Still Miss Her After 14 Yrs

i will never stop dreaming of never goes away.  i had my chance 14 yrs ago, but let others influence my has brought us new partners...and children....i sometimes wonder how many kids we would of had together....i think about how good it would be just to hold her again for a brief moment...and most of all, i wonder if she ever dreams of me.....??? 
mydreams mydreams
36-40, M
449 Responses Nov 24, 2006

i miss him 8 years but i dont know what to do with him.(about marrying)i love other two girls too

Just be honest with her. She may not feel the same. Or she may surprise you.<br />
I recently-very recently- did that: took a leap of faith and put myself out there to an ex boyfriend. What information from him encouraged me to do so? Just a few comments he made in reference to our past. Now however, I think I may have misunderstood him. But do u know what? I am open to rejection- and ready to accept this as an option. Do u know why? Because it's the only other option I have. People always have two options for ANY situation in their life: acceptance and/or rejection. So it's obvious. <br />
My ex bf may never respond to the FB message I sent, but that's ok, because at least he now knows how I felt about what we had. And what would that be? :<br />
I felt for him intensely. I was able to be myself. I felt I connected well with him intimately and emotionally. Did I love him? I don't know. People say you will know when you do. I disagree. How can you love someone if you've never felt that way before? But if it is something you've never felt before... Then that's what should be admitted instead. So I don't know. But I do know... That the first time I saw him, the first time we looked at each other, my heart did triple-time. That was 14 years ago as well. I call him a missed opportunity-even though technically-he's more like unfinished business: We left each other through no fault of our own. He received orders to a another state for special training, and I had to stay behind. When he returned, I was already gone. I had received orders to another country. <br />
Many years passed, and Facebook reconnected us again. Both our lives had, of course, changed in many ways. We both had been married and divorced. I had a child, and he had none. We connected through Facebook and cell phones, and eventually he asked if we could meet? I had a hard time believing him. I did not think he was serious, because I never felt he took life seriously enough. I suspected his reason for asking me was of an intimate nature only, due to the length of time he proposed. <br />
I'd never had ANY man ask this of me. <br />
It made me feel overjoyed but scared, and in the end, I chose not to meet him. After all, we were only 23 when we met and had this relationship. In addition, I broke up with him, so I figured it couldn't be because he missed his ex gf and friend. And we were-friends. We had remained fond friends each year. Many years may pass before we speak again, but everytime I text or call him, we continue our fond friendship. We've never had problems speaking to each other-just pick up where we left off. I think we meshed so well, because we understood each other as individuals. He and I were alot alike-emotionally and intimately. I accepted him the way he was...from the <br />
get-go. I never had any desire to change him, because I understood him for the man he was. I also had enough confidence and foresight to recognize that feeling the need to change my man, would actually have had more to do with me, than with him. Wanting your significant other to change, means that YOU are not satisfied. Means YOU need to change. YOU need to recognize that you can't control him/her, but you can control...YOU. It means YOU are insecure. But I was not then-nor am I now. I'm very secure with who I am.<br />
I've always been VERY independent and confident. I also recognized and accepted these qualities about him. I still do. <br />
I have not changed very much over the years. I am still, mentally and emotionally, the same person I was <br />
14 years ago. I've not changed all that much physically in 14 years either-for the better. Since his request to meet, 6 years have passed. In that time, I pushed away alot of good potential dates and/or relationships. Until EOM January 2012. <br />
I started dating, then exclusively dating, a man 9 years younger than myself. Although his age bothered me at first, <br />
I got over it. This man, this relationship, lasted less than 6 months. Again, I was the one to end it- but for the RIGHT reasons this time. I started developing feelings I couldn't name exactly- for him- and I knew IMMEDIATELY that I needed to heal ME if I wanted to move on with him or any other man. Needed to strenghten the friendships and relationships I already had, before accepting others. And so I am. This younger man taught me so much about myself and I will always be grateful to him for doing so. If we had not met- I probably wouldn't have learned the most important lesson of all: rejection. You have to let go and grieve for any past relationships. Because see... You can't go back right? Right. You can only go forward-FIRST. You have to do that BEFORE you put yourself out there blindly. You have to be WILLING to accept failure, or rejection, as an option once u do. Because no one will ever accept someone who hasn't. How do u move on once u accept rejection? You just do. You tell yourself that you have a chance. Or a choice. And u do. Everyone does. What happens after u make that choice is up to THEM.

I must say that you have a way with words! One of the few posts that I have seen on this site that make absolute sense. Very well written - bravo zulu to you!
Your advice should have been given to me a long time ago. Thank you for your post!

How you handle your choice afterwards. Is up to u. You walk away with hope, but also with the great possibility that u may be rejected. Walk away and don't look back. I have a favorite saying: "don't look back.... Because if u do? You will miss whatever is in front of u." Now is that not utterly true or what?? It is! <br />
One last note: I told my ex bf that I didn't want anything from him. I just wanted him to know that I had accepted-and moved on-from what we shared 14 years ago and that neither of us was at fault. And we weren't. We were a product of "the wrong time" or perhaps "not enough time." I told him I do not wish to go back. And ppl should NEVER admit this to anyone. To suggest or mention otherwise, means you are holding a grudge, living in the past, blaming the other person, or being unrealistic-all VERY unattractive qualities. In order to go forward however, you will have to go back mentally- but only to grieve for what WAS- what USED to be. Then and only then, can hope and rejection be an option. And they need to be options.<br />
My ex bf and I may never meet up again. That's my rejection. In addition, my ex bf may feel I am not worthy enough, to consider RE-exploring each other or the possibity of seeing each other again at a later date. That's my rejection too. But...I can live with that. Because for me, the hard part is over: telling him that I care enough about him that I wish I had another chance. Or telling him I'm open to meeting up with him again. Or telling him that I wish we would have had more time together. But.... Hey... No rush tho ya know? Do I think of him fondly? You betcha. Do I feel sad for what could have been? You betcha. Do I remember the good times? You betcha. Do I have hope that he thinks highly enough of me to consider me? You bet. But with or without his acceptance or rejection, I choose to move forward. I will be the same person I was before I spilled the beans: A single mother loving her life, her child, her friends and family, and finally FINALLY open to the thought of dating with the possibility of hope and rejection. This was my life before I told him how I felt...<br />
and still is. Why should I stop being me? <br />
I'm not. And nor should u.... For a possibility. :)

Thank you for your thoughts as well. <br />
This story caught my eye for two reasons: the title and the number 14. I skimmed through the other stories on this post, but I chose this one mainly for the two reasons I just gave. People tend to live in a fantasy world; a world in which they are afraid to take off the rose-tinted glasses. They see things the way they WERE, instead of how they ARE. We can never go back to WERE, but we can go to ARE-because that is here and now. "LONG LOST LOVES"- the title alone answers all questions everyone has on this post. It was a love u had a long time ago, and for whatever reason, u lost it. It's gone. You have been REJECTED. Let it go, so that u can move forward. Once someone ACCEPTS that rejection, then the world opens up for them in unimaginable ways. It's such a FREEING feeling. People kill me on these posts, because if u think about it, they want what they HAD-and it will NEVER EVER be that for them again. But it can be BETTER....OR WORSE. Thank u for the compliment. I wish u well. :)

I'm sorry, but I agree with this... how could you have held on to 14 years of heartbreak, longing and all that reminiscent in a bad way nostalgia that could never be without dying a little inside everytime literally and not having your whole half of a heart towards your now wife!? Or without young crazy?! Inside?! I'm glad I have never experienced this before because if that happens to me it would be watt too tragic a thing and I don't know if I'd have been able to cope with that. You're strong!

I stumbled across this because I've been sitting here thinking about my ex gf from 20 years ago and googled to see if anyone else out there feels the same. I truly love my wife, who is my life partner in every way. But there will always be a space in my heart that belongs to my ex and only my ex.. I love my wife dearly, but my ex and I had that connection that many of you speak of that is a once in a lifetime thing. <br />
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I have reached out to my ex by e-mail a couple of times with my wife's blessing, but heard nothing back. Could have been filtered to the junk mail, could be she didn’t want to be in touch. In either case, I wanted to respect her wishes. I'm very easy to find on the net. I figure if she had any interest in contacting me, she could easily do so. <br />
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We had a tough breakup. We had some pretty big hurts at the end of our relationship on both sides. We eventually became civil with each other in the couple of years after our breakup. We both tried. We had an uncomfortable dinner once in our student center post breakup and would bump into each other on campus from time to time. But it was really tough to get past all that had happened. Her mother, who I loved, told me I should get back together with her after we broke up. One of my ex’s close friends intimated that my ex still loved me and said the same. I desperately wanted to, but ultimately, we couldn't heal the hurts from before and it never happened. <br />
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After college, we moved away and lost touch like most people did pre-facebook. But we made a promise to each other when we were still a couple. We promised to meet at a set location at a set hour on the eve of the millennium regardless of ANY OTHER LIFE CIRCUMSTANCE, breakups, marriage, etc. And this was the promise of all promises. We discussed it multiple times. We promised we owed it to the love we shared to follow through on it no matter what happens between us before then. We said if we were still together, it would be a nice way to celebrate our relationship. And if we were apart, it would be closure and we could wish each other well. I made her a mix tape with the details of the meeting inscribed on it and a picture of the location on the cover. Sadly, by the time the millennium rolled around, I was a newlywed and living far, far away. It wouldn't have been appropriate or possible to keep that commitment that my ex and I had made years before without causing incredible hurt to my wife. After all, it was the beginning of the new millennium. And my wife had become my priority. But I broke my promise. And it haunts me to this day. <br />
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I will always feel like a jerk for the hurtful things that were said and done at the end of my relationship with my ex. I hope that she has forgiven me. I have forgiven her completely. I will also always feel very badly for not honoring the commitment I made to her to meet on the millennium. I will never know whether she kept her promise and I can only hope she didn't, either. The thought of her waiting there in vain would break my heart. <br />
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I'm writing this in the small, small chance that she stumbles across it and recognizes enough of these details to know who I am and contacts me. I won't hold my breath, but here's to hoping! I’ll sign off with something my ex used to write to me in letters all the time - SWAK.

I can smell her and feel her perspiring as we dance half naked in my apartment. Outside on the fire escape I hear a flute playing. She whispers "I love you." And yet it is all in my mind. Will I live a life of dreams and pretending? She whispers, "I am real. I am here."

It has been 12 years since I graduated from college. My first true love lived 3 doors down from me in my dorm. He was such a kind and warm hearted person. He quickly became my best friend and even more quickly became my first true love. The only reason we did not stay together was because I told him about my parents and that they would not support our relationship because I am Italian and he is black. He knew how close I was to my family and did not want to come between us so he let go. I think it was also too much for him to handle. Who would want to deal with that at such a young age? It was so difficult living on the same floor. I wanted to stay friends but it just seemed too difficult, my feelings were so much more than that. I wanted to say the hell with my family and be together but he wouldn't. After we graduated we went our separate ways and lost touch. I got married and had a child. My marriage was not good at the time and we are still working on it. My husband did a lot of hurtful things to me which only made me long for my ex that much more. We somehow got back in touch and would talk about what was going on. He knew how awful my husband was to me and would talk to me anytime I needed. I found out through friends he was moving to Georgia so I called him but he didn't pick up. I left him a message wishing him well and told him to call me when he settled in but he never did. I think he realized we were emotionally getting too close and he was trying to start over. It's been 4 years since we have talked and there is not a day that goes by that I don't think about him and what my life could have been. I still think for some reason we will be together again. I imagine us meeting again when we are well on in years and able to be together the way we wanted to when we were 20.

She does, but done think too hard, since you have a spouse and children and so do you , you would be welcoming heartache into your life if there was contact. You will always love her and she you. Trust me on this. Been down that road and was a heartache all over again. A family made in the absence of first love, its too late now. But you can still love from afar.

Here is my story.... My first love broke my heart, but we reunited while still in high school and stayed together for 5 years. We talked about how we were going to get married,we were best friends to say the least. We became engaged when he moved out of state with my parents and I after graduation. After about 6 months it fell apart because he became so angry and missed his family, we were young and miserable. But, I became even more miserable when he ripped my heart out, to try to hurt me more. I married a few years later to a man that couldnt handle being a husband that worked or a dad.... I left him and then reunited with my first love - his wife cheated on him and left him. We have been together for almost 3 years - long distant relationship 1500 miles apart. We are working on raising our children and trying to find a way to eventually be together again. It's hard at times remembering the hurt he made me feel, but I love him enough to make it work.

