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Still Miss Her After 14 Yrs

i will never stop dreaming of never goes away.  i had my chance 14 yrs ago, but let others influence my has brought us new partners...and children....i sometimes wonder how many kids we would of had together....i think about how good it would be just to hold her again for a brief moment...and most of all, i wonder if she ever dreams of me.....??? 
mydreams mydreams 36-40, M 436 Responses Nov 24, 2006

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All I have to say is if two people love each other and I mean genuine love and friendship and parental influence causes a relationship to end because it's to painful to be apart ..... I loved him then I love him still, I miss him then I miss him still...... We've both married had kids and divorced, kids are grown and I will never give up hope until I take my last breath ..... He is in my every waking moment, my first thought when I wake up, my last thought before I go to sleep...... He called my moms about 10 years ago looking for me but I hadn't lived with my mom since I was 17...... She told me weeks later that he had called.... I found him and we spoke and had made plans for lunch in the near future, at that time I was putting an end to a volitale friendship and didn't want him to be any part of that and my phone number was changed several times trying to avoid the volitale ex friend.... That part of ny life is over he's not dating anyone and in the near future I plan on knocking on his door because I need to know why he called my mom..... And because I have this gut feeling that he is afraid to contact me, his mother asked me if I had seen him yet, I said no, started to tell me about some horrible looking and stopped...... I need to see him face to face to assure him that I am not untreated in how he looks but who he is.... If he slams the door in my face then I will know where I stand..... I need to see this through because the last time someone weighted so heavy on my mind I hadn't seen them or talked to them in over 10and years, I found their number in the phonebook, intended to call them and got side tracked.... Two days later he was on the front page of a local newspaper he had jumped from the top if the parking garage on the very same day I had the overwhelming urge to call him...... So I have to see this through.....

I hear ya, first love when interrupted is the hardest one to get over.

I miss him even after 20 years...I am happy not always but my marriage is okay, I have two kids, but may be its the first love thing or something, I know we would not have made each other as happy, but that attraction that understanding, I don't think I ever found it again in anyone. We fought a lot, we made up and then we loved each moment together. Yes that was love. May be or may not be, but sometimes, I wish we could have tried even I wonder if he thinks of me ever? Or was it same for him as it was for me. its nice to know from a guy that you too wonder about the same things as us.

Very touching short story

15 years ago I had a wonderful relationship with an amazing man. He broke up with me to pursue his dreams of being in a band. We completely cut all ties but I still think of him to this day. I know he is now married with children. He is still in a band for fun. I know all this through google! Whike I too married the marriage was not happy and is now over after 5 years. I often wonder how much more happy my life would have been with this wonderful man. My ex husband became an alcoholic and the marriage was hell. It makes the wounds of losing my first love hurt more. I yearn for him and wish I had his child. And knowing we will never be together makes it all so tragic. I far I may ie still yearning for his love.

i miss him 8 years but i dont know what to do with him.(about marrying)i love other two girls too

