Letters

I was 15 years old.. aol, napster, aim... were very polular I met my 1st love on napster, i hardly remember using chat on napster EVER, i didnt' even know about it... untill one day i got a message... and i don't even remember what it said ... apparently we were sharing music.. so i'm gonna assume we chatted about music.. and then we kept chatting. that i remember... It was a boy in the army .. he was stationed in NY i lived in PA, He was from cali, i never been off the east coast.. we moved our conversation to AIM. i chatted a lot to different people... i guess we all did back them , amazed at how easy it was to connect to people all over the world.. so i was 15 he was 18, we'd stay up so late chatting endlessly .. I had a rough summer that year .. my step dad had molested me... and Joe was my easy to talk too, probably my best friend that summer... he was so positive... and uplifting and nurturing ... we talked for about a full year... before his deployment... he spent at least 3 hours saying goodbye .. i didn't want to stop chatting knowing writting letters overseas to egypt was going to be painfully slow... i wrote often , in fact i remember him telling me i wrote more than his family , which embarrased me immensely... just a few months after his deployment 911 happened... i was in hs , and as usual i was writting him while everything unfolded... so i wrote him as my day went on.. the events coming together that our nation would no longer be the same.. and knowing he was so close to the middle east...and being frightened for him ..and our country that day ... we continued to write... tho i do remember his letters becoming different... i guess i never did care for them ending with "today is a good day to die" i was young.. i understand now. He sent me a necklace from egypt.. and a scroll...pictures ..., i got him a cross.. (i went to catholic school lol corny but i just wanted him to be protected) he eventually came back from his deployment.. i remember him writing to me .. about his little sister, whom was a year younger than me i believe.. and how he couldn't believe we were the around the same age... it kinda sounded like he was basically saying i was to young for him. and in many ways i was because i wasn't allowed to date..was sheltered and had a lot going on in my life to socialize normally. He ended up going home to cali... and when he came back he told me all about this girl he reconnected with from HS i believe.. from when i was 17 to 18 we didn't talk as much , once in a while.. he had gotten engaged.. and i was truly happy for him ... i ended up meeting my fiance when i was 18 right out of hs.. I remember chatting with Joe when i was 18 and he said maybe we can met... i think he meant my bf and his fiance... because i believe he drove from NY to cali......it never happened......3 years later i got married... about 6 months before i got married i talk to joe once on AOL, my fiance at the time caught me flipped out and ripped the phone cord out of the wall and disconnected my internet, Joe had just told me that he was getting a divorce... that, she had cheated on him while he was on deployment i believe. I was so hurt for him ..but for the sake of my own engagment i stayed off AOL, my ex would go through my emails and internet history ... i wed on july 1st 2006, In 2010 i was on lunch at work , i was at an itialian style pizza place that served pizza by weight , i was a lone i just got an iphone... it was fall .. maybe ... and i got a fb request... it was joe , and my heart stopped... and i got butterflies and i accpeted it... effortlessly. Then i felt guilty .. i waited for a week before i asked my husband if it was okay ... and said if he had a problem that i would remove him , he said he knew.. and he said he was okay ... Joe was remarried... he looked great and happy ... again i was happy for him. My husband and i just started looking at houses, july 15th 2011 we purchased our 1st home ... that sept 11th ... it was the 10 year anniversary of 911.. i admit that i had creeped his fb.. I wrote him on the anniversary there was all kinds of stories on tv about remembering 911 ....and he is what i remember , i remember writting him.... and i told him that... and he said i remember reading your letter ..and it making me very happy... and he said i wish we could have met the summer of 2004...and he said maybe sometime we can.... and i said maybe sometime. He offerened to send me some audiobooks for my 45 min commute , he had the same kind of commute.. I said okay.. cause i though the could email them but then he said he would mail them ..snail mail. i ragged on him after a week or two and said it was as bad as waiting for a letter from egypt... I was impatient because i didn't want my ex to get the mail.. SO i broke down and told him about it , he wasn't happy.... we fought about it ... and i deleted joe off my fb .. never recieved any type of audiobooks... i forgot to mention that joe's relationship status said seperated.. i don't know what was going on in his life... My husband cheated on me and left me in nov. he asked me for a seperation thanksgiving week and confessed in december, It's been over a year ... Joe and i are still not friends on FB... i wrote him a message and tried to friend him again...but i got nothing. It's time to put this to peace... He was my 1st love... i still listen to the songs we shared... "girl you'll be a woman soon, come take my hand" ...
BreakInhalestorm BreakInhalestorm
26-30, F
1 Response Jan 7, 2013

I hope you feel better now. It must be tough