I believe that the reason why it is so hard to forget your first love is because God made us to be with one other person. When we give ourselves up to many others it tears at our hearts and lowers our self-esteem. Your first should be your last, this is what I teach my children. Save yourself for your first love, your husband/wife.

I was also a victim of this long lost love. Plagued by the same issues I found on this forum for 13 yrs now. Recently these feelings have resurfaced in the midst of a major turning point in my life. I'm preparing to proposed to my current girlfriend. Whom is absolutely gorgeous, kind, loving, and supportive. Most men describe her as the "perfect catch". But my girlfriend wasn't her? My long lost love. So I got something wrong with me? Was it better to have loved and loss or never have loved at all? Memories of her triggered by the oddest things such as a song, phrase, or event. And the feelings come flooding in.

A shorten and brief description of what her love meant to me:
-Love is when you walk pass a gorgeous woman and don't even notice her.
-When you don't even notice the most beautiful girl at the party throwing herself at you.
-Love is when your at the loudest craziest party and you can't seem to stop looking at her from across of the room.
-Love is not when they finish your sentences but finish your thoughts.
-Love is when you lose yourself in her face...examining every curve and detail of her face.
-Love is every time you see her you get butterflies.
....etc...and much more.

If you've happen to have to opportunity to date and be intimate with your first love for sometime in your youth you will know what I mean when i describe "this type of love?". Desperate and worried I spiraled into a deep dark depression. First I was angry and mad at myself for letting her go. Then I was mad at her for not trying to reconnect. I started imagining correlations to all my failures stemming from us not being together. Then I was mad at GOD and fate. How could GOD curse us with such longing for just one person. Biologically, humans we're suppose to be polygamous. We were suppose to be seed spreading machines...and here I was longing and aching for that one person.

Sometime passed...I postponed the proposal. Then finally as if GOD was listening to me or a revelation came to me. I finally was able to answer the question "Was it better to have loved and loss or never have loved all?". was better to have loved. It was BEAUTIFUL!!!! This love we had...and what it meant. The sadness, the tears, the heartache, the romance, the passion, the feelings of was beautiful. Is there anything in this world that could move and inspire and hurt you so much at the time. I realized this love was the same love that must have inspired such greats as Mozart, Socrates, Shakespeare and many more. To them it may or may not have been a woman....but it was the same love. My love I had with my ex...was one of my life's masterpiece...that's why it was so perfect and unique.

A couple days passed...then the most odd thing ex try to contact me after 13yrs. LoL...just my luck and why right now? The min i saw her name in my inbox...the feelings came rushing in...THEN!!! I lost it and started crying ....just playing...I smiled and enjoyed the feelings and the memories of how innocent and perfect she was and how wonderful our love was...then I deleted the mail. I don't know why I did that...maybe I didn't want to tarnish her memory by seeing her again. I didn't want to know how crappy life has been for her...or how she aged...or how she never made her dreams come true...or how she is not happy...those memories of our love and her were mine and mine alone and I wanted to keep them that way. Yeah...I still think about my ex...but that's the beauty of shows that I'm still alive and compassionate. Sometimes when I think about her i makes me feel like romeo or Shakespeare. LOL...can't imagine how I used to be so romantic.

In conclusion, I apologize for getting carried away with this post and forgive me for the grammar. Most of you will probably think I'm crazy and most likely this post will not make any sense to anyone. But hopefully this post will help at least one person in their journey to finding peace and happiness. Please don't post any response, because I won't be back here to good luck to you all and try to enjoy the great and beautiful life you have now. It was GOD's gift to was what distinguished us from any other has and will always be what drives us and it will be what inspires us and the next greats such as Shakespeare.

Oh yeah...almost forgot...going to propose very soon :).

i meet someone at the age of 7 it was a crush thean i dated him at the age of 15 dated for 2 yrs broke up and 20 yrs later we are back together talking about marrage and being together for ever i think things happen for a reason

I still miss my first love and we parted 30 yrs ago,still think of her and would love to know if she's OK but can't trace her,she's not on any social web sites maybe one day we will meet!

She,s the one thing I want but the only thing I can't have. Does it ever go away? No... it never does. We were both in our early teens and from the second I saw her I knew I'd love her the rest of my life. Why did it all go wrong? Our parents were dating so us having feelings for each other was kinda a no go. We spent ages trying to forget it but we just couldnt and once she kissed me I was lost 4 Eva. Feelings for each other got very intense, that with trying to hide it from our parents took its toll.

So after a short time I made the biggest mistake of my life. We sat on the curb outside my house and I told her we needed to break it off. She asked me if I loved her....and for the sake of the situation I said no. I watched her heart break and every intense feeling of love she had she would now spend trying to hurt me in the same way.

Our parents were still dating so I had the pleasure of seeing her weekends still....this occurred throughout the years growing up seeing her new boyfriends etc. We would still txt , argue but through all the bullshit she always made me smile and when we were together its effortless.

In a way she hated me for that day but I know she will always love me as much as I love her. Were both now with partners and young children and I know she will never risk that. She will also never let me hurt her again.

As much as we both try to deny 10 years later we still think bout each other. I know I will never love any to the degree I loved her, the way she would make me feel just in her presence....I went to watch her dance once and I could have watched her 4eva. Just the way we used to look each other is a once in a lifetime love.

I've had to accept I ****** up, I watched her go. I will pay for that mistake every day of my life because it will never get any easier and this void in my soul will never be filled no matter how beautiful my family is, or what fast car I buy or how well I'm doing, she took a huge part of my heart.

The only salvation I can offer you people is.....It was short but just one kiss was worth every ounce of pain. You take wateva you have left of. Heart and love some1 with it, cause that your only choice.

<p>I found this post quite by accident and swear it could have been written by the guy I think about often. So many of us here have shared similar stories. I am in the same boat...a lost love from so long ago that I have never stopped thinking about and missed so many signs along the way for us to be together. Try as I may, I can't forget him. I don't dream of him often, but once in a while, he's there. Although we lead different lives now with different people, he's still in my thoughts and that's the hardest part. Sometimes, I would love to "forget him." As you all know, that's impossible.</p>

People say that times a healer, personally I think time just chips away until u just don't care as much anymore

I cannot stop thinking about my ex boyfriend was been nearly 4 years since we were in a relationship, but i did see him over summer in 2010. i left for college in 09 and he did not chase me. we lost contact until that summer when i came home and by then I had fell in love with someone else who made me feel good but later we would break up. when i went home to my ex it was not the same but i still loved him deeply for we had been together for 4 years. there was alot of heartache and i let my friends talk me out of getting back with him...sometimes i feel it is for the best but mostly i feel in my heart that i did not listen to myself and my deep feelings. bc although our relationship was rough at times, we really sincerely cared and love one another and i should have pushed harder and worked it out, instead of running away to a far off college. i have grown and changed very much since then and i know he has too. we got reconnected about a year ago only to find he was in love with a girl he saw on and off in highschool while we were apart. she is a beautiful girl and i was not the nicest to her..bc i was jealous and insecure about him leaving me for her. now it has really happened and it is devastating. i have spent this entire year trying to heal from all of this drama and move on. ive slept with many guys and it has only made me feel worse about myself. i know i still love him and he will always "love" me. but i feel that i cant move on or be with anyone else bc my heart is still with him....i am afraid to let go and afraid i cannot love another as much as i did him. i dont want to give myself to another and i have many insecurities about myself still. i wonder if one day when we are grown and more mature we will meet again. and i know we hurt eachother but we dont truly mean it. i know it would be hard but how can we ever forget what we loved about us and how close we were? the more i think about it the more depressed i get. i do not want to see any guys and i feel that my love life is empty. i am a pretty, smart, and compassionate person but i dont feel i connect with anyone on that level right now. the more time goes on i know i need to continue with my life and eventually be happy with someone...but i know ill always think of him and why our lives took different paths?

*sigh Chelsea I miss your love so badly it hurts and I wish I could be with you and show you the love I always felt you needed but you were young and made bad decisions and I couldn't keep being treated badly. Now that I'm with someone else it feels like if I leave her I will devastate her maybe for good and if I don't be there for you I may devastate you. I love you so sincerely and I wish I had a way to be with you and I'm sorry I can't but if I knew I hurt someone so bad I wouldn't be the same person I am today. I wish we could have just one more shot because I know we'd never separate. You were my first love ill never forget and I hope that by some miracle you will read this and in your heart truly know this was meant for you. If you aren't for sure just remember you'll always be my thunder. Always and forever. My pretty girl. If its you I still want you more than anything in the whole world. Stay golden because even though so much bad has happened your the strongest girl I know.

i can not forget my first & last love.. i did merry with other i would like to see happy her but i can't fall in love again that's for true .... i first love will be my last love till my end... i really love her so so so muchhhhhh...kaashhhhhhhh......???????????????? :(( :((

I miss Salma even after 27 years!!!Whenever I see her I still feel woozy, weak in the knees, my heart pounds away,my breath is taken away and it's as if it was the very same day I first laid eyes on her. I MISS HER & IT HURTS TO THE VERY CORE!!!I pray that we will one day be together forever.

t's been heartwarming to read your stories of love and loss. I had an affair with a woman while still together with my girlfriend (we broke up with my gf but still meet occasionally). I haven't contacted her in more than a year but can't help but think about her almost every day....

I miss the beautiful man I met in 1989. Separated by circumstances, ocean and maybe destiny. No regrets, he says, but I wonder. Love never dies, that is for sure. Not a day (or night) goes by that I don't think about him. The feeling like no other before or since, like an eternal flame, never goes out. I pray his life is blessed by goodness and enough love to see him through. I pray he will know that I never stopped loving him.

I was with my beloved for 13 years. We met and built a life together and individually. It was perfection in almost all ways. I was driven, she was driven, I was studying (my PhD), she was carving out her own stellar career in Government. I was proud of her and vice versa. We loved each other in such a deep many lunchtimes, so many at home times, so many many "our times" that really created my personality and way of responding to life. We were HAPPY, HAPPY with each other for years!!! Anyway, fast forward to the end, and after adoration, an abortion and a miscarriage, and one too many months or years focussing on work and the future she left! My own life & career was going great guns...but in that initial 24hrs of total horror after breaking up out of the blue - I walked away from my own total career (ps I never went back, since my accomplishments were inextricably linked to my happiness with her). Just a day or 3 before, I was being filmed for a major science TV documentary on my research...and this was actually the third time this had happened, so I was prepared and it all went very well, and I was getting world wide coverage..but that Sunday, and the call, and the "meeting" in our car and the revelation: it was over...well the repercussions well who knew at the time...Anyway, I finished the filming, in a daze, and then walked out on my 17yr+ career, and drank myself to oblivion for several years. After a year of meeting randoms, one person enters my life like the strong women I've always admired, and she saved me...and then came with me to the funeral of my past love's son!!!! Yes, my first love and I shared a son - hers, and mine only as a guest - but he lived till he was 21 until he committed suicide - and 18yrs from 5years onwards with she & I both at home :) and it was a wonderful life when I looked back on all that was lost... So then starts the horror, and the self-abuse, and the acting out to anyone to save me, and the full revelations of what I ****** up...and the torment. Needless to say, I traded my wonderful career and never went back after the filming. They thought me crazy, but I was just heartbroken...and it took me some years to come back to life. One thing is I met a true saviour of a women, who helped me. The second, I met another woman who I now have a child with. No, she and I aren't together anymore,but we both love our daughter, and that's a fact. Beyond this, a few years later, on Internet dating, I met another incredible woman. After a year or so of dating, I was hopelessly in love & i think vice-versa so I asked her to Marry me..and she accepted :) BUT to this day, I love my ex still. It's a very different kind of love, almost perfection in feeling, like I can never have again. I miss her so much. If anything goes wrong in my day, I think of her. In cycles, I dream of her. In moments of melancholy (like this) I wish I'd not let go. Why did I accept her rejection of our 13yr relationship. Yes, we weren't married in the eyes of the law, but we'd lived together for so long, we were in principal married. How could she leave me for someone she met doing her Masters? Who knows, but he must be pretty special. All up, and now 7 years later, I still love her!!! I hope she never forgets. I hope she is happy. I hope I am going to be happy. I still hope for a lot of things privately. I wish my daughter could have known my beloved step-son. I hope my new step-son and unexpected re-birth life with my fiancé can intuit where I come from, and still love me for who I am. To you, my first love, I still say and tell everything, now, it's just in my head and heart.