Just be honest with her. She may not feel the same. Or she may surprise you.<br />
I recently-very recently- did that: took a leap of faith and put myself out there to an ex boyfriend. What information from him encouraged me to do so? Just a few comments he made in reference to our past. Now however, I think I may have misunderstood him. But do u know what? I am open to rejection- and ready to accept this as an option. Do u know why? Because it's the only other option I have. People always have two options for ANY situation in their life: acceptance and/or rejection. So it's obvious. <br />
My ex bf may never respond to the FB message I sent, but that's ok, because at least he now knows how I felt about what we had. And what would that be? :<br />
I felt for him intensely. I was able to be myself. I felt I connected well with him intimately and emotionally. Did I love him? I don't know. People say you will know when you do. I disagree. How can you love someone if you've never felt that way before? But if it is something you've never felt before... Then that's what should be admitted instead. So I don't know. But I do know... That the first time I saw him, the first time we looked at each other, my heart did triple-time. That was 14 years ago as well. I call him a missed opportunity-even though technically-he's more like unfinished business: We left each other through no fault of our own. He received orders to a another state for special training, and I had to stay behind. When he returned, I was already gone. I had received orders to another country. <br />
Many years passed, and Facebook reconnected us again. Both our lives had, of course, changed in many ways. We both had been married and divorced. I had a child, and he had none. We connected through Facebook and cell phones, and eventually he asked if we could meet? I had a hard time believing him. I did not think he was serious, because I never felt he took life seriously enough. I suspected his reason for asking me was of an intimate nature only, due to the length of time he proposed. <br />
I'd never had ANY man ask this of me. <br />
It made me feel overjoyed but scared, and in the end, I chose not to meet him. After all, we were only 23 when we met and had this relationship. In addition, I broke up with him, so I figured it couldn't be because he missed his ex gf and friend. And we were-friends. We had remained fond friends each year. Many years may pass before we speak again, but everytime I text or call him, we continue our fond friendship. We've never had problems speaking to each other-just pick up where we left off. I think we meshed so well, because we understood each other as individuals. He and I were alot alike-emotionally and intimately. I accepted him the way he was...from the <br />
get-go. I never had any desire to change him, because I understood him for the man he was. I also had enough confidence and foresight to recognize that feeling the need to change my man, would actually have had more to do with me, than with him. Wanting your significant other to change, means that YOU are not satisfied. Means YOU need to change. YOU need to recognize that you can't control him/her, but you can control...YOU. It means YOU are insecure. But I was not then-nor am I now. I'm very secure with who I am.<br />
I've always been VERY independent and confident. I also recognized and accepted these qualities about him. I still do. <br />
I have not changed very much over the years. I am still, mentally and emotionally, the same person I was <br />
14 years ago. I've not changed all that much physically in 14 years either-for the better. Since his request to meet, 6 years have passed. In that time, I pushed away alot of good potential dates and/or relationships. Until EOM January 2012. <br />
I started dating, then exclusively dating, a man 9 years younger than myself. Although his age bothered me at first, <br />
I got over it. This man, this relationship, lasted less than 6 months. Again, I was the one to end it- but for the RIGHT reasons this time. I started developing feelings I couldn't name exactly- for him- and I knew IMMEDIATELY that I needed to heal ME if I wanted to move on with him or any other man. Needed to strenghten the friendships and relationships I already had, before accepting others. And so I am. This younger man taught me so much about myself and I will always be grateful to him for doing so. If we had not met- I probably wouldn't have learned the most important lesson of all: rejection. You have to let go and grieve for any past relationships. Because see... You can't go back right? Right. You can only go forward-FIRST. You have to do that BEFORE you put yourself out there blindly. You have to be WILLING to accept failure, or rejection, as an option once u do. Because no one will ever accept someone who hasn't. How do u move on once u accept rejection? You just do. You tell yourself that you have a chance. Or a choice. And u do. Everyone does. What happens after u make that choice is up to THEM.

I must say that you have a way with words! One of the few posts that I have seen on this site that make absolute sense. Very well written - bravo zulu to you!
Your advice should have been given to me a long time ago. Thank you for your post!

How you handle your choice afterwards. Is up to u. You walk away with hope, but also with the great possibility that u may be rejected. Walk away and don't look back. I have a favorite saying: "don't look back.... Because if u do? You will miss whatever is in front of u." Now is that not utterly true or what?? It is! <br />
One last note: I told my ex bf that I didn't want anything from him. I just wanted him to know that I had accepted-and moved on-from what we shared 14 years ago and that neither of us was at fault. And we weren't. We were a product of "the wrong time" or perhaps "not enough time." I told him I do not wish to go back. And ppl should NEVER admit this to anyone. To suggest or mention otherwise, means you are holding a grudge, living in the past, blaming the other person, or being unrealistic-all VERY unattractive qualities. In order to go forward however, you will have to go back mentally- but only to grieve for what WAS- what USED to be. Then and only then, can hope and rejection be an option. And they need to be options.<br />
My ex bf and I may never meet up again. That's my rejection. In addition, my ex bf may feel I am not worthy enough, to consider RE-exploring each other or the possibity of seeing each other again at a later date. That's my rejection too. But...I can live with that. Because for me, the hard part is over: telling him that I care enough about him that I wish I had another chance. Or telling him I'm open to meeting up with him again. Or telling him that I wish we would have had more time together. But.... Hey... No rush tho ya know? Do I think of him fondly? You betcha. Do I feel sad for what could have been? You betcha. Do I remember the good times? You betcha. Do I have hope that he thinks highly enough of me to consider me? You bet. But with or without his acceptance or rejection, I choose to move forward. I will be the same person I was before I spilled the beans: A single mother loving her life, her child, her friends and family, and finally FINALLY open to the thought of dating with the possibility of hope and rejection. This was my life before I told him how I felt...<br />
and still is. Why should I stop being me? <br />
I'm not. And nor should u.... For a possibility. :)

Thank you for your thoughts as well. <br />
This story caught my eye for two reasons: the title and the number 14. I skimmed through the other stories on this post, but I chose this one mainly for the two reasons I just gave. People tend to live in a fantasy world; a world in which they are afraid to take off the rose-tinted glasses. They see things the way they WERE, instead of how they ARE. We can never go back to WERE, but we can go to ARE-because that is here and now. "LONG LOST LOVES"- the title alone answers all questions everyone has on this post. It was a love u had a long time ago, and for whatever reason, u lost it. It's gone. You have been REJECTED. Let it go, so that u can move forward. Once someone ACCEPTS that rejection, then the world opens up for them in unimaginable ways. It's such a FREEING feeling. People kill me on these posts, because if u think about it, they want what they HAD-and it will NEVER EVER be that for them again. But it can be BETTER....OR WORSE. Thank u for the compliment. I wish u well. :)

