I Fear I'll Never Find a Love Again Like I Had With My First Love

 My first Love was at a very young age, but nonetheless it changed me drastically. He helped me see things, especially relationships, in a much different view. I was a bitter little girl when it came to "Love" at that time. I believed "Love was just an excuse to get Hurt" but he made me realize how great it can be to Love someone and have them Love you in return.

He Loved my mind, he knew me inside and out, and despite my flaws was absolutely crazy about me. The story is long and complicated, but when it ended I cried over a boy for the first time.

My mom looked at me and said "Honey, is he going to be the last boy you will ever Love?"

I thought for a second and responded, "No"

"Then what are you crying for?" She said

I figured at that time she was right, I would Love again, and I have. However as 4 years roles down the road, since then I have come to realize that even though I have Loved again, I have not yet again Loved with the ferventness I did with him. I miss it dearly. 


InsanelyMe08 InsanelyMe08
26-30, F
16 Responses Jul 15, 2008

most never get over first love

thats my worst fear of all I fell in love eight years ago then in 2010 I saw her on facebook and she was with someone so and first it hurt but I saw how happy she was and thats what really mattered to me so I let her go fighting for her wouldnt solve anything she chose who she wanted to be with but I do fear that I wont find someone who would take the breath out of me who would make my heart race but Im not gonna give up but it wont be easy cause apart of me hated the decision of letting her go that caused something they call flipping the switch on your heart and there is only so much hurt a man could take.That it doesnt mean I wont find someone again and Im not gonna give up on finding that special person to love her to hold her in my arms. And what ever you do dont give up.

wow, you took the words right out of my mouth. Same here.

i know the feeling lol i liked that he would challenge me/my thoughts/ my beliefs and bring me out of my comfort zone...would never force me to, and would always encourage it b/c he knew i wanted to do/try/go for something, but often doubted myself/my abilities. so far...no one else has ever cared enough to know me that well...or maybe i just haven't let them GET close enough...

same here, at times I feel like he knows me better than myself, which is nice and a little annoying at the same time. :)

"because of him I really learned who I was"<br />
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i couldn't agree more littleroo! my first love was pretty similar...he taught me so much about myself, i discovered things about me that i probably wouldn't have otherwise. he was such a big part of my life for a long time and i feel he knows me better than i know myself at times! :) we're definitely still friends, and i really couldn't imagine NOT being his friend :)

My first love was the first and really only guy for that matter I ever cried over. First loves are differnt from the rest.. i've never really loved anyone besides him thouhg, but the guy I tried to date after him(it didn't last long at all, it was just a rebound).. I did compare him to my first love. I was bitter before him, love is a reason to get hurt was my belief.. and honestly I'm still on the bitter side.What can I say old habits die hard. We had time apart, and now he is my best friend. Which my case is prob. rare.. but anyways first loves we learn so much about ourselves, because of him I really learned who I was, and I will be forever grateful to him for that. Plus he puts up with me, and since he knows me better than anyone he's knows that not always easy. I did learn all that talk about never forgetting your first is true after all.

Extremely wise insight dear, thank you, I agree. =)

Everyone will always compare what they have to what they've had.... our judgments are based on the sum total of our experiences. It's unavoidable, inevitable, and can be a positive thing when taken to heart the right way. <br />
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It's like a piece of music, or a painting, or a delicious meal... savor the memories, but do not turn yourself from all music, art, and food solely to attempt to recapture that feeling. After all, it's fairly impossible to hear a perfect piece of music twice, if you're never willing to listen to another note played.

i could've typed the exact same things! the whole raised the bar thing, the comparing, everything....because of him i expect certain things and when they don't/can't/won't deliver, then i can't be involved anymore, i have to move on.

I do feel everything is pale comparison most of the time. I get angry when compared to any of my boyfriends exs but the hypocrisy on my part is that at one point I always end up comparing them to him. <br />
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Sometimes I do feel I'm settling for a love that doesn't measure to the one I had with him, and the fact that when we dated he said "If you ever date a boy after me, which I Hope you never will have to (little did either of us know then), I know because of me the standard has been raised. I've done nothing but treat you like the princess you deserve to be treated like, and now you will expect that from any boy that could ever follow me. I've raised the standard." and he truly did.<br />
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I attempt to find it, trying not to do so in finding someone just like him because I feel that won't be fair to the person, but somewhere inside of me I always feel "you don't even come close" or "you could never Love me like he did or the way I Loved him" and when this realization becomes concrete in my heart, I end it. When I know it's not real and never could be, it's over in my heart.

I agree...once you you've loved like that before, doesn't everything else seem to pale in comparison? do you feel like you're just settling for the love you have now? or do you continue to search for the kind of love you had before, knowing you'll probably be disappointed? <br />
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these are questions i have often wondered to myself...would be great if i knew the answers lol

I, too, have been separated from my one true love for four and a half years now and I, too, have also loved since him, but, like you, have not experienced something as strong or significant as the love I shared with HIM. I miss him every single day. I miss that feeling of "oneness." I miss being able to be my complete self with someone. I miss that connection - both physically and emotionally. I wish and wish and wish things would have been different. I still have all our photo albums, ticket stubs from our trip to Mexico, souveneirs from the beach, compatibility score cards from high school that ranked both of us each other's TOP romantic match out of all the kids in the school. I just don't know how to let go. He's moved on and is now engaged again. I am terribly sad and terribly jealous of this new girl. Sometimes I want to move far, far away so I won't have to see him randomly around town or hear things about him because it still hurts so much. Maybe I've already experienced my one great love. Kind of doesn't give you much to look forward to...

That's the great thing about first loves.... you probably will never again love with that exact same pureness and innocence ever again.... but aren't you glad you got to **feel** that in your lifetime? Because living WITHOUT that experience just once in your life would be tragic!

Thank you dear =)

Such words of wisdom for such a young woman.