So what do I hope for, for the rest of my life: well what do you think...I want the present to be replaced by the past. Is this feasible? Of course not.

So looking outward realistically, I say: love more today, since you can :) don't take this for granted, since today is real, and closer than the past, so don't condemn the present, since its yours to make of what you can :)

Maybe if you met her and talked you could put it behind you and move on .I missed my first wife who cheated on me long story .I met her 20 years later and seeing her I was relieved I had left her and was able to move on havnt seen her since I just wondered maybe it could work for you .

It's really surprising to see all these posts about first loves from decades ago. Except it all seems to make perfect sense to me, and I'm only in my mid-teens. I know I'm young, but my first love has already come and gone in my life.. It sounds crazy, but for some unknown reason I've always acted older, and always have looked for serious, lasting relationships. Anyway, I met the perfect girl a couple years back, I've never connected with anyone in such a way. Our conversations would flow naturally and lasted for hours upon hours, on many occasions I was on the phone with her until the a.m. And until just a few hours before class. She was like a drug to me, I couldn't get enough. However, in the beginning we could only be friends, she had a boyfriend who also happend to be a buddy of mine. So I tried to push away my feelings for the sake of my friendship, but she and I continued to talk anyway on a daily basis. After a couple months they broke up, and she admitted she had had feelings for me the whole time, and I did the same.. I couldn't even try to hold it back or lie. We began hanging out a lot more since her ex (and now my ex-friend) wasn't very fond of our "friendly" relationship while they were dating. I couldn't have been happier with the way things were going, we talked constantly and hung out constantly...I knew she was something special, I got to the point where all I would do was look into her eyes and just smile because I knew that she was the most beautiful, perfect girl for me and that I was falling for her. I never made a hasty move though, because I knew she wasn't looking for another relationship that quickly. Unfortunately, she seemed to get caught up in her single life.. Going out a lot and doing some stupid **** with guys. Being honest I confronted her, I confessed my feelings again and again she said the same, but would continue with this new routine anyway. The mixed signals got to me, it was unfair for her to treat me as her boyfriend but hook up with guys since she was "single". So I gave her a choice, me or the single life. I couldn't deal with the constant tortue and needed an answer.. And I still didn't get one, she would say "why can't you like me and hook up with other people too". Is it just me or is that the most contradictive and misleading statement? So some more time went by and things carried on as usual, then one night I took her out to dinner since she seemed enthused at the idea. Afterwards we had a very real talk I didn't know was coming..she ended things, but even in the rejection she showed mixed feelings, saying I was her soulmate and she didn't want to mess it up with me too early. As I'm sitting there speechless and heartbroken, she decided it was a good time to have our first kiss.. May I remind you as she is breaking things off with me! I couldn't take it, I was done with the whole situation I couldn't handle it. I told her I needed a break from her (a permanent one, which apparently she didn't understand) and I haven't talked to her since that night. Not a word. No eye contact. No hand gestures. I've tried erasing her from my life even though I see her almost daily at some point. I hit a really low point in my life after that and wasn't myself for a good long time, and I'm still not the same. I thought I moved on, until I realized I think about her every day, all the time, just like I used too. She was my best friend, we even promised to stay friends through college beforehand, because we had both talked about getting married. Anyway, she just entered a relationship, but I can tell she thinks about me, I always catch her looking at me and sometimes she catches me too. I know we both really miss each other but we are both too proud to do anything. And I know that if I go back, friendship won't be enough, and I will just face the same heartbreak all over again. But I love her, and I know I always will, and I know deep down she will always feelings for me. It saddens me though to think about having this feeling 10s of years down the road, knowing she is the true love of my life and still trying to move on and be with someone else.

I know this sounds crazy for me since in young, and a lot of people think its just another teen-relationship. But I can guarantee these emotions are very real and very strong and I know she's the one for me.

Wow! You know what sweetie your never too young to know what love feels like... I read your post and cried. I too had a teen love and that girl ur describing sounds something like me... I didn't hook up and go complete ly wild but I thought I needed experience. I broke things off with an amazing person...really amazing n I was to young to c it. I moved on and dated and married yet another great person. Years passed and I didn't c this person for close to ten years. I often thought of him but would think of thimgs to push him out. Fast forward to my hs reunion it so happened that he nor I brought our significant others and let me tell u it was magic. I want describe what my heart was feeling but I was instantly in absolute love. The kind that in my opinion you feel only once in your life. All we did was talk.. it was amazing. He began a friendship that came with one major occurrence that I shouldn't of done as it was not fair to my husband and his GF. But we did and that seemed to put us down hill. We went from talking everyday to every so often to not at all. I was doing what I did at first. So the last time I talk to him was via text this past Nye and he was telling me how bad he felt for hurting his GF bc he had broken up with her. I couldn't hear it. It was hard n it hurt to hear. I knew then that if anything were to ever fail or go wrong I'm my marriage he probably wouldn't be with me bc he knew how to seperate feeling s and I didn't. N I didmt blame him. I knew that it was all my fault . I did it and even though we have talked about how much we loved each other I messed it up. Which brings me to my point. He regrets letting me go and not fighting for us as well. He regrets that. If u love her please don't Let years pass. Being young wild and free is fun but comes with regret...and that gets exhausting...please stay in her life.. things will happen just let her have her time and u need ur time too. Don't be stubborn and stay in her life. I think about him everyday... the other day I'm fact I was at a place that reminded me of him and I texted him... thst first time since Nye... we talked for about and hour. He sent pics of his recent graduation and two days later my heart is heavy and it hurts. I can't stop thinking abouthim and it just plain old hurts. He hasn't called or teXT me back. I provably won't talk to him for a long time now. This is the worse feeling and don't wish this upon aanyone... tell her and keep her in ur life if she is the one.. at the very least if u have a short time with her that is worth it... anything is worth it. Good luck to u sweetie and I hope this helps...young fun years don't last forever... in fact they go by really fast... I'm 30 now... n well I wish I had him. :)

I came here looking for an answer as to how to get over this. I believe it's lack of closure. I had other bf's before meeting my first love it was different than any other I had experienced. I had my issues at the time and it didn't last long. Maybe he never truly loved me but the not knowing is what kills me. I have children now and I am with someone who deserves my full love and attention but it isn't there to give, and I would like to get past this once and for all. It was about 14 years ago and the last time I saw him he contacted me he was engaged to another woman (one with whom he had cheated on me with) and we spent one night together and then we lost touch he moved away and I haven't seen or heard from him since. Maybe I need to be angry with him for taking advantage of my love for him? Problem is I don't know if he felt the same about me, if he did he would have never left me to begin with right? He did add me on FB about 3 years ago but we never talk, I don't want to cause problems for him with his family afterall I want him to be happy. There are things I need to know so that I can move on and that I feel is the problem with not just me but everyone here asking the same question. We need to take chances and ask what we need to know. I am afraid to send a message as his wife has access to his FB and I don't want to cause him problems. What should I do? I also deserve to be happy not just him and if I need answers in order for that to happen do I just ask regardless of what the repercussions may be? I didn't know what questions to ask way back the last time I saw him and I am a rational person which is why I can't understand why I think of him so often and why I relate him to happiness in love. Could it simply be what he represents? He was always a kind and good hearted person who made a positive impact on my life. I understand him not being able to stay at one point there were too many personal issues with me ones that couldn't be resolved at that time and would have been very hard to live with. My point is I still love him and don't know why! I did attempt to send him a message a few years ago but never received a response it was a very casual message to say hi and congratulate him on the birth of his child. I guess maybe that should be my answer then right? Which I thought too but it isn't enough.

I can relate to everything you\'re saying. I\'m 44 now, I met her when I was 20. I still think about her every day. We have been in touch over the years through email and FB, but somewhat limited. Sometimes the timing just isn\'t right for two people. No matter how much we love someone, life can sometimes get in the way. That\'s the way it is for us. She is married with three kids, I\'m married with one. Both of us are unhappy. But it won\'t work out. She sent me a message through FB last summer telling me she missed me and hoped I was happy. I finally decided to tell her how I felt about her; how I\'ve always loved her, how I miss all our deep talks and the way she threw her head back when she really laughed, how I miss her green eyes, and the way her blonde hair fell around her face. She told me she married the wrong man, and she would go back and change things if she could. I told her I would walk away from my wife for her. Her kids are young and she will not divorce because of that. I was/am crushed, and I feel like a fool feeling this way at 44 years old.
I think there are some people we can never get over. I think it\'s rare, but some love never dies regardless of time or circumstance. There\'s a quote by Eric Berne that really helps me sometimes: \"The man who is loved by a woman is lucky indeed, but the one to be envied is he who loves, however little he gets in return.” It\'s about being unselfish...I don\'t require her love to be in love with her.
I did finally have to cut her out of my life. No FB, no email, no text, nothing. It was just too painful to see the pictures she would post...especially knowing how unhappy she is and not willing to change it.
I\'ve just come to accept that I will always carry her with me...which does not mean I\'m not still a total mess. The only advice I have is to take it one day at a time and try to stay busy. I won\'t say \"times heals\" because I don\'t think it always does.

Welcome to the club. The bottom line is you never asked that question you needed to ask and you havent heard the words you need to hear. Him not replying to you is not an answer, but it may be the only answer you\'ll get. Yes I agree, I think that is what the core issue is for all of us - this closure thing. The problem is, the hard truth is, it isnt all the time the feelings were the same. Could it be that my first love simply did not feel the loss I did when we were parted. Im grappling with this now - she was my first love, but may be I wasnt hers. I hope that isnt the case for you, but even if the truth is not what we want to hear, it\'s the only thing that will finally set us free.

Have u told her how u feel?

Have u told her how u feel?

It's been 26 years since my first love and I broke up, and even after all these years I am still madly in love with him. I think of him almost every single day and am tormented by all of the could-have-beens. I have dreams where he comes to me and tells me that he's still in love with me, and he holds me in his arms and kisses me passionately. I truly believe that he was the one I was destined to be with, but we were so young and foolish. We've been in contact sporadically over the years and I believe that he still feels the same way about me, but we've both built lives of our own. He's married with 3 children and I'm on my second marriage. I never had children because I always felt he should be the father of my kids. When he came to me 23 years ago to tell me he was getting married I should have tried to stop him. Many of his friends told me that I should have, that she wasn't right for him, that they felt he was still in love with me. She made him move away from all of his family and friends because she wanted to get away from her family, and I know that he wasn't happy about that, but he was doing what he thought he should do as her husband. I know that through the years he's been unhappy. I can say with all honesty that if he walked through the door tomorrow and asked me to go away with him I wouldn't hesitate. We are both in our 40's now and I still hold out hope that one day we will be together.

11 years ago a girl walked away from me and its taken me this long to realise that what i thought was angry and guilt was in fact a deep feeling of lose.ive dated loads of other girls since but was always consumed by angry and hate,because they werent her!i was in such a rush to get over her i didnt stop and get over her, the end result was me destroying everything i had,i got rid of everything i had before her, turned my back on friends and family!!id never been in debt but racked up thousands to make myself better!!i wanted my life to be completely different!!stopped alchool and started drugs!!yes my life changed i spent 5years in jail for not stopping and thinking about what made her walk away?it wasnt me it was the person i had become.she was there at the start of it and shes the one there at the end,yeah at the end shes my memories that part of my heart only i know about.shes that little bit of good that was in me along but id hidden away that i thought she would hurt,she never did but more importantly she never would have she loved me so much and i didnt see!!i can never tell her this but if someone reads this and lives for the moment not for talking about marriage, feelings and how much you love each other,just be grateful that the moment your in is your moment forever and no one can take that away be grateful that they are in your life for just a moment.because life is just moments one after another

Man i feel so bad because 3 months ago i lost the love of my life is was due to trust and jealously issues and it pushed him away i tried to get back with him but hes still mad and says hes happier without me. i know this is something ima regret for the rest of my life i tried and tried everything but it just wont work i wish that we will be able to get back together someday i really do i love him more than anything in this world and would take a bullet for him no questions asked. I pray for everyone who here still in pain i know.

