God Got Us There

And it was beautiful. We were together ten months, we met each other about three months before we started dating. Even before then, everytime I heard someone say his name, I thought, I really want to meet this guy. A couple of my older friends at school were really close to him, and they played guitars/drums together sometimes. European metal-ish things. So they'd talk about inviting him to one of their houses, and I'd eavesdrop. Eventually Nathan, one of our closer friends, invited me to go with him to practice with the guys. This was on the notion that I would play the keyboard for them. Not. I only went to meet Greg.
We were both hooked as soon as we finally saw each other in person. It went something like this:

"Hi, I'm Greg."
"I can see that."

After we started talking online and got to know each other pretty well, we started hanging out. I'd never met a guy so mature and introspective as him, he'd never met anyone like me. He told me he was always intrigued by my name being mentioned too. We're both Christians. Only God could've wrapped our minds and spirits together like that.
After we fell in love, we enjoyed everything. He learned to not worry about anything, I learned to let down my walls. To get over my past (family problems I'd been dealing with since I was little). We were essentially completing each other.
There was always something in the way on my part, though, from being committed to him. I said we should "take a break" one time, but it was to go on a date with another guy. I was misinformed about this guy, and he turned out to be a complete *******. After I realized how much I miss Greg I got back with him. The scar ran deep though. I had never seen him cry before. It didn't help that we were in public. We were sortof ok after we got back together.
I took him to Carolina for Christmas to meet my family. That week was perfect. We did some stupid things, things we never would have dreamed of doing a year ago. We stopped trusting God so much and got carried away. I think that's why I finally decided to break up with him.
In February I befriended a guy from church who was going through a really rough time. Incidentally I was talking to him to 'save' him from a ***** I knew was trying to get his attention. He also just needed someone to talk to, and decided I might be a good person to rant to. Apparently I was just what he needed. After the other girl was rejected (much to my satisfaction), Benjamin and I started hanging out and realizing we have alot in common. Music, sense of humor, problems... but all the while I was still with Greg, who I never thought I had alot in common with. This made our relationship very stressful. We never, ever fought once until we broke up, and even then it was because he was so confused and hurt. This.. pacified relationship we had bothered me a bit. I always thought, how can a relationship grow if there aren't any troubles to grow past? I now see this is a virtue, not a flaw.
Benjamin is.. more attractive than Greg is, to some level. Greg has this deep expression all the time, and looks like someone from a Finnish metal band. He's extremely tall and built, but Ben is only a few inches taller than me, also well-built, but thinner. Easier to wrap my arms around. I wasn't being shallow when I broke up with Greg. I did not break up with him for Benjamin. Ben actually annoyed me for some time because he was so, needy. The problem with being single and having a best friend of the opposite sex, is the flighty attraction. Benjamin became highly interested in me, and just as I broke up with Greg he piqued my interest, too.
I've been with Benjamin for the past two months, and I'm not sure why. God didn't bring him to me to date him. Or anything. Only to love as Christians should. We've fought alot, had many disagreements, and while everything can't be happy, he's starting to admit he can't be in love with me because he doesn't want anything to do with God or Christianity, because he thinks all Christians are fake or some nonsense. He expects perfection from everyone.
But Greg knew and understood everything about me. He knew my faults, he knew my highlights, I knew his and I still loved him, and I don't think I could say now I still love him. I just don't want there to be conflict between us.
We're both going to the same college next year, he'll be a junior, me a freshman (he had enough credits to skip a year). We'll both be on-campus.
I miss him. I miss talking to him til five in the morning about hiking in the mountains and how I always felt responsible for my cousin's death and the ocean and how everything in our world is harmony. God got us there, I got us out, but I'm not leaving Ben. I miss Greg and that pure love we had but I want to love Ben. I want him to love, too.

riles riles
18-21, F
Aug 11, 2007