reaffirmed his feelings for me were as strong as mine were for him. I have thanked him for this and have said good bye again...and like so many of you, he his in my dreams, and we are wonderful and good and our bodies are connected and we are one, and then I wake up....and all my feelings of just wanting to be with him wash over me.<br />
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I think our reasons for parting were valid at the time. I had no other choice than to move on. I love what I have done in my life, and it isn't a journey he would have enjoyed, and realistically, it isn't a journey I would have made had we stayed together. I have told him, that if life were only about making love and holding hands in a meadow of wildflowers in the spring, then us breaking up was the biggest mistake we ever made. However, life is more than that...at least for now. And yet, I see a day when I will be satisfied with that...and maybe that day is now - I don't know, but now I am married with my two children, and I need to be the mother to my children and the wife to husband...and yet I also pray, that one day we will also be together again...<br />
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Even though I haven't seen him for more than 20 years, I could just melt in his arms right now. I think if I could only touch his face, feel his lips, feel his body pressed against mine, just one more time, it would be enough...it is truly agonizing...and yet as agonizing as it is, I feel as though HE was the price I paid for my life. It was a huge price to pay, and yet it makes me appreciate even more what I have... because it wasn't free, I had to give him up to get what I have.<br />
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Indeed life has its irony...but for whatever happens, I loved him with everything I had, and then again some more. After reading these stories, I will never feel that way again, and I see I was lucky to be so connected to someone...<br />
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I have said we can't be friends. I can't come so close to those feelings as they make me feel dissatisfied with what I have. We have closure now, we have peace and I am satisfied with that. And as much as it pains me, I have to leave it that. Every thought and feeling I leave behind for him, is a chance for either my husband or one of my beautiful magical children to have more love from me. I made my committment to them, and I now I need to keep it, and yes, again, my committment comes at a price, but maybe, just maybe one day we can be together again...<br />
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I do hope destiny will have it, they we will be together again, to love, to hold, to cherish one another. I want him to be the last thing I see before I close my eyes, and the first thing I see when I open them. I want to be with him until my very, very end... And I don't want to hurt my husband or my children. It will only happen if it is meant to be, and if it is not meant to be, then it will always be the price I paid for the life I have...

It scares me reading all this , really scary, knowin my first love broke up with me a a yr ago. We hooked up again and nearly made it work . then we broke up again .I think she found someone else not sure but i know she hates me . We stay in a very small town and both are still young am 24 and she is 21 , we dated for 3 yrs. Its so sad and when i see her i dont know what to do. Am scared that i will be one of you guys missing ur first love . It does get easier finding someone else

wow i got a story for u guys .. My First love of 30 years ago , and the father of my oldest , he never realy knew about. He was 17 and i was 18 when i left him . i found out he was arrested in VA In May of this year for Running a Meth Lab in a Motel .And i still think about him . I been Married for 25 years to a great guy . We have 2 more kids together..Still thinking about writing him in prision .

Holy cow, he must have been really addictive.

Oh hon, no,no,no. Don't go there...

yea i think so .i did write him and he said he always loved me, and his life was never the samewithout me .. but he got 9 years and i shouldn't wait because he doesn't want to ruin my life now.. and he would like to write his daughter though.

the love of my life happened 20 years ago when i was 17, i was with him for 2 and a half years but the relationship ended as we were too young to settle down... after we split up he stayed in my life for another 12 years as a friend ( i knew it was becuase he still loved me)... we both had other partners and children but he was always around... anyway 6 years ago i started having a relationship with his friend and that was the last time i saw him... however, im very happy in this relationship but i miss my ex so so so so much, i dream about him so often, i listen to songs that remind me of him, i think about him and really im hurting for him, he is the man i should be with, he is the man i love more than anyone else .i dont know if he thinks about me anymore, im tempted to text him, i have his number and if he wanted me i would drop everything to be with him but i dont see it happening at the minute or the near future, but one day i know he will be mine...well i live in hope anyway...