Reading all these responses, not only brought back the memories of my first love but brought me to tears thinking of all the good times we shared. All the times we laughed and enjoyed each other's company. What it felt to experience the first kiss, the fight, the first physical connection, the first love. Oh i wish i could go back and relive everything again. I always will miss and cherish what we had. ILP 22

I know what you mean ~~~ my first love made me laugh, cry, and just the way he laughed - made me laugh so much...I will never forget him nor will I ever love another as much as I loved him and still do

I too long for my first love after 13 years. Unlike some here, I don't think she ever thinks about me. She was just married and recently had a child. I'm with someone else and feel guilty for thinking about my first love. It doesn't help that she is so beautiful too. I once told her she was the most beautiful girl in the world. I didn't know how much I meant it at the time. I was probably excited to be in a first serious relationship. I compare the beauty of other women to her but none compare - honestly. I also never knew how right I was when I told her as high schoolers that I would always love her. I assumed we would be together forever, but here I am, always loving her, a never ending curse. I left her because I was just a boy, scared the future, scared of commitment. Now that I have been with a handful of women, none of that matters. Continuing on our memory together would have proved much more valuable of an experience. All I have now is the memories of the times, the music that played on the radio. I find I listen to the sappy songs that were popular in highschool that I hated just to feel nostalgic. Listening to our song, Unchained Melody, is enough to cause a deep depression. As they say, "the first love cuts the deepest" - I wish I knew then what I know now. I can't say I will love her the most when the end is near, but I am certain her face and our memories together will be one of my last cognant thoughts as I lay on my death bed.

aaron- I know this is an old comment, but your story moved me and I just had to tell you that you should search and find her, she just might feel the same way .

my fist true love was 36 years ago when I was 14 years old. I still remember our song: Just the way you are" by Billy Joel - our anniversary July 24, 1977 - he wrote me love songs - we were together for 5 years - I love him still - always will

if you are reading this Michael - I still love you after all these years - July 24, 1977 our anniversary date - and "do you love me - that's all I want to know" - remember?

First Love NEVER dies!!! Its been 17 years since the day my heart felt love for the first time. Truth is I have spent my whole life chasing that kind of love. I will never love anyone else the way I love him. No one will ever compare to him. He was is and always will be the love of my life ♡

I will remember my love still though it's 17 yrs now..till now every day still I am dreaming about him. Though we married and are having kids.. My first love never dies

I think if you are still thinking of her is because maybe she remember you too. I have a similar situation , I love someone after 13 years , and I try to forget him , I try to make my life easier getting married and having kids with a good guy , but now I see my life is incompletely .
My husband is not happy with me and I won't either. I still remember the guy of my dreams he always be my real love and my happiness , I hope he will be happy after these years cuz he deserve everything !
My australian guy !

Try to find her at least to feel better!

Mine occurred 26 years ago, I met him at the Jazzcellar in Waikiki HI, he was a keyboard player in a rock band...He showed me a whole new world. At my youthful age of 21, I knew our relationship would only be temporary….On the night he left I felt my soul was lost, and to this day it is. Around Christmas in 1987, I was supposed to fly (standby, my father was a pilot for the airlines) to Atlanta to see him…But after months of my heartbreaking I didn’t have the strength to see him… I would once more have to leave, and I was couldn’t bear to do this again, so I didn’t go. Maybe this was the wrong choice, but I am so very sorry…Perhaps I will regret that choice I made…After so many years I still dream of him, I hope he forgives me and is doing well…

My first love was with a guy who was my opposite in everyway. He was a country boy, religious, close to his family and I was an academic, about to leave for college, not as religious as he was, and had a difficult relationship with my parents. But I loved him so much and he loved me. It was that crazy, constantly touching, making each other laugh, shared inside jokes that drove others crazy kind of love.

We started dating at 16 and we're engaged by 18. He proposed and we were engaged and I would have married him in a second, but we started going different paths. I was off to college and he was getting more and more involved with church. I wanted to be with him and I didn't mind the church, but I couldn't help let my intellect chip away at what his preacher was preaching. He became almost a zealot and I knew I could never be quiet enough to be married to a fanatic. But I still loved him very, very much.

We broke up when I was 20 and I started seeing someone else right away (mostly just to get his attention and make him want me more). And it worked at first. But then, almost immediately (the first time with this other man) I got pregnant by the other guy (who was unwilling to help me in any way) and had an abortion. I was alone and scared, young and selfish. I regreted it the moment it was too late. I regreted it so much I tried to commit suicide and was hospitilized. At the hospitial, my first love was the only one I called. I never told anybody except him what I had done. I thought he would forgive me but he turned his back on me and hasn't ever spoken to me since.

He's never married and I've heard rumors from friends that it is because of me. I came back to him twice, and both times was shunned. Even after all that time, he was the only one I had ever been in love with. I still would have married him in a moment, I loved him that much.

Later, I ended up marrying my best friend. He's a wonderful husband and father. I love him very, very much. But it's not the same. It's a whole different kind of love. In some ways it's better, more mature, more able to sustain over time. But mostly, it lacks the passion I felt with my first love and the feeling of being one part of a whole. Despite our differences, I believe my first love was my soul mate.

I couldn't ask for a better husband than the one I have now but still, even 13 years after we broke up, I dream of him several times a week amd have for years. Recently, we have moved back to my hometown (and my husband deployed and is gone for a year) and I know my first love is close by and that makes everything so much worse. It makes all those feelings come back stronger than ever. I would never cheat on my husband. He deserves more than that and I love him but my thoughts are straying and my heart is hurting, both from lonliness and that old ache which has become more difficult to ignore since I came back to my hometown.

So no, I don't think you ever get over your first love. I don't think I ever will. I remember the moment I met him with such clarity, I made a joke about his horseshoe ring and asked i he was a cowboy, he smiled, and I was a goner. True love, first love, never dies.

I feel for all of you. I met my love in 93 and left the city we lived in in 98. He hurt me so much so I had to leave. Its been so long now and I still wake up in the middle of the night and cry. I wake up with bags under my eyes for crying so much. I dont know if he ever thinks about me. I tried to talk to him twice throughout the years but he tries to avoid me. I dont know why, I think he is married. I guess its better for me not to know because it would kill me. I cant get over him and I dont know why. I still remember things he has said to me back in 94!! Im still in love and need help to get over him. He hurt me to my soul. Othe men dont compare and never will. Ive never loved anyone the way I love him.

I still miss my first love. at first when he broke up with me i moved on quickly but was missing him so much. he is my first love i cant stop thinking of him or dreaming of him. i dont want to live on with a regret not chasing my first love. he cant be the one that got away . Ever since the day he walked away from my life i have never once stopped thinking of him.i want to talk to him but i am just so scared. i have written letters just sitting, i wish to send it to him but i just cant. what is he doesnt love me. Matt if you ever find this, i still love you. i am sorry for ever being a horrible gf, we were young.
Now, i can see things clearly, you are the sweetest most caring guy ever and i miss you. i love you. 9.27.9

His last name doesn't start with a C, does it?

Is his last name Moreno cause if it is he still misses you? cause his high school sweethearts initials were K.M. and they stood for Kayla mittry

I remember the first time we met. We were in science class and she was so beautiful. She had dark black hair and piercing eyes. Every day she would wear some kind of laced glove or piece of clothing that had holes for the thumbs to come out. She also carried her violin with her. During that day in science class, she asked for someone in the room to model their hand so she could draw it. I jumped up and said she could draw mine. We were 15 then. We became best friends almost immediately - we were inseparable. There were a few times when we would fight and not talk for a long period of time. The emotions we felt were volatile, but I longed for them. After about a year of not talking, I finally confessed the love I felt for her. At first she pushed it away. She hurt me - she was scared. We parted ways again. When we were 19 we reunited in a fiery passion - we admitted our love, we finally became each other's. I was truly happy. But then she deceived me. She cheated on me and although she told me about it, and I pretended it was ok, I died inside. I tried to stay. Eventually I pushed her away and rapidly began a turbulent relationship with another. I regretted it.

It has been over 3 years since we parted and I've never stopped thinking about her. She was my first love. My first true love. She will always possess some part of me. I dream of her several times a week and when I have memories or see pictures it makes me cry. But there is nothing I can do to take away the feelings.

I am with someone wonderful now. Somebody that reminds me of my first love a lot. In some ways it's painful, but I wouldn't change a thing. I feel terrible that I have constant dreams and feelings towards my first love because my loyalty is with my partner, but I just can't remove her from my mind.

reading all these stories makes me very sad.
i too had a love story, i was only 14, she was 16. i was young and afraid. my name is asad ahmed and i want to confess that my love left me because i let her go, it was my fault. Rabia, after reading all these heart breaking stories. i need to to know that i love u, it's been 4 years seen i have seen your face, if u read this, if by any chance, the invisible power that pelts us, pushes us against each other is strong enough that we meet again i will never let u go, i will submil myself to you.
There is still chance for us. please God, let me meet her, bring me home..
i love u, rabia (rana academy, san andrews, lahore).

We became friends at 11 years old a long time ago. At just about 12.5 years old her mother gave me a new home after one to many beatings at my home
we were with each other very day really almost form 11 years old till just about 24 hours before death came to take her away we had been on R&R in Japan and had redid our vows to each other one morning in a Japanize style wedding with the family of a friend back home, when I was recalled back into combat for a mission she had to take a different plane back to Saigon later in the day we did see each other that night then next day I was shot down due to friend fire and reported killed she was walking to her office the next day and a bomb went off killing her and the guy she was walking with and a few other

I think that my ex BF and I are soul mates. We are compatible in so many ways that it is ridiculous. And aside from being crazy about each other, we agreed on the core things like religion/church, lifestyle, and family. We were different too, of course. But in ways that would have really helped strengthen the other. Even his father could see that. It was like we were made for each other. That we would have been prefect for each other. But nothing is perfect. Which is why we probably won't be together.

We were even that couple who reconnected after time and found we both had the same feelings and no one new...and had it slip away from us again. Actually, he let it slip. Truth is, he has a lot of baggage. He was married for 10 years. I don't think he's completely over his ex. I wouldn't be either if I had grown up with someone and was with them for 10 years. We split over feelings. We were arguing about our feelings for each other. We both still have feelings, but we live in different states now. So it became tricky. I was offering and trying to move (hello, this was my soul mate) and he wanted me to. But he also did not want us to rush. I did not want us to rush either. So when I started actually trying to make the move happen, we both freaked out. And ended up breaking up. And he threw a temper tantrum. Now I'm back in my state and he's in his. And he hasn't spoken to me.

Which has sucked. We really wanted us to work out. We were ready to start dating again slowly so that we could reach our goal...marriage. We both knew we loved each other and could see it lasting forever. It was the stupidest crap that we're ending. The last thing he said was that he wanted a relationship but it didn't seem to be good enough for me (which I don't get how he thinks that since I was trying to move to another state for him) and that he can't be friends with me. I told him I want him, too, like how he wants me. But he's too prideful. He said I should have listened to him the first time. I responded by saying I was very sad and heartbroken to think of him not being in my life. He didn't respond to that.

I thought maybe giving him space would make him come around. But it's been a few weeks and haven't heard anything from him. I love him very much, but I cannot keep getting placed in this limbo. It is too painful. And maybe he really wants me out of his life. If I reach out, I'm afraid he'll only rev up. I guess I cannot have him. And it hurts to be that close to what you thought was forever. To get that "second" chance and watch it burn...again.

So I am just trying to move on. I don't know what else to do. And how well would we have worked out anyways if he is not over his "first" love? How should I know? All I know is that I told him YES, I want him! and he hasn't come back for me yet. Other people are asking me out on dates. I only wanted him. At the same time, he's pulling Houdini. Maybe he's really done. I don't want to make the same mistake he is by missing out on a good thing in the present because of hurt from the past. And if he was so in love with me, I don't understand how he is letting me go!

I'm hurt and I cannot take it. I switched to a new cell phone company and got a new number. Not because of him. Just time to switch companies. And I am thinking about not notifying him of my number switch. Plus, I deleted my FB so if I don't give him my new number, it's over. There's no way he can hunt me down again. It could be forever over. And maybe it's finally time for that =/

I used to go out with a girl 22 years ago, I was only 16, she was 15. Something happened and I had to move away with my family , a sort of emergency. And I never got to say goodbye and I have never seen her since. And even though I have met other girls through the years, I can't get over her and I still get very upset thinking about her. I love her so much still and it never goes away.

