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Does Time Really Heal?

My first love was when I was 15 and I was with him until I was almost 21. He was so sweet and we loved each other very much. We were virgins together and were each others first sexual experience. The first time we had sex I got pregent. That was the first year that aborsions were legal in New York so that's where we went. It was set up through Planned Parenthood thank God because we wouldn't know where to go.  Since we were both so young (18) at the time, and I wanted a big wedding without a scandel, I decided that it was the best thing to do.  I felt really bad after it was over but I thought that in time I would get over it and life would go on. Well my boyfriend and I broke up because I had never been with anyone else and I wanted to experience other men before I settled down. I  thought at the time that I had better make sure that this would work and no regrets in the future. Right after I broke it off, I met my husband who I'm divorced from now, (see my story about how I got my username to understand that relationship). When I got married I think I still was in love with my old boyfriend. I took it so lightly thinking that if my marriage didn't work out, of well, I'll just get divorced. I was so young and didn't understand the full impact of it. After a few years of marriage, friends told me that he was asking about me and wanted to see me but they told him not to contact me since I was a married lady now and he shouldn't come between me and my husband.  After a few more years of marriage when I was 27 I got a call early in the morning from a mutural friend who told me that he was killed in a car accident. I was shocked, crushed and cried like a baby in my husband's arms that morning. Thank God my husband was understanding of the situation. When I went to his funeral, all his family members told me that he was always looking for a girl like me and that's why he wasn't in a relationship.  I was never able to have children after I got married and often thought that maybe God was mad at me amd this was his way of showing it.  I often think that my old boyfriend is up in heaven holding our son.  I say son because I don't know why but I just know it was a boy.  I miss my old love and always will since it's been 25 years since I last saw him and still love him very much and also feel really guilty. I now I didn't cause the car accident but if I hadn't broken up with him and he had been with me, he wouldn't been on that dark road coming back from a date whom his best friend set him up on. He had never moved on since we broke up and never was in a relationship after me.  I know that someday I will see him again and I can tell him that I still love him and always will.

lean3903 lean3903 46-50 2 Responses Jul 5, 2008

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How very sad.... I wish you lots of healing...

Oh my god, so sad. I'm so sorry.