I'm sorry, but I agree with this... how could you have held on to 14 years of heartbreak, longing and all that reminiscent in a bad way nostalgia that could never be without dying a little inside everytime literally and not having your whole half of a heart towards your now wife!? Or without young crazy?! Inside?! I'm glad I have never experienced this before because if that happens to me it would be watt too tragic a thing and I don't know if I'd have been able to cope with that. You're strong!

I stumbled across this because I've been sitting here thinking about my ex gf from 20 years ago and googled to see if anyone else out there feels the same. I truly love my wife, who is my life partner in every way. But there will always be a space in my heart that belongs to my ex and only my ex.. I love my wife dearly, but my ex and I had that connection that many of you speak of that is a once in a lifetime thing. <br />
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I have reached out to my ex by e-mail a couple of times with my wife's blessing, but heard nothing back. Could have been filtered to the junk mail, could be she didn’t want to be in touch. In either case, I wanted to respect her wishes. I'm very easy to find on the net. I figure if she had any interest in contacting me, she could easily do so. <br />
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We had a tough breakup. We had some pretty big hurts at the end of our relationship on both sides. We eventually became civil with each other in the couple of years after our breakup. We both tried. We had an uncomfortable dinner once in our student center post breakup and would bump into each other on campus from time to time. But it was really tough to get past all that had happened. Her mother, who I loved, told me I should get back together with her after we broke up. One of my ex’s close friends intimated that my ex still loved me and said the same. I desperately wanted to, but ultimately, we couldn't heal the hurts from before and it never happened. <br />
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After college, we moved away and lost touch like most people did pre-facebook. But we made a promise to each other when we were still a couple. We promised to meet at a set location at a set hour on the eve of the millennium regardless of ANY OTHER LIFE CIRCUMSTANCE, breakups, marriage, etc. And this was the promise of all promises. We discussed it multiple times. We promised we owed it to the love we shared to follow through on it no matter what happens between us before then. We said if we were still together, it would be a nice way to celebrate our relationship. And if we were apart, it would be closure and we could wish each other well. I made her a mix tape with the details of the meeting inscribed on it and a picture of the location on the cover. Sadly, by the time the millennium rolled around, I was a newlywed and living far, far away. It wouldn't have been appropriate or possible to keep that commitment that my ex and I had made years before without causing incredible hurt to my wife. After all, it was the beginning of the new millennium. And my wife had become my priority. But I broke my promise. And it haunts me to this day. <br />
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I will always feel like a jerk for the hurtful things that were said and done at the end of my relationship with my ex. I hope that she has forgiven me. I have forgiven her completely. I will also always feel very badly for not honoring the commitment I made to her to meet on the millennium. I will never know whether she kept her promise and I can only hope she didn't, either. The thought of her waiting there in vain would break my heart. <br />
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I'm writing this in the small, small chance that she stumbles across it and recognizes enough of these details to know who I am and contacts me. I won't hold my breath, but here's to hoping! I’ll sign off with something my ex used to write to me in letters all the time - SWAK.

I can smell her and feel her perspiring as we dance half naked in my apartment. Outside on the fire escape I hear a flute playing. She whispers "I love you." And yet it is all in my mind. Will I live a life of dreams and pretending? She whispers, "I am real. I am here."

It has been 12 years since I graduated from college. My first true love lived 3 doors down from me in my dorm. He was such a kind and warm hearted person. He quickly became my best friend and even more quickly became my first true love. The only reason we did not stay together was because I told him about my parents and that they would not support our relationship because I am Italian and he is black. He knew how close I was to my family and did not want to come between us so he let go. I think it was also too much for him to handle. Who would want to deal with that at such a young age? It was so difficult living on the same floor. I wanted to stay friends but it just seemed too difficult, my feelings were so much more than that. I wanted to say the hell with my family and be together but he wouldn't. After we graduated we went our separate ways and lost touch. I got married and had a child. My marriage was not good at the time and we are still working on it. My husband did a lot of hurtful things to me which only made me long for my ex that much more. We somehow got back in touch and would talk about what was going on. He knew how awful my husband was to me and would talk to me anytime I needed. I found out through friends he was moving to Georgia so I called him but he didn't pick up. I left him a message wishing him well and told him to call me when he settled in but he never did. I think he realized we were emotionally getting too close and he was trying to start over. It's been 4 years since we have talked and there is not a day that goes by that I don't think about him and what my life could have been. I still think for some reason we will be together again. I imagine us meeting again when we are well on in years and able to be together the way we wanted to when we were 20.