I met a old friend a few years ago, and he brought it up that I used to go out with her, and it just brought it all back, and I can't forget about her. She would be around 35 now, and probably married with kids, and moved away. But I know where she used to live with her parents, and I keep thinking one day I might try to get in contact, just to see if she is ok, and to say sorry for the way I left, it was out of my control and I am full of regrets about what could have been. I feel like it was taken away from us both, it's eating me up. We were good together, we never had sex, it was just love. I love that girl.

I was thinking maybe next year, make the effort to try and find her, just to bring closure to the situation, or see if she is single and still thinks about me. I need to get some resolution to this as it's driving me crazy, even after 20 years, the feelings and pain never go away. I am with a girl, and it's not going as well as it should, I will make a real effort with her for the next year, but if it's not working, I am going to seek out that girl I still care so much for, even if she tells me to get lost, it will at least bring closure to this for me. I wish I could erase this from my mind, but how do you stop caring for someone that you loved, and had it snatched away because of something out of my control. It's left a big mark on me, and lately it's just getting worse and I am thinking about her more, I wish I didn't.

Maybe it's because I am not happy with my life, maybe I am missing more than just her, maybe I miss being younger, and happier, and the times I had less problems, but she is the only one I miss, and I miss her so much sometimes it hurts real bad. Maybe one day I will see her again, I will pluck up the courage to get in contact one day I hope. What hurts is that I know when I left, she would have been broken hearted like I was, I cried for weeks when I left and I still do sometimes. And knowing I hurt her like that is just making this worse. If I never see her again I pray she is happy and has someone she loves.

20 years and it only seems like yesterday sometimes. She was my first love and still is someone I love a great deal, but I don't even know where she is or what she has going on in her life, it's very hard to live with sometimes.

the weird thing is that i had REAL SEX in my early 12 years old and she was just 11. idk how it happened but we were kissing, there was a power outtage and we were using candles... so it just came out. =/
i was 12 and now im 22 and still with my very first love :D

Wow, nice that you lets us in on this. :-0

I am almost 21 years old now.<br />
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2 years ago, i had loved first time and last time in life, broke up 1 year ago, but every single minute or hour, i missed her, maybe her happiness was in to never see me. But to me, every single second when i could feel her presence was most beautiful moment of my life.

So its 3am and im just not able to sleep, thinking about what others here are thinking of. I dont know why some us have been cursed to have had such experiences. Like you all say, it never goes away. Just when I thought I was finally pushing it away, here it is 3am and I'm just one step ahead of thinking of her again. High school sweethearts. For two years we were together almost constantly. She was like a ray of sunshine always laughing and playful. She was beautiful. Then her fathers contract job came to an end and she had to move away. I stood by completely helpless and could only watch her go. After a few months of writing, she moved on. I couldn't blame her, but it seems that I have never been able to fully move on myself. At 20, the loss really messed me up, although from the outside you wouldnt know it. I eventually got married, had the kids I always wanted to have. But here it is 3am and I'm here again. A few years ago I was able to find her address. After much agonising, I sent just a postcard with my email address. Its not about getting back together, too many years behind us for that. But wanted to know how she was doing, if she ever thought of me. I wish I hadnt. The lack of a reply and thinking back to some of the very rare fights we had now makes me think that maybe it was all in my head you know. Like maybe I imagined the whole thing, silly boy, we were just having fun. Well somewhere during the course of having fun, I gave away my heart. I wish someone had warned me that once you give your heart away, you never get it back, even if the other person stomps all over it and throws it in recycling. You never get it back.

What I have left of me, I put it all into my family, the kids especially. I try to talk to them you know, try to warn them about all the stuff that life throws at us, especially in our late teens early twenties. I wouldnt wish this type of dull but undying pain on my worst enemy.

I wish all you guys well and hope you get some kind of peace in your lives. 3:30 now, maybe I can get back to sleep.

I met my first love when I was 14. It was love at first sight. He had feelings for me, too, but he was 5 years older than me, 19 when we met, so obviously dating was out of the question. Four years later, at the age of 18, I was still in love with him and knew that he still loved me too. I decided to let him know that I still loved him and was ready for a relationship with him. The next day, before I had a chance to tell him, I met his new girlfriend. I didn't have enough confidence to tell him, she was so beautiful, perfect. They got married a year later. On the rebound, I got married not long after.<br />
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My husband is a wonderful man, we are best friends, and I love him dearly. But I can't forget my first love. I still dream about him nearly every night. I wonder if he still thinks and dreams about me. I try to push these thoughts out of my head, but I still wonder "what if" and play my mistakes over and over again in my head. It has been 12 years since I met him, and I still think about him every day. I just found out that his wife is pregnant with their first child. It makes me feel sick. My first thought was, "it should be me." I feel so guilty having these thoughts while being married to a great guy. I don't know why I can't get over him.

1998 I met the love of my life or the closest thing I have had to it. I remember the first time I saw her and talked to her, I was like wow, this is finally it…this is the girl God had planned for me and I have been waiting for all my life...pretty much immediately. I can honestly say I have never had this feeling about any gal before this or since. We met on a party cruise with dancing etc. We were each with a group of friends and it just happened that I knew some of the people in her group because we went to college together. Before the night was over I asked for her number, and got it. I called her and asked her out but she said she was seeing someone at the time. Needless to say, I was crushed.

A few months later I was at a grocery store shopping and I ran into another gal who had been in her group of friends that night and knew her really well because she had grown up with her and was her best friend. While talking, I was told that she had recently broken up with her boyfriend and I should call her and try again! I really hemmed and hawed because I did not want to get rejected again. But, I was assured she would say yes.

So, a couple days later I picked up the phone and called and this time she said yes! We went to dinner and I took her to a little bar I had frequented to play pool and hang out. At the end of the night the attraction was fierce and we ended up passionately making out in my car for hours.

From then forward we were inseparable as much as possible. I remember, specifically being more excited to see her then any other girl I had ever been around in my life. And, the passion between us was definitely amazing like a fairytale almost. The whole playing out of the four months we spent together reminded me of that movie the notebook in many ways.

At some point the love word was said and was also reciprocated. And, I can definitely say, I felt it. I remember thinking that she had the best personality of any girl I had every met. She was just very fun to be around.

At this same time I had introduced her to some gal friends I had and we spent new years with them. They realized that they all worked at the same department store just in different areas! However, once this introduction was made and these so called friends could see how much I cared for her and how happy we were, I think some jeleousy began to rise.

Problems started at some point after this meeting because whatever I did there was a point where intimacy wise and closeness wise I could not get her to open up totally. I had never had a problem with any girl I had dated before doing this and actually had been told by many girlfriends over time that I was a very good communicator. So, this barrier or wall seemed highly strange to me and made things very hard at points because I cared so much for her. And to be honest, I was totally stumped and had no clue why she was acting the way she was.

The only thing I can think of after many years of looking back to try to figure out what went wrong is the fact that she was being fed negative lies about me behind my back in some way by these so called friends at the time. They were doing it I am guessing, if it is true, just out of sheer jelousy for what we had. If this is the case I wish I would have realized what was going on before it was to late because I think I would have delt with the whole situation differently.

The breaking point was when we were together one night and she proceeded to tell me that she was going to try to look for a job far away and was pretty much dead set on it and moving. She said we could have a long distance relationship. I have to admit, after four months and both of us declaring our love, I was pretty much shocked and upset! I was in graduate school at the time and told her I would be willing to go with her, wherever she wanted to go, if she could wait for a year, but I needed to finish first. She said she was not willing to do this. So based on this flippant situation, I bet you are thinking then that she wanted to break up, right?

Well, we went round and round for a hours until I finally said to her that if she was seriously thinking about moving away and telling me this without even having a prospect for a job at that point then I thought we should end the relationship. I have always been one who feels like if you love someone then that should come before your career etc and you need to work it out even though I can tell by many posts on here that many people seem to split because of career plans.

Unfortunately though, the final straw is when I looked her in the eyes and said as an ultimatum that if she was dead set on moving away without me for a job....considering where I felt our relationship status was currently at......then we should break up. She said yes, she was dead set on looking for jobs outside the area and moving I said ok, opened the door, and walked out. As I was closing the door.....the last words I ever heard form her were "I love you" as the door was closing. I walked out and sat in my car for about 15 minutes to see if she would come after me....she never did. I put the car in gear and drove away and that was the last time I ever saw or spoke to her.

The irony is that I do not think it would have been super long down the road, depending on her opening up and us getting closer and our relationship growing in intimacy and trust, that I would have asked her to marry me. Of course family meetings…I had not met hers but she had met mine several times…would have been important also. I seriously loved her that much, but honestly, I was scared when she started planning this whole life somewhere else without me. But, I guess I will never know exactly what caused her to act so wierd and guarded all the time which eventually caused our breakup. Like I said, if it was people telling her bad things about me that were lies, that is really sad because they really ended up ruining something that was very special and rare in my opinion. Or, it could have been that maybe she just stopped feeling the same way. But why then say I love you as the last words she spoke to me? That question will haunt me for the rest of my life I think.

Life is hard sometimes. We all make mistakes and take different paths. The sad part is that now at 42 I am faced with the dillema of being with another gal who love but not in a passionate way. She is a very good woman and we have tons in my best friend.....but I have a hard time knowing what that passion was like in the past not feeling like I in the end would be really settling. Unfortunately though, if you do not move at some point and marry then many of lifes good, building a life together, etc. can pass you by. This is my dillemma at this point. Do you settle and build a life with someone who you see eye to eye with...or just keep going and looking and have the pain that you might be alone for the rest of your life...with no chance at children...or someone to grow old with. Love is not fair at all and is often a mess. But then again, that pretty much describes life in general.

Either way, I sure did love that gal. It is a very sad story to tell considering, like that movie the notebook, it was that kind of love and passion. I always remember her saying that if we could only just have her and I and go live in a cabin in the woods somewhere all along then it would all be perfect. I couldnt have agreed with her more and it makes me sad to this day that we did not get a chance to explore more of our hopes and dreams together as a couple. But then again, we can not change the past....and if you dwell on it to long then the present might just slip away and become even more regrets. Just something to ponder.

It's nice knowing I'm not alone. I was feeling pretty pathetic. I'm supposed to be a 25 year-old man and here I am hung up on something that happened two years ago. I can't go a day without thinking about her. I dream of her. No one has ever made me feel the way she did. I've dated other woman, I've tried to move on. I lay next to a beautiful girl and can't help but to wish it was her. I'd give anything to go back and live it all over again. I've never felt so much. It terrifies me to think I lost her forever. We still talk. Every few months one of us makes contact. I know she still thinks of me. I don't want to push to much and drive her away for good. But what if we date again and it isn't the same? Are we too young for something serious? Are we better off trying again when we are older? And what if she marries? What if she wants to move on? I don't want to push her into something she no longer wants. I wish I knew what to do.

I feel like you are luckier than i am, because who i had loved, she acted in last day like, she don't care if i live or die, nor she will ever want to hear my voice.

And i got to know from a mutual friend(male), who i lost as a friend in matter of 2 - 3 weeks.

Dont let it slip away.....dont wait to long.....and she finds someone else and gets married. This is speaking from a guy who had maybe 2 girls who would have really worked for long term mates...and because of being ignorant...or to fixated on looks..I walked away and now realize that I may have missed a lot of great having a family with someone I could trust and love. Love is wierd....because honestly what I thought it was when I was 25 is still the same as it is at 42.....only difference is that I would fall in love with a girl for different reasons now. If she is good on the inside and your best friend and you even have some chemistry that is a very good foundation for marriage...learned long ago all eye candy does is give you a false sense of love and usually cause you a bunch of pain and grief. Finally, you think you can find better right or there are lots of fish in the sea? I did also and tossed a gal who treated me like a king when I was in my early 20s. I think if I had it to do over again I would have married her even though she was not a beauty queen by any means.

Take the risk. IMHO, it will be worth it and if it does not work out then at least you know you tried and you did not make a huge mistake if you still have contact with her. I tried to get the gal I just spoke of back....but it was to late. Ultimately we are doomed as humans by the illogical concept of always wanting what we can not have. Sooner or later that issue, which many many people have including myself, can cause a person to make some big mistakes.

