First Love - Forever Heartache :(

We met when we were 15 & 16. We married when were 17 & 18 in 1976. Before the marriage he was my everything. Best friend, side kick, protector. We waited until our Wedding night to have sex.

Wedding night went great. First 2 months were terrific THEN he started drinking with buddies after work. Granted we were way too young to even think about marriage when neither one of us had experienced any kind of life skills, but when "in love" nothing else seems to matter - especially the "1st Love". We were divorce in under a year.

Life went on. I met and married a wondeful man (in 1984) and we had a son (no children 1st marriage). After 22 years of a fantastic marriage he died suddenly at work. His heart (as the Dr's said) exploded. He had no symptoms of any kind - NONE!

About 3 months later I got a call from my 1st love. He was divorced and had heard about my husband and decided to call and see how I was doing. We met for coffee and talked about our lives.

Although my heart still goes "pitty-pat" when thinking about him I will never return to him. He "never" grew up. He is now 51 and thinks he is still 18. He has been married 6 times. His eyes and personality is the hook but once caught the gloves come off and the "real person" shines through. There will always be a special place in my heart for him but as far as a "re-tie" - uh, NO!

He told his family of our meeting and I now go and see them at their request but he is just a friend that I keep at arms length.

I DO MISS the innocent love that I felt for him and because of that yes I will always miss him and that part of my heart will forever ache for the love that was pure.

Cntryloner Cntryloner
51-55, F
6 Responses Feb 16, 2009

WS- How true your statement is. You can never recreate what once was. Hm, a good case against "cloning" lol.

Keep your memories safe and close to your heart. This is where your first love truly abides. Don't tarnish that memory or imperil your present by trying to recreate what once was. Nostalgia is a poignant emotion. Let it remain so.

Heavyheart, Thankfully like myself you found "that perfect man" this IS everything you ever dreamed about. My husband was wonderful in every way. I "think" the reason why we hang onto that first love is because it was the first "pure love". We had no expectations (as we do later in life) all we knew is that we were loved and that is all that mattered. Mine as with yours was my first sexual experience and unlike (and I'll say most men not all) men the first time means more to women. PLEASE do not make the same mistake that I did which was a mutual friend died and we all (myself, husband and ex husband) showed up at the visitation. I was shocked to see him as he was me. I introduced the two. After leaving the funeral home my husband said to me, "I have not seen your eyes sparkle like that seen we first dated". This man had seen me through some really bad times, gave me strength, hope and all of his devotion. The hurt on his face haunts me to this day. I never seen it coming, I had not thought about my ex in many years because I was happy and my life was good. But 15 minutes destroyed it all. My husband said that he knew and believed that I loved him but now also knew that my heart was never "all his". 7 years later he died. Our marriage continued as always but from that point on there was always a sadness in his eyes. <br />
My case is different in that there were no children. But I suggest with all of my heart, do not seek him out! If he is allowed visitation let it be with someone you trust and do not be there. Although both of us went on with our lives and have/had happy ones that one chance meeting can destroy a good thing. You can not hide body language or "sparkles" even if you do not think they exist. I do not think that women ever "get over" their first loves so I'll just say this, "let your feelings be between you and God and no one else because the people it will hurt is NOT worth what was felt so many years ago". <br />
Thank you for writing and sharing your story.

I loved this story as I'm am feeling a little sad and confused today. At 13 I met my first love and I was crazy about him, he was my world. He was a couple of years older than me. He was also my first experience with sex.He was the only one I dated. He began to get himself into trouble with the law and got mixed up with the wrong people. At the age of 16 I found myself pregnant and my boyfriend was on trial for murder. A murder he did not committ. (REALLY!!)But, it was 1979 and he was convicted on laughable evidence by today's standards. But none the less I was devistated. My baby was 4 weeks old when he was sentenced to life in prison. I thought my life was over and it took a long time before I could move on. But when my little boy was about 4 yrs. old, I met and married a wonderful man and had two more children. We have been married now for 23 years and have a decent life. But here and there I have kept in touch with my son's father. He has now been paroled and it seems as though all of the emotions I went through so many years ago have resurfaced <br />
and I am so sad and I want to see him so badly. I am unable to share my feelings with anyone because I have a wonderful husband who loves me very much. What is it that would make me feel this need to see this guy?

THANK YOU for your words! Believe me the heart said YES but thank GOD my brain said, "are you stupid" lol. It is interesting, as you said, to see how we both have changed unfortunately he has not and for that I really do feel sorrow for him. People like that never find true happiness.<br />
Again, Thank you for your kind words.

In the last 10 years or so, I've met a number of old flames that I hadn't seen for years. In nearly every case, the time that had passed since last we'd seen each other had changed one or both of us so much that it was almost impossible to relate to one another. It seems that happened to you as well. I do find it interesting that while you have grown since then, it seems he has not; 6 failed marriages would be a pretty good indication of that, I would think. <br />
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I applaud your wisdom in approaching this situation. Many people would have felt the chemistry you did, and would have leapt right off of that cliff all over again; kudos to you for thinking before doing so. <br />
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Thanks for sharing!