Found Him...far Away!

I met my first love my freshman year in High School, which is when it seems I met everyone who means something special to me...I wouldn't have thought about it then, but this year was very important to my life...  He was a bit older than me, but everything was cool with my mom and all.  We went out for 18 months, before I finally just said okay we have to split, I couldn't deal with his inability to be there for me at that time...He was into other things like hanging with friends, and getting high and drunk...something most of us went threw as teenagers...but I never truly got away from him.  I used to visit him for booty calls...lol and told everyone that one day when we worked threw our younger lives and settled down that I would marry him one day and have his children.  Then he moved to Florida.  We lost touch.  But I constantly thought about him.  He called once when in town, and my mom told him that I wouldn't be interested in coffee with him, and didn't tell me about it until a week or so later...I was pissed!  I would've definitely been interested, I missed him soooo much!  Finally, I got ahold of him in Florida, after seeing a Florida call on my caller ID...we talked once or twice, and then I got angry with him, and stopped calling... 8 years later still thinking about him, still missing him, seeing him when he really isn't there in other peoples faces...I find him on myspace...lol  Now we talk all the time, and he has become one of my very best friends, but he still lives in Florida which is like 1300 miles from me...he was supposed to visit this summer and never made it, I was so excited and then so let down...I still love him, I don't know if it is in the oh soo in love with him sense, but I love him!  and he loves me, he says if I was free to be with him, he would pack up and move back in a second without thinking nothing of it...but I have 3 kids with another man, and am currently still in that relationship...I just miss him, and love him, and am not sure that I could truly be with him, not sure if out lives would really be in sync...but I would love to try!  I couldn't make him leave his life, where he's at though, for something that I couldn't really say I could handle!  So I guess I will just always sit missing him, and he will visit, and we will talk, and I will never lose touch with him again!