25 is young

After 12 years and both of us being married , I still think of him all the time. Never realised it back then but he was my first love even though we never had a legit relationship as such.... I doubt I will ever stop loving him. Its quite strange how we have gone on with our separate lives but still somehow come into contact with each other eventually.We are also friends on Facebook n that keeps us in the loop of what's going on in each others lives.
We know that we lost what we could have had but somewhere deep down that love will never die..that's the beauty of your first love.
Also I feel one should just be happy loving that person from afar even if you two can never be together , love deeply from within with no expectations and no conditions at all for as long as you want...that is when you know that the love is true, pure and neverending.

Made my day :-)

This is just what I needed. I lost the love of my life about two years ago, even though we have tried to make it work between then and now, we both know that those days are gone. I met her in a bar in Germany when I was 19 she was 17. She was feisty and a challenge and I loved it. We hung out a few times (mostly just hooking up), then she told me that her love wasn't free, that I needed to take her on a real date if I wanted to continue. I really wasn't looking for a relationship at the time, but in order to keep getting the "love" she had been providing I took her on a real date. A few months later we took a trip to Ireland and I think this is what really seared our love for each other into our souls. We would take walks in the evening holding hands through the streets of Germany, travel together, constantly joke about everything; she became my best friend and a girl that I loved with all my heart. I took her to Belgium and proposed to her after 2 years of dating. She accepted and we got married in Denmark. That is when things got bad. She cheated on me after only a month of marriage. Due to my job I had to leave Germany to the United States shortly after that and it has never been the same since. I think we were too young and the prospect of her leaving her parents to follow me around the world for my job scared her so she had a little freak out and cheated. We have tried to make things better, but we just can't trust each other. I love her so much and it was like living a real life nightmare when I left Germany after she cheated on me. I was devastated, lost, sick. Even though she was the one that cheated she was also bewildered when I left. She cried as she drove me to the airport almost loosing control of her car, and I held her even though I knew she had recently cheated on me. I would go back and live those two years of my life a thousand times over again if I could. The best times of my life, and I fear that I will not find a love like hers ever again. I love her so much, I love you K.G. with all my heart.

I have a silent story.I falled in love when I was 14.. he was my classmate. He was smart and bright.. so I got attracted. On the otherside I was fatty. She got a GF.. she was the most beautiful girl in our class.. I so there was no question tell him about my feelings.. They were the most attractive couple in the class.. very attractive.. I felt good.. I felt sad... Yers goes on.. I have become an engineer.. Went abroad.. Being out of home.. got very stressd routine and weight got down.. I reduced 15 kilo.. I am 24.. yes... When I look at the mirror I discover a new beautiful girl.. I never imagine how much beautiful I was.. Its not only what response I got from mirror.. Many guys starts looking at me.. talking to me.. some are very desperate.. I am looking good, have a great career.. financially sound.. my parents are proud of me.. But I never imagine a single day when I have not missed him... I avoided all contacts with him by this time.. One day my parents asked me that I should thing about marriage.. Its a long run custom in indian process.. I never have any relationship.. so said yes.. I take 3 month break and fky back to my native.. its same sweet old place.. My school is same as it was... I wanted to knowabout him.. From one of my friend I came to know his GF has broken up all the relationship with him... I felt bad.. I love him truely.. and bearing a pain for 10 yrs.. I dont want him to get the same pain.. I joined in a local gym.. it was the best gym there.. as usual many guyz behind me.. somehow I never like anybody although there are many handsome, sincere young men around me now a days.. It was a sunny day.. little hot I can remember.. I saw a young man.. oh my god.. it was him.. 10 yrs constant practice taught me how to be silent and calm.. Hey can u remember me? He asked me.. I smiled and reply.. oh.. U r ****? u r changed.. 'ya I got fatty' he replied.. 10 yrs.. Is it really matters how old r u.. how fat u r.. what complexion u have.. in true love.. i donot know.. I was silent.. He again told"I heard that u came back in town.." "Yes , to get married" I replied back. " U r such a beauty.. my god.. any one would like to get a wife like you" he told... I smiled agai. He was true a couple of family visited our house.. these young men were nice, perfect.. every parents want their son to get married with me.. every guy are also liking me.. Only reason is I am much beautiful now.. Among these my father choosen one and I got married soon.. My usband is very sincere, perfect and love me very much.. after 2.5 yr I got a baby daughter.. We have a happy family.. I have completed my doctorate.. working on some serious research work.. my husband is working as a director for a big company.. socially.. financially we r just in perfect position.. One day my husband went for a business rtrip for 2 month.. was in the facebook.. baby was sleeping.. he came... we started talking... He was fully confused after breaking up his relation... "ya she got married with another guy.. left me alone.. because I was very aggressive for her"..... I know how he was.He was little crazy for her.. but was honest..I tried to console him, made jokes... "Ur husband must love you a lot... u r such a beautiful girl.. now got a beautiful baby.. u r ultimate dream for a man looking for a perfect family"" You know sometimes I feel jealous on your husband who has got u?" I said" What?" He repled" Yes.. actually you were my childhood friend.. I always liked you as afriend.. but 3 yrs back when I saw you again I fely something else... I could not tell you beause I dont wanted to loose your friendship".. i was confused" I donot get u" He said"When I used to look at you in the gym.. u were just perfect.. we guyz used to discuss about your upcoming marriage.. who is the lucky guy to have you in his arm.. I wanted to propose you.. but u were engaged"... I was breatless" I have some other work.. can we talk later?" I signed out.....

I cried throughout the night... What kind of game God played with me... He was my first.. my only love throughout my life.. God made me beautiful.. but not at the time when I needed actually... I never can told him.. for his single call I can keep behind the whole world, i can leave my family, my career everything.. But I pray to god to give him a perfect partner, who can love him throughout.. I never get him in my teen.. not my twinty.. not my upcoming thirty.. but at the end of life.. hhen we have to start the countdown about the life ending.. cant I be with him??

Thank you for the story. I have to admit when it came to weight when I have fallen in love with a girl....even if she had gained weight in the future I still think I would have been attracted to her. JMHO. I remember looking at this one gal I had probibly the most chemistry with in my entire life, maybe not the best match, but most chemistry physically...and seriously think that:
1. I would tear anyone apart who hurt her in any way shape or form
2. I could not imagine a situation....skinny, fat, deformed...etc. where I would not have been physically attracted to her.

But, in relation to what you are saying about losing weight, I do think most guys, in general, have an easier time being physicially attracted to and falling in love with a girl who is thin and pretty. I think sometimes that God, for whatever reason, built that into us. Obviously small girls need more protection etc. Just a thought.=-)

Anyway, life seems to be all about timing it seems. Does not matter what happens seems to always come back to that. Interesting though, my sister was overweight in high school and had been dating a guy for a few years in college. At one point she put the pedal to the medal and started running 3 to 5 miles a day. After dieting and doing that for an entire summer she had lost about 30 to 40 pounds and looked like a knockout in a bikini! Before this she would barely get a look from a guy. Well, soon after this guy who was on the fence asked her to marry him! So, I guess in some ways that proves my point. She felt like she had to lose the weight to get him for good and in the end, she was right and it worked. They are still married today after 26 years.=-)

Either way, you are the same person inside now as you were then. It just made it harder in the end to figure out which guys were good and bad once you were hot because guys will manipulate and tell you what you want to hear. I can understand that...and I even think the guy you loved early on was all of a sudden in love when you became hot...right? Well, in his defense....he did at least treat you kind and good when you were not so cute. That says a lot about his character even though he had a hard time falling for you at that time.

Anyway, such is life. I am sure sometimes you question how much your looks mean to your current husband and how he would have treated you in an quasi arranged marriage if you were still heavy. My guess is he would have run the other way sadly. Best case scenario is to find a guy when you big who likes you but may have some physical hangups with the lust thing and then if you are with that guy when you lose weight then you have a good chance knowing he is NOT JUST WITH YOU BECAUSE OF THE WAY YOU LOOK! Just a point. It is to bad that you were not with a guy you really liked when you lost all the weight even if he was on the fence about you. Might have turned out much better for you in the long run IMHO and made you feel better about your life and decision because you would also know he likes you for you not just the way you look because he was at least somewhat interested before you were hot. Sad case but pretty much the truth about how most mens minds work unfortunately.=-)

It's been 25 years now for me..almost 4 years ago we had a chance for a weekend was one of the most beautiful weekends I have ever seemed to have answered a lot of what ifs but opened more what ifs..first loves are and always will be very special!!

I share my heart on this site, thinking that the synchronicity of life will lead you to read the truth of my heart. Over 25 years have passed, and the time has brought us marriages, children and lots of needed growth. I will always remember our first walk together in the woods. I will always remember the way that seeing you for the first time, shook my entire being~ even as a young teenager I knew the truth of my heart. And my heart has never let me forget it. I meant every single word when I told you that I would love you forever. I feel so incredibly happy and blessed to have the life that I have, and yet I feel such incredible love for you that I cannot imagine that the love we have for one another would not bring us back together in some way. I will always see our walk in the woods and feel the incredible warmth of your spirit with me~ holding me close, and tenderly loving me. Some days, I get a smell of your cologne in the air and know that you are near. Still waiting for that day.

It's a great relief to know I'm not the only one who still loves someone who isn't in my life any more. In 2004 I was on stage collecting my tips, I didn't see the handsome soldier sitting in the tip rail until he & I were face to face. When he & I locked eyes I felt a strong magnetic force pulling me to this man. I didn't think it was love at first sight because I always assumed this phrase was a myth from romance novels. But I was shocked & puzzled by this overwhelming feeling pulling me towards this man. I thought to myself 'what the hell is wrong w/me? I don't know this man?' as I collected my tip he told me to come & talk to him..After my stage I did, he invited me to an after party, I wanted to so bad, but I didn't because I didn't want to break my golden rule (not to date any of the customers). The soldier said 'it's ok you will be safe,' he pointed at my co worker Asia & he told me 'Asia knows us & she'll be partying too.' I wanted to go, but I didn't. After that evening Asia & the soldier began dating, a month later they got married. A year later they filed for divorce. The soldier found me again, even though I wanted him more than anything I resisted him because his ex wife was currently my co-worker. Thankfully this man is persistent, he pursued me & Oct 2006, I caved in.. While he & I dated he treated me like a queen, he cooked 3 meals for me everyday, anytime I wanted something like a massage or to stay in, I'd only ask once & I'd have it. But what touched me most about this man is he tried to know everything about me, & he asked me key questions about myself & the answers to the questions were the root of my intimacy issues (not intimacy involving sex, intimacy of not being able to open up). This man tried to reach out to me, but I still tried to keep my distance. While we dated I allowed my pride to prevent myself from revealing my true feelings for him. I was terrifiedof how strongly I felt about him & howpowerfully attached I am to him. After a month I let him ago..Sometime later he met someone & they were together for five years. Throughout the years I dated others, but they didn't compare to soldier I love so much. I was so sure the soldier & his love would marry & have children, but to my surprise they broke up & he moved back to Wa. Even though I heard from mutual friends he was single, I didn't make any attempts to find or contact him. My pride didn't allow me to go far.. I always try to fill in the void of my loneliness by working almost every night... But one Tues evening I circled the floor of my club & there he was!!! The soldier I dreamed of & missed all those years!! We were at a great distance, I stood there in disbelief (I was sure I would never see him again & I wasn't sure how he would react when he'd see me). I froze staring @ him. He excitedly walked up to me & showered me w/kisses!! After we spoke, we exchanged numbers. We began seeing each other again!My soared w/relief & joy! I was excited thinking, 'Yes! I have a second chance!'But, it didn't last long. As each day went I felt my attachment multiply & grow stronger & again I let my pride push him away. Next thing I knew, my soldier deployed to Somalia & during his deployment my period didn't arrive. I was wishing & hoping I was pregnant cause even though my stupid pride wouldn't allow me to reveal my heart's desire, I would at least have a part of him w/me always. To my discovery, I wasn't pregnant, my period was 4 weeks late. I was devastated, if I waspregnant & if the baby arrived on time, our baby would have been born on my birthday & if the baby arrived late it would have been born before his birthday.. He moved to another state, I moved far away from my home Wa because everything in Wa reminds me of him. I thought moving away would make a difference but it doesn't. I still dream & miss him every night. The only person to blame is myself! If I could give the young any advice about love, it would be this... "Don't allow your pride to get in the way of your true feelings! Pride will rob you of your chances of happiness."I still work in a club, I meet hundreds of guys, but no one can get the best of me of me like the soldier I once had. Instead of denying my true feelings like I always have, I silently accept I love will always love him no matter where I go & what I do w/my life. Currently I still work every night to fulfill the void I have inside & the only thing I still look forward to is seeing him in my dreams at night..