well, I've been thinking of him for 25 years. Recently, I've googled him and been able to see pictures of him. He's changed somewhat, but I have to say the attraction to the physical pictures is not there, but to the memory of him is still intensely alive. I finally sent a brief email to his place of work and received a response about 3 hours later. He said hello and still thinks of all us who use to hang, even asks about the gang yearly through a relation. He gave me his regards, nothing negative, all very neutral, and I did not expect anything else; but receiving an actual response from him gave me an intense pain in the gut. It was like having a little tiny piece of him, knowing that is all it will ever amount to, was like a loss to me all over again. I still will not be able to get him out of my mind, but the little email has open the door just enough to open old wounds. We never ended things really. There were always physical miles and bad timing between us. Hes married with 5 children and I'm maried with 3 children. I know us both well enough that we would never break our families nor do I have any desire to cause such pain to so many people. I will always love him, but I know I have to focuss my energy on the here and now and into the people in my life. I wish so badly it could have been us married to each other and having our beautiful family. But then again I would not have had the beautiful children that I now have. I'm just trying to stay focussed on reality, but very tempted to live in a dream

I tell you pls don’t contact her…if you love your family do not contact her. I am sure she feels the same too and if you did contact her…you will fall for her… Whatever happened in the past would not matter and you will feel as though time just stayed still for you. You will end up having an affair that will destroy you…. The guilt you will feel and you will not be able to let go… It complicates your whole life…I am talking thru experience….I am in the middle of the this problem now…believe me your better off not contacting her

I tell you pls don’t contact her…if you love your family do not contact her. I am sure she feels the same too and if you did contact her…you will fall for her… Whatever happened in the past would not matter and you will feel as though time just stayed still for you. You will end up having an affair that will destroy you…. The guilt you will feel and you will not be able to let go… It complicates your whole life…I am talking thru experience….I am in the middle of the this problem now…believe me your better off not contacting her

I'm glad to hear that I'm not the only person to feel this way :) Its been about 12 years my first love and I broke up. I have move on and I love my husband and family very much. I'm thankful to god for giving me such a beautiful family.... I just don't get why? my ex comes in my dreams ounce in a while.... We both move on. I haven't spoke to him in 12 years. I saw him after couple months after the break up we didn't talk we just look at each other didn't say a word just kept walking away from each other. I like to think of this as like we leave a little piece of our heart to the people we ounce love some of you said, this and I totally agree. God bless you all :)

damn in 1980 i left my dream lover for my wife,,,yup it is odd ,,,i was seduced by her spirit of adeventure,,,she was the most lovely woman i ever saw at that time,,,the forbidden fruit ,,an i was hooked,,,24yrs later she went off with my boss after i got her a job where i worked,,,but throughout my marriage i often as in constantly in the back of my mind wished i was with my panda as i called her coz she had a black an white hippy coat,,,she came to see if i was ready to leave in the begging of my marriage,but my wife was carrying my child and i would never have bummed out coz of that ,,and we made it work for 25yrs,,,,then i was crippled in my job on the railways,,and she filed saying she wasnt willing to spend the rest of her life looking after a cripple,,,,,,and all i could think of was my panda who loved me totally and unconditionally and wud have stayed with me throo thik or thin,,an old flaxon haired head of hair,,,,so preetty too she came to my door that fatefull nite and she was told i wasnt contuing with our relationship coz i was with gina,,,,she burst into tears of total agony ,,i would be haunted by this for the rest of my life,,,where are u my sweet red head,,,,,,,,my amanda nebiggin from earlsdon in coventry please come and free me from my lonely ness,,,and forgive me i love u still,,xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I was about 14 when I saw the love of my life, it was in my best friends backyard and she looked at me and smiled and I knew. We went out freshman and sophomore year and it was the happiest time of my life. She wasn't ready to make love yet and I completely understood that, but one day I was out drinking with my friends and they talked to me about it and thought I was being an idiot for staying with her if she wasn't puttin out. As an idiot I listened. I broke up with her. Its been 2 and a half years and I still think of her everyday.. What could have been. I love her with all my heart and ill never forgive myself for what I did .. Its over now , there's nothing I can do , she has a boyfriend. Worst part about it is we go to the same college and I see her everyday. I'm constantly reminded of my mistake and I can't get over her. No matter how hard I try .. I just can't.

dear my dreams... during my 16 year marriage i did the same thing. after leaving my ex-husband i quit dreaming of that other love! it was odd; it just happened. then a few years later i realized i was mainly dreaming about that first love because i idealized that realtionship (it WAS a fantastic relationship) but also i used the dreaming to escape the marriage which i should have worked on saving. be careful before you throw away a good wife/life. my best to you. btw, i do still dream of each of them occassionally but i don't have a real life need to be with either.

