? ? ? Am I Missing Something ??? ~ I Can't Get My First Out Of My Mind!

He was a senior ~ We got along so well. Once we met We spent every day together for nearly 6 months. Everyone always commented on how good we were together. We got to know each others family...spent the holidays together...

He broke up with me shortly before graduation.
I was 15 at the time... I never quite knew the reason ~ but he did hint that he was getting pressure to break it off.
I was TRULY heartbroken (I've never felt that way before or since) ~ I went on to date other guys but never found a connection like what we had. I've longed to find someone to help me forget my first love (I think I was his first love too)
I married very young (maybe because of this experience) My husband and I have split up a few times ~ its been rough. I do love him, but its different. The kids keep us together.

The last time I saw T. was 15 years ago - it was at a graduation party we both attended soon after we split.
I've thought about him often through out the years...Once a few years ago I couldn't shake thoughts of him , so i Googled his name and right on the first page was a newspaper archive...he had been in a terrible accident just three days prior.
I wanted to reach out but I feared rejection ...
Since Then I found out he's had two children and is engaged ( for about 3 years) OMG! The engagement is recent, and learning of it sent me into a tailspin.
I felt like a hopeless sap...yet I have a strong feeling that he has tried to look for me and get in touch...(maybe thats just wishful thinking?) I am unlisted and usually a very private person.
Now it seems impossible to ever know.
What keeps going through my mind is ....
life is short...what if...
Do I just need closure? Should I get in touch ? what if he doesn't even remember me?!
Even now when I remember staring into his deep brown eyes...even after all this time I GET BUTTERFLIES...
jadedgemini jadedgemini
1 Response May 19, 2012

i was like that with my last girlfriend i was head over heels in love and one day she just dumped me and i still loved her until she changed into the opposite of what i loved i still dwell on the memories of us