My first love was with a guy that I worked with. We were never in a romatic relationship, instead we were best friends for about 5-6 years. I always wanted to be in a relationship with him, but then I found out that he was a hard core alcoholic. I found this out from his family about it, but I still wanted to be in his life and support him. He ended up having to move back closer to his parents because he felt that might help his drinking problem (plus he got kicked out of his brothers house due to his drinking and had nowhere to live.)

He now lived 8 hours away from me, but we would still talk to each other every once and awhile. So last summer, I went out there to visit him. One evening we went camping, and he looked at me and said that he didn't need me in his life anymore and that he knows I still "love" him, but he felt bad because his love was for someone else. So of course, I started crying because I didn't want lose my friend. His way of comforting me was by trying to kiss me and pretty much wanted to sleep with me.

This was confusing to me because over the last couple years of our friendship we didn't really talk much or see each other. So I informed that maybe the first couple years of our friendship, I hoped that we would date but I knew would never happen. I also told him that I loved him as a friend and I just wanted to see him get better. He came back with he didn't want me in his journey of hard core drinking and that I was confused about my life but hoped one day we would become friends again because at one time we were close friends.

So after all of that, I told myself that I never deserved this friendship because really he wasn't a great friend to me and I deserve better.

That was a year and half ago. There are some days I wish I could talk to him because I do miss him at times, but then I remember how he messed with my head and hurt me. I, mentally can't talk/see him anymore until he gets the help he needs.

PEOPLE, let's get real here.

You are chasing the SIZZLE OF THE STEAK.

If you HAD managed to be with whoever you are pining with, by now you would have noticed this or that fault, this or that annoyance. Because you were never with them, you never got to find out they were HUMAN.

Love the person who loves you. Love the steak, not the sizzle.

Signed: Guy who has done this before.

Why would you post this message?

I am sure there is a lot of truth in your statement and it might apply to many people.

But it is disrespectful to many others who have come forward to share on this thread. Some have been with the other person long enough to know them as real persons with the usual balance of good and bad and still love them none the less, perhaps even more.

Signed: guy who doesn't judge other people by his own standards

No offense intended. But hey, listen, I'm a 12 stepper, and my experience is that the harsh truths (that my sponsor told me) might sting a little -- but ultimately, they are much more helpful than an enabling untruth.

While it may or may not help you or the original poster, there are many others that *will* be helped by my message. You even acknowledge as much.

To those that might not get anything out of what I wrote, do as I did in the program of recovery: Take what works for them, and leave the rest.

Signed: Guy who speaks from his heart and doesn't mind if someone else might not like it, so long as SOMEone gets something out of it. :)

No offense but this isn't a 12 step program which no doubt helped you and perhaps others. Anyone who takes your advise to heart is defeating the purpose of living life with all of its complications. Did you not enjoy the sizzle yourself? It's easy to downplay an experience that you've had based on th worst of it. But good things do happen in love that make the bad worth it. At some point the poster will possibly find closure and the pain lessen as he focuses on his family. Dreaming helps to let go

No worries, you disagree. That's why we speak to one another, right? :)

> Anyone who takes your advise to heart is defeating
> the purpose of living life with all of its complications.
> Did you not enjoy the sizzle yourself?

Sure, but I suspect the problem is the 'dwelling in the sizzle'. The original poster implies they have a new partner. To be hung up on someone else is to deprive your current partner of all of yourself.

My only goal here -- if I even truly HAVE a goal -- is to add some perspective that may make him or her deal with this in a more healthy way. There is a lack of 100% commitment to my current partner if I dwell and pine for a past one.

There, be dragons.

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Thank you all for posting your stories, I have been crying reading them.

For me it has been 15 years and counting. We were together for seven years and loved each other deeply. When we broke up either of us could have saved it but neither of us did.

I didn't know that love was like this and would go on forever. I never believed in true love or soul mates but I do now. I have since had children and looking in their eyes I know I will love them forever no matter what. I now, finally, realise its the same with her; I will always love her, I can't help it its just a fact.

I have recently reached out, tentatively and as gently as possible. Sadly, the response is not very positive. I love her, I miss her but all I want is happiness for her. She goes forward with my best and warmest wishes now and forever.

to S from J

Still missing her? Indeed. My high school sweetheart went off to college leaving me behind to finish my senior year. She grew up quicker than I did once she left and what we had was lost. I missed her, then didn't as I was by then off to college myself. Fast forward many years and we have this wonderful thing called the internet wherein you can find lost loves. She's in Maine, I'm upstate NY and things are looking up.

We exchange emails and meetup for coffee somewhere in the middle. The woman I lost is still gone though. In the intervening years, she's undergone a breakdown, in-patient psych treatment and tons of medication. The woman I once loved is seemingly gone forever, replaced by a cheap imitation.

I met my first love when I was just a kid. He became my best friend. Over the years he guided me through some very difficult times and I know I'm only here because he loved me enough to help. We always talked about getting married some day. Even as young adults we spent a lot of time together and were very close. I loved him so much. But, he was wonderful, and I didn't think I was good enough to deserve him, so I became involved with someone else. It was not my finest choice, but it was my choice nonetheless. I got married, had a baby, found my spouse to be unpleasant, cheating, lying, drinking, drugs all that nonsense so I divorced him. This was with much heartache as I truly loved him as well. I met up with my friend and we had lunch one day after many years of not talking. It was very apparent that we loved each other. That we should have been together. But marriages on both sides had occurred since then. Because our feelings were so strong, it was basically decided that we could not longer be friends or talk to one another. He is married, and at the time I was too. Both of us are honorable people, so to be respectful and honorable to our marriages, it was the right thing to do. I hope for the best for him. I often wonder if we will come together in old age, like two elderly on a park bench holding hands and feeding birds. I love him still, but accept my choice and his. Respect his marriage and family. Will never try to be anything to them, it's not right to do so. It does no good dwelling on what might have been's. how would my life be different if I have believed in myself enough to be with the person who loved me for who I was and whom I loved so much, rather than choosing the person who would inevitably hurt me? Someone else mentioned the story the notebook, and I have to say though the story is t the same, the sentiment throughout is. The choice she made. That's what I should have done.... But such is life. I sure hope Jeremy has a fantastic one, filled with love laughter and joy.

You are suffering to be sure. You broke up for some good reason at the time. Spending so much energy upon the past faces you the wrong direction to accept, want, love, and cherish the joys of now. You are lucky to have such loving time with that long gone partner, however your ego needs to release her. You are stuck. You won't grow. Wherever you were 14 years ago, you will remain until you come to terms with letting her go and accepting all the blessings before you. Good luck!

Don't torchure yourself. Live moves on. She has created a life for herself. She's not the same person she was when you two loved. Move on...

What happened 14 years ago was just that.Your life has to move on and harping about what it isYOU selectively gave up isn't going to make things any better.I had a friend that went through this with his high school sweet heart.Might I add he was in a very bad place relationshipwise with his wife and finances.He used the one and only happiest moment in his life as an escape from his current miserable situation.Not saying that's what you're doing, but their must be a reason why she's weighing so heavily on your mind now and not 13 and half years ago when you had the chance to rectify things.Just be glad you had the chance to love and always cherish the lovely memories you had with her.14 years ago was a long time.She's changed and so have you.Your mind could be playing tricks on you and you might not even know it.It may not so much be her that you're missing.You're probably missing out on a healthy relationship with less problems(which commonly happens a lot when you're younger)!If you're over 35 I can understand you all too well.

Hindsight is20/20. You don't suppose he considered "had I to do it all ove again" if only we did everything right the first time?. We learn to live with loss and address the present but closure and resolution is part of moving on letting go

I had an on off relationship with my best friend. I loved him but for him I wasn't enough, he pushed me further and further away until I couldn't take it anymore and I walked away. I met someone who eventually became my husband, we have two amazing children together and it's been 14 years since I have really spoken with my friend.

It was hard for many years I wished I'd tried harder with my on/off boyfriend, wished I'd never let him go but he was destroying me and the hardest thing I've done is turn my back on him.

He's married now and I assume will be having a family and occasionally I will catch a glimpse of him and my heart will start racing and my stomach will flutter and I'm reminded of the great times we shared because he was my first love and part of me will love him forever but the hardest thing was loosing my best friend, I don't think I was prepared for that.

Memories are great but the reality probably wouldn't be as exciting!

Acceptance is giving up all hope for a better past.
You can lament and torment for the rest of your life over what could have been, or …
Starting today you can go outside as the sun is coming up, look to the sky and ask God (or whoever your Higher Power is) for peace with faith that you are exactly where He wants you to be.
Do this every day or in the evening as you look up at the stars on a crystal clear night … and you will soon find your calm.
I know it works. Been there.

hope u told her how u feel.

i was in the same boat for a long time, it was a lifetime ago when we were together 24 years to be precise but i never stopped loving her, so we went our separate ways and had a life without each other. back in 2001 i wanted to find her i wanted to put a full page advert in the regional newspaper hoping she or a friend of hers would see it. but i talked my self out of it and for many years i just plodded on through life. i got married even though my heart belonged to another, i knew it was the wrong thing to do. the marriage only lasted 3 years. i couldn't stop thinking about my first love. then earlier this year i decided to search through Facebook (again like i had done so many times before) i just happen to come across an old friend of hers and so i went through her friends list and low and behold i saw a picture of her, my heart started to flutter and beat like it had been asleep for many years. so after man conversations with myself i sent her a message, well a few actually and Facebook kept telling me that my messages were going into her "other folder" because i didn't have her as a friend. so a couple of months go by and i saw that i could pay to send a message to her, so i though "so i, shouldn't i" so i did after a couple of sleepless nights. then i get a reply from her saying OMG a blast from the past. so we started talking and fell in love all over again but this time i am wiser i don't have people telling me what to do. we live a long way from each other but i am going to visit her soon because not seeing her and feeling the way we do is almost unbearable. we have talked about me relocating to where she is living.
i never thought that i would have those feelings again where you are glad you're alive and excited just to say hi to someone who looks at you with love in their eyes.
i will update as and when things progress.

People change, and it is never going to be the way it was. Once you meet and finally realize that (once you get through your little cupcake phase), you will find that the interest you had is gone. But who knows, since you can't seem to control yourself maybe this is what you need to finally move on with your life and let her do the same!

i am sorry you have such a cynical outlook on love, you must of been hurt really bad at some point not to look back. its not all about racing forwards, its the journey not the destination
ps we both feel the same way and our interests my have changed and grown but after talking we have discovered that we have new things in common. i believe that everything happens for a reason and everyone deserves to be loved the way the love.
thanks for your view.

your love story is quite interesting. I would love to hear more about it. Please update me what will happen if ever. If you don't mind can you please post as well how your relationship started and why did you separated years ago and how did you come up to marry your ex-wife....thanks

okay, i don't have a problem with giving you more background on my story.
we started dating when she was 15 and i was 17, for four years we were good together yeah we had our arguments like everyone else! the problems started with my mothers interference, i was working at a restaurant as a junior chef my i first saw her green eyes and cute button nose when she came into the restaurant with her best friend (the daughter of the owner of the restaurant) i wasn't seeing anyone at the time. so needless to say every time she came in i was a giddy kipper, so i plucked up the courage to ask her out and it was a very innocent relationship, as neither of us had done anything more than kissed. well the years rolled by then one day we sealed our loved by giving each other our virginity, i was besotted by her, i had never felt feelings like this before i was head over heal in love with her (i know it was true love now) then things became hard at home and the aggro i was getting from my mother was getting borderline insane (i had already been through the physical abuse when i was a child so i knew what she was capable of) it got to the point that she was threatening me with "well if you won't break, lets see if she will" at this i was devastated because i didn't want her to get hurt by my mother, that sort of damage stays with you a very long time as i can bare witness to. Anyway i decided that the best thing to do was to break up with her. i will never forget the look on her face when i told her. i couldn't tell her why because i didn't want to try and face my mother because i know who would of won and that sweet innocent young woman didn't deserve to go through that. this was 24 years ago so trying to stay in touch wasn't as easy as it is today. (i will stop there for now as i am a little busy) thanks for reading

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It was your mistake that brought the two of you separate already have your own family and she does too.. Don't be unfair with your partner, she's the one that belongs to you not her..