She does, but done think too hard, since you have a spouse and children and so do you , you would be welcoming heartache into your life if there was contact. You will always love her and she you. Trust me on this. Been down that road and was a heartache all over again. A family made in the absence of first love, its too late now. But you can still love from afar.

Here is my story.... My first love broke my heart, but we reunited while still in high school and stayed together for 5 years. We talked about how we were going to get married,we were best friends to say the least. We became engaged when he moved out of state with my parents and I after graduation. After about 6 months it fell apart because he became so angry and missed his family, we were young and miserable. But, I became even more miserable when he ripped my heart out, to try to hurt me more. I married a few years later to a man that couldnt handle being a husband that worked or a dad.... I left him and then reunited with my first love - his wife cheated on him and left him. We have been together for almost 3 years - long distant relationship 1500 miles apart. We are working on raising our children and trying to find a way to eventually be together again. It's hard at times remembering the hurt he made me feel, but I love him enough to make it work.

I believe that the reason why it is so hard to forget your first love is because God made us to be with one other person. When we give ourselves up to many others it tears at our hearts and lowers our self-esteem. Your first should be your last, this is what I teach my children. Save yourself for your first love, your husband/wife.

I was also a victim of this long lost love. Plagued by the same issues I found on this forum for 13 yrs now. Recently these feelings have resurfaced in the midst of a major turning point in my life. I'm preparing to proposed to my current girlfriend. Whom is absolutely gorgeous, kind, loving, and supportive. Most men describe her as the "perfect catch". But my girlfriend wasn't her? My long lost love. So I got something wrong with me? Was it better to have loved and loss or never have loved at all? Memories of her triggered by the oddest things such as a song, phrase, or event. And the feelings come flooding in.

A shorten and brief description of what her love meant to me:
-Love is when you walk pass a gorgeous woman and don't even notice her.
-When you don't even notice the most beautiful girl at the party throwing herself at you.
-Love is when your at the loudest craziest party and you can't seem to stop looking at her from across of the room.
-Love is not when they finish your sentences but finish your thoughts.
-Love is when you lose yourself in her face...examining every curve and detail of her face.
-Love is every time you see her you get butterflies.
....etc...and much more.

If you've happen to have to opportunity to date and be intimate with your first love for sometime in your youth you will know what I mean when i describe "this type of love?". Desperate and worried I spiraled into a deep dark depression. First I was angry and mad at myself for letting her go. Then I was mad at her for not trying to reconnect. I started imagining correlations to all my failures stemming from us not being together. Then I was mad at GOD and fate. How could GOD curse us with such longing for just one person. Biologically, humans we're suppose to be polygamous. We were suppose to be seed spreading machines...and here I was longing and aching for that one person.

Sometime passed...I postponed the proposal. Then finally as if GOD was listening to me or a revelation came to me. I finally was able to answer the question "Was it better to have loved and loss or never have loved all?". was better to have loved. It was BEAUTIFUL!!!! This love we had...and what it meant. The sadness, the tears, the heartache, the romance, the passion, the feelings of was beautiful. Is there anything in this world that could move and inspire and hurt you so much at the time. I realized this love was the same love that must have inspired such greats as Mozart, Socrates, Shakespeare and many more. To them it may or may not have been a woman....but it was the same love. My love I had with my ex...was one of my life's masterpiece...that's why it was so perfect and unique.

A couple days passed...then the most odd thing ex try to contact me after 13yrs. LoL...just my luck and why right now? The min i saw her name in my inbox...the feelings came rushing in...THEN!!! I lost it and started crying ....just playing...I smiled and enjoyed the feelings and the memories of how innocent and perfect she was and how wonderful our love was...then I deleted the mail. I don't know why I did that...maybe I didn't want to tarnish her memory by seeing her again. I didn't want to know how crappy life has been for her...or how she aged...or how she never made her dreams come true...or how she is not happy...those memories of our love and her were mine and mine alone and I wanted to keep them that way. Yeah...I still think about my ex...but that's the beauty of shows that I'm still alive and compassionate. Sometimes when I think about her i makes me feel like romeo or Shakespeare. LOL...can't imagine how I used to be so romantic.

In conclusion, I apologize for getting carried away with this post and forgive me for the grammar. Most of you will probably think I'm crazy and most likely this post will not make any sense to anyone. But hopefully this post will help at least one person in their journey to finding peace and happiness. Please don't post any response, because I won't be back here to good luck to you all and try to enjoy the great and beautiful life you have now. It was GOD's gift to was what distinguished us from any other has and will always be what drives us and it will be what inspires us and the next greats such as Shakespeare.