Ifeel for you for twenty years Ihave cried and feltagony like no other day in day out thoughts of him filledmy mind Iknew wherehe was allthetimeand watched from a far out of respect I never would speak to him again the love of my life! ( Ibroke it of stupidly )Well I received a email from him and he still has thought of me all these years----weird part --my husband understand my anguish and my pain that i need to have with him
and is approving and encouraging contact as I havehad emptiness and sadness for so long Things all happen for a reason and even the impossible can happen 20yrs and he still cares and dreams of me ---- dream , believe !

dear my dreams... during my 16 year marriage i did the same thing. after leaving my ex-husband i quit dreaming of that other love! it was odd; it just happened. then a few years later i realized i was mainly dreaming about that first love because i idealized that realtionship (it WAS a fantastic relationship) but also i used the dreaming to escape the marriage which i should have worked on saving. be careful before you throw away a good wife/life. my best to you. btw, i do still dream of each of them occassionally but i don't have a real life need to be with either.

true, I think, it is an inner battle with guilt, that we think about other loves, for me, I feel guilty all the time, as if I am not allowed to be happy, but, that may be due to a near death/dying experience I had..now, I feel I do not need nor want anyone..it is strange..this too I assume shall pass

Thank you. I miss the love of my life. It's eight years now. I still dream of her. I hear a word that cuts me in half, a smell, a vision. It hurts still!

smoulder..live ur life with no regrets..are u sure she doesnt feel the same for u

This story made my heart rise back up to my throat. I lost my first love back in March.. the funny thing was it took 6 months time apart for her to write a letter and call it off for good. In that meantime I was led on but despite how hard it was, I stopped talking to her. In her letter, she told me that she hoped I was okay and keeping well but her feelings had changed and knew it wouldn't work if we got back together.. and she reached a point where she had to move on for her 2nd year at Uni. As you can imagine I was deeply hurt.. I would have done anything for this girl and it's like she robbed me of a part of myself that I can't get back.<br />
<br />
This letter came from a girl who once wrote in a letter that she loved me like she loves nobody else.. and never will. It's funny how actions don't match people's words isn't it?<br />
<br />
But you know what.. I didn't even bother responding to her breaking up letter. I realised that if she didn't even have the decency to check I was actually coping with anything...then she was not deserving of my ability to give unconditional love. She's left a gaping mark in my heart and she knows it. Since she left me, i've realised many things - that in life there are certain things beyond our control and we may not like it... but what's most important is the person you are. Nobody should change that.. and the one person who will love you forever and always be by yourside no matter what is your own self. There were two people who made that loving bond in the first place... when one isn't a part of that, there is only room to work on the other person that was a part of it. We have to work on ourselves.

wish people even me had the courage to knocked down the door, and drag em out..the fear is..to me..what is the other person, does not returned the notion, what if they say..no

i like this:) go for it anyway..whats the worst that can happen..our ego bruised, but atleast we know for sure

You can love someone, you can love this person so much but it will never reach what you feel when you meet your soul mate because you know it from the deepest of your heart that this person is a part of every pieces of what you are made of and just completes you all.<br />
<br />
I lived with her for almost 4 years and our lives just reached an intersection at some point and I decided to cut everything has the pain was unbearable. After a year we start to keep in touch on mails and, although it sometimes still hurt as it bring back memories and feelings, I couldn't not ignore it.<br />
<br />
I still easily cry when sometimes you see on thing that get back all that feelings in one shot trough your heart. I always said to myself that I would never find the same love, but I will find another love as much as deep but in a different way. It doesn't happen and It is really hard to let another one fill the room I before closed.. I don't believe that everything happen by chance and without any reasons.<br />
<br />
Time makes us wiser, makes us see things from another perspective, the reasons of the fights seem to be irrelevant and one wishes to have had done something different, or to be in peace with each other... but after all, soul mates will find each other no mater what, lifetime after lifetime.

