I do not miss him because I loved him so much. I miss him because he was my friend for the formative years. Plus he's the first person I have ever loved and cared for deeply.

This is an awkward story so I hope if you read this you understand. This is a crazy story because in the end the truth is he was my first relationship and my last healthy relationship. We had a normal, healthy relationship!

I saw him across the room. He was new in the school I attended. He was chatting w a friend if his who happened to be my common friend. I'm never been shy so I asked his friend to tell him I thought he was cite and is like to dance w him. Confident our friend would come back w a message that he liked me too. Nope, Phil said sadly "J, I'm sorry but he said that he thinks your ugly and fat!" Huh? I wasn't fat but was I ugly? I was so upset. I was about to leave when he came over to me and said "hello I'm Steve and I'd like to dance w you." I said " didn't you just tell Phillip I was fat and ugly?" He said " No, when Phil went over to you I was upset because I thought he was talking about the girl next to you. I'd love to dance with you. We were together for 4 years.

He was the closest person to me in my life. We could be a couple or independent and nobody would be offended if we didn't see each other all the time. Holidays and birthdays were fun and my friends knew he would give me space and his friends knew I'd do the same fir him. We liked to see each other grow as people.

I've always had bad luck with guys and relationships except for my first love. He wasn't abusive or spiteful. He was not mean or selfish. He was just Steven. ❤️. I'll always have a place in my heart for him but I know he's only a friend now. I haven't spoken to him since both if our wedding days believe it or not.

His parents sent him to boarding school. His parents were both doctors and Steven was raised by his nanny. He was very intelligent so he always went to the finest school and I stayed back to enjoy my years. We never broke up really. It was strange. He was being sent away and I had to accept it. We talked on the phone a lot and if course the minute he got home we were together.

He encouraged me to date others as I should and I encouraged him to do the same. Everyone who knew us wouldn't date us because they knew there was no comparison. I'm 38 and if I run into a childhood friend they still ask me about Steven as if I know where he is.
I believe Steven may have dated others but nothing I heard about. Even if I'd date someone ekes that guy knew that holidays and summers are for Steven. We truly lived each other for the person we were born as. He excepted everything about me and I him. The distance wasn't hard. It just cause high phone bills.

Eventually when college came Stevens parents moved to LA Cali and I was here. We exchanged addresses but his parents moved and so did mine so the letters slowly stopped.

My brother told me once that he got a call from a Steven asking if he'd reached my home from the phone book. My brother forgot to tell me until years later.

I tried to find them in California but before the internet that was rough.
Then in 2006 ( I was engaged) I got a Facebook request from his brother David. I immediately asked fir Steven. David typing instant messages to me and I was so happy to find him. He said "hey Stevens going to be happy I found you but unfortunately he hates Facebook and he's really private so you won't find him here." I asked for a phone number email? David said he will ask Steven because there's a small detail he's fur gotten to tell me. It was over ten years since I've spoken to Steven what could you need to say. David toyed w me and asked if I was sitting down? I said yes I'm sitting. He said Steve married Jen. The girl who was your best friend while you you and Steven were together. I was shocked cause is lost touch w her before I lost touch with him. I was confused. I asked "how? Does he love her?" David said " he likes her he loved you".

I got his phone number and permission to call from David that very day. I called him as soon as I got out if work that day. I wasn't embarrassed. I was excited to speak to the one person who knew me to be a happy, selfless, silly partner. He was just as excited. He immediately apologized for marrying her. I said that's crazy what rights do I have to say? You were allowed to live. I'm engaged now. He said "do you love him? I told him yes. I said " do you love her?" He responded " she is a really good girl and faithful so I do love that but it's not like we were. Nothing's ever been like we were and I'm sorry if you're hurt that I'm married to her. " I tried to tell him he was being silly. Truth was I was dying inside. I wanted to scream "how why what ****!? I remained calm though. He said you're quiet J, what? He could hear my voice shake from the tears. His voice started I quiver an he sai "do you know how hard it's been to miss you? By now we were both crying. I said "why did you marry her?" He did not love her the same way he loved me. He said "i've never loved like that again either." We talked on the phone for three hours. I wasn't in love because tooanybyears passed and I was getting married. I was sad that we lost touch. I was sad that he was married to someone he didn't love with his whole HUGE heart. He's been lucky to feel it once he said he content with that.