Oh yeah...almost forgot...going to propose very soon :).

i meet someone at the age of 7 it was a crush thean i dated him at the age of 15 dated for 2 yrs broke up and 20 yrs later we are back together talking about marrage and being together for ever i think things happen for a reason

I still miss my first love and we parted 30 yrs ago,still think of her and would love to know if she's OK but can't trace her,she's not on any social web sites maybe one day we will meet!

She,s the one thing I want but the only thing I can't have. Does it ever go away? No... it never does. We were both in our early teens and from the second I saw her I knew I'd love her the rest of my life. Why did it all go wrong? Our parents were dating so us having feelings for each other was kinda a no go. We spent ages trying to forget it but we just couldnt and once she kissed me I was lost 4 Eva. Feelings for each other got very intense, that with trying to hide it from our parents took its toll.

So after a short time I made the biggest mistake of my life. We sat on the curb outside my house and I told her we needed to break it off. She asked me if I loved her....and for the sake of the situation I said no. I watched her heart break and every intense feeling of love she had she would now spend trying to hurt me in the same way.

Our parents were still dating so I had the pleasure of seeing her weekends still....this occurred throughout the years growing up seeing her new boyfriends etc. We would still txt , argue but through all the bullshit she always made me smile and when we were together its effortless.

In a way she hated me for that day but I know she will always love me as much as I love her. Were both now with partners and young children and I know she will never risk that. She will also never let me hurt her again.

As much as we both try to deny 10 years later we still think bout each other. I know I will never love any to the degree I loved her, the way she would make me feel just in her presence....I went to watch her dance once and I could have watched her 4eva. Just the way we used to look each other is a once in a lifetime love.

I've had to accept I ****** up, I watched her go. I will pay for that mistake every day of my life because it will never get any easier and this void in my soul will never be filled no matter how beautiful my family is, or what fast car I buy or how well I'm doing, she took a huge part of my heart.

The only salvation I can offer you people is.....It was short but just one kiss was worth every ounce of pain. You take wateva you have left of. Heart and love some1 with it, cause that your only choice.

<p>I found this post quite by accident and swear it could have been written by the guy I think about often. So many of us here have shared similar stories. I am in the same boat...a lost love from so long ago that I have never stopped thinking about and missed so many signs along the way for us to be together. Try as I may, I can't forget him. I don't dream of him often, but once in a while, he's there. Although we lead different lives now with different people, he's still in my thoughts and that's the hardest part. Sometimes, I would love to "forget him." As you all know, that's impossible.</p>

People say that times a healer, personally I think time just chips away until u just don't care as much anymore

I cannot stop thinking about my ex boyfriend was been nearly 4 years since we were in a relationship, but i did see him over summer in 2010. i left for college in 09 and he did not chase me. we lost contact until that summer when i came home and by then I had fell in love with someone else who made me feel good but later we would break up. when i went home to my ex it was not the same but i still loved him deeply for we had been together for 4 years. there was alot of heartache and i let my friends talk me out of getting back with him...sometimes i feel it is for the best but mostly i feel in my heart that i did not listen to myself and my deep feelings. bc although our relationship was rough at times, we really sincerely cared and love one another and i should have pushed harder and worked it out, instead of running away to a far off college. i have grown and changed very much since then and i know he has too. we got reconnected about a year ago only to find he was in love with a girl he saw on and off in highschool while we were apart. she is a beautiful girl and i was not the nicest to her..bc i was jealous and insecure about him leaving me for her. now it has really happened and it is devastating. i have spent this entire year trying to heal from all of this drama and move on. ive slept with many guys and it has only made me feel worse about myself. i know i still love him and he will always "love" me. but i feel that i cant move on or be with anyone else bc my heart is still with him....i am afraid to let go and afraid i cannot love another as much as i did him. i dont want to give myself to another and i have many insecurities about myself still. i wonder if one day when we are grown and more mature we will meet again. and i know we hurt eachother but we dont truly mean it. i know it would be hard but how can we ever forget what we loved about us and how close we were? the more i think about it the more depressed i get. i do not want to see any guys and i feel that my love life is empty. i am a pretty, smart, and compassionate person but i dont feel i connect with anyone on that level right now. the more time goes on i know i need to continue with my life and eventually be happy with someone...but i know ill always think of him and why our lives took different paths?