Man...I'm so glad I'm not the only one who feels this way. <br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
I left my ex back in '90 because, as much as I loved her, there was no way it was going to work. Even with counseling, it takes two people to make it work. I finally gave up and lived with the pain for quite awhile of knowing it was me who ended it.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
Later, I got involved with an old female friend (Lori) who was originally my old buddy's girlfriend. I had always had strong feelings for her. Her personality and mine were like the yin and yang. We just always clicked. We started dating after she just called me on the phone out of the blue. She and my old friend (who I hadn't seen in a long time) had been broken-up for a few years by this point.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
I already knew this woman very intimately from when we were just friends. We just got along so very well. I feel so deeply in love with her. Just being around her made me so happy.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
Then I screwed it all up by caving in to a "one-time-only" moment of weakness when my ex came back into town. My ex then left town again and there it is. I had hurt Lori by my trist with my ex and she broke it off with me. I don't blame her.<br />
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<br />
<br />
We later on tried to be friends again but I just couldn't do it. I am still in love with her and it is just too painful to be around her as just friends. <br />
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<br />
21 years have passed now. I am married and have kids (even a grandkid from my stepdaughter). <br />
<br />
I know Lori is now married. I saw her picture on one of those social network sites and those feelings came back. I had thought of "Friending" her but I know that is not a good idea. I still have strong feelings and I know it would make her uncomfortable - plus I would be disrespecting another man's marriage (as well as my own marriage and my own wife - who I'm also head over heels in love with).<br />
<br />
So - Here is what I have found ---- This is a particular attachment that I cannot let go of without a bit of work.<br />
<br />
I needed to stop seeing her as the Arhcetypal woman/girlfriend/spouse and start seeing her as a human being with all her own quirks, flaw, neurosis...<br />
<br />
When I did this, it was alot easier to start the process of letting go. Believe me, I'm not very good at letting go. I have a tough time with changes - such as when my favorite tv show gets cancelled or my favorite hobby shop or book store or restaurant goes out of business.<br />
<br />
However, it can be done and the process is not that difficult. It starts by seeing her with all her flaws and admitting that I might be remembering only the good stuff. Then comes the real discipline part of letting go...Make a decision to let her go. Imagine an image of her that you are holding in your hands and then let it fly off into the ether. Say a quick prayer if you want. Then, whenever the thought of her comes up and you start feeling the pain of missing her, direct your attention to something else such as your favorite hobby. You have to constantly monitor your thoughts at first but once you get the hang of it, after awhile, the thoughts of her will not last long and when they do, it won't hurt anymore.<br />
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Whatever you do - remember this, the grass is most likely not greener on the other side. You should probably not initiate contact with her. If you love the wife you have now, put your energy there...where it belongs.

This is a tough topic and it's obviously bothering you. Perhaps you could look her up just to say hello and be freinds. Obviously life takes people in new directions so to expect any thing else other than friendship would be setting yourself up for heartaches. You mentioned that you both have children, but that you wonder often about how many children you would've had together.<br />
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You can stay thinking in the past or you can try to find the same lovely qualities about this woman in your present too! Mydreams, you have a life to live with loving children of your own now. The past is a pleasant place to visit, but as you said you had your chance.<br />
<br />
We some times love people from our past forever and this doesn't make us abnormal or in anyway strange. It makes us wholly human--this experience as you shared with us is so common! Look at all the others who feel the same. <br />
<br />
We have hormones in our youth developing and our brains are imprinted so to speak on the person we felt the best with in those tender times. Our youth fills us with warm feelings because of the oxytocin that is released--the neurotransmitter responsible for BONDING in human beings. Mother's release this chemical while nursing and when we're held as children. So it's NATURAL first off<br />
<br />
secondly--do not ever forget those wonderful feelings. :) They exist, they are powerful and are just part of our nature.<br />
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Go with a logical choice. It's so tempting to contact a lost love. I'm not saying you SHOULDNT--but if you do so just go into it with the expectation that her life is grand as it is--without you in it...but if there is a small part of her who feels the same, then it's a dangerous situation for your family now.<br />
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If you were single i'd say go for it. But for respect of her and your current family i'd say just relish the memory and move on with your day.<br />
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Good luck.