It's really hard for me to have respect for someone who prefers to be stuck in the middle. You keep wasting time, not telling your wife about your issues, making it harder as every day passes. It is so heartless and selfish, I can't stand it! Or you know, you could always just let things go. I can tell you have a hard time with that, but trust me (from too many of my own personal experiences), nothing will change until you learn to let things go, things that you know are pointless to think about anyway. Then you will finally be free, you will really feel it! And you will see that what you have right in front of you is so much more precious because you have a TRUE history with them, and because they are there with you now. Oh, and not to mention some of those people I'm talking about here are your beautiful innocent children who you will absolutely destroy as you continue down this path. Think about it from the outsiders perspective. Don't ruin your life for something that is LONG. GONE. Just accept that.

Good for you that you became unstuck. Or have you? I detect a touch of bitterness in your statement of non respect. If it were that easy to let go he wouldn't be writing here I reckon. Giving Advice in the tone of criticism doesn't serve anyone's purpose

Nope, absolutely no bitterness there! I just get angry when people forgo their responsibilities, like their children and all. Especially for something that I believe can be solved (with effort, of course). And if it was never meant to work with his current wife and family, well then can't I be angry with him for bothering when he knew this would happen in the end? Also of course it's hard to let go! But you have to try, you can't just live your life feeling that way forever. Criticism is probably what he wanted and needed, a bad attitude is definitely not what he wanted, and I didn't give that so... read my original statement again, I guess? You may be the one that is bitter, to think that I was being anything but helpful.

It is from your original comment that I sensed bitterness on your part. "respect , wasting time, cup cake stage, etc. ". Just becuz he's writing here doesn't mean he hasn't told his family or isn't attending to them. He's lamenting the poor choices he made earlier hoping that it may help to free him of weight on his mind. If it makes you so mad to read these things you can go on with your life and leave the rest to work it out or not. One way or other it usually does.

eemu- I totally agree. I suspect that zobabii328 is talking from immaturity , she's only 18-21 , but that doesn't excuse attacking and being so judgmental of someone.

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as they said don't wave your hand with a heavy have to learn how to let go. It happens in the past and things happened already. You cannot bring back time. So, learn to accept the fact that you cannot undo things. What has been done is done. The right thing to do right now is to embrace your present. It might not be possible to forget your past but at least you can get over it. Forgetting may hard but accepting might help it. Take good care and treasure what you have right now. Your wife and children are the ones you have at the moment. They deserve to be loved by you. Instead of holding on to your past, look at your wife and children, all you have is them. If you will not give importance to them, probably soon they will surely be one of your past as well. Don't wait for the time that you can only embrace and loved your family only in your dreams.

This person has been wronged, by other people. His present and future have been altered unjustly and wrongly. How dare anyone not share the feeling. Letting go is the most obscene idea that cruel psychology has ever invented. It means accepting injustices, in some cases accepting abuse and what evil systems gave us instead of what we should justly have had. It turns us into passive docile subjects instead of having any fight over the conditions of our lives. For 3000 years that has been the motive behind every piece of fatalist and acceptist psychology and religion ever invented. I say always remember and testify.

A lesson I've learned is you never forget your first love, ever.


I can relate to that. At 50 I still think about the girl I met in my drivers' ed class at age 16. She dumped me when we were 17 and we didn't see one another until age 40. I made contact with her by e-mailing her dad who was a columnist at the city newspaper on her 40th birthday. We decided to meet at a restaurant/bar. When I looked at her it was like someone had turned on a switch for the first time in 23 years. All those old feelings of love, happiness, sadness, disappointment, warmth, security came flowing back. All the time suddenly realizing that when I was looking for new girlfriends, I was really looking to replace her. She thought that my children were beautiful - I stopped short of telling her, "they could have been yours".

Well done you for stopping short of telling her "they could have been yours"

And well done for trying as well.

Its the same with me I miss her and love her still and do wonder what it would have been like together doing this. But the last thing I want is give her a hard time about it all. I loved her and I still do so I want her to be happy.

you are a good man.

You are a great man for holding back about the children. But, I do understand. Because the guy I met 40 years back in High School (now a man). Will always be in the deepest part of my heart. He have never left it. That's where I will always keep him. But, I made a big mistake by leaving something out that could of possibly worked for us after 40 years! I told him that I was in a relationship, but, that it wasn't going well. And it wasn't. I'm pretty sure that I gave him the impression that I broke it off with him! That's why I made excuses why I couldn't see him all the time. I wanted him, I just couldn't break the heart of my current man in my life. I know, it's sad and aweful of me at the same time! I don't want to hurt the one I'm with, because he's very good to me. "But, I'm not in love with him anymore." I haven't been even before my love from high school came back into my life! I just don't have the heart to hurt him either. So, the guy (man) that I have carried a torch for 40 years has no idea I'm still with this man. I've made a mess for myself. If it mean's anything (and it does). "I'd like to be able to see Danny just one more time." Sometimes I wonder, "why do I love him so much, why do I think of him so much?" It's silently killing me. I'm inlove with someone that I can't have. I mean, I can't call him up or text him because he'll wonder after all this time....what do I want? He'll probably say don't text or call me anymore. But, he doesn't know that I never broke up with my boyfriend. To tell you the truth, I would of wanted to be married to him. I want him so much....but, I know, that I should leave it alone, because maybe he's seeing someone else. Well....thanks for all of your ear's. :)

I can feel your pain, I have a lost love out there as well. We dated in high school, got married while I was on leave from the Marine Corps. We were together 2 years, some of the most wonderful time in my life. So many firsts with her. First house, first new car, first trip to the beach. So much growing up. She started working at the base PX and I really don't know what happened but she thought I was cheating on her and we wound up getting divorced, probably because I was so damned hard headed, I hadn't done anything wrong, she has been the only woman I was ever faithful to. She was most definitely the love of my life. She has since remarried, I have remarried, we both have children. It almost killed me to lose her. I missed her so badly, eventually I accepted it. It was better to accept it than wallow in self pity thinking of what might have been. You need to come to terms with your feelings. Accepting that she isn't part of your life anymore isn't giving up, or forgetting, it is growing up and moving on. We went in different directions as you and your girl did. What I am saying is, Don't let it eat your lunch, the life you save might be your own. Go give your wife a big hug and tell her and the kids how much you love them. They will probably wonder what the hell got into you, mine do when I act that way out of the blue, but they will love you back.

I totally understand how you feel. I've been married for 20 years, but I can't help but think of my first love that lasted for 8 years. I miss him, but I'm sure things would have been just as normal as they are now. Are we looking for something only in our mind? I don't know, but I'm feeling old. I don't like it!! Reading most of these comments, and im thinking to myself..... It's ok. Its all ok whether you decide to hang on to those memories, feelings or not. Dont let anyone tell you what the "right" way to fell or right thing to do. Do you! Love away!!!!

There appear to be some physiological reasons why we tend to feel this way about people we dated when we were young. People tend to lose the ability to form memories with a strong emotional component after the age of 24 to 26. Obviously we form memories our entire lives but there is a relatively short period of time when memories are accompanied by emotional memories that do not fade for many people. That being said, it can be very difficult to overcome some of these feelings.

I understand what you feel. We had the same situation but life must go on. I still feel the love that I had for my first boy friend but we should accept and face our destiny

My first love was when I was 16. Cassie. We were together for 2 years. I was a lousey boyfriend and she dumped me. Here we are 35 years later, her marriage over and mine as well. We're together again. Don't give up.

I understand what you feel. 25 years ago I fell in love with a Pam, 8 years my junior. I was ready to settle down but she wasn't. We were great together but she didn't want to commit. After a 1 1/2 year we drifted apart. She moved away and I settled down with someone else. But that love for Pam never left. 10 years after we split up she made contact again. She had finally married, had a kid and then got divorced. The break up was not good for her. It hurt that it that she ad that emotional pain. We stayed in contact for a little while but there was a great distance between us it faded again. She contacted me again just 3 years ago. And we have talked almost every day since. She keeps telling me that she had made a huge mistake letting me go. We are on different sides of the continent and with different lives but we still wonder what it would have been like. She is has always been on my mind for 25 years and probably will for the rest of my life. No other girl has touched me and left an impression as much as she has. I'm still in love with her but will probably never be with her again.

"Oh" That is so sad. I have posted what has happend with me above your post. I'm sorry of your loss. I know what that feels like. You make mistakes sometimes that we just don't realize that it's a mistake at the time. I too, still love this guy that I met up with after 40 years. Like you, I still can't get him out of my heart. I don't think I want too either. But, I'm in a relationship now for 13 years. I'm divorced but, never remarried. Even this relationship that I'm in now is suffering because of this other guy or (man should I say). I try and pray that I could go on and forget and be happy! But, I can't, because I can't forget my Danny. I don't want too! I figure, he's probably met someone else, you know, moved on. "I hope that somehow GOD will bring You and Pam back together again." You never know, Miracles have happened. Have I will and do as well. :)

I can relate. Because I too fell head over heels over a guy in High School! We use to meet every day after school for 3 weeks. I know that's such a short time but, I fell in love with him. I was a senior and he was in the 10th grade. I graduated that summer and I never saw him again. I thought about him throughout my life! I too, found someone else. But, it wasn't the same. I know I was young back then, only 17 but, still.....I knew I fell in love. I got married and had children. Now they're grown. And I'm divorced 22 years. But, who was to know that I would be reunited with him after 40 years! :O The first time I saw him I ran to him and threw my arms around him. He hugged me as well. He took me to eat and we spent four hours together talking. Then, we met up again and went to breakfast, the movies. And he kissed me in the theatre...his kisses were still the way I remembered them, Great! Passionate and warm. :) But, alas something happen between us, he wanted to marry me, he pushed a little too much that I was afraid and backing off. I wouldn't answer his textes and cell calls. To sum it up! He told me he loved me, as I told him I never stopped thinking about him all these years! I told him I fell in love with him. I still do! But, he won't call or text me anymore. I don't know what to do now. I love him so much! We've never had sex or touched in any appropriate way! How can I get this guy back! I'm wondering if he still loves me, or has he moved on. Signed Broken Heart :(

I wonder if Danny ever thinks of me? I wonder if he starts to dial my cell then, just doesn't dial the last number before clicking off! Most of all.....I wonder if he STILL Love's Me?????? :(

Make the first move, don't wait. My Pam searched for me on Facebook for a year before finding me.

I had made the first move after Danny had made many and I guess got tired of being the one to make the move to call or text me. Then, I started to call and text him more. he's answer and we'd talk, but, he really didn't sound happy to hear from me. he would say he's tired. But, I think I knew better! So. The last time I talked with him through cell, was the last time, he hasn't called me back or texted. So, that's how I know that he's just given up. I know he moved on. I still love him so much! But, I'll just let it ride and see it as, "always be honest with the one you love."

i agree

I think everything you said I feel as well ,, I still dream , I still want to go back in time , but with me I didn't find another love which makes things a little harder when I thing of her , a year ago I found out where she lives , who she is married to from a web site but I haven't contacted her ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, I just hope that she had a better life with the guy she married then she would of had with me :(


I fully understand dude. My one ex girlfriend me and her never had any closure and I still love her and miss her. She was the love of my life and I'm married to someone else. I tried to find her but its like she's gone into thin air.

What are you doing is completley wrong :you have a spouse and kids, you have to be honest with them and left other to live her life.
You are dreaming .just be strong and stop dreaming.

If it were that simple he wouldn't be writing. It is possible to love your current family and still have feelings for past lovers.

This is why closure is so important... Your wife now doesn't know that she doesn't have all if you. The soul tie between you and your ex hasn't burned off yet. Ask God to sever the soul tie so you and your wife can be fully one.

This is incredible. I'm in the same spot as you were 14 years ago. This made me realize that I need to keep her in my life, because she really is the love of my life. Thank you SO much. You helped me in a way nobody else could. You have no idea how much this means. Thank you.

I believe this confession of yours is going to help many many others; who saw this; in making better decisions before it is too late.!!