Can't Seem to Shake Her.

I can't seem to get over my first love.  We were together all throughout high school and we parted ways shortly after due to me entering the military and her going away to college.  I haven't seen or spoken to her in about 8 years. Wei were in the process of reconciliation around the year of 2001 but we just sort of stopped writting to each other.  I still keep a couple of the things that I received from her all those years back.  I know she's somewhere in my area, but to be honest I've done everything in my power to avoid being anywhere near her. I feel that if I do see her again I'll.........Well I'm not sure what I'd do.  I've have been with another woman for about 5 years now, but I don't think a day has went by since 2000 that I haven't thought about her.  I found an old picture of her down in an old box in the closest funny in was dated Feb 01. eight years to the day. around the last time I ever spoke to her. I haven't thrown it away yet either.   If there is such a thing as a soulmate...........  It hurts on certian days and other days I get buy.  But I don't think I should have these feelings so strong for someone else after being with another woman for 5 years.  I'm so confused.  But hey, we live and we learn I guess.

Papi2181 Papi2181
26-30
8 Responses Feb 27, 2009

Your not the only one I still miss my first real love and that was 30 yrs ago.Did try to get back together few years later but it didn't work we had both changed but I would love to meet again just to see if she did manage to be a Nurse Manager in a big Hospital!

So I am not alone in this cycle. I parted ways with my first love whom I had dated for 11 years since I was only 14 years of age. I was madly in love with this guy, but his academic level was way below mine. While he was simply a class eight lever, I am a University graduate with masters. He thus succumbed to pressure from his family and peers to look for a girl his level. He has been married for now 5 years and we have not seen each other since his marriage. However, there are times that I miss him so much that I cannot help it. I have had two relationships after our breakup, but I am always forced to end them as I feel like I only love him and no one else. I am currently working ways to get to see him, but I am not sure whether this will help or will just worsen the situation. To be sincere, first love is true love and it never fades.

think deathof them alwasys makes it harder

This is my first comment at this site, and my first story here to read. I came here to read stories about first loves that die. I have not posted my story to this site, and I don't know that I will post the long version. But here's the short version: I met my first love (FL) in high-school. The relationship was "on again/off again" and I went through a lot of emotional roller-coastering at that time. But I was wildly, crazy, madly in love with him. While I was in college, during an "off" time, I met another boy and began to date him. My first love proposed marriage when I began dating the other guy, but I recognized it for what it was (a desperate attempt to get me out of the arms of another guy, but not an invitation to spend the rest of my life with him) and declined.<br />
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A few years later, I married the second guy. I don't regret that decision for a second. But I never, ever stopped thinking about my first love. For a long time, I thought about him every day. I knew that someday I'd see him again and we'd laugh over our relationship. I had this imaginary conversation with him for years. <br />
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I don't know why I was so stupid about it. I could not recognize that I had a *need* to see him and have that conversation. I didn't recongize that I *missed* him. On some level, I needed my first love to see that I was still beautiful and worthy of love, (because I never felt like I was "enough" for my first love). On many levels, I wanted to see if he was happy, because he never seemed to be.<br />
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So 20 years go by like this. I wondered about him. Had those imaginary conversations. I never wanted to leave my husband or anything like that, but I just knew that someday I'd see my first love again.<br />
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Finally, I found his "sister-figure" on FB. I only casually asked about him and didn't relay any message to him. But I knew. I knew that the next time I was in his town, I was going to see him. I didn't tell anyone, but I would have told my DH if I had actually gone to see him.<br />
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Several months later, we were taking a roadtrip back to my hometown. I knew this was it. We'd be in my hometown for just 2 weeks, and I was going to arrange to see him. We were on our second day of driving, and we had a few more days of driving to go. And that's when the bomb dropped.<br />
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My high school best friend called me. She told me that my first love had been killed in a car accident the day before. They still had not been able to find his family, and in fact, I was the one who had to inform his family. <br />
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At first, I was in shock. But then a deep grief overcame me that I simply did not understand. How could I be grieving the death of someone I had not seen in 20 years? But I was sobbing. My wonderful husband held me while I cried for the death of my first love. I cried for days. I stopped crying for a few months, but then I saw FL's best friend and we talked, and that set me off to even more grief. The sobbing was fresh again and I still don't fully understand it.<br />
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It's been a year now, and I am still grieving, and trying to process. I think it's time to get some professional help.<br />
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But my advice to you is to not let another day go by before you go see her. You don't need to throw away your current relationship. I would be honest with your current girlfriend that you want to go see this other girl. <br />
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One thing I think I've learned is that you definitely have to finish a relationship before you move into another. Only you can know if your other relationship is "finished," but it doesn't sound like it is. And until you get true closure, you may be "tormented" the way I was. I declined a marriage proposal and I was still in love with the guy proposing to me. <br />
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Even if I had simply kept in touch with FL with just an occasional bday card or something, I don't think I'd have all of this unresolved emotional buildup that I've got. So please, do yourself a favor and don't let another day go by without seeking out this other girl. Don't do it with the intention of destroying your current relationship, but somehow, go see her. Don't lose touch over the years.

Like belle said we never forget our first. And like Flower I am still friends with mine. Try reconnecting just as friends.

know the feeling...the being apart, being near, yet avoiding each other...until the fateful day when your paths cross...3 months later, i ended my 5yr relationship (had been thinking about it previously anyway tho). he and i aren't together, but we're still close to each other.<br />
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i couldn't justify staying in my 5yr relationship when i had strong feelings for someone else, even tho we'd had no contact for quite some time as well.

I can relate myself ;-)

we never forget our first love... whatevers meant to be will be