I don't know why I have a strong feeling that mydreams is the same person I loved.....

I met my true love. I love this girl more than anything. Love is such a beautiful thing; it has characterized my life. It is so sad that age, distance, and circumstances can prevent two perfect people from being together. I struggle everyday being away from her. My feelings go out to all of you. I am 19; I cannot imagine struggling with this for so long as some of you have.

I'm someone who is now 33. While I would say I've had two other relationships since, there is only one woman as crazy as it may seem, that I felt a certain level of intense love for. While young(we dated when we were 19 up until 23), it was me, being immature, that made the mistake of now being able to truly feel the love I wanted to give her or that she deserved then. I wasn't someone who I am now, an analytical, deep thinker, who is very understanding of others, and is not suppressed about expressing myself. Being with her, I truly learned, unfortunately the hard way, after breaking up with her, the reality of how life works. The good, and bad. I have now had her in my dreams for the past 12 yeas, on and off. Sometimes, I have lucid ones, where I know I am in a dream and I look at her, and ask her if she will ever forgive me. She jsut smiles, and I have yet to get a response:( The fact that she needed me more than anything, with what she was going through, and that I wasn't there for her in the way someone you love should be, has broken my heart. I realized this, not after we broke up, but about a year later, when I knew she would never want anything to do with me again. She said,and I'll never forget, "if you lose me, you know you will never get me back." It was true as I have run into her over the course of the past five years here and there. Two Thanksgivings, one New Year we ran into each other. While she was always respectful, I knew she had gotten over me. I wish I could have rewinded time, because even though I feel I can love someone again, I am man enough to admit, that was one of the biggest regrets I have made in my life. I lost someone, who I cared for very much. We only live once..We only live once:(

Thank you for writing this. I fell in love and things ended for reasons I don't even think we both can agree on, but everything became so difficult with family that we let it go. I wonder everyday if he still loves me and after 5 years I still cry as if things had ended yesterday. I will take the chance that may cause me some embarrassment, if I learn that he has lost those feelings for me, but I need to know!

Wow...why do we always complicate life, when it is so easy...get in touch with her.

wow... it must be true that its difficult to forget the first love -must be some inbuilt human feeling.... i also have similar feelings.... Well ...she must be surely dreaming of you and wondering wht wud happened ... well all i can say is cherish your good old memories but at the same time live your present and enjoy...

It's been 18 yrs, but I still sometimes wonder if you ever <br />
think about me. Just wish I had told you then that I loved <br />
you too. I hope life has been everything you wanted it to <br />
be. You will always be in my heart.

My husband and I separated after 23 years of marriage. He still holds a flame for me, he tells me, we still talk and he can't decide if he wants to be with me or the woman he left me for. We have been separated for 18 months and it still hurts everyday. Not the being left bit, its the missing him bit. It feels like all is wrong and he is in the wrong place. He tells me he is in the wrong place but doesn't know what the right place is. I miss him terribly, it tears me apart, I cry every day. I am getting on with my life, doing new things, going places, going out but none of it feels totally right. I have even dated a couple of people but obviously I am not ready for that. How long will it take to get over him? Will I get over him? What else should I do to help me move on?

Love yourself, pamper yourself, put yourself first, be selfish with your time, try out new activities you've been curious about, do online dating just to have fun and connect with other men, don't even have to meet them....I'm finding that all of this is helping with my breakup...The biggest thing I have learned is that even though you love someone with all of your heart that it hurts not to be with them, you have to love yourself more. You can still love that person, but you don't have to be with them. If you truly want to have a lover in your life,you will.

****. I read the comments and what I see is 3 years, 5 years. 14, 30, 40. Does it ever go away???????? And why why why do we always want what we cannot have?