*sigh Chelsea I miss your love so badly it hurts and I wish I could be with you and show you the love I always felt you needed but you were young and made bad decisions and I couldn't keep being treated badly. Now that I'm with someone else it feels like if I leave her I will devastate her maybe for good and if I don't be there for you I may devastate you. I love you so sincerely and I wish I had a way to be with you and I'm sorry I can't but if I knew I hurt someone so bad I wouldn't be the same person I am today. I wish we could have just one more shot because I know we'd never separate. You were my first love ill never forget and I hope that by some miracle you will read this and in your heart truly know this was meant for you. If you aren't for sure just remember you'll always be my thunder. Always and forever. My pretty girl. If its you I still want you more than anything in the whole world. Stay golden because even though so much bad has happened your the strongest girl I know.

i can not forget my first & last love.. i did merry with other i would like to see happy her but i can't fall in love again that's for true .... i first love will be my last love till my end... i really love her so so so muchhhhhh...kaashhhhhhhh......???????????????? :(( :((

I miss Salma even after 27 years!!!Whenever I see her I still feel woozy, weak in the knees, my heart pounds away,my breath is taken away and it's as if it was the very same day I first laid eyes on her. I MISS HER & IT HURTS TO THE VERY CORE!!!I pray that we will one day be together forever.

t's been heartwarming to read your stories of love and loss. I had an affair with a woman while still together with my girlfriend (we broke up with my gf but still meet occasionally). I haven't contacted her in more than a year but can't help but think about her almost every day....

I miss the beautiful man I met in 1989. Separated by circumstances, ocean and maybe destiny. No regrets, he says, but I wonder. Love never dies, that is for sure. Not a day (or night) goes by that I don't think about him. The feeling like no other before or since, like an eternal flame, never goes out. I pray his life is blessed by goodness and enough love to see him through. I pray he will know that I never stopped loving him.

I was with my beloved for 13 years. We met and built a life together and individually. It was perfection in almost all ways. I was driven, she was driven, I was studying (my PhD), she was carving out her own stellar career in Government. I was proud of her and vice versa. We loved each other in such a deep many lunchtimes, so many at home times, so many many "our times" that really created my personality and way of responding to life. We were HAPPY, HAPPY with each other for years!!! Anyway, fast forward to the end, and after adoration, an abortion and a miscarriage, and one too many months or years focussing on work and the future she left! My own life & career was going great guns...but in that initial 24hrs of total horror after breaking up out of the blue - I walked away from my own total career (ps I never went back, since my accomplishments were inextricably linked to my happiness with her). Just a day or 3 before, I was being filmed for a major science TV documentary on my research...and this was actually the third time this had happened, so I was prepared and it all went very well, and I was getting world wide coverage..but that Sunday, and the call, and the "meeting" in our car and the revelation: it was over...well the repercussions well who knew at the time...Anyway, I finished the filming, in a daze, and then walked out on my 17yr+ career, and drank myself to oblivion for several years. After a year of meeting randoms, one person enters my life like the strong women I've always admired, and she saved me...and then came with me to the funeral of my past love's son!!!! Yes, my first love and I shared a son - hers, and mine only as a guest - but he lived till he was 21 until he committed suicide - and 18yrs from 5years onwards with she & I both at home :) and it was a wonderful life when I looked back on all that was lost... So then starts the horror, and the self-abuse, and the acting out to anyone to save me, and the full revelations of what I ****** up...and the torment. Needless to say, I traded my wonderful career and never went back after the filming. They thought me crazy, but I was just heartbroken...and it took me some years to come back to life. One thing is I met a true saviour of a women, who helped me. The second, I met another woman who I now have a child with. No, she and I aren't together anymore,but we both love our daughter, and that's a fact. Beyond this, a few years later, on Internet dating, I met another incredible woman. After a year or so of dating, I was hopelessly in love & i think vice-versa so I asked her to Marry me..and she accepted :) BUT to this day, I love my ex still. It's a very different kind of love, almost perfection in feeling, like I can never have again. I miss her so much. If anything goes wrong in my day, I think of her. In cycles, I dream of her. In moments of melancholy (like this) I wish I'd not let go. Why did I accept her rejection of our 13yr relationship. Yes, we weren't married in the eyes of the law, but we'd lived together for so long, we were in principal married. How could she leave me for someone she met doing her Masters? Who knows, but he must be pretty special. All up, and now 7 years later, I still love her!!! I hope she never forgets. I hope she is happy. I hope I am going to be happy. I still hope for a lot of things privately. I wish my daughter could have known my beloved step-son. I hope my new step-son and unexpected re-birth life with my fiancé can intuit where I come from, and still love me for who I am. To you, my first love, I still say and tell everything, now, it's just in my head and heart.

So what do I hope for, for the rest of my life: well what do you think...I want the present to be replaced by the past. Is this feasible? Of course not.

So looking outward realistically, I say: love more today, since you can :) don't take this for granted, since today is real, and closer than the past, so don't condemn the present, since its yours to make of what you can :)

Maybe if you met her and talked you could put it behind you and move on .I missed my first wife who cheated on me long story .I met her 20 years later and seeing her I was relieved I had left her and was able to move on havnt seen her since I just wondered maybe it could work for you .