She wasn't to know we spoke he asks. I told him that I'd like to reconnect w her as well. He said I'd have to do that separate from his call. She's always been jealous at our closeness. She's never received the side of him he gladly gave me. He wished me luck on my marriage and we didn't speak much again. I even came home from work late and told my then fiancé that I was upset that I just found out my first love married my old friend. Lol. He laughed at me. I laughed too but it was devastating.

In 2011 David passed away from a drug over dose. I immediately went to LA and there they were. Steve and Jen. 😳
My heart was already broken over David's passing all I could do was hug the both of them. She was happy to see me not jealous. Her and I were close once as well. I more hugged Steven and he hel it together durning the services that week. I stayed at his fathers home across the hall from them. I was good with it. I wanted him to be happy. I didn't like I see her arms around him though I will admit it was irritating because I know he didn't like to be touched there. Haha.

Matter of fact her and I have gone shopping together a few times since. She's me ruined Steven and I. She's said it's in the past we were young.

Steven is a memory. A friend a connection I may never have again. I was that for him and I know it. Some times I talk w Jen and it's strange to hear her speak of him as a wife but I'm excepting.

A part of me will always be hurt because I've never been able to find a love like that again. A healthy supportive kind but freaky weird connection that comes along once maybe twice a lifetime. He and I know exactly what real love is. I guess that's all that matters. 😊
Jennerrous Jennerrous
41-45, F
1 Response Aug 18, 2014

Had similar experience. He married my best friend and they have a child. I'm married too and have 2 kids. Didn't talk to them for years because the feelings never died. Best friend checked his phone, email, fb everyday because she suspected we'd try to contact each other. One day he woke up and told her, " I can't do this anymore, I never loved you and you haven't been able to become her". Then he contacted me, I still love him but too afraid to leave. My kids are 4 and 1, I'm too scared to ruin their lives.
So I feel you. It'll be ok. Email if you want to talk further.

Whoa. I don't know what to say? I'm really sorry. Sad isn't it? Knowing that you're not with the person you could be your best with. The comfortable silence knowing that he has your best interest in everything and anything.

Assuming you and your friend were in contact when she married your ex? Jen and I lost touch way before Steven and I did. Jen moved away to the beach and no cell phone back then. I remember once she called him because we had broken up. He told me about it and he said she always likes him. He knew she liked him because how great he was with me. I lost touch w him eventually. Then one day they were at a party at his beach house. She said "are you Steven Jenna's boyfriend?" He remembered her as my friend. They me all night. He asked if she knew how to get in touch w me. She didn't know. She was with his friend for three years and he dumped her and Steven safely settled for her. He watched her date his friend for three and still married her? I don't get t but I respect it.
If he were to contact me and say he was single and ready I'd decline. I wouldn't do it today. He's in my past but I still care for him. I know him well enough that he can't hurt her. He wouldn't hurt her. It's one of the many things I loved about him.
Send me a message if you need to vent about it.
Your situation is way worse than mine. Yikes. You have a decision to make. Based on several factors.
What is your husband like? I have a few questions about this.

I just posted the experience so you can't read it. I figured I haven't posted a thing so it was good timing.

Glad I could encourage you to vent about it. This is a perfect example of what this website was designed for!
Right?
I posted my ****, had you feel your **** and pass it along. And we all heal. Haha.
I can't wait to read it. I can't read it now but I'll read it before I go to sleep tonight. I'm really glad you got it out of your system. I can't stress how important letting **** go is for everyone. I know easier said than done. Just think though as you're reading this comment you're already closer to a happy ending than you were before you read it.
Thanks for giving me a heads up to read your post! Can't wait. Xoxoxo