I know how you feel.just keep swimming forwards. Don't let the past steal your tomorrow...when you figure out how to do this...let me know<br />
So I can do it too xxx

I am sure she does...fate..and destiny...do we chose our fate, our we the forgers of our destiny? I wonder, to me, I walk a path, not to wide, not to narrow, just a steady gait as I let fate be my compass to my destiny...to me if it is mean to be it will...

I'm So glad I found this page.. To realize there are hundreds of people out the in the same boat as me. My first love was my high school sweat heart, we were together 6 years, we were young always fought over stupid things and out of frustration I broke up with him, and met some one else and broke my first true loves heart, I broke his heard so bad that he picked up and moved to Dubai. I'm married now, almost 3 years and from the day I said I do... I knew I made a big mistake. I'm still In love with my first love and there has not been one day that I don't sit and hope he will call me so I can be with him again. I found out he is married too.. So I will never have the courage to call or contact him. I don't know if he thinks about me... And I sit every day some times staring at my phone hoping he will call and I check my emails daily hoping he'd email. My head tells me that he won't but my heart will wait for ever for him. I know most people will think its wrong, I wish I didn't feel this way and i know everyone posting wishes they didn't feel this way. There are so many people who harshly criticize people like us in this situation because we are married or have kids... But we can't control how we feel... Feelings of true love is stronger than any drug or any other tough situation. Because it interferes with happiness and our sense of reality most times. It's the hardest thing I've ever had to deal with so far. I'm sure if any of us can simply push the switch off button we would with in a heart beat. Most days I try and convince my self that I deserve this because I hurt him so much. But we all make mistakes, we all some times make the wrong decisions. We were young and he had people influencing him and I had people influencing me. So many people were so jealous of our relationship because he was very popular with his friends and people around. No one wanted to see us happy because we were so in love. Every night I pray for him and I ask God that if I can't be with him in this life... If I can please be reunited with him in my next life. I love him so much more than life at most times. He is so far away the other side of the world, and more than anything I'm scared I'm going to watch my life go by in such unhappiness and spend my life waiting for him... Even to just bump into him.. It's been almost 9 years since I saw him..and it's been 9 years I been waiting for him. I love you baby, so much and I'm so sorry I hurt you, I'm so sorry I let you down. But you let me down too. And you hurt me so much aswell, but i have forgiven you, with all my heart ive forgiven you. If I can spend every single day for the rest of my life making it up to you i would. Ill never forget us, I'll never forget how crazy in love we were and how many rules we broke together because no one existed but me and you, all the songs we shared and the letters we wrote to each other, all the dreams and plans we had that we never got to make our reality. In my heart it's not too late...it will never be too late and I will wait for you forever. I miss the way you held my hand. Time nor distance can ever heal my heart or stop it from loving you. Not being together is the only thing in this world that won't ever make sense to me, its seems so wrong. Baby I'm here... I'll always be here sitting on my front yard waiting for you to come and get me. I'll never hurt you again. I promise xx