It's really surprising to see all these posts about first loves from decades ago. Except it all seems to make perfect sense to me, and I'm only in my mid-teens. I know I'm young, but my first love has already come and gone in my life.. It sounds crazy, but for some unknown reason I've always acted older, and always have looked for serious, lasting relationships. Anyway, I met the perfect girl a couple years back, I've never connected with anyone in such a way. Our conversations would flow naturally and lasted for hours upon hours, on many occasions I was on the phone with her until the a.m. And until just a few hours before class. She was like a drug to me, I couldn't get enough. However, in the beginning we could only be friends, she had a boyfriend who also happend to be a buddy of mine. So I tried to push away my feelings for the sake of my friendship, but she and I continued to talk anyway on a daily basis. After a couple months they broke up, and she admitted she had had feelings for me the whole time, and I did the same.. I couldn't even try to hold it back or lie. We began hanging out a lot more since her ex (and now my ex-friend) wasn't very fond of our "friendly" relationship while they were dating. I couldn't have been happier with the way things were going, we talked constantly and hung out constantly...I knew she was something special, I got to the point where all I would do was look into her eyes and just smile because I knew that she was the most beautiful, perfect girl for me and that I was falling for her. I never made a hasty move though, because I knew she wasn't looking for another relationship that quickly. Unfortunately, she seemed to get caught up in her single life.. Going out a lot and doing some stupid **** with guys. Being honest I confronted her, I confessed my feelings again and again she said the same, but would continue with this new routine anyway. The mixed signals got to me, it was unfair for her to treat me as her boyfriend but hook up with guys since she was "single". So I gave her a choice, me or the single life. I couldn't deal with the constant tortue and needed an answer.. And I still didn't get one, she would say "why can't you like me and hook up with other people too". Is it just me or is that the most contradictive and misleading statement? So some more time went by and things carried on as usual, then one night I took her out to dinner since she seemed enthused at the idea. Afterwards we had a very real talk I didn't know was coming..she ended things, but even in the rejection she showed mixed feelings, saying I was her soulmate and she didn't want to mess it up with me too early. As I'm sitting there speechless and heartbroken, she decided it was a good time to have our first kiss.. May I remind you as she is breaking things off with me! I couldn't take it, I was done with the whole situation I couldn't handle it. I told her I needed a break from her (a permanent one, which apparently she didn't understand) and I haven't talked to her since that night. Not a word. No eye contact. No hand gestures. I've tried erasing her from my life even though I see her almost daily at some point. I hit a really low point in my life after that and wasn't myself for a good long time, and I'm still not the same. I thought I moved on, until I realized I think about her every day, all the time, just like I used too. She was my best friend, we even promised to stay friends through college beforehand, because we had both talked about getting married. Anyway, she just entered a relationship, but I can tell she thinks about me, I always catch her looking at me and sometimes she catches me too. I know we both really miss each other but we are both too proud to do anything. And I know that if I go back, friendship won't be enough, and I will just face the same heartbreak all over again. But I love her, and I know I always will, and I know deep down she will always feelings for me. It saddens me though to think about having this feeling 10s of years down the road, knowing she is the true love of my life and still trying to move on and be with someone else.

I know this sounds crazy for me since in young, and a lot of people think its just another teen-relationship. But I can guarantee these emotions are very real and very strong and I know she's the one for me.

Wow! You know what sweetie your never too young to know what love feels like... I read your post and cried. I too had a teen love and that girl ur describing sounds something like me... I didn't hook up and go complete ly wild but I thought I needed experience. I broke things off with an amazing person...really amazing n I was to young to c it. I moved on and dated and married yet another great person. Years passed and I didn't c this person for close to ten years. I often thought of him but would think of thimgs to push him out. Fast forward to my hs reunion it so happened that he nor I brought our significant others and let me tell u it was magic. I want describe what my heart was feeling but I was instantly in absolute love. The kind that in my opinion you feel only once in your life. All we did was talk.. it was amazing. He began a friendship that came with one major occurrence that I shouldn't of done as it was not fair to my husband and his GF. But we did and that seemed to put us down hill. We went from talking everyday to every so often to not at all. I was doing what I did at first. So the last time I talk to him was via text this past Nye and he was telling me how bad he felt for hurting his GF bc he had broken up with her. I couldn't hear it. It was hard n it hurt to hear. I knew then that if anything were to ever fail or go wrong I'm my marriage he probably wouldn't be with me bc he knew how to seperate feeling s and I didn't. N I didmt blame him. I knew that it was all my fault . I did it and even though we have talked about how much we loved each other I messed it up. Which brings me to my point. He regrets letting me go and not fighting for us as well. He regrets that. If u love her please don't Let years pass. Being young wild and free is fun but comes with regret...and that gets exhausting...please stay in her life.. things will happen just let her have her time and u need ur time too. Don't be stubborn and stay in her life. I think about him everyday... the other day I'm fact I was at a place that reminded me of him and I texted him... thst first time since Nye... we talked for about and hour. He sent pics of his recent graduation and two days later my heart is heavy and it hurts. I can't stop thinking abouthim and it just plain old hurts. He hasn't called or teXT me back. I provably won't talk to him for a long time now. This is the worse feeling and don't wish this upon aanyone... tell her and keep her in ur life if she is the one.. at the very least if u have a short time with her that is worth it... anything is worth it. Good luck to u sweetie and I hope this helps...young fun years don't last forever... in fact they go by really fast... I'm 30 now... n well I wish I had him. :)

