My First..EverythingI was 16, he was 19. He worked for my uncle and I fell hard and fast. His name is Michea Ray Grogan. He was my everything, he showed me how love can really be, he showed me that age isn't anything but a number and that sometimes, even if the people around you think it's wrong, you just have to show them that love does conquer all.
We met when I went to a job site with my aunt, I was looking in one of the work trucks for some paperwork (I was my uncles secretary) that I needed to settle a bill. He came up behind me and scared the crap out of me, he thought I was some girl going through the truck looking for money, it took another one of my uncles employees yelling at him to realize who I was. He said he was sorry a million times, I wasn't gonna listen. He kept on talking to me for the next couple weeks and finally asked me out. I turned him down about a dozen times before I finally decided to just say yes.
He took me out to my favorite restaurant, then we went and walked around the local park and talked for hours, by the time he got me home it was passed midnight. My mom was of course upset and my uncle almost fired him, but I wasn't going to let that happen. Over the next few months we got closer and things got way more intense than my 16 year old self was used to, but I was falling in love and I knew that when we had been together for 6 months that I was ready. My first time wasn't in a bed in a hotel room or in my own bed, it was in a deer blind my first time hunting. It wasn't the most romantic spot but he made it romantic in his own way.
I thought that things would change for sure, that he would pull away or something like that, because that is what all my friends were saying. They were wrong, we were inseperable. I was either at his house or he was at mine, he became part of my family and I became part of his. About 3 months after my 17th birthday, I found out I was pregnant, I was on birthcontrol, but I had gotten sick and had been on medication that stopped the birthcontrol from working correctly. I was sooo afraid to tell him, I for sure thought he would think I was trying to trap him. He suprised everyone, he decided the moment I told him that he was going to stop doing some of the things he was doing, he was going to focus on work and going to college because he wanted his child to be proud of him.
Everything was going great, atleast I thought so, but for a few months, things were strained and he wasn't be his usual self, I thought it was the pressure of being a young father. I was wrong, he was cheating with my bestfriend at the time, I was 6 months pregnant and was carrying a very healthy baby girl, she was big for me only being 6 months, but I was extremely under weight so I was constantly being monitored. One day I just needed to get out of my house, so I went to my cousins, she is a nurse, so I figured I would be safe. About being there for an hour, I started to feel faint and she decided we were going to the hospital. I called Mikey and he didn't answer so I called his mom and she went to find him.
While I was in the hospital, waiting for my first everything, my first love, my first time being intimant, my first real heartbreak, to get there to see what was going on. He was in bed with my then bestfriend, by the time he got to the hospital, I had already been forced into labor to have our beautiful little girl...
Some might think that how does this have anything to do with missing my first love...well I will tell you. About 2 months ago, I recieved a call from a mutual friend, telling me that he was coming to visit me. I didn't know what for, all I knew was that something was wrong, something that was to important to say over the phone was going to be said. I found out December 16th at exactly 5:30pm that Mikey had passed away. I didn't know what to feel, I didn't know what to say or what to do. All I knew was that this man that made me feel so many emotions at such a young age, that helped me grow up so fast in a year time was no longer alive. That someone just decided they were going to go out and drink and drive and then kill one innocent person and seriously injure another person.
I cried for days, and I didn't even want to think about how his family was feeling. I just wanted to be alone, because at that very moment I knew that more than anything, I still loved him in my own way. I didn't want to be with him, but deep down, he still had a part of my heart, he was still my first everything and all I could think of was that he was meeting our little girl, seeing just how much of him she had in her. I know that they are up in heaven watching over me and that makes me smile, that is what gets me though.
So, yes I miss my first love, and I mean that truthfully. I will always miss him.