I'm So glad I found this page.. To realize there are hundreds of people out the in the same boat as me. My first love was my high school sweat heart, we were together 6 years, we were young always fought over stupid things and out of frustration I broke up with him, and met some one else and broke my first true loves heart, I broke his heard so bad that he picked up and moved to Dubai. I'm married now, almost 3 years and from the day I said I do... I knew I made a big mistake. I'm still In love with my first love and there has not been one day that I don't sit and hope he will call me so I can be with him again. I found out he is married too.. So I will never have the courage to call or contact him. I don't know if he thinks about me... And I sit every day some times staring at my phone hoping he will call and I check my emails daily hoping he'd email. My head tells me that he won't but my heart will wait for ever for him. I know most people will think its wrong, I wish I didn't feel this way and i know everyone posting wishes they didn't feel this way. There are so many people who harshly criticize people like us in this situation because we are married or have kids... But we can't control how we feel... Feelings of true love is stronger than any drug or any other tough situation. Because it interferes with happiness and our sense of reality most times. It's the hardest thing I've ever had to deal with so far. I'm sure if any of us can simply push the switch off button we would with in a heart beat. Most days I try and convince my self that I deserve this because I hurt him so much. But we all make mistakes, we all some times make the wrong decisions. We were young and he had people influencing him and I had people influencing me. So many people were so jealous of our relationship because he was very popular with his friends and people around. No one wanted to see us happy because we were so in love. Every night I pray for him and I ask God that if I can't be with him in this life... If I can please be reunited with him in my next life. I love him so much more than life at most times. He is so far away the other side of the world, and more than anything I'm scared I'm going to watch my life go by in such unhappiness and spend my life waiting for him... Even to just bump into him.. It's been almost 9 years since I saw him..and it's been 9 years I been waiting for him. I love you baby, so much and I'm so sorry I hurt you, I'm so sorry I let you down. But you let me down too. And you hurt me so much aswell, but i have forgiven you, with all my heart ive forgiven you. If I can spend every single day for the rest of my life making it up to you i would. Ill never forget us, I'll never forget how crazy in love we were and how many rules we broke together because no one existed but me and you, all the songs we shared and the letters we wrote to each other, all the dreams and plans we had that we never got to make our reality. In my heart it's not too late...it will never be too late and I will wait for you forever. I miss the way you held my hand. Time nor distance can ever heal my heart or stop it from loving you. Not being together is the only thing in this world that won't ever make sense to me, its seems so wrong. Baby I'm here... I'll always be here sitting on my front yard waiting for you to come and get me. I'll never hurt you again. I promise xx

I'm So glad I found this page.. To realize there are hundreds of people out the in the same boat as me. My first love was my high school sweat heart, we were together 6 years, we were young always fought over stupid things and out of frustration I broke up with him, and met some one else and broke my first true loves heart, I broke his heard so bad that he picked up and moved to Dubai. I'm married now, almost 3 years and from the day I said I do... I knew I made a big mistake. I'm still In love with my first love and there has not been one day that I don't sit and hope he will call me so I can be with him again. I found out he is married too.. So I will never have the courage to call or contact him. I don't know if he thinks about me... And I sit every day some times staring at my phone hoping he will call and I check my emails daily hoping he'd email. My head tells me that he won't but my heart will wait for ever for him. I know most people will think its wrong, I wish I didn't feel this way and i know everyone posting wishes they didn't feel this way. There are so many people who harshly criticize people like us in this situation because we are married or have kids... But we can't control how we feel... Feelings of true love is stronger than any drug or any other tough situation. Because it interferes with happiness and our sense of reality most times. It's the hardest thing I've ever had to deal with so far. I'm sure if any of us can simply push the switch off button we would with in a heart beat. Most days I try and convince my self that I deserve this because I hurt him so much. But we all make mistakes, we all some times make the wrong decisions. We were young and he had people influencing him and I had people influencing me. So many people were so jealous of our relationship because he was very popular with his friends and people around. No one wanted to see us happy because we were so in love. Every night I pray for him and I ask God that if I can't be with him in this life... If I can please be reunited with him in my next life. I love him so much more than life at most times. He is so far away the other side of the world, and more than anything I'm scared I'm going to watch my life go by in such unhappiness and spend my life waiting for him... Even to just bump into him.. It's been almost 9 years since I saw him..and it's been 9 years I been waiting for him. I love you baby, so much and I'm so sorry I hurt you, I'm so sorry I let you down. But you let me down too. And you hurt me so much aswell, but i have forgiven you, with all my heart ive forgiven you. If I can spend every single day for the rest of my life making it up to you i would. Ill never forget us, I'll never forget how crazy in love we were and how many rules we broke together because no one existed but me and you, all the songs we shared and the letters we wrote to each other, all the dreams and plans we had that we never got to make our reality. In my heart it's not too late...it will never be too late and I will wait for you forever. I miss the way you held my hand. Time nor distance can ever heal my heart or stop it from loving you. Not being together is the only thing in this world that won't ever make sense to me, its seems so wrong. Baby I'm here... I'll always be here sitting on my front yard waiting for you to come and get me. I'll never hurt you again. I promise xx

I think of a guy that I "lost" in the mid '90's and this drove it home. I think of him often; too often if it's possible. It's a long an convoluted story... but I missed my chance. Could I get a third chance? Not likely. If he should ever see this, our phrase from a song is- Don't you forget about me... I never have.