I came here looking for an answer as to how to get over this. I believe it's lack of closure. I had other bf's before meeting my first love it was different than any other I had experienced. I had my issues at the time and it didn't last long. Maybe he never truly loved me but the not knowing is what kills me. I have children now and I am with someone who deserves my full love and attention but it isn't there to give, and I would like to get past this once and for all. It was about 14 years ago and the last time I saw him he contacted me he was engaged to another woman (one with whom he had cheated on me with) and we spent one night together and then we lost touch he moved away and I haven't seen or heard from him since. Maybe I need to be angry with him for taking advantage of my love for him? Problem is I don't know if he felt the same about me, if he did he would have never left me to begin with right? He did add me on FB about 3 years ago but we never talk, I don't want to cause problems for him with his family afterall I want him to be happy. There are things I need to know so that I can move on and that I feel is the problem with not just me but everyone here asking the same question. We need to take chances and ask what we need to know. I am afraid to send a message as his wife has access to his FB and I don't want to cause him problems. What should I do? I also deserve to be happy not just him and if I need answers in order for that to happen do I just ask regardless of what the repercussions may be? I didn't know what questions to ask way back the last time I saw him and I am a rational person which is why I can't understand why I think of him so often and why I relate him to happiness in love. Could it simply be what he represents? He was always a kind and good hearted person who made a positive impact on my life. I understand him not being able to stay at one point there were too many personal issues with me ones that couldn't be resolved at that time and would have been very hard to live with. My point is I still love him and don't know why! I did attempt to send him a message a few years ago but never received a response it was a very casual message to say hi and congratulate him on the birth of his child. I guess maybe that should be my answer then right? Which I thought too but it isn't enough.

I can relate to everything you\'re saying. I\'m 44 now, I met her when I was 20. I still think about her every day. We have been in touch over the years through email and FB, but somewhat limited. Sometimes the timing just isn\'t right for two people. No matter how much we love someone, life can sometimes get in the way. That\'s the way it is for us. She is married with three kids, I\'m married with one. Both of us are unhappy. But it won\'t work out. She sent me a message through FB last summer telling me she missed me and hoped I was happy. I finally decided to tell her how I felt about her; how I\'ve always loved her, how I miss all our deep talks and the way she threw her head back when she really laughed, how I miss her green eyes, and the way her blonde hair fell around her face. She told me she married the wrong man, and she would go back and change things if she could. I told her I would walk away from my wife for her. Her kids are young and she will not divorce because of that. I was/am crushed, and I feel like a fool feeling this way at 44 years old.
I think there are some people we can never get over. I think it\'s rare, but some love never dies regardless of time or circumstance. There\'s a quote by Eric Berne that really helps me sometimes: \"The man who is loved by a woman is lucky indeed, but the one to be envied is he who loves, however little he gets in return.” It\'s about being unselfish...I don\'t require her love to be in love with her.
I did finally have to cut her out of my life. No FB, no email, no text, nothing. It was just too painful to see the pictures she would post...especially knowing how unhappy she is and not willing to change it.
I\'ve just come to accept that I will always carry her with me...which does not mean I\'m not still a total mess. The only advice I have is to take it one day at a time and try to stay busy. I won\'t say \"times heals\" because I don\'t think it always does.

Welcome to the club. The bottom line is you never asked that question you needed to ask and you havent heard the words you need to hear. Him not replying to you is not an answer, but it may be the only answer you\'ll get. Yes I agree, I think that is what the core issue is for all of us - this closure thing. The problem is, the hard truth is, it isnt all the time the feelings were the same. Could it be that my first love simply did not feel the loss I did when we were parted. Im grappling with this now - she was my first love, but may be I wasnt hers. I hope that isnt the case for you, but even if the truth is not what we want to hear, it\'s the only thing that will finally set us free.

Have u told her how u feel?