Reconnected After 17 Years...

 I moved to the US when I just turned 20. Prior to that, when I was just 17 I met my first love back home, in Armenia. He also was 17 and for the next 2 and a half years we were inseparable and loved each other very much, until he met this girl at the New Years party. He broke up with me 2 weeks later for this girl. I felt so heart broken. I did lose my virginity to him also, so it was even more painful after he left me for someone else. 5 months later he called and told me he loved me. I still loved him and took him back. However, 3 months later my family and I moved to the US. We promised to write to each other and find a way to be together if it was meant to be... He continued writing and begging me to be with him for the next 2 years. He was in a law school, almost done with it, and didn't want to move to the US initially, but then he told me he would do anything and move anywhere to be with me. I, on the other hand, started feeling distant from him and decided to move on without him. So I never really bothered to write him a goodbye letter, which hunted me for a long time after that. He wrote to me after 2 years of not getting much back from me, that it's over, but he will always love me. 14 years later I decided to contact his Mom, I only had her address and didn't know whereabouts of my 1 love. I told her all about my new life here, that I've been happily married since 1995, have 3 boys, but still remember them all (I was very close with my first love's family). I gave them my email address in case they wanted to write back. 2 and a half years later my first love contacted me. He said he is so happy he found me, he has been thinking a lot about me, has been married and divorced 2 times because he couldn't find my replacement... So after 2 emails of catching up, I decided to go ahead and  tell him even though I was happily married, for some reason our break up and his betrayal still bothered me. As a young girl, I never really discussed his betrayal with another girl and now it was the time to do it. I told him how he broke my heart when he did that, I told him everything I felt after that. So he answered after 10 days... He said that he never loved anybody like he loved me and that this feeling is still alive today, but dormant... whatever the heck that means. that the time he spent with me was the best time he had in his life and that he only truly loved me in his life. HE also asked me to forgive him for hurting me, he said he was young and lost his head. I really didn't expect to hear that and it felt so good to get it out of my chest. He told me he will be waiting for my emails. I wrote to him that i forgave him and asked for his forgiveness too as I felt guilty for not responding to his letters all these years ago(to be exact 17 years).I also told him that even though our paths crossed for only 2 years, I'll always remember the time we spent together. I said that I know that we truly loved each other even though we were very young. After that I sent him the pics of me, my husband and me, and my boys and never heard from him again. I wrote to him after a month and elaborated a little more on my guilt, his forgiveness and after that wished him happiness and big love he deserves. in p.s. I told him that it was very important for me to hear that he forgave me. He never responded. I am very disappointed and hurt and don't know what to make of it. I still look good, in a good shape after 3 kids:) because for a while the insecurities of a dumped 19 year old woke up in me and I thought may be after sending pics, after 17 years, he thinks i'm not that girl he used to know... that I'm changed. But then why would he write such a deep letter.  I don't know. What do you think?

kuka kuka
36-40
Mar 6, 2009