My experience hasn't been as long as 14 years. Mine is just 9 years and counting.. I really hope that this feeling of emptiness and longing would disappear. Its preventing me from really dating again.. I tried hard to go out for dates and meeting new friends but nothing stops me from thinking about my first love..<br />
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I don't know if this only occurs in aquariuses?

Nope I'm a Scorpio female and love my first love with the same intensity you describe x

I have days that I can't stop the tears when I think of my 1st love/best friend/soulmate. We were together almost 7 years and I screwed it all up as I do most things. I was constantly feeling uncertain/confused and asked for time apart and told him we should see other people. I loved him more than anything and I knew he felt the same but I couldn't shake other feelings I was having. I believed time apart would help me see how much we were meant to be and then we would be stronger for it. But the time apart (less than a yr.) resulted in him getting another girl pregnant with twins! He had a difficult time telling me, broke down & cried and told me he didn't love her, he loved me but I insisted he move on with her and marry her. He already had another son & it was just too much for me to accept, knowing he'd have 3 children and none with me. But what hurt me even more was that I just wanted to be in his life somehow and I felt we'd always be close and talk but he cut off contact with me, changed his email and phone # after promising me we'd always be there for each other no matter what. I can't explain the pain I still feel that he didn't want to or maybe he couldn't be part of my life. I know that we were both terribly brokenhearted. His last words to me were "you're my soulmate, I'll never forget you."<br />
I pray for him to be loved and happy every day. Wish it had been different for us and I'll always pray that one day we may find that love between us again. I'm glad to know its not crazy to still love and miss someone with all my being after 8 years apart now. But I still can't understand how the pain & missing him can still grip me so hard some days and I figure it probably always will. I'll love & miss him forever :(

Thank You. I'm sorry that you have the same pain as well. Regret is a terrible thing. I too try to believe that whats meant to be will be and trust in Gods will.

Her name is Niki. What started out as something that never should have been turned into something I will never forget. It has been almost 10 years since she left my life. See, she was seperated from her husband and had her two young daughters with her. They lived in the next subdivision within easy walking distance. Even though I saw them many times during my runs, I never spoke to them. That is, until one fateful day in the post office. What started out as a beer evolved into the love of my l life. We spent every day together - every day that seemed like we knew each other forever and that it was meant to be. We spent countless hours at night talking about nothing, yet everything. Long story short, because her and her estranged husband's good friends lived across the street, it didn't take long for the word to get back to him. He lived in VA and was convinced this had been going on long before the seperation - in fact, he used the girls as leverage. She ended up moving to VA as a result. We talked every day for months and managed to see each other a few times, but as in all long-distance relationships (VA to Sav.), it fell off. She had a daughter less than a year after returning to VA. Eventually she divorced him because of abusive behavior. However, I got married and now have a son. Word has it that she is now remarried. But, in the past month or so I got an email from her on FB saying that she was happy for me for my son - in it, she mentioned that it was the son that we had talked about so many times during our countless conversations. Do I still think of her? Quite often... I always ask myself why I didn't go to VA and bring her back like we discussed so many times. And, the "what ifs" crop up every now and then. But still, I realize that the time has passed and things are different - but there is always that question....

Why does love hurt so much. I miss him so much. Till now he is the only one that make my heart beat as fast as it could go. They only one that makes me do crazy things. The one that makes me stutter every time I will talk with him. He made me feel so nervous but I love it. 11 years and married has not help me forget him. For some reason I always feel the times he needs me that when he is more present in my heart. It ends up that he is going through some difficulties. I wish I was with him supporting in every way he needs me. I talk to him about 4 years ago and I did stupid things I should't. So I felt so embarrassed we stop talking. This past month I stop by his house and spoke with his mom just asking for him. When I got home he contact me through social web site. I felt so special that moment but his words hurt me. We continue talking which it's was a bad idea. Now I just don't know how to control myself and stop it. I just need to text him every day. It's killing me I need help. My husband it's noticing something is wrong with me now he calls me bipolar, cause from being very happy I get angry and sad at the same time. Someone please help me.