It's the Feeling That Is Missed Most.

I do miss my first love. Not always, necessarily the person, but the feelings that I shared with that person. Nonetheless, it was doomed from the beginning.

I met this guy on a whim, it was the summer before my freshman year of college. He was from Cali, I, well, from all over the place. We met in Missouri, of all places at a gas station. He was working out in MO with a buddy. I was getting ready to attend college in MO. Low and behold, this guy starts talking to me while I'm pumping gas. The next thing I know, we've exchanged numbers, and the following night, we're on a moonlit walk down by the lake. The rest is history (no pun intended). No really, we spent almost every day together that summer. When he left for California, I went back with him. Then, the day came when I knew I had to return for school. It was a dreaded moment, but we swore to keep in touch, and we did. However, like most long distant relationships it simply did not work out. We hopped planes a couple of times on sporadic visits. He even drove out to Missouri once to see me. Yet, things became complicated and simply did not work. Neither of us were ready to make a move, or to change our lives. We were both young and foolishly inlove, but were not ready to leave familiarity behind.

Time has passed. Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if I stayed out in California with him. He begged me not to go, but instead I left him behind for school. I felt as if I had no other choice. I had a full ride scholarship at the university I had chosen. I don't regret pursuing educational goals. I'm still in college at this moment. Hey, it'll probably be the best twenty years of my life. However, I do miss waking up next to that person who you feel as if you truly love, and they, truly love you in return.

Since then, I have thought I may have fallen in love again, but once again allowed my educational goals to prevail. It leaves me with this one question: how much do we lose in the process of a gain?

ArdentEyes ArdentEyes
22-25, F
10 Responses Jul 8, 2007

This is exactly how I feel. I don't necessarily miss the person I was in love with, but the feelings that you get from that other person are like no other feelings in the world. Once they're ******** away, it just hurts so much. That's how it is for me, anyway.

- "it's better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all." I loved that quote!

"However, I do miss waking up next to that person who you feel as if you truly love, and they, truly love you in return. "<br />
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your post reminded me of Moulin Rouge(obv one of my fav movies)<br />
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"The greatest thing you'll ever learn, is just to love and be loved in return"

Well, The comment on "It is better to have loved, then lost, than to never have loved at all".....Aughhh...what to say for that....Sometimes to remember that feeling sends chills right up then down this hopeless spine of mine, however to have been so immensely and deeply intertwined with that one to whom truly may have been your other breathing lung that without her you just sit and suffocate....That...I believe that may cause more suffer than the wholesome good that ignorance for the subject of love can hold. Perhaps if love were weaker...We could tolerate it on a higher scale, sadly when you have found a 12 on a 10 scale and have lost her to distance in a futile world....Thee agony may be more than one single soul could bare. Life then becomes a journey...who's purpose then....to fill the void with virtually anything that could possibly dampen the scorched soul.

I have something to add to that famous qoute, I have a kermit the frog advice on life book(i'm a dork,lol) and he(who ever really wrote it) put the qoute this way, "It may be better to have love and lost, but it's even better to live to tell about it!" I like it put that way.

I'm glad I'm not the only one pulling out love quotes for this story! <br />
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Prettyinpink, I think that even if the fireworks and bells and whistles can't stay forever, they always come back sooner or later. I think we all just need to be patient and remember the good times we had :-)

its really sad that those initial "fireworks and bells and whistles can't stay forever.....

ArdentEyes your post certainly brings back fond memories for me when I was your age. I don't know that a day goes by that I don't remember my first love (my college girl). That first love is really something incredible. "Parting is such sweet sorrow." From Romeo and Juliet (II, ii, 185)

Hey, I don't think it's cheesy. I use that quote all the time. Maybe I'm cheesy though!

I felt happy reading this, not because its a happy story, but because it reminded me of my own first love. After it ended it was very tough for a very long time, but one day - like you - I realized that what I missed the most was not her, but instead was that I missed feeling what I felt when I was with her. I still look back in fond memory at what we once had and am really hopeful that I will have that again. To bring out a cheesy quote that I believe in - "it's better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all."